Partner wants sex, but I feel so unwell

[Unsurenewmommy]

I am about 3 months pregnant and have been suffering from severe morning sickness, possibly hyperemesis 24/7. I have been depressed on top of that and have been isolating at times because I feel so horrible. My partner is the type that expects sex a certain amount of frequency and if that doesn't happen, he feels unsatisfied. I have been trying to fulfill his needs as much as possible to make him happy, but I just feel so miserably sick and feel I can't do it and I don't think he understands. There have been times where it is very obvious I had a rough night and am in distress and he still continues to grab me. It makes me feel so uncared for. He always comments about how much time has passed since we last had sex and usually, it is only by a few days. I don't feel that is such a long time, especially considering I feel so unwell constantly these days. I just feel so alone and at my wits end and have moments where I don't want to do this with him. It causes me to feel even more down.

Everything was so perfect in our relationship and I always thought he was so respectful so this is very confusing for me to experience.

@Unsurenewmommy I know you must feel really confused at the moment. But this is a huge red flag about his personality.

Just think, if someone you loved was ill and struggling, would you be pressing your ‘wants’ or ‘needs’ on to them? Or would you empathise with them and do everything in your power to help them feel better? If something you wanted was making them feel worse, would you put that to one side for the sake of them feeling better?

That’s how a normal, caring person feels about someone they love. It doesn’t matter what you want, you put the person you love first when they are feeling unwell. You do anything it takes to make them feel comfortable.

This should be amplified for your partner right now as you are carrying his child. He should be putting your feelings ahead of his own desires and doing all he can to make you feel secure and helping you to feel physically safe - not pressuring you for sex.

He’s not doing that for you and that’s a massive problem. A good man would do all the above without complaint or even thinking of it as a problem.

There is so much support on here for you. So many women have sadly experienced the same treatment. The relationships board is full of wonderful people with great advice as well - posting there too would be a great idea to get more perspective.

Thank you so much for taking so much time to write a response like this. Everyone has been so amazing with support and taking so much time to write such thoughtful responses.

...and I agree 100% with everything you said. I think I just need to have more confidence in myself and stop blaming myself as being too sensitive.