Rant about some people on here!

[verygreatful66]

This is just a rant as I'm really upset and hurt by some comments that I have gotten from other mums on here..

As a first time mum who's experienced a miscarriage my anxiety is high which I hope other people can understand certain things I post might be annoying for others but I don't mean to be I get so much horrible comments from mums especially when I asked about whopping cough and that I was in two minds a lady said "some people shouldn't be allowed to breed" which devastated me I thought this platform was for everyone now I'm scared of making post Bec of the comments I might get

Unfortunately when you put things on a public forum it comes with the nasty fact that anyone can say anything. Also, as mumsnet is anonymous, people feel more of an ability to say whatever they think.

I think if you are feeling like you need supportive comments you should probably stick to confiding in family and friends rather than randomers on the internet.

Are you talking about being an anti vaxxer?

If so then people are going to pull you up on it. Apologies if you're not but it was the mention of whooping cough that made me think this.

There are some topics that are hotspots for a lot of people. Breastfeeding and formula feeding, stay at home mums, childhood immunisations, school, plus others.

I'm not defending posters who've been rude, just pointing out that this is how it is here. There are lots of supportive posters too :-) but as you read more here, you'll become more familiar with the potentially contentious topics, and can be aware, and choose whether to go ahead and post or not.

You can't be that scared, you've made this thread .
What nasty comments exactly?

This is in response to the helium balloon thread?

@verygreatful66 you said it yourself! This platform IS for everyone.
Everyone includes the helpful, the kind, the informative, the funny, the serious, the frustrated, the rude, the hormonal, the occasional keyboard warrior, etc...
Just take the positive and ignore the few not so helpful comments. It's not personal, these people don know you.
Unfortunately it's not all sunshine and rainbows, even on a pregnancy forum.

On the helium thread you were actually very touchy with people who helped you and showed compassion.

I’m with you OP. Some comments I read on some threads are disgusting. I feel like the whole Caroline Flack “be kind” thing has been totally forgotten now.

Just ignore the nasty comments and feel sad for those people that have nothing better to do. 💐

I feel like the whole Caroline Flack “be kind” thing has been totally forgotten now.

The “be kind” motto has been repurposed as a stick with which to beat people who disagree with you.

The worst comments on the most recent thread were from the op.

I think people can disagree vehemently, but there is an occasional level of outright nastiness against posters that is not warranted nor deserved. I think mumsnet needs to do more to sort this out.

I think I commented on your post about the whooping although the OP of that post had a different name but was also 26 weeks so assuming that’s the post you mean and you’ve just named changed. If you ask for advice/ opinion on the internet sometimes people are not going to be that polite, probably because it’s anonymous.

Sometimes is pregnancy women lose their ability to apply common sense and worry about things you’d never dream of worrying about as a non pregnant person. Like helium balloons, sometimes it’s paint fumes, sometimes it’s people that have eaten food that they’re absolutely fine to eat but are sure it’s “forbidden”. And when you’re not in that anxious mindset it’s easy to read the post, think it’s crazy and some people then comment as that’s what Mumsnet is for.

Try not to let people get you down, but if the whooping cough poster was you.. whooping cough will do a great deal more damage to your baby than a bit of helium!

I’m sorry you’re upset OP. I doubt anyone is intentional cruel.
I’m afraid vaccinations are something many people (including myself) feel very strongly about. I didn’t see your other post and don’t know what the helium issue is but I hope you’re feeling better now and I’m sorry for your loss.
Ps. Please get vaccinated for the sake of your child and others.

Not sure if you were the OP of the whooping cough vaccine thread but it was an anti-vaxxer opinion which are, rightly, not popular

I hope you get some help for your anxiety OP. You have no need to be this worried about pregnancy

Considering you've been unpleasant and aggressive to the poster who gave you reassuring info on your helium thread, I'm not sure you have much of a moral high ground...

That wasn’t a kind thing to say to you, and I’m sorry it happened.

People (understandably) feel very strongly about vaccines because it’s not just a decision you make for your own baby; it affects others as well. If you choose not to have the vaccine you risk the health and life of your own baby. That’s upsetting, but fundamentally your choice. But you also risk the health and life of other people’s babies - the ones where vaccination isn’t possible, and they rely on herd immunity. So you can understand why it’s such an emotional subject for some people.

The other thing to bear in mind about vaccinating is it’s not just a case of being entitled to your own opinion, or there being two sides to the debate, because on the one hand you have an entire body of experts agreeing that vaccinations are essential and save lives, and on the other you have discredited charlatans peddling lies and making a huge amount of money from people’s fear and ignorance. Not vaccinating is really a valid choice therefore - it’s causing direct, preventable harm to your baby on the advice of people who don’t care about you and just want to make money from you.

Again, I’m sorry you were told not to breed because that’s a horrible thing to hear and I absolutely understand why it was so upsetting. But I also hope you’ve understood why vaccination is such an important and emotive topic.

@verygreatful66 Pot. Kettle. Black

*isn’t a valid choice!

It won’t have been all mothers that replied to your thread, there are childless people here. And mother’s as a group are not expected to be kind when they come across someone who’s being an arsehole, even if said arsehole has experienced anxiety and the loss of a pregnancy.

I don’t think you are going to endear Yourself to people on here if you passive aggressively refer to people as “love” and “darling” when you respond to them.

I’m assuming it was you that posted about whooping cough due to the same typo. Posting anything remotely anti-vax on here will (rightly) cause posters to pull you up on it. I think I asked if your research was a comprehensive as the scientists that developed the vaccine. I stand by that comment.

OP, with respect, it's probably quite hard for people to continue being nice to you when you respond with things like "come off my post love" or when someone asked if you have you spoken to someone as you sounded quite anxious you said "of course I am as you don't know my history" and then told that poster they were making you feel bad about the health of your child, because they asked if you were getting help for your anxiety.

You've made over 20 posts in the past month across 2 usernames worrying about things in your pregnancy, your mental health is clearly quite fragile at the moment and I'd step away from MN for a bit if you are getting upset by people trying to help you

Having just looked at a couple of your posts it seems that you are the one throwing insults. People are generally very fair and helpful in every thread I’ve been on.

I don't think setting up a new thread to whine that strangers on the internet can be mean will help OP.

I saw the helium balloon thread, and I did think people were being a little more unkind than usual for the pregnancy boards. One poster did give reassuring advice, but whilst simultaneously being a little sarcastic and asking the OP why she didn't Google. The same could be said for every other thread asking for advice! People were also posting 'compassionate' comments, but at the same time as being slightly patronising. It would have made me prickle a bit too.