Does BF always mean sleep deprivation?

[SqidgeBum]

I am pregnant on DD2. I ff DD1 for personal reasons. I want to give BF a go this time around, but I have been put off a bit by scary stories from friends and peers. All my friends, my NCT group, my colleagues, and family seem to have had a really hard time with BF and sleep. Basically, they dont sleep for months and months. My neighbour has an 11 week old and hasnt had more than 2-3 hours sleep a night since the day he was born. Half the time she doesnt get one minute of sleep. He can cluster feed for 17 hours a day!

Did anyone have a good experience of sleep and BF? I dont mind being up in the night. Even with FF DD1 I was up a lot, but I have zero family support, a toddler under 2, and a husband who works 12 hour shifts. I cant have basically zero sleep for months and months, not to mention I cant sit on a couch feeding for 8 hours a day with a toddler who still needs attention. Someone please tell me its easier than I have been told? I dont want to start with the mentality that I am destined to give up.

Did anyone master going back to sleep quickly between feeds if not co sleeping? DS was in a Next to Me, kept lights off for feeds etc but I struggled SO much to get back to sleep between feeds. DS woke every 2 hours and by the time I’d fed him and got back to sleep, I was up again. It was a killer.

Just to add DS wasn’t an efficient breastfeeder and wasn’t a great sleeper either - however I don’t think these two things were linked as we switched to formula at 7 months and he was still an awful sleeper! Every sleep regression hit him hard etc, so definitely more to it than just hunger. He wasn’t a comfort breast feeder either so that wasn’t a factor.

Hoping No II is a better feeder and sleeper 🤞🏻

That’s hard @FizzingWhizzbee123 I think tbh I was so exhausted that I never struggled to sleep when I had the chance. I once fell asleep on the floor of the bedroom while putting away clean laundry! It must be awful to struggle to get to sleep when you finally get the chance.

On the floor?! You poor thing! Sorry, I did laugh though.

I think I just have a hard time switching my brain off. The window between feeds was so small that my brain kept going “come on, sleep NOW or you won’t get any before he wakes up again!” which was totally counterproductive and kept me awake 🙄 I was exhausted but still struggled to sleep

I also really struggled @FizzingWhizzbee123 - I kept reading that breastfeeding hormones make it easy for you to go back to sleep but it never happened for me! I think it's probably very linked to how you usually sleep. I was totally shocked by how hard I found the sleep deprivation as I'd always been a bit smug about coping well on very little sleep, but what it made me realise is that I normally sleep very deeply, and so seem to need less sleep than average but I cope very badly with broken sleep. So it's great now that I have a toddler who sleeps through but gets up early - I don't mind only getting five hours if it's solid and unbroken. Being woken up multiple times was torture for me, even if I went to bed at 8pm and didn't get up until 8am and so actually got more sleep, overall. I think a lot of happy cosleepers are people who are naturally better suited to having more but lighter sleep. The few times I tried cosleeping I found the sleep I got so unsatisfying that I almost felt it would be better not to sleep at all (this is also how I feel about daytime naps).

Am kind of in denial about doing it over again - just can't imagine how it'll actually work being so tired and then chasing after a toddler all day so trying not to think about it! I'm not a big fan of the baby stage in general but I love the toddler stage so trying to tell myself that at least this time I'll know that the baby stuff is a necessary but time-limited evil...

I don’t believe I’m any more tired than any friends that FF even though she wakes twice in the night and I don’t get back to sleep easy. I also spend most of the rest of the night wondering why she’s not making a noise and checking she’s still breathing 😂 I struggled to ‘nap when baby naps’ but I do try to have a couple of days in the week where I have no real plans to do anything or go anywhere so that I can just rest and nap if necessary.

@Hardbackwriter as a FTM I can’t imagine doing the last 6 months of my life with a toddler either! People obviously do though so I guess it’s like labour- you get over it! 🤣

Ds1 used to go 4 hours between feeds overnight, so no, doesn't necessarily mean less sleep.
We had the odd occasion where he cluster fed but that's normal.
He's always been a great sleeper, even now at nearly 2 he sleeps 8-8 plus has 1.5-2 hour nap.

Don't let others put you off, when I ws pregnant, everyone told. Me how awful BF was, but we had a really lovely journey, and he self weaned by 14 months.

Pregnant with no. 2 and hoping to same a similar experience.

@Whydoireadthis I remember that almost the first thing the midwife said to me after I gave birth was 'the first one is always the worst, you'll find it easier next time!' and I thought 'obviously I won't be stupid enough to do that again!'. Two years later, apparently yes, I am stupid enough!

A breastfeeding advisor told my friend that it wasn’t so much the earlier days that are the issue, it’s if they struggle to fall asleep without a boob as they get older. My friend was fuming as she’d spoken to this bf advisor lots in the early days and she’d never mentioned this issue....poor friend is still breastfeeding her 2.5 year old to sleep and at every night wake, despite trying all manner of sleep training methods.

Swings and roundabouts though; my previously FF one is always super easy to get to bed at night, but is a horror about napping. Said friend just whips out a boob and twenty minutes later has a napping toddler!

Initially, yes. But DC1 was exclusively breastfed and slept 7-7 by 14 weeks (and probably something like 11-6 by 8 weeks) and was a better sleeper than friends' babies who were formula fed. DC2 on the other hand didn't sleep through the night until age 4.5 YEARS (also exclusively breastfed until weaning and then I stopped BF at 14 months).

Also, I knew you start showing sooner in subsequent pregnancies but I hadn't realised that the obvious consequence of that is that it starts to be uncomfortable to sleep sooner! I'm only 17 weeks, about as big as I was at 27 weeks last time, and spent last night tossing and turning, so this one is starting to steal my sleep even earlier...

