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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Forced abortion

39 replies

Brii94 · 01/10/2020 18:10

Just looking for some advice. Im currently 25 years old and 6 weeks pregnant (accidental) ive only known my boyfriend 6 months and he doesnt want this baby. I dont feel like as a couple we are ready and i know he would hate me if i kept it. At first i told him i wanted to keep the baby but now ive told him i will look into an abortion as its tearing us apart and we are both very stressed. I had an abortion 3 years ago and my mental health was bad after i felt so guilty even thou looking back i now dont regret it. I have no family around me and i have little support. I work full time but currently rent 1 room where i live. Im trying to work out what to do i want to take time and not make the wrong decision but the longer im leaving it the more its messing my head up knowing this baby is still growing inside me. Really dont know what to do. I feel i want to keep this baby but he will resent me forever or leave. Has anyone else had this and their partner came to accept it? Hes adimant im stupid for thinking it could work. I feel i have no other choice

OP posts:

Namenic · 01/10/2020 18:23

Could you look into adoption as an option? Or go it alone? Could you move to stay with any family?

He doesn’t sound very understanding or kind. I personally would not stay with someone like this - he played his part in making the pregnancy but is not supportive of you, who is most affected by it. I hope you can talk to people about this or get counselling. It is a tough situation. All the best.

Original poster

Brii94 · 01/10/2020 18:31

Thankyou so much for your reply. If i had the baby i know I'd never be able to hand it over to anyone else. I guess hes scarred and maybe not sure about everything as its so early into our relationship. I have family up north but none i could move in with and moving there means i would loose my full time job

OP posts:

FourPlasticRings · 01/10/2020 18:46

Ultimately, OP, your relationship with your partner is dead whichever way you slice it. If you keep the baby, he'll resent you for it. If you abort it, you'll resent him for it. So your options here are:

Keep the baby and end up as a single parent.
Abort the baby and end up single but child-free.

You need to look at the pros and cons of each and pick the least worst option. I am sorry, it's a rubbish situation to be in.

Original poster

Brii94 · 01/10/2020 19:30

I guess its just a really hard pill to swallow. I like to think if i end up going ahead with the abortion we could get through it bit maybe im wrong. Just all feels a little numb at the moment

OP posts:

HowFastIsTooFast · 01/10/2020 19:34

I'm sorry you're in this situation OP, but whatever decision you make about the baby would you really want to stay with such an unsupportive bloke? x

83Mimi · 01/10/2020 19:36

That sounds really tough and whatever happens it won’t be easy. Do you have a friend or family member you could confide in? Getting some support should help you cope and maybe getting another perspective on a problem from someone who knows and cares for you can help make the decision

Also whatever happens you could ask for counselling from your GP. Again having someone to help you through this will be important to help you take care of yourself whatever you decide

Original poster

Brii94 · 01/10/2020 19:37

Sorry what does OP mean? If im honest im full of emotion and dont really know how i should feel. Yes he is unsupportive but i guess he just doesnt understand from a womans point of view as ive heard men dont connect until a baby is here?

OP posts:

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 01/10/2020 19:42

Can you access some counselling OP (that just means original poster, ie you). You need to think things through logically - thinking 'he'll come round once the baby is here' isn't helpful. He's told you he doesn't want the baby - you need to believe him.

But that's not what's important. What's important is do you want the baby and do you feel you could cope as a single parent?

sleepyhead · 01/10/2020 19:44

Sorry, I agree with previous poster. The relationship is not likely to survive either way, so dont make your decision based on that.

Kanaloa · 01/10/2020 19:45

I think if you have the baby, he will probably leave. If you abort the baby, you will probably resent him then eventually you will split up. If you think he would hate you for keeping a baby he put there then he doesn’t sound like one you want to keep really.

I think you need to have a good think about what you want. Whether or not you want a baby, because whatever you choose it’s you who needs to live with it, so it should come from you rather than a desire to please your boyfriend.

Original poster

Brii94 · 01/10/2020 19:47

Ive rang up for an abortion consultation. Its all over the phone now due to covid. Not to do anything offically but just so i can say i have spoke to someone and ask questions. They said to me part of the consultation is speaking to a Counciler about how i feel. I have spoke to a couple of close friends bit just thought id come on here for advice or to see if anyone was in a similar situation. So grateful there are nice people in this world x

OP posts:

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 01/10/2020 19:47

Regardless this relationship is over. Instead you need to decide if you want to raise a baby alone as life is now?
do speak to someone, seek additional support if you proceed with an abortion afterwards too. Good luck!

