Baby shower blues

[Stargazer87]

I don't know if I'm just being silly but it's really upsetting me that I'm not having a baby shower due to covid...I feel that I've been robbed of every nicety that comes with pregnancy and have felt so lonely and isolated the whole time. I live in a tier 1 area so in theory I feel I could still have one with 6 people however I just feel that my friends have made zero effort. I have a couple of friends with fertility issues and therefore I feel that I've almost been made to feel guilty for being pregnant and haven't been able to talk about it in our group at all. I feel so sad about the whole thing, I just want to celebrate it! Am I being silly? Do others feel the same? Before anyone says it it's nothing about the presents, I have everything I need for baby, I just want to celebrate and feel a sense of occasion rather than it feel like my pregnancy is a big secret that's not allowed to be talked about or acknowledged...

Get your partner on board and do something fun to make up for it. One of my favourite parts of the restrictions is getting out of all of that social crap.

Etiquette dictates that you shouldn’t throw your own shower as it’s a party specifically to receive gifts, but there is no reason why you couldn’t host a small get-together for an afternoon tea or something. Don’t call it a shower and make it clear that you aren’t requesting gifts.

I am sorry you feel so lonely and isolated. Baby showers are quite a new thing in the UK and I don't see them as the norm. Maybe your friends are the same?

When i had my first 5 years ago i booked a table for lunch at my favourite restaurant for me and 3 friends when i was about 36 weeks. I was clear it was a pre baby lunch and not a baby shower and just a nice chance to get together, have a nice meal and chat. You can still do that.

In the nicest possible way, although I would expect my good friends to take an interest in my pregnancy, I don't expect them to celebrate or make a fuss over me because I am pregnant. The fussing and coo-ing usually comes once the baby arrives

Covid has done all sorts of horrible things and certainly hasn't made pregnancy any easier, you have my sympathies there.

The thing is, baby showers aren't really the norm in the UK and in my opinion if the mother to be wants one, the onus is on her to arrange one. Since you're in tier 1, why not book a nice restaurant and invite 5 people (ideally ones that haven't had fertility issues that you know of) to come and eat with you, making it clear that gifts aren't expected.

I can understand wanting to talk about your pregnancy, but it's important to remember that for most people it isn't very interesting, and for some people it's straight up painful. I think it's quite unkind of you to want people who've had fertility issues to discuss it. I talk about my pregnancy with my husband of course, but otherwise I have a policy of not bringing it up at all unless it's directly relevant to the situation, or if I'm asked, and most people don't ask. I know that personally, outside of forum land, I couldn't give a rat's arse about other people's pregnancies beyond wanting to know that they and baby are doing well.

I think it's just a difficult one as within our group baby showers are the norm and I've been to everyone else's and celebrated with them, even when I was having fertility issues myself. I just feel that with covid everyone has other priorities which is understandable but it's just left me feeling so isolated and lonely and a bit hurt that nobody has made any effort. I feel like I've missed out on so much, it took me a long time to become pregnant and I'm not sure if I'll be able to get pregnant again so this might be my only time, I've got just over 5 weeks left and I suppose I'm just feeling a bit sad and emotional that it hasn't been the pregnancy experience I imagined.

I can understand it would be upsetting if it is the norm within your group. I think I would still take the lead myself and book a lunch or host a get together for 5 friends to celebrate your impending new arrival (but tread very carefully with those friends who haven't been as lucky as you).

I personally hate the concept of baby showers but my sister wanted to organise a lunch for me, her, my mum and mum in law and best friend. I agreed to that and said as long as no tacky games! But we have just moved into tier 2 and corona stats are getting worse. I’m just not bothered. I’d rather be safe and that means not seeing people. We aren’t having normal pregnancy experiences and I have come to terms with that. I can see why you feel a bit annoyed that previously effort has been made for other friends though. As others have suggested if nobody is being forthcoming why not suggest a meet up of your own, it doesn’t have to be labelled a shower.

I'd feel the exact same, considering you've celebrated other people's pregnancies they should be making an effort for you. Corona has ruined so many things it'd be nice for you to have atleast a small get together x

Yeah I'm so over coronavirus! Trying to think of nice things I can do in these last few weeks to cheer myself up, any suggestions please let me know! x

If im honest, I think baby showers are a bit grabby... just mho though. I would rather see people after the birth and not all at once. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Like I said, it's nothing to do with presents, I have everything I need...I just want to see my friends and to celebrate my pregnancy, especially as I thought it might never happen for me as it was a struggle to conceive.

@Stargazer87 how about a pedicure or haircut?

Honestly, just enjoy your time to yourself for now, nap, get the baby's stuff ready, read a book, go for a swim, get a haircut, relax, meet up with friends and family where you can.

I'm sorry you're feeling a disheartened and i can imagine its definitely not the pregnancy experience you envisaged- I think its a bit mean of your friends not to engage with you especially if they know you have had fertility problems too, surely it would give them hope that it can happen (it would me anyway) but i suppose everyone is different.

