Just when I thought everything was gonna be ok 😔

[Jazzy1990]

Hey everyone, due end of September and started thinking everything is looking good regarding the Covid restrictions with birthing partners. They started letting partners in for scans and I just know they are going to stop this again due to the rise in infections and birthing partners won’t be allowed in till your 4cm dilated. I’m a FTM and feel like I won’t be able to cope without my partner there, already so anxious about birth and on top of that this. Just so angry at everything.

I mean I’m due end of December*

I know how you feel, I'm due at the end of January and I feel exactly the same like I know the midwives are amazing and supportive but that's not the same as having my husband there, I don't know how I'm going to cope but we'll be okay, whatever happened we'll be okay, our bodies know what to do and we're already pros at it :) good luck with your little one

@Closingtime94 it’s just that level of comfort you get from your husband, I just can’t believe I most likely will have to do half the labour by myself. I also haven’t heard great things or had great experience with the Midwife’s in the hospital I intend to give birth at, some are actually quite horrible so not looking forward to that. I’m just so disheartened. Thank you for the positive words, really appreciate it, good luck with your LO.

I feel the same, I’m due beginning of December so still not guaranteed for restrictions to be lifted :( first time as well and the idea of being left on my own is horrible. I’m just gonna stay at home for as long as possible, if I go in to be examined and I’m not 4cm yet I’ll just say well I’m going back home then unless you let us both in 😂

FTM due mid November and the worry keeps me awake at night (hence the time of this comment) of not knowing what restrictions will be in place by the time I give birth. I found out I was pregnant the week before lockdown so feel like I have done this entire pregnancy alone already with going to every appointment/scan alone. It is such a lonely time for pregnant woman and like yourself OP I've not had great experiences with the midwifes so far and heard some horror stories from people giving birth at my local hospital during this pandemic. Someone I know that gave birth in july has said she is so mentally scar'ed from her birth back in july and being left on her own as a FTM after a horrific birth which turned into an emergency c-section that she dosent want anymore children, she cant even bring herself to talk about the events of her birth and after care!
Every appointment/scan I feel like there is no sense of care and that I'm on a conveyor belt of the next pregnant woman and they have no time to listen to you. Back at my 12 week appointment/scan I cried to the midwife about how much I was struggling mentally, her response was the usual ask the GP to prescribe anti depressants and have a look at head space and she quickly had me out the door. No notes of this was put on my notes and I've not had any follow up asking how I am.

So sorry OP that you are due over this anxious time :(

For what it's worth, it is best if you try and stay at home for as long as possible anyway, so hopefully you will be around 4cm dialated by the time you get there? Obviously this is no use if you are being induced. Also especially with your first Labour from 4 - 10 can still be a pretty long process, so hopefully your partner will be there for the majority of the process.

It is unfair I think because not every woman dilated according to their text book pattern. I hung out around 1 - 2cm for hours and hours in my first labour, but then went from 4 - 10 in a couple of hours. And if that rule applies to non first time mum's then it's even worse!

As a low risk I opted in for home birth partially because of this.

Its such a worrying time isn't it. I'm due first baby in october.

My hospital policy on birth partners when I asked a few weeks back seemed OK but I'm super anxious it will change in the next few weeks with the way things are going.

Im almost more nervous that if more restrictions are imposed again on seeing friends and family then access to support will be really limited once the baby is here.

You could opt for a home birth. With a home birth you can choose to transfer to hospital at any point for any reason and all wary checks are done by a community midwife in your home. So you could choose a home birth and then transfer in at 6 or 7 cm for pain relief. Obviously you do risk things moving too fast and not making it to hospital
I gave birth during lockdown to my second and went in at 3 cm. I knew I wasn’t that far along but felt I had to go to hospital because my first homebirth has ended in an emcs for failure to progress and there is a very smal risk of scar rupture. They let dh stay with me from 3cm. I did say if he couldn’t stay I wouldn’t and they wanted me in on the monitor.
Post natal is fine on your own because everyone was really really helpful and kind it was a much better experience than when I had my first.
If they want to induce you,you could refuse and ask for a c section and then your dh will be with you all the way. At that point if infections are low in your area they might allow him in if you change your mind to an induction. Being nicely very firm I have found has worked, although mainly That involved getting out of hospital rather than in.

