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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Partner wants sex, but I feel so unwell

53 replies

Unsurenewmommy · 24/08/2020 07:42

I am about 3 months pregnant and have been suffering from severe morning sickness, possibly hyperemesis 24/7. I have been depressed on top of that and have been isolating at times because I feel so horrible. My partner is the type that expects sex a certain amount of frequency and if that doesn't happen, he feels unsatisfied. I have been trying to fulfill his needs as much as possible to make him happy, but I just feel so miserably sick and feel I can't do it and I don't think he understands. There have been times where it is very obvious I had a rough night and am in distress and he still continues to grab me. It makes me feel so uncared for. He always comments about how much time has passed since we last had sex and usually, it is only by a few days. I don't feel that is such a long time, especially considering I feel so unwell constantly these days. I just feel so alone and at my wits end and have moments where I don't want to do this with him. It causes me to feel even more down.

OP posts:

AnotherEmma · 24/08/2020 11:54

Abuse often becomes evident and/or gets worse during pregnancy.

AriesTheRam · 24/08/2020 11:58

I was insatiable during pregnancy but for the weeks after birth when I wasn't able to or didn't want to have sex dh was totally understanding.As he should be!

C8H10N4O2 · 24/08/2020 12:02

My partner is the type that expects sex a certain amount of frequency and if that doesn't happen, he feels unsatisfied

What is he - 14? He can find a box of tissues and sod off to the bathroom.

Then you can read some of the links suggested in this thread in a bit of peace and quiet.

mylittlesandwich · 24/08/2020 12:08

Not ok at all. We have a 9 month old and are too shattered to think about sex. How will he deal with that. There's so much more to a relationship than sex and if he can't see that then he's not with your time IMO.

WankPuffins · 24/08/2020 12:16

Oh love.

It made me so sad and angry reading that.

I gave birth last week. Due to me coming down with flu and then finding out I was pregnant right afterwards and HG kicking in at 5 weeks, Dh and I haven’t had sex since conception in December. I’ve had a section and to be honest, sex is the last thing I’ll be thinking about for at least a few months to come, probably for the rest
Of this year. The same with our other two - no sex for about a year/15 months both times.

Dh has NEVER complained once. Because he’s not a massive dickhead.

He has no right to demand sex from you.

This is the time where he should be putting YOUR needs first and looking after you. Not pestering you for access to your body when you feel like shit.

It’s not normal and it’s certainly not right. It’s abusive behaviour.

I would be rethinking my relationship.
Because this isn’t a relationship. There’s no compassion, love or understanding on his part.

WankPuffins · 24/08/2020 12:20

Also - please don’t struggle with sickness. For your benefit, not his.

I’ve had 3 HG pregnancies and while it’s taken time to find the right drug to help with each one, I have eventually found medication to help. Please go to your doctor and tell them how bad it is and get help And keep going back If medication isn’t working, there are lots of safe drugs to try. There is no need to struggle

Footlooseandfancy · 24/08/2020 12:32

Urgh he's sounds revolting. Tell him to have a wank. Or be sick on him as another poster suggested.

I had a serious birth injury after my 1st and we didn't have sex for over a year - that's what can sometimes happen when you have a baby. My OH never once put pressure on me or mentioned it. He showed me the love and respect you deserve too. I think you need to have a serious talk with your partner about his demands, how you feel and the impact those demands have on you. If he's not prepared to grow up, I think I'd be reconsidering my relationship.

Holothane · 24/08/2020 12:36

Tell he’s got hands use them, if he sulks you need to rethink your future with him, imagine having a tired baby and him wanting sex, 💐💐💐

theresaplaceforus · 24/08/2020 13:17

I actually ended a relationship over something like this . He was - like you describe - pestering me for sex when we actually had it - in my opinion quite a lot. You shouldn’t be made to feel like this, being pregnant is one of the scariest times in terms of emotions and worry about baby and you should be supported by your partner and made to feel loved and special.
I’m 32 weeks pregnant and haven’t had sex since I’ve been pregnant - I don’t feel like it and that’s been respected - that’s how it should be.
Like others have said - you need to think about what it’ll be like after birth, because then you physically won’t be able to - will be cope with this? If not, it’s time to think long and hard about what you deserve and your happiness.