Csari · 01/10/2020 19:50

Hi OP, I hope this doesn't come across wrong but I've seen so many women go through with an abortion they weren't sure they wanted only for the boyfriend/partner/husband to leave them soon after. With that in mind I would recommend that you really think about how you will feel about the abortion if he did leave, would you then regret it or would it have been the right decision?

You can't base your decision on the possibility of you two working things out because that is never a sure thing. You have to do what is right for you at this time.

I would reach out to family if possible as support is so valuable if you can have it and I really hope everything works out well for you.

FourPlasticRings · 01/10/2020 19:52

@Brii94

I guess its just a really hard pill to swallow. I like to think if i end up going ahead with the abortion we could get through it bit maybe im wrong. Just all feels a little numb at the moment

Unlikely, OP. It's not a choice between a baby and a partner, at this point it's a choice between a baby and no baby. Don't base your decision on the idea that you'll stay together if you abort.

Missandra · 01/10/2020 19:52

OP means opening poster I think, so the person who starts the thread.

FourPlasticRings · 01/10/2020 19:53

And yes, OP means opening poster (you) or opening post (the first thing you posted), depending on context.

IHateCoronavirus · 01/10/2020 19:54

Hi op, I really would advise separating the issue of your relationship, with the issue of your pregnancy and the potential for life as a single mum.
Listen to your heart, and do what will bring you the most happiness in the long run.

Coolhand2 · 01/10/2020 19:59

I would keep the baby if I were you, since you have a full time job. Maybe the guy will come around or not. Everyone freaks out at the first news of pregnancy. Make yourself priority first.

Bl0ndi3 · 01/10/2020 20:01

I can only agree with previous posters.

Forget your relationship for a second and think about what you want - do you want to keep this baby or abort?

Whichever you choose you need to be able to be at peace with that decision within yourself.

If you want to keep this baby then keep it you can do it alone and if he doesn't stick around he isn't the one you want to be with, I truly believe that. If you want to abort because you don't want the baby then make that choice because it's what you want.

Please please please do not make this decision on the basis of a very new relationship because that relationship could still end regardless of what you choose - but if you abort for the relationship and then the relationship ends...

Ultimately you have to do what is right for you xx

Oneandabean · 01/10/2020 20:16

I had been with my partner for 6 months when I got pregnant, I was 20. He never wanted kids and tried to get me to have an abortion, but I knew I couldn’t do it. I told him he didn’t have to have anything to do with the baby but he said I didn’t give him a choice and I’d ruined his life. We stayed together until the baby was 1, but we argued all the time and I resented him for making my pregnancy so hard. But I will say he’s a brilliant dad to our daughter, he loves her to bits now, we are friends and get on well for our daughter.
Being a single mum is tough I won’t lie, but it’s also the best, me and my daughter are so close and I’m so glad I had her. There is support out there for single parents and you may be entitled to help for housing.
Ultimately it’s your decision but that’s my similar experience.

supersop60 · 01/10/2020 20:19

@Bl0ndi3

I can only agree with previous posters.

Forget your relationship for a second and think about what you want - do you want to keep this baby or abort?

Whichever you choose you need to be able to be at peace with that decision within yourself.

Ultimately you have to do what is right for you xx

I second this wholeheartedly. It's only about whether you want the baby or not. If you do, you will make it work. I was in a similar position to you (but much older) and I said to my boyfriend " I am having this baby, and you can be involved or not, but I am having it" As it happens he chose to come along for the ride, but I was quite prepared to do it by myself.

CrazyToast · 01/10/2020 20:25

Don't get rid of a baby that you want for any man or relationship.

Pringlemonster · 01/10/2020 20:29

You need to do what is right for you .
Personally I would have the baby ,and probably look to moving up north near family .
If you are only renting a room Lyon could go on the council waiting list for a house ,as you have a job where you live.
Either way I can’t see your relationship lasting ,you will resent him if you have the abortion ,he will resent you if you keep the baby.
Don’t do anything just to please him ,he will probably get his own way and still leave.
Do what is right for you ,and if he stays he stays if he goes he goes

iloveyoubutilovememore · 01/10/2020 20:32

I’m sorry you’re going through this, it can’t be easy. Take some time to reflect on what’s happening, preferably some alone time. I can’t help but feel it’s a little unfair that he won’t even give you the chance to consider what would make you happy. If he loves you he would want you to be happy too.

I hope you’re feeling ok this evening, don’t rush anything and don’t let anyone determine how you feel x

Ohdoleavemealone · 01/10/2020 20:41

I wouldn't consider what your partner wants as the relationship is too young to know whether it will last either way.

So do you want to keep this baby? Assuming you are doing it alone?

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