Don't know whether to try for first child

[Kiwiblue02]

I've been with my husband 8 years and we originally planned to start trying for a baby in April after our dream holiday that we saved for. It was one of those once in a lifetime holidays we probably would never be able to afford again. With covid it got cancelled, so we put off having a child. Thought about going later this year and we decided it's not best so at the moment we don't know when we will rebook this. So if we wait until this holiday which now isn't looking until next summer because of work etc if I want I won't start trying until next July.

We've had a chat and thought actually we could start trying now instead. I'm in my mid thirties, so I'm conscious that I'm getting older. And if we wait until our holiday I'll be another year older.

Husband is happy to start trying now. I'm all of a sudden really nervous about it. I'm bridesmaid at a couple of weddings next year and supposed to go abroad on hen dos (these were all postponed as well from May to next year because of covid).

I don't know what to do. Put off trying for our first child because of holidays and not wanting to be pregnant at friends weddings? That feels wrong as well.

I do really want a child, I guess I'm scared now how my life will change but at same time i want one. Keep thinking that I need to do more things before I have a child. I'm still not where I want to in life, I was hoping to have a bigger place to live, travelled more. At same time i really do want a child.

Stupid covid... What do you all think? Sorry I think I'm just feeling a bit conflicted.

As you're mid 30s I'd try now, personally. There's never a perfect time.

I would go for it. You might be lucky and fall quickly, or it might take you over a year and you’d wish you started sooner.

You shouldn't stop your life plans just because you are a bridesmaid at someones wedding. I was between 30 and 35 when I had my 3 children and it wasn't straight forward. Do whats best for you.

I’d agree with the above... we started trying when I was 29. I was nervous because of upcoming weddings, hen dos etc. It took us nearly a year with no health concerns and I was so pleased I started trying when we did, I still got to go on all the weddings and hens and holidays (and grumpily drink thinking ‘I should be pregnant by now’). I’m now about to have our first - 10 days until due date - but if we’d waited to try and it’d taken over a year I’d only just be qualifying for fertility investigations. It’s something I’d wait for before 30ish, but after I probably wouldn’t. You never know what the future holds. Plus you’d be gutted to put it all off if Covid cancels all the stuff you’re holding out for! (Hopefully not but you never know)

Also... doing stuff sober or having to sit out the odd thing isn’t the be all and end all. I know pre pregnancy I felt it would be but I’ve done plenty during this pregnancy (pre lockdown!) and actually, holidaying pregnant isn’t the end of the world I just felt so lucky to be pregnant after the year we spent trying I was more than happy to sit out the cocktails and trampolining on a friend’s birthday back in feb!

I'd start trying if I were you. Mid 30s doesn't give you much time if you struggle. I did a couple of hen dos and weddings while pregnant. It was still fun!

Just my personal experience, I've had three kids in my 30's and getting pregnant at 36/37 took a lot longer than when I was 30. I'd get cracking, there's never a perfect time and plans may change next year anyway.

You don’t know how long it could take so don’t worry about life plans, if you fall then you will somehow incorporate your pregnancy/newborn into your plans. Don’t put your family on hold

If your dream holiday was a few months away I’d say hold off but next summer is a long way away

Personally I wouldn't wait but then I've had 5 miscarriages 2 ruptured ectopics and left infertile by age 36 and had to go through 5 rounds of IVF.......

The friends for whom you are bridesmaids for should understand and be accommodating and to be honest who know if weddings will be back to "normal" by then anyway

As for holidays.......it will still be there when you've had kids. (Unless it's maybe the Maldives with rising sea levels 🤦‍♀️)

I would personally try now, trying for a baby doesn't always happen over night for some people and even if you fall pregnant it's not easy going for everyone, like myself I have had so many issues, so far not had 1 healthy pregnancy and I am in my late 20's, it's not to say it would be like that for you but I was the same as you kept umming and ahing whether to start trying and I honestly wish had tried sooner because of all the problems, it can take years and with you being in your 30's I definitely would, something will always crop up. Fingers crossed you will be lucky and not have any issues 💗

I’m in a similar-ish scenario to you. Been with DP nearly 3 years, living together for a few months now, I’ve just turned 34. We are hoping to be in a good position to get a mortgage within a few months and this is what I’m holding out for purely because it will give us more flexibility to get a mortgage with 2 full time incomes, I feel we’d be stuck renting forever if we had a baby first.

