Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Should he tell me to take Plan B if I don't want to?

29 replies

mamai07 · 05/08/2020 00:37

Hi everyone! I have been with my partner for almost two years. We both have children, his is 15 and mine is 11. We have been having some significant stress from my 11 year old but we are committed to each other.

Last night we had sex and he said he wanted to come inside me. He asked if I was ovulating, and I said "no". Today I thought about it in a sober state of mind, and it turns out that I could ovulate any time due to my irregular cycle. He gave me his credit card and told me to go buy a Plan B.

I didn't take it but I said that I did. I wanted to have a baby very strongly earlier this year, but gave the idea up when he was 100% not into the idea.

Do you think it's ethical, right, or wrong to not take the pill? I would admit that I didn't take it, but it would cause significant stress.

He says that if we have a baby, he doesn't think it would be good for us. I still have this desire, and it is my body. We can afford to support the child and a comfortable lifestyle.

OP posts:
Cado12 · 05/08/2020 00:40

Don’t trick him by not taking your pill, it’s cruel and should be a decision made by you and your OH.

Wheresthebiffer2 · 05/08/2020 00:47

wrong wrong wrong. take the pill. and talk to the man.

choli · 05/08/2020 00:50

Take the pill. Your potential child deserves the respect of being planned and wanted by both parents.

roxfox · 05/08/2020 02:38

What do you think!?

haveyoutriedgoogle · 05/08/2020 03:06

You're both idiots, to put it bluntly.
He should be wearing a condom if he doesn't want another child. You shouldn't be lying about whether you're ovulating (and I'm sorry, if you have irregular cycles you know you could be ovulating any time, you need to be honest about that). You're lying to your partner and trying to get pregnant on the sly despite him being an unwilling participant.
At the end of the day, its your body so no, you don't have to take the pill. But you do need to be honest you haven't, honest about your irregular cycles, and honest that you won't be taking these kinds of contraception so he can make choices to control his own fertility.

WhatRhymesWithTerf · 05/08/2020 03:26

He can't force you to take the tablets and he's stupid for ejaculating inside someone when he doesn't want a baby. However, you lying about taking emergency contraception is also stupid and deceitful.

Did you really only remember this morning about your irregular cycle? Take the pill and if your urges for a baby are that strong that you are even considering parenting to have used emergency contraceptives then you might have to accept you aren't compatible. If you want to see if you're pregnant and have a child then at least have the basic respect for him to let him know what you've done so he can decide if he wants to remain in a relationship with someone who lies about taking contraception.

I would leave someone who tried to trick me into parenthood. It's a really shitty thing to do someone you supposedly care about.

mysuperpowerisme · 05/08/2020 03:48

Does he not realise you can get pregnant even if your not ovulating or due to ovulate? Someone needs to redo sex ed.

As for you.. dont be that girl, the one that tricked her partner into having a baby .. its pretty disgusting and desperate .. if you want a child then speak with him!

Araz208 · 05/08/2020 05:44

You either need to be honest about not taking the pill and discuss this with him, so you can both come up with a compromise that you both have to live with, or you need to take the pill as you have agreed. Having a baby is not purely about getting pregnant, why would you not want your partner who will be 50% responsible for any child to be part of planning for this? And if he doesnt want a child why would you not respect this? I really hope this post is a joke and not serious

ivfdreaming · 05/08/2020 07:23

What do you think??? You've lied and essentially tricked him into possibly having a baby that he doesn't want and then you'll likely expect him to pay for it????

HollyBollyBooBoo · 05/08/2020 07:27

That's honestly disgusting to trick him.

If a male told you he was wearing a condom and slipped it off before he ejaculated in you that's rape. Surely this is the female equivalent.

BertieBotts · 05/08/2020 07:30

It's less effective the longer you leave it so I would talk to him urgently.

You have both made a mistake in assuming that the other would be OK in your own chosen course of action. He assumed you'd be just fine taking emergency contraception, and you're assuming he'll be just fine with a surprise pregnancy.

Likewise he's assumed that it's fine to take a risk of you ovulating irregularly (because anyone can).

Talk properly and frankly about whether you both really accept the risk of a pregnancy, want to do everything possible to avoid one, or actively want to try for a baby. Make your decision by this afternoon so you can take the pill or not. He can't force you to take it, but he needs to know your choice and ideally you should come to a point of mutual acceptance about it.

FourPlasticRings · 05/08/2020 07:36

Is it an ethical objection you have or did you just decide you'd actually quite like to be pregnant? Either way, you ought to tell him you didn't take it in the end because you couldn't bring yourself to (which is true either way) but if you've an ethical objection to the morning after pill and/or abortion, you ought to have that conversation as a just in case, regardless of contraception, so he can make an informed choice as to whether to continue having sex with you or not. Many men presume that their partners will be willing to intervene in the progression of an unwanted pregnancy, so if you're not he needs to be informed of that prior to a positive pregnancy test.

Oncemorewithfeelin · 05/08/2020 07:53

If you don’t want to take it, no one can force you, but please be honest with your partner. I’m guessing your long term contraception is withdrawal metho. I would remind your partner that this isn’t infallible especially as your periods are irregular and if he really doesn’t want another child to start wearing a condom, as you wouldn’t mind if you accidentally got pregnant, but be upfront with him about no more EHC if he does ejaculate inside you.