I was due to attend a virtual baby shower back in June for one of DH friends girlfriends, a week before I found out i was miscarrying our baby. I dutifully still coloured in this bib thing and all other bits we'd been asked to do and posted it to her, i didn't attend and my DH told them why and i didn't even get so much as a text off her to see if i was okay-That really hurt after the effort i went to but its a lesson learned!

Could you message some close family maybe and maybe book a little afternoon tea or something? I know its disappointing but please just hold onto the fact you'll have your baby soon and that surely must trump the rubbish pregnancy experience. Sending lots of love xx

I have never had a baby shower and I am expecting DC4.

My friend had a baby shower a couple of weekends ago, she organised it all herself as she realised it would be difficult for someone else to given the current situation. She has a rota of 4 people at a time, plus her and her friend who helped host, and we all went in 2 hour slots over the weekend. She got a caterer to do individual afternoon tea's for us all so no contamination etc. It was great.

My friends had planned to do a Halloween themed baby shower, but I've had to cancel due to Covid restrictions.

I have friends all over the country and it would be the first time since we're all together since my wedding last year. This would be another rare occasion all my close friends were in the same room, but sadly not to be.

I'm having the two friends who organised the shower round on Halloween (we live fairly far away from each other), which should be nice.

I'm just feeling a bit sad and emotional that it hasn't been the pregnancy experience I imagined.

Give you head a bit of a wobble. You say you had fertility issues. You are now getting a pregnancy experience. You will be getting a baby. Maybe head back to the infertility board to get a bit of perspective?

Expecting your friend who desperate to be in your position to celebrate your pregnancy shows a bit of a lack of empathy to be honest.

I am 27 weeks pregnant. No one including my own mother checks in on me. Just one friend from ireland. Its just my hubby and I. I feel sad too but I just get on with it ...I had a lot of friends but when I I reverted to islam, a lot of people didnt bother with me anymore. And the friend I did with, I always had to make the effort to be in touch. Bow I just give up. I am pregnant with number 5 and so blessed to have these wonderful children.

I never had a baby shower with any of my 5...
. Last get together I had was when hubby and I got engaged. And even then lots of people were a no show, that our wedding ended up just being two of us and a witness from the mosque who was a lovely old man who actually went and got us fruit from his car for a mini celebration afterwards.

I can see why it would be hard if baby showers are the norm in your group. I agree with previous posters- arrange an afternoon tea or meal out (or get something delivered) and tell people it’s a pre-baby celebration and just an excuse for everyone to meet up before the baby comes, with no expectation of gifts. I’ve just had a baby and it’s definitely not been a great time to be pregnant, but I just have kept reminding myself that I’m just so grateful that I had a healthy pregnancy and that DD is here and is well, and anything else is a bonus.

I think you need to have a look at what you do have instead of what you don't have. As you said your friends have fertility issues and you are pregnant!
I'm not a fan of baby showers. I don't like to tempt fate and I like to to buy for babies when they are born. I had fertility issues (2.5 years to conceive including failed IVF and then a complicated pregnancy) and I didn't like them before hand so would have never had thought to give my friend a shower.
Covid has had an affect on maternity care and I totally understand how it has made pregnant ladies and their partners feel. (My sister in law is currently 8 month pregnant) and I feel for her having to go to consultant appointments and extra scans by herself! Not being able to go to antenatal groups etc. Thank god her husband can now go in with her from beginning to end for her labour!! We're just wondering how it's going to be/what we can do to support them when little baba is here!
But a baby shower? Hell no!

I think everyone has different situations, within our group baby showers are the norm, I've arranged several myself and always put lots of effort in so I think I'm just feeling a little let down that nobody has bothered with me.

Get a grip.

It's not really about the baby shower is it. You are disappointed in your friends and want a bit of focus on you.

Thing is life is difficult for many reasons (financially, socially, health etc) at the moment. And I wouldn't feel comfortable organising a party however small for a pregnant woman.

So if you are still dwelling on this you need to decide how you will feel better about it - whether that means a pampering afternoon with one friend, a trip out with just you and your partner or booking a lunch with 5 friends etc.

You are obviously someone who does well organising events and enjoys making things fun - now use those skills and do something for yourself.
Take action - you'll feel better for it.

I don’t know why other posters are being so harsh to be honest. I’m 39 weeks pregnant and being pregnant in a pandemic has meant we’ve missed out on a lot, just the basic things like nobody could hug you when you announced your pregnancy etc. It’s not all about the big things.
I was really lucky in timing and my friends and family organised a surprise Garden baby shower when lockdown was lifted which was amazing and I really appreciated it. It wasn’t about the gifts, it was just about celebrating my own pregnancy with close people which I hadn’t really been able to do yet with so many restrictions!
Personally if it was me and it was standard in your friendship group, I’d just hint HARD! 😂 if that doesn’t work, maybe organise something small yourself and get them on bird to help out. And 100% don’t let anybody make you feel bad for wanted to spend And celebrate your pregnancy a certain way, if they chose not to have one, good for them. If you want to have one, do it!