Should I let my mum stay in my house after baby is born?

[Duesept20]

Out of interest, has anyone who's not a FTM had family stay with them after baby is born?

My mum is 6 hours away and absolutely adamant that I will need help when the baby is born and my husband has gone back to work. But I've never had a baby before and I don't know what to expect.

My in laws are 20 mins away so they'll be on hand if I need them. My mum wants to come and stay, but there is literally nowhere for her to stay in our house, especially not with a pram and moses basket etc in the house....so she would have to stay in our 70s campervan, parked outside the house 🙄☹ She told me when I first fell pregnant that she was going to come and stay for 2 weeks when my husband went back to work. I've told her there isnt space (there REALLY isnt) and shes gone from suggesting she'll sleep on the sofa, to sleeping on the floor in the babys room (there isnt space for a person to lay down in there!) and now shes trying to suggest she sleeps in our 70s campervan if we park it on the drive for her.

I'm not really sure if it's going to be a help or a hindrance. And I don't really know if I want my mum here when my husband gets back from work, because his time with baby is going to be really precious. I also hate people staying here, I really need my own space. I feel bad, because shes 6 hours away so she cant just pop round, she has to stay. But I dont know if I want that.

Anyone had their family stay after babys arrival? Thoughts? Shes making me feel like I'm failing already by telling me that I will absolutely need help!

Will this be the first time she meets baby? If she can't stop overnight somewhere does that mean she won't meet baby until you feel up to traveling with baby and can likewise find somewhere to stop?
Assuming you like and care about her, I probably would find a compromise that means your Mom can meet her.

How good is the living in the van? Could she join you for dinner say and then go to her can until morning? Would she do that or would she insist on sitting up until you all go to bed? That would affect how long I wanted her to dye sublimation for bit I would say least suggest a few days.
How long will DH be off? If it's a month is suggest she comes up whilst he's off

I found my mum being around so stressful but once the baby was here, I'm not sure how I would've coped without her. Not the baby stuff, the making us food, giving us a minute to go to the loo etc. I probably wouldn't have eaten otherwise.

The fact she has nowhere to stay isn't helpful though. Can your inlaws pop in every day and bring you your meals and put the washing on? That's the help you want, not someone hogging the baby.

I think also that the early days with a new baby are important for establishing roles within a relationship and I don't think it's ideal for it to start off with the father feeling able to offload domestic duties on his MIL. Unless there are serious problems, I think it's tiring but perfectly achievable especially with your first for you to focus on the baby (especially if breastfeeding) and your DH to do all laundry and cooking.

I must say that I found being on my own with two toddlers and newborn dc3, 2 weeks post caesarian section, easier than having my mum present 24/7 when dc2 was two weeks old. For me the absolute most stressful, distressing thing was having anyone take my newborn (who I was breastfeeding and wearing in a wrap from 6 days old) off me and refuse to return him until she felt like it.
The memory of the words "You can get on while I'm here to hold the baby" still trigger my adrenaline and cortisol levels to spike and steam to come out of my ears...