Cheeky midwife?

[Cindy974]

Hi all,

So today I had my 34 week midwife appointment, my regular midwife was on holiday so I had a lady who id never had before.

Before I was pregnant I was a size 14, and since then I’ve gained about a stone and a half.
Anyways midwife weighs me then lays me on the bed to check position of baby, as I'm laying there she says “Have you ever thought about starting slimming world?”. I was like eh? Does she mean now or after the babies born?!
The more I’ve thought about it the more offended Ive gotten, I am only 5’2 so I do look big but its all bump and if you cant put weight on during pregnancy when can you?

Has anyone had this before? Am I just being overly sensitive for letting it bother me?

This is totally besides the point but I'm surprised that they weigh you during pregnancy. Around my area they don't on the basis that it might give you a complex, and that always seemed sensible to me.

on the basis that it might give you a complex
?? How did people manage years ago? The most mundane things are triggering or complex inducing these days.

I agree with @Ohalrightthen

The only thing I’d add that as a professional she should be aware of how damaging slimming world is and give you better advice on weight loss / maintenance!

StephenKong

It's her job to make sure you're as healthy as possible. It wasn't long before the I'd complain bollocks started, I note 🤦‍♀️
Either take her advice or ignore it, isn't that what normal people do?

Wow just wow get a grip !! Making sure pregnant ladies are as healthy as possible - yes. Asking if she would consider slimming world - no. Cheeky bitch I obviously talk bollocks because I would 100% complain.

Yep! Mine mention my weight to me everytime I go to a scan or an appointment. Im a size 18.
I got a letter advising me to join slimming world whilst pregnant and I was told by 2 midwives that women of "my size" often loose weight in pregnancy but no pressure.

Which has obviously added pressure.
Its left me crying after every appointment as I get fat shamed one way or another!

I think that HCP's should be able to talk about weight but in a sensitive and positive way, she should not have done it like that and she certainly shouldn't be recommending Slimming World!

I would have thought the idea of it’s ok to gain large amounts of weight during pregnancy was outdated by now.
Midwife maybe wasn’t tactful but she clearly has concerns.

Echoing other posters. That's really not a helpful thing to say to a heavily pregnant woman. I have a history of eating disorders and was under a special maternity team, but they never weighed me or started a discussion about my weight unless I brought a specific worry to them. Refuse any further weigh ins if you feel strongly about this, it's not a necessity.

Your midwife was being honest. You fat, overweight.

@Bengeobabe1
Don’t be shy 🤣🤣

She could have been kinder about it and should have asked about your lifestyle rather than assuming that you have a poor diet.
As a HCP we do have to ask questions about lifestyle and promote healthy lifestyle changes but I certainly wouldn’t approach it like that. There’s nicer ways!

@Bengeobabe1 you rude, very rude.

You need to be more honest with what your scoffing

should have asked about your lifestyle rather than assuming that you have a poor diet.
Maybe she did? Not sure how lifestyles lead to weight gain without poor diet in the mix somewhere, though.

The doctor who did my six week check told me ‘you need to do something about that baby weight’... 6 weeks after an emergency c section after 72 hours of labour, failed epidural, failed ventouse and a tear...

Sure 😑

She was probably a size 16 herself?! I wish I’d had the confidence to challenge her on it but I was understandably hormonal and exhausted so just felt like shit instead

What do you think they should have said Babba? It’s a shame you were upset by what they said but it’s their job to look out for your health and that of your baby. Knowing that excess weight can contribute to worse outcomes a lot of women who were overweight at conception do choose to lose weight by not gaining much or anything throughout pregnancy. It’s not about pressure, it’s about them telling you, based on their knowledge and experience, what’s best for your pregnancy and your baby. As an autonomous adult it’s up to you what you do with it but it’s not fat shaming to make you aware of the risks of carrying a lot of extra weight. Those are facts, I’m sure not intended to upset you, and they should be given by your antenatal team in a compassionate way.

@Brunt0n

The doctor who did my six week check told me ‘you need to do something about that baby weight’... 6 weeks after an emergency c section after 72 hours of labour, failed epidural, failed ventouse and a tear...

Sure 😑

She was probably a size 16 herself?! I wish I’d had the confidence to challenge her on it but I was understandably hormonal and exhausted so just felt like shit instead

That is the last thing you need to hear sorry you were made to feel that way.

