First time clueless mum

[kbx201]

Hey,

I’m nearly 29 weeks pregnant and trying to prepare as much as I can but I feel like I know nothing. I don’t have a relationship with my mum or a mother figure really to ask, so I’m kind of on my own trying to navigate this! So I have a few questions if that’s ok.

⁃	I often hear people talking about their baby being on the ‘X centile’. What does this mean?
⁃	I want to breastfeed but aware that this doesn’t always work out, so do I need to buy all the kit for bottle feeding? Bottles, formula and steriliser?
⁃	What actually happens once you’ve had your baby and the dad has to leave? You’re just on your own? I know the basics, how to change nappy etc but it’s v overwhelming to think that once my partner leaves, my first night with baby it’ll just be me. 
⁃	I have read that milk doesn’t come in for 3ish days so if I’m wanting to BF do I need to formula feed for those 3 days until my milk comes in? 
⁃	My baby will be born in december so how do I dress him? A short sleeved vest with a long sleeved vest in the house? And then a sleepsuits/pramsuit and hat out the house?
⁃	How do you make bottles? If BF’ing doesn’t work out 
 ⁃	I think I have got the main big essentials but have I missed anything - I’ve bought a pram, car seat, next2me crib, baby carrier/sling thing and a cotbed (for later on). Planning on buying baby Bjorn bouncer, anything else that is essential?

Thanks

So for centile, babies are measured from 1-100. Imagine a line of 100 people- the person who weighs the least is 1st, the person in the middle is 50th, and the heaviest person is 100th. Same applies for height. For example, my son has always been 50th centile for weight but 75th for height. You'll plot these measurements (sometimes) in your little read book that you give and it'll help you to understand if baby isn't growing etc. As long as baby is somewhere between 1-100, you're fine but baby might need extra help if there at the extreme either end

The hospital will have all the kit you need for bottle feeding if breastfeeding doesn't work out so maybe buy a couple of bottles but certainly don't spend a lot as some babies don't take to certain brands of bottles. The hospital are likely to have a couple of spares to cover you for a day or so until you can buy some. Just do next day delivery on amazon or something

I am jumping in on this thread too please. Equally clueless FTM. Nearly 13 weeks. A bit ahead of myself but may as well check in. Congrats OP. X

As for being on your own, I have no advice other than to follow your motherly instinct. Midwives will help you in hospital, but an instinct will kick in. Baby just needs cuddles, love and milk.

Sometimes yes, you might need to supplement with formula in a tiny little cup until your milk comes in. Sometimes your colostrum will be enough, but for me it wasn't and formula worked a treat. Ask questions, ask questions and ask more questions. The midwives are there to help you

As for dressing, one layer more than you. But pretty much exactly what you've said! Just look down at what you're wearing, and always put one more layer on baby

Can't tell you how to make bottles and I always used the pre made formula. If you can afford this it is worth every penny instead of counting out scoops

Once you partner leaves, yes, it's just you and baby. You can ring for assistance, but mostly it's down to you.

No you won't necessarily need to ff before you milk comes in as you'll produce colostrum. You won't make a lot, but it's super jam packed with nutrients. Plus a newborn's stomach is the size of a marble... it's sort of a yellow/ honey colour (but not clear). And over the first 3-5 days it slowly turns white, and that's when your milk has 'come in'.

Sounds like you've got everything! I wouldn't massively recommend the bjorn bouncer for a newborn though as they don't have the strength to rock it. We found a battery powered vibrating/rocking one great for the first few months and the bjorn was good once baby was a little older

Do you want a changing unit, if not then a changing mat? A baby bath too!

I feel like this should be more explained by midwives/people about milk coming in - I'm a FTM too and I only learned this really recently! It is true that your milk "comes in" a few days after birth, but before then you don't have nothing available - the milk replaces colostrum that is sitting there ready and waiting - you actually have this when you're pregnant! So for the first three days, you can breast feed - the first feed will/should be within an hour of birth, and your baby will be drinking colostrum. You only have a small amount (it will replenish after each feed), but your baby only needs small amounts at a time. When your baby needs/wants more, that will coincide with them being a few days old when milk production replaces colostrum. We survived for millions of years without formula and bottles, but people forget to explain properly how this actually works!

@MadamRosmerta

I feel like this should be more explained by midwives/people about milk coming in - I'm a FTM too and I only learned this really recently! It is true that your milk "comes in" a few days after birth, but before then you don't have nothing available - the milk replaces colostrum that is sitting there ready and waiting - you actually have this when you're pregnant! So for the first three days, you can breast feed - the first feed will/should be within an hour of birth, and your baby will be drinking colostrum. You only have a small amount (it will replenish after each feed), but your baby only needs small amounts at a time. When your baby needs/wants more, that will coincide with them being a few days old when milk production replaces colostrum. We survived for millions of years without formula and bottles, but people forget to explain properly how this actually works!