I’d say for you though, you’d be best to start trying now. It sounds like you have everything else in your life ready, and the only thing stopping you is a holiday and weddings - but there will always be this sort of stumbling block.

DH and me are pretty much in same position, minus being worried about the weddings. Been together 15 years and ready for a new family member in the near future! We had planned a dream holiday to a Zika infected place (and not something we could do with a young child) and planned to start after the three months post holiday. Since it got cancelled, we deliberated whether to wait and rebook or to go ahead with plan baby! We chose the latter and will just plan zika free holidays instead. We are going into our third month of trying now and although it is still early days for us, we are surprised how long it can take to get pregnant (doesn't help being in 30s). So glad we didn't put it off any longer.

it might take a month or two but it could take over a year, i think you have to think about how you would feel if it took longer and you'd put it off. you can still enjoy holidays and being a bridesmaid whilst pregnant.

I'm in my mids 20s and was always set on having our first at this point, for me knowing my families history waiting till mid 30s would be harder so if that could be a similar situation to you I wouldn't wait.

I have to go to appointments alone excluding the 20 week scan where DH could go and I did miss out on a couple of appointment because of COVID but it is starting to get better and if you were to need to go down needing some medical assistance to get pregnant then at least starting now gets the clock started for you rather than leaving it a year and having less time to work with.

There is never a good time to have a baby , at least for me there never was . I felt the same way as you . There was always a holiday booked or weddings to attend and there never seemed a right time to have a baby . At age 33 I realised this and decided to just start trying . I’m now 36 and pregnant with baby number 2. We still go on holidays , we still attend weddings , we still live our lives but it’s harder lol and more fulfilling !

I’d try now! I found holidays with a young child really awesome. Different.. but so much easier than when they’re toddlers (in my opinion!) Xx

If you are sure that you want children and you are already mid-thirties then just start trying. Hopefully you will conceive quickly but if you need fertility treatment then you will be glad of the extra time.

Covid could potentially disrupt global travel for years to come.

Definitely start now. I said to my sister who was going to start trying towards the end of the year that imo it'd be best to try asap as the first trimester can be particularly hard with sickness and fatigue and would be so much easier if still working from home. When I was pregnant last year I had to commute 1.5 hours each way, including buses where I would have to get off early and vomit by the side of the street, also at work. I also had to sneak in some lunch time naps at work. Much much easier if you have a job that could work from home due to covid.

Start now, especially if you live under the jurisdiction of the Thames Valley CCGs; despite NICE guidance they will not fund fertility treatment for women over 35.

I would start now. Personally for me mid 30s was my cut off. I had DS at 32 and will be 35, touch wood, when I have #2 later this year.

It took me 8 months with DS1 and on and off a lot longer with DS2. I recently found out that I have a low egg count and was on the cusp of fertility treatment before I thankfully fell naturally.

If you know you want them, I would get on with it now. Who knows when proper travel will be available again!

Thanks all, I didn't even consider that covid could disrupt next year as well. I would be gutted if I wait to find that everything is postponed again and I have no idea how long it will take. I've been on the pill also for 13 years!

Start trying! You never know how long it may take you. By the time I give birth next month, it will have been 27 months since I started ttc. I'm only 30 and both DH and I are very fertile, as confirmed by tests.

I would not be waiting. Starting your family trumps everything else.

I would start trying personally, especially with all the uncertainties at the current time. As others have said, there doesn't seem to be the perfect time. We started just before I turned 30 and it took 18 months with no apparent issues so there are so many unknowns which you can't bargain for.

I wouldn’t leave it. We started ttc when I was 30 and it took 3 years and a round of IVF before we had our baby. You have no idea if you will have trouble or not.