TheAquaticDuchess · 05/08/2020 08:41

There is lots going on here.

The pair of you shouldn’t be having sex without contraception if you’re not planning a pregnancy - that’s his responsibility as much as yours. You never know exactly when you’re going to ovulate so there is no safe time to have unprotected sex. If he doesn’t want a baby then he has to stop this insanity right now and start using condoms at the very least.

In terms of the plan B, you can’t be forced to take it. It’s your choice if you want to or not, because it’s your body. But you absolutely have to be honest with him - it would be completely unethical to lie. One way or another if you end up pregnant he has to support the baby (and he knowingly took the risk of unprotected sex, so he must accept pregnancy was a potential consequence of that) but he may want to end the relationship over this. It would be unbelievably deceitful and wrong for you to lie about it.

You two have to grow up and start talking. You have a teenage child but you’re behaving like the most irresponsible teenager imaginable by having unprotected sex and planning to lie about the morning after pill. That’s not how an adult or a loving partner behaves.

Have a conversation with your partner about this right now, decide what you’re doing about the plan B, and then get contraception sorted before you end up in this mess again.

Superscientist · 05/08/2020 10:42

If you don't know when you ovulate the emergency contraception pill might not work as it prevents pregnancy by delaying ovulation if you have already ovulated it won't work.

It's not fair to be forced to take emergency contraception but at the same time it is not fair to force someone to have a child they don't want. You need to sit down with your partner and come up with a joint decision for this situation and what you both want re children in the medium to longer term and sort out appropriate precautions should you decide not to have further children whether that is a blanket ban on unprotected sex or other forms of contraception

BabyB19 · 05/08/2020 10:57

Although not the safest method of contraception he did ask wether he should pull out or not, the fact you've lied to him (I'm not buying that you just didn't realise, if you was unsure you should have said no) the fact he's asked tells you he does not want a baby.
No he can't force you to take emergency contraception it's your body, however do not be that person who forces someone into having a child they don't want.
Seconding what @HollyBollyBooBoo says it's up there with rape for me if a bloke was to knowingly Impregnate me against my wishes I would be appalled, shocked, horrified and feel abused.

Take the pill and get yourself on proper contraception or a new partner who equally wants a child!

TheAquaticDuchess · 05/08/2020 11:50

I don’t think it is actually comparable to the rape situation, because men know that ejaculating in a woman can lead to pregnancy. No woman can really say for sure if she’s definitely ovulating or not, and there is always room for error. So while he may have relied on OP thinking she wasn’t, he still made the decision not to pull out knowing fine well that there was a chance OP could be wrong. It’s different to a man lying about using a condom, because in that circumstance he can know for sure if he is or isn’t, and therefore a woman should be entitled to rely on his response.

I’m not justifying OP now lying about the morning after pill, but it’s important to recognise that the man in this situation was an equal participant and he made the decision not to pull out in full knowledge that this can always potentially lead to pregnancy.

FreshfieldsGal · 05/08/2020 12:00

I was with (now) DH for about 2 years, I desperately wanted a baby so I stopped taking the pill (he already had 2 teens from his 1st marriage.) I got pregnant within a few months, fully prepared to do it on my own - I had a good job and my house was owned outright.
After his initial shock he was delighted and we got engaged then married when baby was 1. Still very happy 14 years on!
Worked out well for me but thinking on, unless you're prepared and capable of bringing up a child on your own, don't do it.

You need to talk to him as if he doesn't want children but you do then it's going to cause a lot of resentment.

Oncemorewithfeelin · 05/08/2020 13:23

Did you tell your partner you stopped your contraception?
If you didn’t, did you tell him that you got pregnant on purpose without his knowledge?

Darkstar4855 · 05/08/2020 14:28

It’s not unethical to not take it but it’s definitely unethical to lie to your partner about it. You can’t be that committed to him if you’re willing and able to lie to his face about such a massive thing.

Original poster
mamai07 · 05/08/2020 18:46

OK, I appreciate all the honest responses.

I took the pill last night. So, unless I happened to ovulate during the 24 hour period, I prevented a potential pregnancy.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 05/08/2020 18:57

Well if you ovulated before you had sex it also wouldn't prevent a potential pregnancy. But there is only about a 20% chance of falling pregnant from a single fertile period anyway. You're probably good :)

Original poster
mamai07 · 05/08/2020 18:59

:)

I am 37, so that also reduces the likelihood quite a bit. Thanks again all.

OP posts:
EarringsandLipstick · 05/08/2020 19:04

God. 😳 I didn't really believe situations like this actually happened.

@mamai07 please talk to your partner. If you really want a baby, you need to discuss it.

In the meantime, both of you need to cop on. You're 37, FFS, unprotected sex and 'oh I just remembered my irregular cycle' 😐

@FreshfieldsGal glad it worked out - but did you just stop taking contraception without telling your then DP? If so, that's absolutely shocking.

ivfdreaming · 06/08/2020 10:39

Christ at 37 you should know better

Seems like you sub consciously want to trap the bloke

Swipe left for the next trending thread