Baby names

[Miss2820]

Hi ladies

This has been really bugging me, so atm I don’t know what I’m having but my fil passed away a year ago and my husband is very keen to use his name for the baby if it’s a boy, he’s basically saying if it’s a girl I can pick if it’s a boy it will be his dads name.. thing is the name is a very old Indian name and it isn’t something I would be happy on it’s nothing against my late fil.. just that the name isn’t something I would choose I agreed on a middle name which was his nickname everyone used but now it’s been blown into this it will be my dads name and that’s it

You have to tell him how you feel, maybe if it’s a boy your fil name could be a middle name compromise?

He was quite rude and very adamant that will be my dads name I said I don’t mind a middle name but not first just feel really down about it all because I’m carrying this baby and it’s like my opinion doesn’t matter no compromise or nothing it’s got nothing to do with having his name but the name is really old and it’s not a name I would choose if I had a boy like you have all these dreams and ideas while being married etc that you would like these names and then it’s like I don’t have a say

Do not let him completely control the decision on boys name, is he normally so controlling? It’s half your baby too remember and you are going to be the one carrying him/her and giving birth, he should respect your thoughts and wishes. He obviously feels very strongly about the name but you do to against it, what you think also matters. Middle name is perfect compromise. I really feel for u, it’s a difficult situation, tell him how down you are about it, show him some tears even, would he listen then?

Is there another family member on your side who could talk to him, tell him not to be so selfish!

If it was a modern name fair enough but it’s a really old name we would of used back when my mum probably had us.. and it’s just this constant reminder of the fil if we have that name and why should a child be sort of referred to by that name coz of him.. my fil was a horrible mean man we didn’t really get on much but I was the one by his side when he came quite unwell.. I’ve already compromised moving with my mil as my husband is the eldest and it’s just a culture thing where the eldest has to look after the mum etc.. I feel like I’ve already compromised having to put my flat on rent to be there and then this now? I just think I’ve finally got away from him and now it’s like I’m being sucked back in it all.. and I can’t really say that to my husband ?? It will all just blow up.. he’s not controlling like that ever so I really don’t get it part of me thinks he clearly is still grieving which is fine but you cannot just say to a grown woman who’s already got a child and is having another one this is it end of

I'd fight him on it when you know the sex. No sense arguing before then

I totally agree he doesn’t wanna no the sex of the baby but when I have my next scan I will be finding out.. I just ain’t got the time or mindset to argue while being pregnant or being under stress because of a name.. but I just think where is the compromise ? It’s not fair the child is ours not anyone else’s it’s our joint choice so rather then arguing compromise but it’s like this is it end of

I think you are right saying he’s still grieving but it’s really not fair on you. Are you finding out the sex before baby is born? As pp right no point arguing for no reason if it’s going to be a girl. But you can’t call your boy a name you dislike, it’s a forever thing!! He’s telling you, so you tell him, but you will compromise on middle name. You are not in the wrong here

Tell him it’s stressing you out and that’s NOT good for baby. ‘He doesn’t want to know the sex’ sounds like he has control of that decision too although good for you finding out as I’m assuming scans still only allowed on your own

Thank you.. I was happy with a middle name which they used to call him by which doesn’t really bother me much because I can deal with it but the actually full first name I think that needs to be joint and something we both agree on.. when your pregnant u don’t wanna be listening to crap like that like that’s the last thing people think about until last min or sometimes once baby is born you think of names.. pregnancy should be happy time not under stress and worry about what’s going to happen.. or over thinking things

He said if I decide to find out I can but he doesn’t want to know would like to find out on the day.. I said well I’m finding out! Well it’s been changed where I live partners are allowed in but he will be working when I have my 20 week scan which isn’t until September

I ended up booking a gender scan for tomorrow wish me luck 🙏🏼

Good luck 🤞 and I agree on using his name as a middle name

Good luck, OP.
Also, remember you're doing all the hard work with pregnancy and childbirth, of course you don't have to name your child after your FIL if you don't want to. Your husband will have to compromise on a middle name.

Thank you..

I just can’t deal with the extra agg and stress.. just think it’s our child not anyone else’s so it’s our choice together like I’ve lost people close in my family I haven’t once said oh let’s name the child after them..I just think it’s a bit over the top and this whole boy thing I really cannot stand not one person has said oh a girl just been constantly yep your having a boy

How did your scan go?

Well it’s a boy, I Duno how I feel about it.. don’t get me wrong im happy but I had this part of which wished it was a girl.. I don’t have many boys in my family always been girls and the odd boy so I thought maybe I was probably gnna have a girl and I’m so used to girls I Duno how I would be with a son? Am I going to have a good bond how I already have my daughter? Is it the same having a boy?.. just really nervous and scared about it all.. It hasn’t really stuck in my head yet that I am having a boy..

Also we spoke yesterday about the whole fil name thing and told him I wasn’t happy I don’t mind a middle name but I think the first name should be picked by us.. and he went on to sort of make me feel bad or make me feel guilty that I haven’t agreed to him.. just said it’s in my heart to name him if it’s a boy after my dad? I’m just telling you it’s in my heart if u don’t agree I can’t force you but I’m telling you soon as I knew u was pregnant and if it was a boy I would name him after my dad? I said I’m compromising here by having a middle name.. I also said I haven’t asked for the child to be named after anyone in my family who has died wether it was my uncle Aunty or cousin etc

Oh your feelings are completely normal, especially with the whole name issue.
Congratulations though, I am sure you will have an amazing bond with him.

I had 2 boys then was panicking when I found out I was having a girl, but the love for them all is definitely the same, they just different personalities. I wouldn't say one was easier than the other.

Regarding names, maybe see if you can find a name with a similar meaning, maybe you can compromise somewhere x

If you are happy with having his name as a middle name you are being more than reasonable. Try and stick to your guns.
I imagine he is not comparing him wanting his dad's name to you wanting e.g. Your uncles name

Did he seem to understand your reasoning with the name. I think you are being more than fair. My kids have my in laws and parents names

He just got quite annoyed because I wasn’t agreeing to it.. I just think his dad has his name that was him as a person our son will be born with it’s own identity so his name should be different.. all he kept repeating was hour clearly not happy with having his first name if we have a son if you was you would just agree with me. I said well it’s a joint thing it’s not just your baby it’s ours I’m compromising on a middle name which will be part of the full name I don’t understand what else u want? It’s in my heart to have his name but no point in doing it when your not happy too.. I said I’ve agreed a middle name I don’t need to use first name we can pick something ourselves

Hopefully if you stick with what you are saying he will eventually get used to the idea.
Don't do anything you don't want to do. At the end of the day, you are the one carrying the baby and have the right to be happy with his name. He will understand soon enough that you're not going to budge so hopefully will be OK for you

Hope so too.. once you agree one thing leads to another then another rather put my foot down and just compromise on something rather then point blank no

I'd definitely put my foot down. You don't want to dislike your own babies name.

You're compromising with a middle name

That’s what I’m going to do it’s a joint decision I’ve agreed on a middle name think that’s fair enough it’s not like I’ve completely said no