Exclusive formula feeding

[bleachblondemom]

Tonight I think I’ve finally admitted to myself that I would rather formula feed than breast feed. I kept saying I would try breast feeding but my heart isn’t in it and for many personal reasons I don’t think I will enjoy it. My husband is fully supportive and I feel like a huge weight has been lifted now, it’s as if I didn’t realise the thought of breast feeding was giving me so much anxiety until I actually told the truth about how I was feeling.
Part of me still feels worried that I’ll be judged or seen as lazy/selfish but I really believe it is the best option for me.
Just wondered if anyone here had exclusively formula fed and if you’ve got any tips/experiences to share?

I think you just have to be prepared to cut the HCPs with something simple like that it is your personal choice not to breastfeed and it's not up for discussion. There can be a bit of a get women breastfeeding by any means necessary attitude these days.

My 1st was formula feed and other 3 was mixed fed and I don't feel guilty either. The way I see it fed is best it worked for us and it let's others help to give you a break. Midwifes tried to get me not mix feed but I just told them that's what I'm doing and told them not to ask.

I exclusively formula fed ds. It was what was best for our family at the time. He's now a happy 2 year old. I'm pregnant with DD and really want to try and breastfeed her because I feel that's best for our family at this time. However, I'll take each day as it comes and see what happens.
It's completely your choice. I found I did feel very judged, I'm in a high bf rate area and everyone else with babies that I knew were bfing. I was asked a lot why he wasn't sleeping better if he was on formula. It's a common myth that ff babies sleep better and it really pissed me off.
Just do what you feel is best. A happy mother and father is so much more important for a baby than the breast vs formula argument

Yeah there's some judgey folk about - I found none of the HCP actually cared how we fed (there's barely any support for BF in my area anyway) but god, some of the comments out and about! Though weirdly my husband was told what a good dad he was for giving DD a bottle.

In terms of set up, I loved the perfect prep and an electric steriliser for ease. Little bottles of ready made are handy to start with as they only take little amounts and are easy to take out and about. Try the formula that's easiest for you to get hold of locally first.

Hello. Well done on making the decision in terms of advice (I unexpectedly ff):

Bottles - be prepared for a baby to be fussy about bottles. We started on tommee tippee - at 8 weeks he just stopped feeding well , I tried different teats and then different bottles he fed better

Formula - everyone will tell you that it's all the same - it's not in my experience and can impact digestion. Took me 3 different formulas to get to one that worked for us.

Cluster feeding - newborn ff babies do this - my son used to feed on and off for hours in the evenings. Feed on demand.

Lastly be prepared for stupid comments like - oh ff must be so much easier (from a breast feeding friend). Yeah washing and sterilising bottles, carting around milk and bottles everywhere and my son only took bottles from me!

Thank you all so much for your messages of encouragement, I read them all in the middle of the night when I couldn’t sleep 😅
@tiredtimes100 that’s very sweet of you to say, thank you

@flashbac the fact that I feel 100% happier now I’ve finally accepted within myself that I don’t want to breast feed has kinda proven now that I was never really into it in the first place and I just felt like it was the right thing for me to do/say whenever anyone asked.

@soffiee tbh I’ve only learnt tonight that formula feeding is so common, I genuinely thought it was still a bit of a taboo. Whenever I see other ladies breastfeeding in public I’ve always smiled and thought ‘how lovely’ but the idea of myself doing it just doesn’t translate across in the same way.

@Stargazer87 a few years ago I was out with some girls and one of them had exclusively formula fed her baby. She said she’d had people she didn’t even know criticising her for it. One time a total stranger came up to her in a public place and said she should be breast feeding not bottle feeding. Obviously not everyone encounters these judgemental kinds of people (hopefully!) but I’ve always thought formula feeding was still this big taboo. It’s very enlightening and reassuring to learn that FF is actually very common.

@Clareflairmare definitely going to try to get some colostrum :) good tip about the pre mixed stuff, I know it might mean spending a bit more money but I’m in a position where i feel comfortable doing that if it’ll help me ease into the night feeds for a couple of weeks or so.

@Disappointedkoala I saw a demonstration of the perfect prep machine yesterday and it looks really good! Definitely interested in getting one.

@welshladywhois40 thank you for the tips. I’ve got a few tommy tippee closer to nature bottles currently but I might search online for some reviews of other bottles and get a couple in case baby suddenly decides they don’t like them! I was wondering whether cluster feeding was still a thing with FF babies so that’s answered my question, thank you.