GlennRheeismyfavourite · 24/08/2020 14:06

What an absolute wanker - I'm 26 weeks pregnant. Had awful sickness from6-14 weeks. We've had sex once - ONCE - in 26 weeks. My husband would never pressure me. What's going to happen when the baby's born and your exhausted?! You should show him this thread and give him a real talking to!!!!!

AnotherEmma · 24/08/2020 14:46

Please don't show him the thread.

2020wish · 24/08/2020 16:41

@Unsurenewmommy how are u feeling?

InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 24/08/2020 16:55

What AnotherEmma said. PLEASE listen to her! 'The type that expects sex a certain amount of frequency' is a revolting sex pest horndog who sees women as there to service his cock. He's abusive and he will never change. He'll get worse, in fact. It is not your job to service his knob. Please tell your midwife and I really hope you can get away from this abusive twat before your baby arrives - wouldn't put him on the birth certificate and give the baby your surname.

He won't change. He's abusive.

I've drilled it into my daughter to dump any man who 'expects sex at a certain frequency' or is one of those repulsive horndogs who's sex mad and wants sex several times a day (haven't met a one of those yet who isn't also boring AF).

He's repugnant.

Original poster

Unsurenewmommy · 24/08/2020 20:00

Thank you for asking.This morning sickness is no joke. I was not expecting it to drag on so long. I get discouraged some days because I feel I can't get through another day of this, but then I push through.

OP posts:

2020wish · 24/08/2020 20:24

@Unsurenewmommy go to ur doctor and get some medication to help u along. U shouldn’t suffer. Have u spoke to ur husband about his needs?

Parker231 · 24/08/2020 20:27

The answer to him is NO and could be no for quite a while.

Original poster

Unsurenewmommy · 24/08/2020 20:49

I have been to the doctor and got a prescription. It helped a bit at first, but isn't doing much anymore. I have tried two prescription meds.

OP posts:

Wearywithteens · 24/08/2020 21:04

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Original poster

Unsurenewmommy · 24/08/2020 21:36

I know it seems silly that I would do something so serious with a person who acts this way, but sometimes these things don't always show in a person right away. I didn't realize he was going to be like this until this experience.

OP posts:

AnotherEmma · 24/08/2020 21:39

Please ignore the nasty victim-blaming posts, you don't have to explain or justify yourself to anyone.

I can imagine it must be very difficult to predict that a man is going to behave like this until he does.

2020wish · 24/08/2020 21:44

@Unsurenewmommy have u any outside support like family or friends?

Original poster

Unsurenewmommy · 25/08/2020 00:12

Thank you so much for your kind words. It is a tough situation for me because I do know the abuse signs from past experiences, but this man showed me so many good qualities that I had always wanted in a partner and father for my children, but I just did not see this coming until recently and at that point, it's a bit too late to question my choice in a man. I am.just trying to get through one day at a time for now.

I have a few close friends, but unfortunately, I don't feel the understand the situation that well so I still feel alone in this all.

OP posts:

Isadora2007 · 25/08/2020 00:17

@Unsurenewmommy so sorry you are feeling so unwell and now have this to deal with too. Please try some of the links @AnotherEmma put in her post and if you can leave him or at least confide in someone please do. You shouldn’t live like this or feel Trapped.
You mention his good qualities- what would he do or say if he knew you felt like this about him?

Original poster

Unsurenewmommy · 25/08/2020 01:16

The links @AnotherEmma shared are great. I read through them. With this man, he doesn't exhibit most of the characteristics and habits described ao.it can be a difficult thing to spot right away. He doesn't do it in a way that is as obvious as those articles mention. It is almost an implied unsaid threat which can be a more dangerous person than one who makes it obvious.

He and I have talked about it and he doesn't understand how his want to expect sex a certain number of times over x amount of days makes me feel obligated rather than doing to for the sake of connecting. I have never had issues wanting sex with a partner as long as we were connecting. It'a just this HG has pit me.out pretty badly.

OP posts:

sunshinesheila · 25/08/2020 01:20

He is not a good man.
Run... as fast and far as you can. You will get lots of help and support on here

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