Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Sister is planning to convince

38 replies

smileygirl1995 · 13/09/2020 02:28

So I'm still new to this app so I'm hoping this will post in the correct place.
I'm 25 and found out 6-7 months back I have pcos after talking and explaining to my gp (who was in fact lovely, so friendly and helpful) that I would like to have kids, it seems I'm going to struggle to get pregnant, for me this was really hard to hear as I have always wanted to be a mum, she's said it's not impossible but I will find it increasingly harder the older I get as my cycle and ovulation have slowed down, I have gone on a strict diet (lifestyle change) as I am overweight and I've seen being overweight doesn't help, my question is and this is going to come across to some people wrong, others will understand me completely, I am going to use a donor next year to try to conceive, I've actually been talking to him for a few years now this has just hurried the situation along a little bit but was always going to happen, my problem is my lovely older sister is also planning I believe next year also to have another baby, she's already got a little girl of her own, but she's planning to start trying for a baby with her partner as I say next year.
My issue is I am trying to write her a letter to explain what's going on with me and that I don't want to step on her toes by doing this I've actually been planning this way longer then she realises and I want her to be happy for me but I fear her general feeling is going to be pissed off! Angry at me for stealing her thunder as such.

How would you all suggest I go about this? Shall I just sit her down and tell her and hope she will support me, or am I just peeing against the wind she's never going to forgive me???

OP posts:

QueenOfPain · 13/09/2020 02:43

In your letter you should tell her to fucking get over herself if she so much as even thinks someone else is trying to steal her thunder by having a baby

VodselForDinner · 13/09/2020 02:57

Why would you tell her your plans for next year? Surely that’s between you and your friend/donor?

Also, what makes you think your sister will react badly?

Writing her a letter to tell her you’re thinking of maybe possibly trying to have a baby next year just sounds odd, and a bit attention seeking.

2bazookas · 13/09/2020 02:58

say nothing at all; having children is not a competition. She'll be too busy with her own family to care what you do.

WeNo · 13/09/2020 03:26

I'm with the PPs; no need to write a letter. Hopefully you're both pregnant around the same time and she'll see the benefits of the shared experience and it's something you can bond over.

Also, apologies if this is unwanted advice, but I'd recommend reading 'It Starts With the Egg' (available on Amazon) to improve your chances of conceiving. I have low AMH and went through IVF after following the supplement advice in the book. I took extra vit C&E, Co Enzyme Q10 and DHEA over the months leading up to IVF. The specialists were totally surprised by my results and said they were unexpectedly good for an AMH like mine. The book has specific advice for women with PCOS. Some friends have read it and think it sounds like hard work (there are suggestions for diet and minimising contact with specific plastics e.g. never wearing nail varnish, not drinking out of plastic) however you can just take from the book whatever you think is easy for you to follow. Just taking the recommended supplements could help improve your chances.

Good luck to you with your donor. Fingers crossed all goes to plan x

Aquamarine1029 · 13/09/2020 04:03

You are massively overthinking this and a letter to her is not only completely unnecessary but would be simply weird and awkward. Sisters ttc or being pregnant at the same time is not an issue. Having children is not a competition.

sunshineandshowers21 · 13/09/2020 04:25

i’m sure your sister won’t think you’re stealing her thunder. i think maybe you’re just overthinking things. me and my sister were both pregnant at the same time and it was a lovely experience to share.

Hatscats · 13/09/2020 04:36

Why would she care?

I don’t have a sister, but myself and sister in law are pregnant and due a week apart and it’s great. Someone to discuss stuff with.

Just start trying and see what happens.

ColdCottage · 13/09/2020 05:25

I don't understand. People have babies all the time and sometimes they are at the same time as family or friends.

I'd just chat generally with family and friends about you are planning to try for a baby soon/next year so it's on her radar if you are worried she will have a funny reaction. But I don't think you should have to worry.

Good luck.

mumsofboys · 13/09/2020 06:13

Agree- say nothing. You never know how long it can take to fall. She should, hopefully understand and be a supportive sister.

Jealousy is a ugly thing and my sister got cross with me for falling pregnant.... when she announced she was, we actually knew we was but it was early days.

So if she gets cross and makes you feel guilty- will you put your life on hold for:
Average of 6 months trying to conceive
9 months pregnancy
Then she's have a a newborn so would it step her thunder than.
Another year later.
You're almost 2.5 years down the line.

Another scenario- if you were to try now.... would she wait that long to not 'steal your thunder'?

AugieMarch · 13/09/2020 06:18

I wouldn’t tell her. You may not get pregnant; she may not get pregnant. There’s no issue as yet. If she does get jealous just ignore it!

Minimumstandard · 13/09/2020 06:43

I don't understand this and similar threads, they just leave me baffled. I would absolutely love it if my sister and I were pregnant at the same time (I would be thinking hopefully close relationship between cousins). I wouldn't ask her permission and vice versa... None of my or her business when the other one is planning to have children.

justilou1 · 13/09/2020 06:59

Jesus! Just get on and do your thing without fear of recrimination. You shouldn’t need a letter or a medical certificate for family!!!

sweetheartyparty · 13/09/2020 07:07

@WeNo

I'm with the PPs; no need to write a letter. Hopefully you're both pregnant around the same time and she'll see the benefits of the shared experience and it's something you can bond over.

Good luck to you with your donor. Fingers crossed all goes to plan x

I followed it too for my successful IVF attempt. I went from having 2 slow growing embryos at b/c grade in the first round to 2 A grade embryos in my second and successful round. I highly recommend it

Beautiful3 · 13/09/2020 07:24

Why would she mind?! With my first my sil was pregnant too, my sister was expecting at the same time as my second. I loved having someone to talk baby stuff with. No please dont apologise or write a letter. Just have your baby and focus on yourself and the baby. Hopefully she will be happy for you, like she should.

