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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Find out the sex or not?

28 replies

MimiDaisy11 · 18/10/2020 12:37

What did you do? What are your plans? I had always thought it would be good to know beforehand but I'm now thinking of leaving it until the birth so it's a surprise - I guess it'll be difficult when I go for the second scan to resist asking.

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DontFadeAway · 18/10/2020 12:40

Totally the decision of each individual couple. Personally, we're going to find out as I'm an organisation freak and I'm already getting impatient. I wish I was patient enough to wait until birth, but OH wants to find out too!

Do whatever feels right for you! Xx

peachypetite · 18/10/2020 12:42

We are having a surprise and we can’t wait to find out together when we meet our baby at the birth.

MushMonster · 18/10/2020 12:42

I did find out, but still got a number of neutral clothes just in case.
My bump had a name as soon as we left the hospital. I was dying to start calling my baby by their name! I am rather impatient I suppose

LorrieLu · 18/10/2020 12:44

I have done it both ways and I would have to say I prefer to know. I didn't know with my daughter and it drove me crazy! The waiting was sooo hard lol This time I am going to find out because id rather know. It's a surprise whenever you find out.

ShowOfHands · 18/10/2020 12:45

There's no right or wrong answer. Only what's right for you and people have different reasons.

DollyParton2 · 18/10/2020 12:46

If it’s your first I think a surprise can be really lovely- so glad I did with DS. Second time- wanted to know!

dinomumm · 18/10/2020 12:50

I am 23 weeks with my 5th baby, I found out the sex of my first 3, then 4th decided not to, and honestly I loved not knowing, I preferred not knowing to knowing, so I'll be doing the same this time round 😊

MichelleOR84 · 18/10/2020 13:00

I think it’s a surprise either way , it just depends how you want to be surprised ! I also thinks there’s pros and cons to both and there’s no better or right/wrong way to find out .

I didn’t find out the sex of my DS and it was really special for me to find out after a long labour !

I’m 35 weeks pregnant again and originally wanted to find out this time to try something different but I couldn’t do it . I decided not to because I honestly can’t imagine anything better than finding out as you meet your newborn !

Now I’ll never know for sure which way I prefer 😝!

Gerdticker · 18/10/2020 13:33

Not finding out is pretty special. It’s honestly the best surprise of your life!

I also like that friends and family can’t make irritating judgemental gender comments before the kid is even born! You get plenty of that when they’re here..!

I bought clothes in all shades. I’m proud to have a kid dressed like a little rainbow, and don’t mind if they get misgendered occasionally!

peachypetite · 18/10/2020 14:14

@Gerdticker aw that’s so lovely. I’m so glad we have decided to wait for a surprise!

biscuit13 · 18/10/2020 14:59

@MimiDaisy11 weve not found out, and i am 37+4 and honestly can't wait for the surprise!!! My husband is going to tell me what we've had and we cant wait to have that special moment!

CarolVordermansBum · 18/10/2020 15:02

I didn't find out, it was absolutely lovely and that moment the baby was lifted up and I found out if I had a girl or a boy is one of my fondest memories. If was really nice to go 'against the grain' too as so many people find out and throw baby showers etc. I can remember the shock on people's faces when I said I didn't find out and wanted a surprise!

Trousersareoverrated · 18/10/2020 15:06

We decided to wait and have a surprise. I have to say that in the last few weeks of pregnancy the adrenaline of wondering if I had a boy or girl and the ‘what ifs’ of each really kept me going when I felt like an exhausted whale.

Oneandabean · 18/10/2020 15:43

We’re keeping it a surprise. Don’t get me wrong I get very tempted and enjoy toying with various theories, but it’s going to be in my birth plan that DP tells me the sex once baby is born. It sounds silly but I know he’ll feel quite helpless during the labour, and telling me what we have will be a lovely reward at the end

Parkandride · 18/10/2020 15:51

We're not finding out, I don't need any gender rubbish pushing on a foetus (he's kicking like a footballer/ she's twirling like a ballerina)
Plus you don't get many surprises in life

AliasGrape · 18/10/2020 16:05

We didn’t find out, it’s just not something anyone in my family has ever really done and I thought it would be nice to have a surprise at the end of pregnancy and labour. I was genuinely surprised by how many people expected me to find out and how much the done thing it seems to be now - I’m a planner and don’t generally like not knowing things and always like to be prepared but in my mind I was prepared for a baby - not sure how I would have prepared differently for a boy than for a girl? Other than go down the very gendered pink or blue route and I didn’t want to do that anyway. I was quite annoyed by how hard it was to find neutral clothes, anything that wasn’t pink or blue was either white or grey - I wanted yellow or purple or red etc but they were hard to find.