Sorry to hear you're feeling anxious OP. It's absolutely outrageous that some pregnant women are being expected to do without their birth partners. Yes there are some great midwives out there but it's not the same as having your DP/DH there with you.

FWIW I think most/all hospital allow your birth partner with you when you're in active labour and you shouldn't be in hospital til then anyway unless you're being induced - and even then, some hospitals allow outpatient inductions. I had my DD a couple of months ago and had to go up to triage on my own to be assessed whilst DH waited in the car but he was allowed straight up when the midwife had confirmed I was 4-5cm dilated.

One option if you're low risk would be to consider a home birth (I wasn't eligible unfortunately otherwise I definitely would have considered this). I'd also recommend Hypnobirthing - this will empower you to fully understand the birthing process and your options so you're prepared no matter what happens when you give birth. I'd also recommend writing a birth plan (think about plan A, B, C etc) so that your caregivers know what your preferences are.

All the best

If you’re having a normal birth it’s not really advisable to go into hospital before you’re in established labour anyway. You’re much better off in early labour in your home environment.
The policy is really unfair on women who have an induction or need to be admitted early due to complications.

Hi OP, maybe check your hospital’s policy with your midwife? I had DD during lockdown as so my DH was only allowed in when I was in active labour. However it didn’t mean I had to labour alone in hospital because here they don’t admit you until you’re 4cm anyway, so the only thing I had to do by myself was go in and be assessed during early labour a couple of times to see how far along I was, and then I got sent home again. DH waited in the car and drove round and picked me up.

For what it’s worth the midwives were amazing and supported me when I was in getting assessed as well as during the delivery of course.

I'm due end of January, but it's my second baby and I had obstetric cholestasis with my first so I'm consultant led and doubt I'll be allowed past 37 weeks.
My anxiety levels about the birth are through the roof. I've already decided I won't my induced, as last time that resulted in EMCS and I just can't go through that without my husband there.
Does anyone know what the rules are post birth? I know it might vary by each trust, but are partners allowed on postnatal wards?

In my area it’s a two hour visit a day on postnatal wards.

@puglife it varies massively depending on the hospital. Mine was 8am-8pm but some only allow visitors for an hour or two per day. If you look at Pregnant Then Screwed's Instagram account, there's a document setting out the rules at each trust.

Just to mention that hospitals can and should exercise discretion when the usual rules would affect mother's mental health so might be worth speaking to your midwife about your anxiety in case they can make some allowances for you.

@Jazzy1990 I’ve got a funny feeling the restrictions are all coming back in today 😔 FTM due start Nov in Scotland and during lockdown in my hospital partners were allowed in from 4cm dilated until 30 MINUTES after birth 😐 then not allowed back until they come to the hospital foyer to pick you and baby up to go home whether that’s a few hours later or a few days later 😔 I’m not actually concerned about having to labour myself 🤔 maybe I will be as the time approaches! I just know my partner is going to be absolutely gutted if he’s only allowed to stay for that short time 😔 and I’ll be devastated for him!

I’ll definitely be staying at home as long as possible at the start of labour 🤞🏼 I live a 40 minute drive from our hospital though so I’m concerned about knowing when to leave to head in. And if I get there and get sent home, it’s a 40 minute drive each way so I doubt we’d actually go home. I’ll be doing most of my labour in the car park I think 🙈

Home birth is not an option for me due to risk factors but even if it was I really wouldn’t trust my community midwife as far as I could throw her 😔 I’m 34 weeks and I have met her once 6 weeks ago. She’s cancelled the one appointment I was due to have since (by just not turning up for the appointment and someone else phoning me 3 days later to explain why 👍🏻😳) and hasn’t been back in contact. I also have no contact details for her at all 🤷🏻‍♀️

Best to check with your hospital. A lot of places have never relaxed the 4cm rule so that’s likely regardless of further lockdowns. Labour at home for as long as you can before going in.