This midwife was actually larger than me which I didn't mention because shes the one with the expertise not me, but it does make you more annoyed when the person preaching does the opposite of what they are telling you!

"what do they teach you guys at University these days?! That's not doughnuts and hamburgers, that's a baby! You need retraining."

One of the problems with weight is how professionals can tackle the increased risks of being overweight without making someone feel fat shamed.
It isn't helpful to pretend that weight gain isn't an issue but it isn't helpful to make people feel shamed either.
I think you need to be open to listening to health messages and health professionals maybe need to spend time explaining why your weight matters.

No I don't think she was being cheeky, I think she is just being straight with you. Personally I think it's high time we were all a bit more plain talking about weight issues instead of tiptoeing around it all the time. Her job is to pick up on potential risks during your pregnancy and she is doing just that. At 5'2 and a size 14 you are overweight. To put on a stone and half already by 34 week is not terrible but it is at the higher end of normal and as you were big to begin with I'd imagine she is concerned your weight gain will increase too much in the third trimester. This puts you at increased of gestational diabetes, pre eclampsia, high blood pressure, DVT, complicated delivery to name a few possibilities.

Rather than getting offended, maybe consider that she said this for a reason. Sorry, but we are just not facing up to the problem of weight in this country and that in itself is a huge part of the problem.

We are seeing more women than ever needing serious interventions in delivering babies and excess weight is a major influence on this.

Probably not the answer you wanted but there you go. Something to think about.

Ohh FFS some of the comments on here....

If i was you I would think she was a cheeky cow too and asking about slimming world does not seem professional to me.

As lots of people have said you haven't gained that much compared to some women. I've had three children and gained different weight with all of them and it's all come off.
With my first I gained so much and I had a lot of water retention.

Your making a little human, let her comment go over your head, be healthy but enjoy that slice of cake too!!

@Mc3209 👋! I was the same size before and sounds like we have out about the same amount on. It's pretty scary to think. I've never been above 9 stone before.

This midwife was actually larger than me which I didn't mention because shes the one with the expertise not me, but it does make you more annoyed when the person preaching does the opposite of what they are telling you!

I don’t think that’s either fair or valid actually. She’s not pregnant and therefore doesn’t have the associated risks of being overweight and pregnant. Plus she’s doing her job.........she will have been told she has to have these conversations. Health promotion is part of her remit.

The health bosses can’t say only the skinny midwives can provide health promotion advice. Do they sack the ones who hit size 14? Remember some midwives will be older and it is harder to lose weight when you’re in yours 40s and 50s for a lot of people.

People have health conditions which make them put in weight. I take steroids for a health condition and trying to keep my weight down is a constant battle....how do you know the size 16 midwife isn’t going through similar?

A lot of people use pregnancy to eat what they want and not worry and your comment about if you can’t put weight on in pregnancy when can you suggests you have a similar attitude and it’s not a good one to have.

One of the midwives gave off to me for it was apparently clear to her that was a fitness fanatic when I was pregnant. I wasn't, didn't exercise other than yoga when pregnant. But I'm 5'7 so look tall and my pregnancy was all bump. They were equally unhappy with me 🤷‍♀️

@JacobReesMogadishu

This midwife was actually larger than me which I didn't mention because shes the one with the expertise not me, but it does make you more annoyed when the person preaching does the opposite of what they are telling you!

I don’t think that’s either fair or valid actually. She’s not pregnant and therefore doesn’t have the associated risks of being overweight and pregnant. Plus she’s doing her job.........she will have been told she has to have these conversations. Health promotion is part of her remit.

The health bosses can’t say only the skinny midwives can provide health promotion advice. Do they sack the ones who hit size 14? Remember some midwives will be older and it is harder to lose weight when you’re in yours 40s and 50s for a lot of people.

People have health conditions which make them put in weight. I take steroids for a health condition and trying to keep my weight down is a constant battle....how do you know the size 16 midwife isn’t going through similar?

A lot of people use pregnancy to eat what they want and not worry and your comment about if you can’t put weight on in pregnancy when can you suggests you have a similar attitude and it’s not a good one to have.

I agree, she is there to give advice correct. However suggesting I try slimming world with nothing else is not really giving advice is it? This was literally all she said to me on the subject hence why I was abit confused.

I havent been eating what I want, you are envitably going to gain some weight during pregnancy, the baby itself, the placenta, water, yeah not a stone and a half but its still extra weight, so thats what I meant by that comment.