My first was breastfed 2 or maybe 3 times, but she couldn't get the hang and then she got poorly was tube fed and I didn't express. She's a thriving 7 year old, she's a lot less ill than her brother who was breastfed, she's never had any ear infections, she gets a normal cold and fights it off well. There are benefits to breastfeeding but if you don't want to do it then you shouldn't feel guilty or worried about being judged, your baby will be fed with things clean and sterilised and with formula which is a brilliant invention! Gone are the days where people worry that their baby will not survive if not breastfed!

Couple more questions to moms that have formula fed:

When the baby wakes in the night for feeding, do you take the baby down to the kitchen with you while you warm their bottle first? I’ve always thought it would be best not to get them up and take them to another room, start putting lights on etc, as it’ll disturb their sleep and make them think it’s time to get up. But if you don’t do that then doesn’t that mean baby is left upstairs crying and waking everyone up until you’ve sorted the bottle?

If the baby only drinks a small amount from the bottle I’ve prepared, but I know they will want more in say an hour and a half/ 2 hours, can I leave that bottle on the side for them to finish later? Obv not all day but like a couple of hours?

Is cluster feeding with a FF baby harder because you have to keep making bottles? Or as I mentioned in my last question, can I save an unfinished bottle if baby is feeding little and often rather than finishing a whole bottle in one?

@ConorMasonsWife thank you :) that’s good to hear

I formula fed and started with the very first stage milk, never bothered getting another one as went onto the hungrier baby milk. Also aptamil if I remember was a bit more expensive and its all the same in my opinion. I was happy with cow & gate. You could start with a tommee tippee or equivalent set. I got 4 small bottles, 4 large, a steriliser and bottle warmer. Think it came with a range of size 1 and 2 teats. I ended up replacing these with varied flow teats.

Formula feeding is definitely not lazy... trust me it might be twice as much work. The best thing to do is to get a set and get a friend or family member who has formula fed to come over and explain everything.

I'm due dc2 in March and will be getting an infant starter kit for when I'm in hospital as its quite stressful during this time and establishing the routine of cleaning and making bottles at home. I have linked what I will be getting.

www.candgshop.co.uk/shop/milks/first-infant-milk/first-infant-milk-starter-pack.html

Like I said anyone who has exclusively formula fed will confirm how it could never be described as lazy.

I fed on demand so just took DD downstairs with me to get a bottle - she was normally wide awake and crying anyway so made no sense to leave her in her cot. I kept downstairs dark and just used a lamp so I could see what I was doing, she was a heavy wetter so I always had to change her nappy anyway which woke her up.

You can leave a made up bottle for 2 hours if not drank from and 1 hour if it's been part drunk - I think! You'd need to check the tin for specific advise. We'd generally have one on the go for a bit in the evening and then make a small fresh one after an hour.

@bleachblondemom to answer some of your questions.

You can make a couple of bottles on an evening and put them in the fridge and simply heat them up in the bottle warmer during the night... been there done that where I've had to boil the water in the middle of the night and wait for it to cool... by this point baby would be so angry it wouldn't even drink after the 15 mins. You could buy a bottle prep machine that could do it all for you. This I will be doing with my next.

So I personally wouldn't give a baby milk that they've had a bit and you want to try again in a bit. The maximum time I'd leave it would be 30 mins as bacteria can develop when its at room temperature and the baby has already used the teat. You can't put it back in the fridge once it is touched either as like I said its bacteria.

@Clearthinking

Never ever wanted to breast feed. Tried with a pump, made an ounce. Some people can not make alot.

Just wanted to point out that what you can pump is no indication of your supply. I could never pump more than an ounce, but ds was ebf until weaning started, and I continued to bf until he was nearly 4yo.

@Helenknowsbest thank you for the advice and the link, I’ll definitely have a look at that. I only have about 4 bottles and a steriliser as a backup I didn’t think I would be exclusively formula feeding so I’ll have to get a few more bits now I’ve made that decision!

@Disappointedkoala I’ve got a nightlight that charges through a usb so it can be cordless, I could take that downstairs with me and the baby instead of turning on the full lights, so it’s not too bright for them in the middle of the night (Our kitchen light is so bright you could perform surgery in it 😂).

We have a perfect prep machine in our bedroom. The day & night one has a night light so you can see what you're doing and you can turn the beeping off too.

That way when DS starts murmuring, I can get a bottle ready in less than a minute and just feed him in our room & pop him back in the crib. No need to leave the room or go downstairs. It's been fab.

