Friends 30th bday party the DAY we reach 12 weeks HELP

[HotDiggidy2017]

So I‘m attending my best friend’s bday party (Covid restrictions allowing) the very day I turn 12 weeks. We weren’t planning to tell people until about a month later but I need help coming up with excuses for not drinking! I’m a terrible liar and couldn’t bear it if I accidentally gave the game away at her 30th birthday party!! Would be the worst friend of the year 🙈

I was at a work function when I was 6 weeks . We always have a big night out in the evening and it was going to be pretty obvious if I wasn’t drinking . So fake drank . I told one other person who helped me cover up ( she drank my drinks secretly 😝) But if you are always holding a drink and are seen ordering drinks then most people don’t notice .

Im my experience people always sniff it out. They will then out you on the spot -thinking they are hilarious. So be prepared to quietly nod to your friend and say "not drinking because I'm expecting but it's early days" or don't go. Sounds dramatic but if you aren't prepared to tell people you probably won't get away with not drinking. People are arseholes when it comes to minding their own business.
On another note, have you had early scans? Not to alarm you but the 12 week scan doesn't always go well -7 pregnancies so far, not always successful. You may not attend the party for that reason. Personally, as a result of my losses, I'm actually very open to telling people earlier. I'm a rubbish liar and I hate the pantomime of pretending to drink. I just say "I'm pregnant but it's early days so not talking about it yet tbh" which usually shuts down the conversation immediately and I've found people are much more sensible in these instances than if I allow them to wander down the Obstetric Sherlock Holmes path of annoying me to death with leading questions and winks.

If you come up with an excuse for not drinking then it is always obvious. Much better to just pretend to be drinking (so for example just have a glass of coke and say its vodka and coke etc) or hold a glass of champagne and subtly get rid of it later on!

Why don’t you just drive there? I live rurally and if I drive to meet friends they don’t expect me to drink. Or better still drive and say you have an appointent the next day (estate agent/bank/job interview/important meeting) that you need to keep a clear head for. As soon as the rest are drunk no one will notice you aren’t drinking.
Say you have Covid symptoms and have to self isolate unti you get a test? You don’t have to go at all then 🤣 Best of luck with the pregnancy 👍

Just drink things that look like they could be an alcoholic drink. Lemonade. Cranberry juice. Whatever.

Don't make up a story. You might feel like everyone is looking and noticing but they won't be (no offence).

Think of an event from a while ago that you attended. Can you remember what everyone was drinking? People only might notice if they are pregnant too!

Start complaining about a bad tooth a couple of weeks before, announce as publicly as you can that week you have finally secured a dentist's appointment, on the day tell everyone you're on antibiotics?! You've time to make it convincing

Tell people you’re on antibiotics for a tooth infection, you can’t drink on them ones.
But in all honesty unles there’s 6 or less of you I doubt a birthday party will be going ahead

You're taking a course of antibiotics , the instructions say avoid alcohol.

You're driving.

Drank too much over lockdown so you're abstaining for the rest of the year.

Worried about getting drunk and not maintaining correct social distancing.

@calimommy

Im my experience people always sniff it out. They will then out you on the spot -thinking they are hilarious. So be prepared to quietly nod to your friend and say "not drinking because I'm expecting but it's early days" or don't go. Sounds dramatic but if you aren't prepared to tell people you probably won't get away with not drinking. People are arseholes when it comes to minding their own business. On another note, have you had early scans? Not to alarm you but the 12 week scan doesn't always go well -7 pregnancies so far, not always successful. You may not attend the party for that reason. Personally, as a result of my losses, I'm actually very open to telling people earlier. I'm a rubbish liar and I hate the pantomime of pretending to drink. I just say "I'm pregnant but it's early days so not talking about it yet tbh" which usually shuts down the conversation immediately and I've found people are much more sensible in these instances than if I allow them to wander down the Obstetric Sherlock Holmes path of annoying me to death with leading questions and winks.

Sorry to hear about your losses, appreciate your advise. There are so many sentences in this comment that made me laugh out loud nonetheless!

