What's maternity leave really like?

[bubbles519]

I've been working for the last 16 years and never had longer than a few weeks off for holidays. I'm really looking forward to having 9 months off with my baby but also find it really daunting. Lots of people have said it gets really lonely and boring, is this true? Does it get better after the first few months when they can interact more?

Maternity leave is different for everyone. If you have friends and family near by that you can meet up with during the week, don't mind your own company, have money for baby classes and a relatively easy baby then you'll enjoy it.

I didn't find it boring at all really and took a full year, my son kept me very busy and I had family very close by which was great for company and support. I might have been less enjoyable otherwise.

One thing I found that really helped was going back to my hobby/sport as soon as I was able. It meant I felt more like the old me a couple evenings a week at least.

I made a group of mum friends and we would often meet up a few times a week. I honestly think that without them I would have suffered a lot with my mental health, I have a group chat with them to talk when I need to, and would often meet up with a few of them for coffee dates, we went to baby groups together as well and it truly made my mat leave amazing.

I'm on maternity leave with my first baby at the moment (12 week old) I'm enjoying it, although it's a very weird time at the moment, very limited contact with friends and family and obviously no classes.

I quite honestly love being a mum despite it being bloody hard. Can't imagine going back to work

Honestly I loved it! I was an anxious mess for my pregnancy full sure I’d fail as a mother, my life would be awful, and that there was no way I would cope. I had the best 10 months and was very sad when it ended! I didn’t put much/any pressure on myself to go to baby groups, but I did keep in touch with and visit friends, I spent a lot of time with my family, I went wherever I wanted whenever I wanted and I took my baby absolutely everywhere I loved having her with me!
Possibly because my expectation was so low I enjoyed it more!

@CoronaBaby

Honestly I loved it! I was an anxious mess for my pregnancy full sure I’d fail as a mother, my life would be awful, and that there was no way I would cope. I had the best 10 months and was very sad when it ended! I didn’t put much/any pressure on myself to go to baby groups, but I did keep in touch with and visit friends, I spent a lot of time with my family, I went wherever I wanted whenever I wanted and I took my baby absolutely everywhere I loved having her with me! Possibly because my expectation was so low I enjoyed it more!

Please tell me how / tips? I'm currently on maternity leave and struggle to get myself ready most days never mind getting out of the house for a day out. I imagined I'd go to groups and out and about like you say but in reality I find it so daunting and the more I think about it the more anxious I get and then I don't end up going out!

It’s hard work - I thought it would be coffee dates and walks with a sleeping baby but it really wasn’t! It was knackering and even small babies can be hard work.

That said it’s not ‘stressful’ in the same way work is. And really depends on what your baby is like! I still did a lot of stuff but I think equilibrium returned when I went back to work or that could have coincided with my baby becoming easier in terms of feeding / napping etc.

It’s not easy . I was expecting it to feel like time off work but it was more work lol. The newborn stage is the hardest. I joined lots of baby groups and made mum friends which massively helped . I really enjoyed my year off from work but it really want a year “off”!

It’s bloody brillant. I’m 12 months in, 2.5 to go.

I’m the main earner in out family with a senior role. Haven’t had any gaps in employment for 21 years.

To my astonishment mat leave has been the best thing I’ve ever done. I’ve extended it to the max (14.5 months) and if I could afford it I’d never go back. Alas I do have to, but I’ce loved every second.

I’m absolutely loving it and I’m very aware it’s a privileged time before I go back to work. I’ve got time for the baby, my family and me/my hobbies. I’ve had to refocus my expectations away from groups onto things I can do myself but it’s been brilliant. My biggest tip would honestly be to be organised around your own wellbeing as well as the things which you need to do - schedule them in like you do baby groups or chores. That way as soon as she’s down for a nap I know that I’m due to do a bit of sewing and don’t waste time deciding what to do or tidying up - because I know that I’m tidying up in a later nap or have already done it in an earlier one! I find organisation key, but there are probably other ways too.

Completely depends on your situation.

I left my abusive relationship when my son was 3 months old. Ended up in court for child arrangements, for restraining order against partner, nearly ended up in a refuge, got sepsis etc. Regardless, the fear of all the above was much less of my fear of the relationship. I felt so free on my maternity leave.

