Cheeky midwife?

[Cindy974]

Hi all,

So today I had my 34 week midwife appointment, my regular midwife was on holiday so I had a lady who id never had before.

Before I was pregnant I was a size 14, and since then I’ve gained about a stone and a half.
Anyways midwife weighs me then lays me on the bed to check position of baby, as I'm laying there she says “Have you ever thought about starting slimming world?”. I was like eh? Does she mean now or after the babies born?!
The more I’ve thought about it the more offended Ive gotten, I am only 5’2 so I do look big but its all bump and if you cant put weight on during pregnancy when can you?

Has anyone had this before? Am I just being overly sensitive for letting it bother me?

@BluePheasant
I agree, it’s odd how it’s all changed from wanting to be slim and healthy to priding yourself in being overweight with the cringey ‘I grew a baby’ excuses years later.
Yes we all gain weight but 4/5 stone during pregnancy is way too much, surely you want to be healthy for your baby and not put yourself at risk.

It's a bit of a nonsense to get hung upon the midwife being larger than you, unless she's also pregnant.

Some nasty people on this thread. OP ignore her, and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy xx

I'm a midwife and this is the one topic I am uncomfortable addressing with people, because it's such a sensitive one. You want to give the information without hurting someone's feelings. I have a few different ways of doing it when I need to, but it never feels particularly natural or comfortable to me. Trying to give this midwife the benefit of the doubt, I'm wondering if she felt uncomfortable too and just ended up addressing it in a really cack handed way. We need more training on this!

Midwives absolutely need more training but also more time and there needs to be more specialist support. In a time constrained appt a midwife doesn’t have time to sit and talk through healthy eating, so all they can say is have you thought about SW.

My local trust does have a weight loss service specialist midwife but she’ll only see women with a bmi of 40 and over. It used to be 35 and over but there were too many women with a bmi of 35 and over. I think originally it was meant to be for women with a bmi of 30 and over!

I don’t really think there is a way of bringing it up that people would find ok, it’s such a sensitive subject. People will always take offence. The middle woukd probably rather not have to bring it up but she’s doing it because she’s trying to help. Not because she’s being a bitch or gets a kick out of it.

Op realistically I'm about the same height as you and a 14, I'm also about 3 stone overweight.
So maybe MW was only doing her job in a cackhanded way. No matter what way someone says it, or trys to break it gently sometimes the truth hurts.
I'd try to watch the calories over the next few weeks to avoid gaining more weight.

It wasn't exactly delivered in a helpful manner but isn't there additional risks with a BMI over 35? In the trust I'm due to give birth in, the birthing centre won't take women with a BMI >35 as they're considered 'high risk' and should deliver in the delivery suite. So perhaps there was some sort of health advice reasoning behind her comment, but it's only really helpful if she actually explains why she's telling you to watch your weight.

I put on 2 stone during pregnancy and my midwife didn't say anything. My baby was only 7.2 but all the weight was gone a week after giving birth. Midwife said they weigh you at 34 week app incase u need emergency anaesthetic during labour so they know how much to give you. Yes it was cheeky the way she said it, there are more tactful ways to put it.

@teezletangler

I'm a midwife and this is the one topic I am uncomfortable addressing with people, because it's such a sensitive one. You want to give the information without hurting someone's feelings. I have a few different ways of doing it when I need to, but it never feels particularly natural or comfortable to me. Trying to give this midwife the benefit of the doubt, I'm wondering if she felt uncomfortable too and just ended up addressing it in a really cack handed way. We need more training on this!

I am of the same opinion here. It is obviously something that she needs to address as part of her job but maybe doesn't hates that bit. Maybe she feels that planting the seed of slimming or weight loss is the easiest option for her. Its worked as it's on your mind now Also just because she's larger doesn't mean she can't give her advice. That's her job, the same as my friend is a personal trainer, tells her clients to eat clean etc yet she loves a Big Mac or three at a weekend.

@AnneLovesGilbert dont get me wrong i understand they have a duty of care to explain the risks of being overweight in pregnancy but to mention it everytime like your stupid is another thing and fair enough explain and educate on how to prevent excessive weight gain is fine but to say you could loose weight during pregnancy is a bit easier said than done and does add extra pressure and stress What i mean by fat shaming is when a maternity hca looks you up and down and says oh i think you need a large blood pressure cuff and walks off is a bit rude and upsetting especially when a standard size fits me just fine haha.
I just think there's a way of being tactical but my antenatal unit lack that unfortunately.

I really wish we could stop using "fat shaming", it's a ridiculous phrase at the best of times but also really unhelpful here. The midwife may not have been quite as tactile as you would have liked, maybe she needs more training, but being overweight is bad for you and baby. She's a health care professional, she gave you suggestions to improve your health. People are way too sensitive about their weight.

she gave you suggestions to improve your health.

No, she didn't. She suggested SW, which isn't helpful. OP has been left with no idea of the extent of the suggested problem, the seriousness of it or the practical measures she can take herself to alleviate it.

Everyone puts on different amounts of weight when pregnant. A PP said anything over 1.5stone is "extra" but my extra weight was over 3 stone. I remained the same weight from the start to the end of my pregnancy and, although it took 3 weeks after I had DD for my weight to "settle" I'd lost 3stone 4lbs.

I know my case is slightly different but it shows I was carrying over 3st of Baby and fluid!

And I was 22stone throughout my pregnancy. I wasn't once fat shamed or made to feel bad about that. I had a textbook pregnancy and other than a couple of extra growth scans I sailed through the whole thing. I was under 19 stone 3 weeks after having DD. I put this down to my ridiculous PCOS and insulin resistance and the fact my body has only ever worked and lost weight whilst pregnant as my hormones were finally normal

It’s her job to make sure you’re healthy. I understand it hurts your feelings though.

this is unfortunately true - its her job to tell you that your putting yourself and baby at risk, she has tried beening subtle

What i mean by fat shaming is when a maternity hca looks you up and down and says oh i think you need a large blood pressure cuff and walks off is a bit rude and upsetting especially when a standard size fits me just fine haha.
Quite a ridiculous supposed example of "fat shaming", which is a ridiculous phrase in itself.

@anguauberwaldironfoundersson

And I was 22stone throughout my pregnancy. I wasn't once fat shamed or made to feel bad about that. I had a textbook pregnancy and other than a couple of extra growth scans I sailed through the whole thing. I was under 19 stone 3 weeks after having DD. I put this down to my ridiculous PCOS and insulin resistance and the fact my body has only ever worked and lost weight whilst pregnant as my hormones were finally normal

Whether anyone mentioned your weight or not, your baby was at considerable extra risk. That's not intended to shame you; it's a undeniable fact that doesn't disappear because it's not brought to your attention.

I'm size 12-14, never got weighted during pregnancy they said they don't care as long as my pre-pregnancy weight was within the normal BMI. I've gained around 18kg! I wouldn't mind them discussing weight management but this should be done in a professional manner not just 'have you though of...'. I'd call back and ask what she meant and whether she thinks you need it or was it just a comment..

You should have replied 'no, have you?'

This! I was slightly overweight before falling pregnant and ended up a healthy weight post-birth as I was mindful of not “eating for two” during the pregnancy.

That said, I didn’t think you were meant to be weighed after the booking in appointment?