I’m also glad we didn’t absolutely settle on a name during pregnancy as my husband would have said no to the name we ended up choosing for our girl, he had a total change of heart and when he saw her and decided she looked like the name I loved and he thought we should use it after all (still not sure if he just felt sorry for me after 3 days in labour, EMCS, sepsis and heavy blood loss so decided to give me my way!)

Honestly my husband telling me that we had a girl was one of the most special moments of my life and he really loved being the one to tell me too. I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

MissHoney85 · 18/10/2020 17:42

I always thought I'd want a surprise like my siblings had, as I found not knowing then really added to the anticipation of the birth. Plus I don't really like heavily gendered baby stuff.

But, my husband wanted to find out and I know he's the kind of person who prepares better for things if he knows exactly what to expect. Plus we both kind of imagined a boy and knew a girl might take some mental adjustment which would be better done before the birth.

So we compromised on finding out but keeping it quiet and not telling friends and family that we know. It's quite nice having it as our little secret and letting others speculate. I do have to watch my words carefully though when I'm speaking about the baby!

ShowOfHands · 18/10/2020 19:27

I'm glad DH convinced me to find out with my first. I had an extremely traumatic delivery and was actually unconscious when she was born so there was no lifting up of a baby (she was injured so whisked away) or special moment. I struggled enough with the number of people who held and saw my DD before I did without being the last to know the sex too.

This isn't a reason to find out btw, more a cautioning against planning perfect moments.

People might also tell you that finding out means you are invested in the sex they are or planning a themed wardrobe. Not true either. I found out because the sex was just biological fact to me and as consequential as the colour of their hair. I still bought clothes in all colours and I had one of each who wore the same clothes when the time came. Lots of bright colours and unisex stuff.

Have a think about why you'd find out or why you wouldn't and make a choice that suits you.

Dyra · 18/10/2020 19:47

I didn't find out, and won't find out for any future children either. It is easily one of the best moments in my life having my baby placed on me and DH sobbing with joy that she was a girl.

The sex of your baby is always going to be a surprise, no matter when you find out. I just felt that I would sooner find out by my husband telling me after I had delivered, arather than the sonographer showing me on a screen.

Amongst my friends and family, I was very much in the minority. People seemed genuinely flabbergasted, that I hadn't found out.

kittenpeak · 18/10/2020 21:38

I am pregnant with our first and we are not finding out. My personal view is that there is no need to know. This is the only surprise left in life and I want to wait. Sure, finding out at 20 weeks will be exciting but finding out at 40 weeks will be more exciting - more time for it to build up. I’d also like my husband to be the one to tell me what we have after a gruelling labour, or major abdominal surgery.

Having said that, if we have anymore children I would probably find out. I think the older child could get more involved if they know, and I might help if we know the dynamic of the family.

But as others have said, everyone is different and there are good reasons for both. My personal view is that with the first there is no need to know. Part of me thinks people find out to avoid disappointment on the day, eg if you are convinced it’s a boy, but it turns out to be a girl it could be a bit of a shock

Piccalily19 · 18/10/2020 21:42

I’m 24 weeks with baby no 1 and we know we’re having a boy :) found out because I’m impatient, a big planner and I don’t really like surprises.
It’s been nice to call bump he, halve the task of choosing names and start buying bits for him/the nursery that aren’t just all grey.
Sure, we’ve got some “boy” clothes now I know l but I come from a family of female farmers so gender stereotypes have never really been an issue in my family ha
It’s made my approaching motherhood feel so much more real and I’m so glad we found out, but each to their own! :)

Normandy144 · 18/10/2020 21:49

I didn't find out with either. It was a fantastic feeling finding out at the birth and then meeting them there all at once. I just couldn't see how finding out in a sonographers office, although still a surprise, would ever match finding out at the birth. I didn't find the preparation difficult as I just bought white babygros etc and everything was neutral in terms of nursery decoration etc. If it is your first I definitely recommend waiting until birth. Congratulations!

ZooKeeper123 · 18/10/2020 22:14

I’ve got two children and have done both the surprise at birth and finding out at the scan... I will 100% be asking to know at the scan for my 3rd! It’s absolutely not any more special finding out at birth. Meeting your baby is what makes that moment so special ❤️ Not finding out what genitals they have! X I absolutely loved knowing in advance so I could picture my life with them 🥰

Greenhairbrush · 18/10/2020 22:18

Didn’t find out with dd and haven’t found out with this one. I loved finding out at the birth and then announcing to family and friends what we’d had as they were just as keen to know.
Very excited to do it like this again.

JacktomyDaniel · 18/10/2020 22:21

Everyone told me not to as it was so magical when they were born. Had planned for DH to tell me.
Anyway. Ended in critical emcs and was just focused on alive or not. Felt so relieved but in time felt robbed of the "magic"
Found out 2nd time round as a result x

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