My friend is absolutely loving her mat leave and so is her partner.

I loved maternity leave! You just need to throw yourself into meeting people.
I have social anxiety but I soon realised everyone us nervous and they all just want to make friends!
I also met quite a few friends through Mush. There is also the app Peanut although I never used that

Honestly it can get a bit unrelenting. Best to let a sort of routine evolve.

Pre birth I spent the time sleeping, arranging hospital bag, stocking the freezer.

Post birth:-
Weeks 0-3:- dh home, lots of visitors, lots of discomfort, lots of broken sleep, emotions and hormones sky high etc.

Weeks 3-8:- tired, happy, finding my feet, swing between joy of watching a beautiful baby and guilt of wanting to lock myself in the kitchen alone when dh came home. Out for a walk every day.

Weeks 10-20:- proper routine, for baby and me. More sleep. More structure. Out for walks every day. Maybe a class or meet up proper with other friends and their kids. A night out or two.

Weeks 20-30:- soaking it all up and loving it before returning to work.

I went back to work at 30weeks or so but dh was off for a few weeks before dc started going to childminder.

Habits I got into - making dinner (I wanted the break and to force dh to have 1.2.1 time with dc), home for Pointless starting (5.15pm, I'd make a brew, dc in their bouncer next to me). Walked every day. I even stopped doing a big shop so we shopped for dinner most days. Laundry. Dc liked being out in the garden while I pegged out the laundry taken we would lay under it.

I've loved every minute of it. I start back at work tomo after a year away (and 22yrs working beforehand).

There are different phases from birth to a year, nothing lasts very long so I found I was kept on my toes. I loved getting out for little walks in the beginning, just the two of us so I could build up my confidence. I made a new friend and we meet up every week with the babies and now also for cheeky wine :)

It does get easier once they have a routine but the routine changes so, my mentality Was to go out and do the things I wanted to as worst case I could just go home if she wasnt happy or I'd forgotten something.

I loved it! (Just gone back to work after 13.5 months off!) I was to busy to miss working.
I was never one of these people who get bored when they're off work (I know quite a few of these people!)
You get into your own routine, even though the routine changes as your baby grows. I always tried to stay upstairs on a morning until I was washed and dressed and that would set me up for the day. Everyone is different. I think it depends massively on who you have around you, my parents are retired, my friends work shifts and my sister works part time and my husband works flexi time. So I always had an option to meet someone etc.
Congratulations and enjoy 😊

For me it was a combination of some very special, happy times and complete utter monotony. I remember sitting with the baby and realising it was only 8.30am and we had a whole day to get through still and feeling bored and unmotivated. I also remember fabulous times with my mummy friends and appreciating the closeness I had with my baby.

My world became a very small bubble and I think that once I accepted that, it was easier. Looking back, I remember it very positively, but I also remember the sheer dullness and tiredness of doing the same dull things each day. I also remember the feeling of achievement of making it out of the house by 3pm, the frustration of walking for hours with the pram to get a newborn to sleep, and the sense of freedom once things settled down a bit and I knew I could have naps/watch Neighbours at lunchtime/sit in cafés for hours that felt like a proper sabbatical from real life.

I certainly didn't love every minute of it, but I'm glad that I saw it as a one off opportunity to not work and focus on being at home with my family, guilt free.

Tedious as fuck both times to be honest. Made mum friends, but got bored talking about babies all the time. Did some fun stuff, went on holiday, went to a couple of festivals. Did a lot of walking.
Got fat eating cake despite the walking. Went back to work after 4 months and 5 months respectively as couldn’t deal with the tedium any more. I missed my job and I missed adult company that didn’t just want to talk about baby sleep/weaning/development etc. I wasn’t unhappy, just a bit bored to be honest. Looking after a baby doesn’t take that much of your time, so I spent a lot of time feeling like I should be doing something productive but not really having the energy to do it!