We will have had 2 scans by this date (1x private TODAY and the NHS dating scan is booked for a few days before)

Thanks for all the advise! I agree that most likely Covid won’t allow it if restrictions tighten, she has planned it so it complies with today’s guidance (Max 6) so I worry I will stand out like a sore thumb with 5 other girls drinking prosecco...

Great idea on the antibiotics 😀 May play the ‘worried about forgetting distancing rules’ card as no one can really argue with that!

Dry October ?
Dry November ?
Driving ?
Dieting?

My partner often does a dry month or just sometimes 2 weeks , no one questions him his motive much the same as dieting . Or you can say you are dieting that's a good reason for no alcohol
Lots of good no alcohol drinks out now and no shame in drinking them as an alternative

I didn’t drink except during my period while ttc. So that is an option.

Or you can blame it on antibiotics. Some mean you can’t have a single drop.

Antibiotics are usually a give away. It's the most common excuse. Someone I know was pregnant in October and did sober for October. Got sponsored and everything it was brilliant nobody suspected a thing.

My usual drink it’s Diet Coke and vodka. So I just kept ordering myself Diet Coke or dilute and pretending vodka was in it

You could say that you're doing this, but then you might have to actually ask people for sponsorship, haha: www.gosober.org.uk/

You can just drive which is an obvious excuse. Another alternative, depending on how you feel about it, is to take an initial glass of prosecco or whatever and then make a bit of a show of participating in a toast, etc. Take a few sips and then leave it in the toilets or something. The risk to your baby and your pregnancy of a couple of sips of alcohol are minute, so if you're comfortable doing it then that would be the easiest way to throw people off the scent. I went to my MILs birthday a few weeks ago at 6 weeks pregnant and had a very small glass of wine, took a couple of sips with water in between and then subtly passed the rest to my DH.

Just don't say you're on antibiotics - it is basically code for 'I'm pregnant' amongst my circle of friends.

Haha cross post with @Mylittlesandwich but yes agree with everything there

Say you’re on a clean-eating or detox diet. Obviously, this won’t work if you then order a mega-burger with large fries followed by the chocolate cheesecake.

Don't use antibiotics. It's so obvious. Either try to drive if possible or pretend to drink. Tricky if only 6 of you though. Could you say you're getting over a migraine or something? Or have given up drinking for a few months following lockdown?

@MadCatLady71 that would annoy me though. I have a friend who does this (for real, not because she's covering up being pregnant!). We will be going out for an event or a meal/treat and then she'll announce that because she's in week 6 of her training regime she can only eat foods that have less than 3% carb and more than 15% protein, or some bollocks. She actually did this once when we were meant to be going for afternoon tea for my birthday, and then the waitress appeared and she asked if she could order a salad instead and would only have water. Yes I know that people shouldn't have to give in to peer pressure but your friends may think you're being a bit annoying if you seem to be refusing to fully participate in a friend's birthday celebrations because you have found your inner Gwyneth.

Honestly no one will notice if you’re not ready drinking. When someone else gets you an alcoholic drink, subtly tip it away or lose your glass. When you get your own drink, just get vodka Diet Coke without the vodka or a G&T without the gin. As long as you have a glass of something in your hand, no one will pay much attention!

Yeah the antibiotics excuse is basically code for "I'm pregnant"

Absolutely don't say antibiotics. You may as well walk in wearing an 'I'm pregnant' sign round your neck! Just pretend to drink or drive.

The only ab you really can't drink on is metronidazole, usually prescribed for STIs or teeth. You may as well stick a big neon 'preggers' sign on your head if you go down that route.

Just tel them. Presumably if things went wrong you would want support, it's only going to be 5, just do it before the birthday day.

I’ve actually been on those antibiotics where you can’t drink several times and no ones said I’m pregnant, I really don’t think it’s that big of a giveaway tbh. People genuinely have them when suffering with tooth infections and there’s less dentists at the moment from lockdown so it’s not really much of a stretch