BF three. I was the only one who could be up with them in the night and I cannot cope with co-sleeping. So I was absolutely determined to get them to sleep.managed it and no major wakings over 4 months and never shared a bed or night feed with permanent attachment to nipple.

I have a method. And it worked. I’ve lied about sleep patterns to ff friends because I really did minimise waking up. I wouldn’t have managed otherwise

They bloody disturb my sleep more as teens

We have a normal
sized cot with the side
off attached to our bed. Now ive just gone to bed, so once baby is asleep I'll put her in the cot part. It if she wakes when I'm sleeping I'll bring her into my bed to bf / cosleep. I won't stay awake until the end of the feed. I pretty much go back to sleep instantly.

And I've spent quite a bit on bf, I have 5 long sleeve nursing tops and 5 vests. I buy cardigans rather than jumpers when feeding. Some
Compresses and cream at the start. Nipple Pads etc. Plus each at least £25 for a set of 2 nursing Bras and I only have 4. So I'd estimate at least £300. No idea what weekly
formula costs ?! I didn't use nursing tops on DC1, but wore existing vests. So you can economise, but for me nursing clothes are so easy, saves any embarrassment. I don't personally care, but others can feel uncomfortable. I love bf as no planning needed as long as you keep hydrated and well fed.

@uglyface your friend’s problem is my concern in another thread! Decided I’d rather breastfeed longer than cope with the crying though- I just can’t do it 😭

My 12 week old slept from 9:30 last night to 6:30 this morning 😁 not sure how long it will last so taking it while I can!! He makes up for it in the day though and feeds loads.

Mine was fine. Your body adapts to cope with baby's demands. Early nights and napping through the day or when your husband's is home is a good idea as well. If you're not working and don't have to be on school runs you can pretty much rest all day while your two year old plays in the room with you and baby. X

FF DS who still doesn't sleep at 2

Friend BF and their DD slept well from day 1

It really does seem like so many babies are so different and its not necessarily down to bf or ff. My DD was sleeping from 11 to 5 from about 12 weeks, and then 7-7 from about 16 weeks (with a 15 minute dream feed at 10pm before I went to bed). She only really kept me awake most of the night for the first 6 weeks or so. I honestly never felt that insane sleep deprivation that my friends battled with for months. Now, at 21 months, she sleeps solidly from 7-8 every single night, except if she is genuinely sick. I am just so spoiled, and now know in a way that there is no way DD2 will be like that.

I say that, its now 2:30am, and I am sitting on my couch because I cant sleep. I guess my body is already prepping me for being up half the night lol.

It’s really not that bad!!

Separate from how my DS was fed, my newborn would only sleep when held the the first few weeks so my husband and I were constantly exhausted trying everything to get him down in his cot .

As for breastfeeding , my DS use to cluster feed in the evenings just before dinner finishing around 10pm usually . Then he would go down until 1/2am, wake up to nurse and then go back to sleep until 5am. Then he would wake again , nurse and go back to sleep until 8am.

I struggled to sleep because it’s so hard to train yourself to wake up like that and fall back to sleep . I really struggled after the 1/2am feed to do that and would toss and turn until 5am when my DS would wake up next . But then after that I was so exhausted I would manage to pass out again .

At 10 weeks old my DS dropped the 1/2am feed and I started sleeping mode . By 12/13 weeks he started sleeping from 9pm-6am.

So yes , it’s tiring but it wasn’t horrible and it didn’t last forever .

I know plenty of women who BF and their babies slept on schedules. I BF 3 babies (and plan to do the same with this one) and none of the arseholes ever slept. Even when I relented and tried the odd bottle here and there. Made zero difference. The concept of formula filling them up more is just old wives tales -check out the research. Sleep is genetic imo. I don't make babies who sleep.

My bf six week old is sleeping for 5 hours at night (at the moment!)

My DS was exclusively Breast fed and slept through at night for 12 hours from 6 weeks old! Crazy. He was only waking up for one feed from around 4 weeks old. I fed on demand in the day, I think that’s the only way they can get enough milk... not particularly practical if you’re busy (i’m pregnant now and am wondering how I’ll feed as much in the day when also looking after a toddler!) Good luck. I think if you want to do it you should try it, if it doesn’t suit you can always change to formula? I weirdly didn’t love breast feeding, but I’m glad I gave it a go.

My two were FF. First was an awful sleeper til she was 2, and still woke in the night til she was 3 and a half (long after the bottles were gone!).

Second slept through from 8 weeks. It's totally random in my opinion!

@SqidgeBum

I have noticed many mothers say BF is handy as you can doze/co-sleep. I know people advocate for it, but it kind of freaks me out thinking i would roll over and kill her.

Has anyone managed to BF and baby sleep in a moses basket or a cot beside them? I imagine it would be hard to stay awake as you arent physically getting up like you need to with FF.

there are two things I would like to mention

(1) i used the chicco next to me cot. with DC1, i would lay on my left side, feed from my left boob and little one would fall asleep in the cot, this cot would also take my weight. once asleep, i would just scoot backwards

(2) with the second one, my milk was just different for some reason (perhaps the avocado, oatmeal, and walnuts). DC2 would just be sooo asleep and I could pick her up and put her in the cot. she would just stay asleep.

(3) the guidance has changed slightly on cosleeping but do what you feel comfortable with.

You don't roll over on them. You (should) lie in a position similar to the recovery position so you physically can't, but also, read up about the research, especially the Durham Sleep Lab studies. When you're breastfeeding and co-sleeping essentially you never go into a properly deep sleep, you are always aware of their position relative to your own. They think it uses the same instinct as the one where we don't roll off the side of the bed.