LeglessGiraffe · 13/09/2020 07:29

I was pregnant at the same time as my SIL. I felt a bit awkward about it as they had been trying for a long time and we got pregnant quickly but she was fine about it and now it is SO lovely that our kids are only a couple of weeks apart in age.
Don't write a letter, it will make it into a much bigger deal than it needs to be. Besides which, you might not even end up pregnant at the same time. SIL and I joked about having our second children at the same time too, but there is actually almost 2 years between them because SIL got pregnant much more quickly than expected, and I struggled to conceive then miscarried in between. No point in making extra issues where there might not be any! And your sister doesn't sound 'lovely' if you think she'd be angry with you for starting a family. If she's a good sister I'm sure she'll support you.

physicskate · 13/09/2020 07:35

Also please bear in mind that gps are NOT experts in fertility. They constantly tell women with pcos that they are infertile/ will struggle to conceive. That is indeed sometimes the case for some, but definitely not all women with pcos.

If you ovulate, you can conceive with pcos. It may take a bit of time. You may be slightly more likely to suffer early miscarriages, but honestly, gps scare the crap out of a lot of pcos women for absolutely no reason. You may easily conceive on your first cycle. Be prepared for a long road, but don't count on it.

The truth is that no one knows what their fertility is like until they ttc.

And don't write a letter to your sister. Your life is your own, and so is hers. Life's too short for all the worries about her that you're carrying.

Sunshine1235 · 13/09/2020 07:38

Do you have a difficult relationship already? In most cases I think she would just be excited that you’ll be pregnant and having babies around similar times but maybe there is a backstory that means she won’t be?

If you haven’t mentioned any of this before then she might be shocked/surprised that you’re going down this route but I don’t see why she would be upset you’re stealing her thunder unless she’s very immature

HelloRose · 13/09/2020 07:53

It sounds like you have a toxic relationship with your sister. Are you usually quite competitive? You also describe her as lovely.
I wouldn't say anything until you're pregnant. What if she reacts badly to the idea of you trying (which would be weird btw). Where does that leave you? Will you put your plans on hold? No OP, this is your life & your baby. So go ahead without the need for her approval. I'd keep it to yourself and only those who will support you.

BlenheimOrange · 13/09/2020 07:54

Just to say, also poly cystic ovaries here and was told the same at about the same age. DC1 conceived first month in my 30s despite cycles ranging 35-80 days. Dc2 no problem either.

User3627290 · 13/09/2020 08:00

You don’t have to ask your sister for forgiveness! You have every right to get pregnant whenever you like, regardless of when anyone else does. Having a baby is too big and personal a decision to live by someone else’s timetable.

I was about 12 weeks pregnant when my sister revealed she was 6 weeks pregnant and I was nothing but delighted for her. She lost her baby a couple of weeks later which was just so devastating, but while we were both pregnant together it felt like such a special time.

If your sister is likely to be stroppy or difficult about it you may wish to tell her to save yourself the hassle. But don’t apologise. Be factual, and don’t ask for permission or say you’re sorry because you don’t have to do either of those things. If she’s horrible about it that is her problem and her bad behaviour - not yours.

I wish you the best of luck with conceiving

Ilovejammies90 · 13/09/2020 08:01

I echo pp who say that your fertility may not be as bad as you think.

At least 2 people i know with polycystic ovaries conceived very easily- one has 3 kids. The other got pregnant month 2 in a relationship soo does happen!

Further to this if i read your op right...there hasn't been a doscussion with your sis for you to think she will react badly so why do you think she will.

Women in their 20s and 30s ttc and conceive all the time why would it be a shock if you and sis were ttc pr pregnant at the same time

Turtleturtle81 · 13/09/2020 08:19

Has she actually said or done anything that suggests she would react badly if you got pregnant? If not then I think you’re creating drama when there is none.

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 13/09/2020 08:31

Do you have a reason to believe that she'll be concerned about you "stealing her thunder"? Most people have a baby because they want a child/ another child/ a sibling for their existing child, and are starting a commitment they'll have for the next few decades, not as a way of seeking attention for being pregnant or having a newborn!

If you think she's planning to get pregnant for attention she's not lovely at all! However hopefully you're completely wrong and she's planning to get pregnant because she wants another child, like most people!

In either case writing a letter with a focus on thunder stealing is an absolutely terrible idea!

If you're close (could you be if you suspect her of getting pregnant to seek attention?) you might well want to talk to her about your plans, but don't accuse her of attention seeking - she'll be more upset you think so little of her than anything else.

A lot of close siblings enjoy having children the same age as they can play together as they grow up.

The donor issue is a different and very thorny one. Those who care about you are far more likely to be deeply concerned about that route than the immature idea of stealing pregnancy thunder.

eurochick · 13/09/2020 08:34

I'm a bit baffled by all of this.

Why are you tiptoeing around your sister? Just live your life.

Why, at 25, are you jumping straight from a diagnosis of pcos to donor conception? Many people with pcos conceive easily. Some people with the condition improve it dramatically by losing weight and eating a low GI diet. And even if medical help is needed, Ovulatory problems aren't often the easiest fertility issue to fix. Donor conception seems like a sledgehammer to crack a nut.

eurochick · 13/09/2020 08:44

That should say ovulatory problems ARE often the easiest to fix.

Flip

1 2

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.