@Bettie2192 Plan to do the same, the only thing is if my water breaks I need to be admitted as I have infection and need to be hooked up to an IV.

@FTMNOV I also found out I was pregnant a week into lockdown so my whole pregnancy I’ve felt isolated. Gosh I really do hope I’m not going to the same hospital your friend was in. I’ve heard quite a bit about the hospital I’m going into and the unfriendlyness and rude behaviour of the
Midwife’s. I swear if I get a proper rude midwife there’s no holding my tongue back, I will say something!

@CloudyVanilla exactly that, how long do I know it will take for me to get to 4cm specially as a first time mum, could be hours, hell could be a day. I’m praying I can labour as much as I can at home, but then what if I need to be induced ? I have gbs so I need to hooked to IV I actually have no choice but to go hospital early :(

@Viletta due to an infection can’t have home birth sadly.

@duckling3 I hate to admit it but the support we will get after baby is born will be hardly anything aswell and with this virus how many people do we actually want around helping us? Covid has really messed things up.

@Itllbeaninterestingchristmas unable to have a home birth due to the gbs infection. I’m really hoping midwives are nice and I’m not just treated like a animal cause that’s what the Midwife’s in this hospital are like, quite ruthless.

@mumsymummum one of my friends had to give birth last month, her experience has scared me to the core. She was in agony climbing up the stairs going into triage as her husband was not allowed to assist her. What I don’t get is, if he is allowed in when you’re 4cm why not before that ? How is that stopping the virus ? You’re eventually letting him in why, why not from the beginning.

The rules here haven't changed. You aren't admitted until 4cm in a normal delivery and visiting postnatally is 2hrs in the am and 2hrs in the evening. Its actually a perfectly functional system and the norm for thousands of labouring women. It was the same 13 years and 9 years ago respectively when I had both of mine.

I know it's worrying, I really do. I can't tell you how anxious I was but after number one, I learned to plan for what I could control and not worry about what I couldn't. So staying at home in early labour, packing carefully, researching what would really help postnatally and so on.

I found it very positive 2nd time round in particular and a friend in a different trust was SO incensed by the 8am-8pm visitors. Hordes of people, noise, disturbance, smelly takeaways at 8am. She was exhausted. She wanted them all to piss off. 8 women in her bay, each with a gaggle of well wishers. She just wanted to lie there in her nightie and rest.

@Seventytwoseventythree I will check with my midwife. I haven’t even seen a midwife yet! My whole pregnancy without seeing midwife, the first time I see one is next week, when I’m almost 28 weeks pregnant, who’s know la they may even cancel that now.

@RWK29 if the restrictions come in today and it’s all calmed down by December I wouldn’t mind, but I doubt it will. If Boris calms down measures for Xmas but doesn’t calm down measures for birthing partners best believe I will be royally pissed.

@GunsAndShips I don’t mind not having visitors, that’s understandable in the current situation but not being able to go through this with your husband, something you both equally made is depressing. Mentally not having him there throughout the scans and appointments has felt like I’m doing this alone anyway.

I get it, I do. My best friend's husband is shielding so I've been taking her to all appointments and waiting outside and trying to help in every way I can. He really is missing out even though they are doing their best to find ways to do it together between appointments.

It's so hard. I had a very traumatic first delivery, DH couldn't be with me when it turned into a crash CS, it was terrifying and I felt very alone. I am not minimising at all.

(he didn't make a lot of appointments either due to the nature of his job, I remember sitting alone in the waiting room before scans, it's so lonely)