Friends 30th bday party the DAY we reach 12 weeks HELP

[HotDiggidy2017]

So I‘m attending my best friend’s bday party (Covid restrictions allowing) the very day I turn 12 weeks. We weren’t planning to tell people until about a month later but I need help coming up with excuses for not drinking! I’m a terrible liar and couldn’t bear it if I accidentally gave the game away at her 30th birthday party!! Would be the worst friend of the year 🙈

@calimommy

Im my experience people always sniff it out. They will then out you on the spot -thinking they are hilarious. So be prepared to quietly nod to your friend and say "not drinking because I'm expecting but it's early days" or don't go. Sounds dramatic but if you aren't prepared to tell people you probably won't get away with not drinking. People are arseholes when it comes to minding their own business. On another note, have you had early scans? Not to alarm you but the 12 week scan doesn't always go well -7 pregnancies so far, not always successful. You may not attend the party for that reason. Personally, as a result of my losses, I'm actually very open to telling people earlier. I'm a rubbish liar and I hate the pantomime of pretending to drink. I just say "I'm pregnant but it's early days so not talking about it yet tbh" which usually shuts down the conversation immediately and I've found people are much more sensible in these instances than if I allow them to wander down the Obstetric Sherlock Holmes path of annoying me to death with leading questions and winks.

Was there actually any reason to mention the 12 week scan not going well? What a thing to put in her head. If she can't attend the party for whatever reason it's perfectly easy to say you're ill. I'm not sure what the point of that comment was really.

OP: Can you just drive to the party? Say you need to be somewhere afterwards or you're up early the next day .. whatever, they're valid reasons :).

I actually hate the 'culture' in the UK that makes people who DON'T drink feel like they have to explain themselves.

Say you're self isolating due to covid exposure! I've gotten away with this recently as there had been a few positive cases in my office, was a great excuse to cancel plans with no questions

Say you have a dental infection/absess a few days before the antibiotics they usually give for that are really strict that “you can’t even have a Sherry trifle” my dentist advised years ago ha! Mention to your friend a few days before that you are disappointed that you won’t be able to drink and this should throw the scent off and buy you a few weeks before you have to share your news

Sober October? Drank too much in lockdown.
The antibiotics one always leaves everyone suspicious.

I feel your pain I found out I was expecting a week before Christmas. I turned up at my in laws for the Christmas holidays a few days later with decaff coffee and shloer having agreed to getting a crate of wine as part of our Christmas present. I do often have to stop drinking alcohol and caffeine because of my MH so I used depression as an excuse for not drinking. When the pregnancy kicked in the day after we arrived was a bigger give away.

I would say at the start that you are watching your alcohol intake for a health kick. Pretend to drink that and ditch it when you can and then openly drink soft drinks for the rest of the night.

Where is the party? Some places now do lots of fancy soft drinks that easily pass for alcoholic if you didn't order at the same time.

Antibiotics one is like holding up a giant sign saying "my womb is occupied"

Pretending to drink has worked the best I've found, though being designated driver has helped too, especially if you can rope in one more person. If I get to announce then I'm sure some friends will think I've pickled the baby, but it's been alcohol free drinks every time. People really don't care unless you draw attention

@LindaEllen miscarriage and pregnancy loss is not uncommon, and worrying about it or not worrying about doesn't change the outcome for better or worse.

Just carry a drink in your hand that could contain spirit and a mixer.

Can you say you've had covid symptoms and need to isolate till you get a test?

Either Sober October (you could actually sign up with Macmillan and get them to sponsor you?!? ) or throw them off the scent by bemoaning such a massive hangover from the night before that you can't possibly drink.

Antibiotics is a dead giveaway-don’t use that. It it’s 6 people and you’re usually a drinker, it will be obvious. If you really don’t want people to know, I would make up an excuse and not go.

If you are going up a pub will it be difficult to order a soft drink disguised as an alcoholic one as it will be table service won’t it, so you will need to order in front of your friends

I am not pregnant, I love a drink. However my sister got covid and she thought the first headache she had was due to a hangover. I now refuse to drink because I know I will panic about a headache after. So that would be my plausible excuse. I am a little crazy though so my friends would totally accept that I have lost the plot!

So be prepared to quietly nod to your friend and say "not drinking because I'm expecting but it's early days
This really is the best thing to do. Antibiotics/driving/social distancing etc, all of these will set some people's baby radar pinging and if you say nothing it will only fan the gossip.

Just acknowledging the truth and at the same time playing it down by saying quite reasonably it's early days will end the conversation happily.

I was 10 weeks at a wedding with DC1. This is what I answered when people asked why I wasnt drinking and I am sure that it made it less if a big deal and less thunder stealing from the wedding than if I'd been coy about it and gone with the see-through antibiotics line.

@HotDiggidy2017 glad I made you laugh 😜 and GOOD LUCK today!

Id just say i was ttc and not drinking in the 2ww. Then when you announce theyll all be delighted.

@TracyMosby

That’s good advice ! I’ve done that and I was legit too about it. Everyone completely understood !

To be honest, it is your best friend, as long as all scans ok I would mention it to her a few days before and recruit her to help you cover up for not drinking.