When first born we faffed around with warming bottles but it took too long and would usually end up too cold/hot. The perfect prep machine has been a game changer.

Got fed up of having to go upstairs in the day so even bought a cheap second hand machine on eBay (cleaned it thoroughly & got new filters) and now have 2. One upstairs & one downstairs.

(I don't work for TT btw!)

@Clearthinking

Never ever wanted to breast feed. Tried with a pump, made an ounce. Some people can not make alot. I'm glad I formula fed. They like to feed them straight away after being born and if your milk doesn't come in for 3 days you have to use formula! So I carried on using it. If anyone asked I said I have a pump thanks, got them off my back as it's endless the questioning

Sorry to highlight you, @Clearthinking, but I just needed to correct this, in case mums-to-be are reading this and are misinformed. Milk comes in for breastfeeding mothers at roughly the day 3 mark, but before this, colostrum is produced. It is supposed to be tiny amounts, perfect for newborn tummies. Babies do not need formula while they are taking the colostrum, waiting for the milk to come in. It is true that midwives like the baby to be fed straightaway, but taking the colostrum in the first 3 days is most definitely feeding. Sorry, I just didn't want new mothers reading that and thinking that they couldn't breastfed their baby in the days before the milk comes in. Formula is only necessary in the early days if not enough colostrum is being produced, which isn't common.

OP, do not let anxiety over your feeding choices spoil your pregnancy! Make your decision and be happy with it. It is nobody else's business. That said, mothers often feel differently once their baby is born and often babies have their own ideas too! Don't be afraid to try, but equally, if you don't like it, don't be afraid to stick to your guns! Congratulations on your pregnancy!

I'm glad I formula fed. They like to feed them straight away after being born and if your milk doesn't come in for 3 days you have to use formula

Comments like these are why we clearly need better breastfeeding education and support for new mothers.
As something snappy detailed above, babies drink colostrum before your milk comes in.

@MarshmallowsOnToast I never even thought about keeping it upstairs! I was having a look at them just and I could see the normal one and the day & night one but didn’t tear into too much detail what the differences were. Is it worth paying more for the day & night one?

In my opinion yes it is worth the extra.

Like I say, you can turn the beeping off which is worth it for me alone as it's stupidly loud on the older version. Ok for in the day but not so much at night.

I think in the instructions it says not intended for use in nursery but I personally don't see how it makes a difference. We just put a towel underneath it incase of water spills.

@MarshmallowsOnToast definitely interested in that one then, thank you for the recommendation. I could even put it on the desk in the spare room, that way it’s on a hard flat surface and I only have to run across the landing to sort the bottle out (don’t worry it won’t be left by any other electricals!).

My SIL and brother formula fed and still speak about the bottle prep machine they were given when my nephew was about 6 weeks old with an adoring reverence.

A few people gave my SIL shite for not breastfeeding but not as many as had mocked me for breastfeeding. Whatever choice you make as a mother, someone will be delighted to give you a hard time for it!

Perfect prep machine all the way! I breastfed until about 6 months, combi fed for a while and then formula fed from 9 to 12 months. We didn’t get the Perfect Prep machine until about 8 months and it was like “why didn’t we do this sooner?!” And that was only for odd bottles. Can’t imagine making up enough bottles for a newborn from scratch every time without one. They were in the news a few years back over safety concerns but I researched it a lot and the issues seemed to arise from people not maintaining their machines properly. As long as you change the filter regularly and run the cleaning cycles, I’m satisfied they are fine. I’m hoping to breastfeed again but if I end up combi or formula feeding, I’ll be buying a Day and Night machine for the bedroom for sure. Having some ready made formula on hand is always useful too.

MAM bottles are great. A lot of people start with Tommee Tippee bottles but ditch them quite quickly.

Do prepare to be judged by health professionals though. Every bloody appointment with a HV or GP involved being asked how baby is fed. I got a hearty “oh excellent!” for the first 6 months when I said breastfeeding. There was a noticeable change in attitude when I swapped to formula later, it felt shameful which is totally wrong. Try not to let it get to you.

It’s hard enough having a newborn so do whatever you’re happy with and makes life easier! You can apply that to lots of things...

Another one who had two prep machines, one upstairs and one downstairs.. absolutely brilliant! We’re down to one now but the other is a handy spare just in case - they’re a complete lifesaver and I don’t know how I’d have coped without them 😊