I think it's really important to make the OP aware though that this isn't always the case. My baby was starved for the first 48 hours because I was fed this information which simply doesn't apply to everyone. Do not imply that formula is only needed because 'people haven't been explained things properly'

When baby is first born, you keeping bringing them to the boob for them to feed. The more this happens the more your milk comes in. My baby fed 3/4 times in the first day ( was feeding within 30 mins of birth). Also, your baby knows what to do and will instinctively search out the boob. They are clever little cherubs :) Keep an eye out baby swalloing and sensing they are getting something. They only need very very little amounts in the beginning even thought it might take them 15-20 mins to get it. If baby is hungry they will not likely sleep or seem comfortable so you will know. So long as they seem content then everything is fine.

For milk and bottles - I wouldn't worry about this to start with. You can buy in Boots newborn ready made milk bottles that come with the teats and you can just use those if you want to in the first few days. But again if you want to breast feed the best way is to keep working at it. I bought them but didn't need them, but I felt assured knowing they were there.

Depending on what time you have your baby and how it all goes, you might not stay in a night on your own. My baby was born at 4am and we were home by 10am, DH didn't leave my side. Even if you are on your own, the midwives will help you. Baby will sleep a lot in the beginning and you just need to try and feed about every 2-3 hours. again this helps bring your milk in.

For clothes, there is a rule of thumb that says 'always one more layer than you'. A winter baby I would have on a Long sleeve vest, a warm all in one body suit, mits and hat, and use blankets to wrap around and layer up then remove the blankets if baby seems warm, The hospital will be nice and cosy and you will need heating on at home.

Sounds like you've got the essentials covered. Baby will be very sleepy and just want lots of cuddles for the first few weeks. You might want to try a dummy, after 4 weeks, you can get small ones as they do help settle but its your choice.

If you buy any cuddly toys or books - get the black and white ones to start with as they are the colours baby see's until around 10-12 weeks old.

Don't forget to buy for yourself! Get nice maternity pads as you will bleed quite heavy for a day or two then normal sanitary pads are probably ok after that. You might need some breast pads as you will at times leak milk. Also buy some Lansinoh cream an use on your nipples even if they feel fine - this will prevent chapping and dryness and soreness as you progress with feeding.

That's about all I can think of for now!

You are not on your own. The midwives are there to help with breastfeeding or bottle feeding and generally making sure you are both ok so they will ask if you've fed/changed them etc. Well they did in my hospital anyway. You won't feel like you don't know what you're doing anyway as instinct kicks in but there are people everywhere to help- it's even annoying sometimes as I wanted them to just F off and leave us alone to be honest haha!

Your midwife should measure your bump after 28 weeks and plot it on a chart to monitor growth. The chart has different lines "percentiles" for how different sized babies grow. You should have a page in your maternity notes.

I wanted to breastfeed and didn't buy any bottle feeding supplies. If necessary you can buy premade bottles to cover you until you get chance to get other stuff if necessary. I have been able to breastfeed but after a few weeks I made the decision to express the odd bottle for my partner to give her so I could get a few extra hours sleep. We ordered it on amazon and we got it the next day. Amazon prime for the first few months comes in handy, next day delivery /click and collect from various supermarkets if a good too.

If you need any help after dad has gone home you can press the call button and ask the midwives. They will come in and do basic observations every 4 hrs which is also good to ask little questions you wouldn't want to press the call button for.

Your milk starts as collestrum, this is rich milk which is good whilst your babies tummy is tiny. It also contains lots of antibodies and is mild laxative which help your baby excrete the meconium. After 2-5 days your milk changes to the regular milk which gets produced in higher volumes. This change can happen quickly which can make your breasts get engorged and a tad uncomfortable. Ask about how to manually express to release the pressure discomfort whilst it settles down - it only takes a few days.

Clothing wise you will want a vest (short or long sleeved) plus a sleepsuit in the house. When you go out you will want a hat, blankets and potentially an extra layer of clothing especially in the early days. Remember they have spent the last 9 months in a lovely 37oC bath even a warm room will be chilly. My baby was born in August and aside from the mega hot days she was still wearing a vest and sleepsuit most days.

I've not had to make up bottles the only thing i would say is to make sure you follow the instructions on the packet fully.