Spiritedawai
Similar to my mat leave
I thought it would be pure bliss

My girl was a quiet , happy innocent angel

But

Her father my ex turned into a demon when she was 3 weeks old (and during pregnancy)

We fled when she was 7 weeks and almost ended up in a refuge
We never got the baby stuff, cot , pram etc back from the bast--- do I had to take a huge overdraft out
Went back to work when she was 7 month as he did not financially support us

Sad
Was so very anxious
I wish I could have enjoyed those precious months together In peace

I dont know how I would have cope in the current state of things.

loved mine and actually extended it so I had 13 months off (including 4 weeks pre birth due to spd). I was incredibly lucky because my husband is a teacher and the timing of ds birth was such that dh had 2 weeks paternity, a week and a half back then 8 weeks off. My mum and mil were around and visited daily to help out during the week and a half (stifling for some but a godsend for me who had recurrent mastitis and suffered a bereavement). So I wasnt left with ds on my own for a full day until he was 3 months old.

When they're your first and little you can watch what you want on telly without worrying about them waking from a nap and being distressed. On the sleeping theme, I used to nap with ds in the morning, sleeping with our foreheads together and it was the most delicious thing ever. Now he is a wriggly toddler and it's not quite so relaxing or possible!

At about 3 months we started going to groups, I think it was something like: baby yoga or massage on a monday, rhyme on a tuesday, group on a Wednesday, swimming on a thursday (started when ds was 6 months ish) then free day on friday. In between we went for walks to a local coffee shop or around a park or shopping, or even little lunch dates.

When ds was about 6 months old I became friend with a group of mums/dads and we started doing soft play on fridays. Some people went back to work a few months later but I became really close with one other mum from the group who lives near me and had a little girl a month older than ds. We basically live in eachothers houses now and have full day play dates a couple of times a week, plus mum dates in between sometimes.

I was gutted when my maternity leave was over and have returned to work 3 days a week.

Loved every minute of mine! I took 14 months off in total thanks to annual leave and was so sad to go back to work. Due to the nature of my job, instead of having 60 babies to look after I only had one so it was so much easier than working! I was very child led and didn't have the easiest baby but I was prepared for that and I think that managing my expectations really helped me enjoy my maternity leave and my baby.

I enjoyed it, I maxed out to 14 months and had never had more than 10 days off in the proceeding 10 years at work. I loved not working. However I was ready to do something else with my time other than look after a baby by the end, probably as a consequence of lockdown.

There were times when it was really tedious, when it got to 8am and I had no motivation to get through the day. When the baby cried all day and refused to nap. Mum friends are saviours for some and I made some good ones but once I found my feet with my baby I found baby centered conversations a bit tiresome and repetitive. I found my conversation skills nose dived as I didn't have much to talk about.

I really enjoyed having the time to plan out as I pleased. I used to be up with the baby at 5am and listen to the neighbours defrosting their cars and be glad it wasn't me. I loved walking each day, watching the season change. I liked exploring my local area, trying out new places to eat or visit. I learnt to cook and baked a lot. I just really enjoyed it and tried to incorporate things I like to do as well.

I have a 7 week old baby, and my experience of maternity leave to date is that it's a modern day miracle to have me and her all ready by lunch time lol. Jokes aside you don't have a minute to be bored.

I loved it, and ended up on maternity leave for over a year (my baby was due end of December 2018, I found out I was pregnant with her in the April time so saved a lot of my annual leave to book so I was off work from mid November 2018, starting maternity leave at the end of December 2018. Annual leave continues to accrue while you’re on maternity leave so I had her in the early January 2019 and arranged to ‘return to work’ in mid November but used all that years annual leave for half of November and all of December 2019, then used some of 2020s entitlement to have off the first 2 weeks of January 2020 so I didn’t actually return to work until mid January. Only worked as well as it did because of the timings!)

It’s not for everyone but we joined NCT and were incredibly lucky to find some fantastic friends from it. A lot of the Mum’s managed to have around a years maternity leave too so we spent a lot of time together and went to loads of baby groups and activities that I wouldn’t have necessarily done alone.

Enjoy!

@NewMama20

How old is LO?

If they're just a fe weeks old, it's a ballache, but perfectly possible! I had the attitude if, if my 3 week old had a 5yo sibling that needed to get to school for a certain time, then we'd have to get out if the house and just do it. Makes things a bit easier, and you learn something every time. Most important don't forget enough nappies and milk!

Monotonous and isolating. I skipped back to work earlier than planned, and only started to genuinely enjoy being a parent then.