It sounds like you have most of the basics, anything else you need you can get as you go along. Online shopping is the best friend of a new mum/dad!

The centiles are just how big your baby is compared to average - they can vary on them as every baby is individual. The health visitor can advise.

Till your milk comes in you produce colostrum which will sustain the baby. My milk didn't come in till day 4 after a traumatic birth and my baby was fine on just the colostrum.

I didn't buy formula or bottles but did get a couple of good books on breastfeeding and the contact details of local breastfeeding groups in case I needed help. Also Kellymom online has great advice - Google it. I asked the midwives in the hospital for help with getting my baby to latch properly untill I was confident.

When I was on my own in hospital I called the midwives if I needed help. They were busy but could help a bit. But all you have to do is feed and change the baby and sleep if you can (my baby wanted feeding constantly for the first and second night so I couldn't). I showered whilst my husband was still there or if the baby is in a crib on wheels you could wheel them into the bathroom with you.

In winter I dressed my new baby in about one more layer than I was wearing. They will usually cry if they are too cold but don't tell you if they are too hot. In Winter in the house I would dress her in a vest, suit with arms and legs and cardigan (socks if the suit had no feet). Outside I would add a snow suit (not in the car seat and annoying in the pram if you're going in and out of places) or a hat and blankets (can be put over the straps of the carseat and easy to add and remove as you go in and out of shops or cafés etc).

A bouncer is a good idea. You seem to have the other major things. You can always buy more as you decide you need it when the baby is here.

Yes I would add if you decide you want to use a bottle then do and don't be put off. Keep trying with the boob but if you're worried baby isn't feeding then do what feels right. The midwives and the Health visitors that come round afterwards will always promote to keep trying with the breast as this is the only way to get the process working but - a fed baby is the most important thing regardless of how they get it.

Scarmatty is completely wrong. You do not need formula unless you want to formula feed. The process of your milk coming in is not a start stop process but a gradual switch between colostrum which is baby's first food and your milk. Just keep offering the breast and let baby feed as often as it wants.

Kelly mom is a great resource.

@BumbleNova

Scarmatty is completely wrong. You do not need formula unless you want to formula feed. The process of your milk coming in is not a start stop process but a gradual switch between colostrum which is baby's first food and your milk. Just keep offering the breast and let baby feed as often as it wants.

Kelly mom is a great resource.

Fantastic!

Can you explain to me how I was meant to feed my child then when I had no colostrum or anything after a traumatic c section? I'd love to know. Because if you know the answer, you're better than the medically qualified professionals.

@scarmatty ignore them! Some people are so narrow minded it's painful! if it didn't happen to them then it doesn't happen! Most people understand what you mean tho so don't worry!!

@namechangefail2020

Thank you very much. Like I said in my original post, 'sometimes' women need formula. It is so so very dangerous to suggest 'just put baby on boob and they will be fine'
This is proven time and time again to lead to starving babies occasionally

@ScarMatty for sure! I've got some packed in my hospital bag for no2 and I'm not afraid to use it if I need to!

I think this thread illustrates why it's better to try and view some antenatal groups online rather than ask a bunch of anon posters. Some trusts have released a series on YouTube OP, might be worth a search and should answer some of your questions, rather than leaving you more confused than before, as this thread might.

@BumbleNova

Scarmatty is completely wrong. You do not need formula unless you want to formula feed. The process of your milk coming in is not a start stop process but a gradual switch between colostrum which is baby's first food and your milk. Just keep offering the breast and let baby feed as often as it wants.

Kelly mom is a great resource.

You can also harvest colostrum in advance from 37 weeks that you can keep in little syringes in your freezer. So if you’re struggling you have a back-up supply.

Hi, going to answer for a couple of points - what happens after your partner leaves and bottles:

1. once your partner leaves - if you are feeling any concerns or need help you ring the bell and a nurse will come and see you. I had trouble with breast feeding and was constantly reminded that if I needed someone - ring the bell. On my ward there were two types of nurse - midwifes to look after you and assistant midwifes who help with the baby and feeding.

2. breastfeeding - all being well breastfeeding will work and your hospital will hopefully for all they can to support you. My little man just couldn't latch and in three days managed just one successful latch with many different nurses trying to help me. In the meantime I was expressing colostrum and using a syringe.

After 3 tough days I wanted to go home (Sunday night so nothing open) so we bought premade formula and the hospital gave us a disposable bottle to get started. Next morning we were at mothercare at opening as we did not have any bottles.

So being older and wiser this time I will have a back up plan and have bottles ready in the house as that first night trying to sterilise a bottle after every feed through the night was awful.