How “careful” are you being with COVID restrictions while pregnant?

[booandbumpp]

I’m trying to gage whether I’m being over anxious. A quick history:
My son died of a heart condition at 5 1/2 months old last March. In his life he managed to survive swine flu and para flu 1&2 at the same time. Safe to say I think it’s affected me. He caught them in hospital.
So I decided to get pregnant again during a pandemic (obviously joking) and am currently 29 weeks pregnant.
I’ve been careful. Shielding and barely leaving the house careful. I won’t go to a pub, a restaurant - I’ve asked my partner not to and he agrees he won’t. I’ve been to m&s once since March and I hated it. Everyone is fine with me being as anxious as I am. I’m not worried about it. I have counselling.
We’re going on holiday to a caravan with family. Family are being careful too. We won’t go out and will only meet up really outside for dog walks and such. I wasn’t anxious until I found out my cousin has been going out to restaurants and my mum has too.
So, am I being “cautious” or overly cautious? How cautious is everyone else being?
Thank you for any responses x

@booandbumpp I'm sorry to read about your loss - lots of love.

In all honesty if I had been through what you had I can't guess the levels I would go to to keep safe.

I think inside if you feel you are being "over cautious" but that's what makes you feel better go with that. If you think that you are being cautious but you are open to say seeing those family members who are out and about that's okay too. It's really tricky with fear because we could be robbing ourselves of a happy time with family etc - do what makes you feel okay.

I'm being careful but acting fairly normal occasional restaurant, outside where possible, trying to stick to the car. I do plan to go abroad but honestly our situations can't compare xxx

I’m sorry for your loss, how awful.

I would say do what you feel is right and what you are comfortable with. If you will go and have a great time then go for it, if you will spend your time worried I wouldn’t go.

I’m not pregnant but also am airing in the side of caution; so I totally understand where you are coming from.

Thank you for replying. I think I'm comfortable with being 'over anxious' - but like you say, I don't want it to rob me of a happy time with family on holiday. I know that it's probably going to be worse when baby is here, and so I want to enjoy the time while I can.
I know my family are being sensible, and not going to crowded spaces, and I probably wouldn't find myself in any enclosed space with them - apart from my mum who I am sharing a caravan with.
I think I'm doing the right thing by going - because I've spent such little time actually enjoying anything about this pregnancy so it will be good to have a break - but there's always this niggling anxiety wanting me to pay it more attention!

I am 32 weeks pregnant and doing exactly the same as you. DH and I WFH, see friends in the park (no touching and at least 1m distance), we don't go to shops, restaurants etc. and I have no plans to do any of those things before the baby arrives in September.

I think it probably is overcautious but it's only a few more months and I'd rather be overcautious and bored and under cautious and unlucky.

@BeccaE Yes, I'm WFH as well (I work in a hospital so it was pretty much mandatory anyway because of the higher risk).
This is true - I think I will go on the holiday but make sure I maintain distance on walks and cross fingers for good weather so we can eat outside together in between caravans and such!
Congratulations on your pregnancy. It's such a sh*te time to be pregnant. I was saying to my midwife today I really hope restrictions are lifted by September, as I can't imagine being induced without my partner with me.

@booandbumpp congratulations to you too - yes it's awful isn't it? My DH is upset to miss all the scans and I just want to go out with friends, show off my bump and celebrate like normal pregnant people!

I'd go on the holiday, it sounds like you can be at a sensible distance from your family and just skip anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. We are stuck because we don't drive (live in central London so it's usually not necessary) and don't want to risk public transport - but I'd jump at the chance to get to the countryside if it was possible.

Do what you feel comfortable with. I ve been very cautious, I just go out for exercise and haven't been anywhere that wasn't for a medical appointment or a drive thru for food since lockdown started, our family and friends are a bit of a distance away so no plans to see them at the moment.

I d rather be very cautious than end up in hospital as I m asthmatic too so couple that with a baby squishing your lungs and I m not that confident I d easily shake off covid if I got it.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I asked my consultant about this today. She said that surprisingly, unlike many other respiratory conditions, it does not appear to be having a significant affect on women. She said that, in my hospital, they have not had a single pregnant woman admitted who is seriously unwell with it. There is a suggestion that having a lowered immune system (which we do in pregnancy) might actually be helping pregnant women staying well with it.

However - there is a risk. To anyone, not just pregnant women. My consultant said that it is a balance of risk between your physical and mental health plus the risk of corona and only you as an individual can make that decision. Therefore - any decision that you make FOR YOU is the right one.

Personally, I am being careful but I am doing some things. I am not going into pubs but I am eating from takeaway cafes away from others. I am not going into most shops but I am doing the food shop if I can't get an online shop. We are meeting family inside but we are not hugging. I am working from home but going in when I absolutely have to.

That's what is working for me so far. But whatever you need to do to feel okay, do that. You look after you - your heart and instinct, especially after loss, is what is most important.

I would say you are being over anxious but I haven't been through what you have so you do what you feel comfortable with. I am 17 weeks pregnant and just following the normal rules as they change and evolve. I am wfh because all my colleagues are. I go to shops, my children have been to school and nursery and I've been to restaurants. The only change is my work Covid risk assessment doesn't allow me to do site visits so I've stopped that but would do them in a safe way if that wasn't the case.

I’m nearly 27 weeks and I’m trying to avoid going out, I tried to go into town to get some baby stuff but people were so rude and I was literally running away from people and was clearly pregnant and people were touching me as they passed and weren’t be careful as all so I just didn’t feel comfortable and won’t be going back to town 😅..

At my last antenatal appointment the midwife advised stay home as much as possible in third trimester anyway so my work have kept me furloughed until baby is born and I only go out occasionally to keep my mum company when she food shops and I’m very careful but I’m not going to restaurants or anywhere too crowded with people not wearing masks etc

So sorry for your loss OP, I can’t even imagine how heartbreaking that must have been

We have a 4 month old DD and I agree with your approach. We are being super careful and I’d also rather be too cautious for no reason than not cautious enough and potentially catch something.

FWIW, my midwife said the main risk to pregnant women is the lack of lung capacity which is already reduced when pregnant. No other risk. She also said babies and small children are at almost zero risk but I really don’t want our baby to get anything, especially as we have been no-contact that I can’t see her immune system is great.

I gave birth in lockdown and it was absolutely fine, you will be too. I was induced and they gave me an out patient induction, worth asking for that if you can and want it.

Good luck!!

I’m sorry about the loss of your son.
I think you should be as cautious as you feel you need to be.
I’m 23 weeks and I’m being careful with hand washing etc where I can, but unfortunately I can’t social distance in my job although I’m wearing protective equipment.

I'm so sorry for your loss OP, I can totally understand why you are so anxious.

My pregnancy is a miracle IVF pregnancy so I've been pretty much just as careful as you. I've worked at home since March and the only place I've gone out is for walks in the park with one friend at a time and medical appointments. Online shopping for food, and no pubs or resteraunts - just the occasional takeaway.

I am taking my first 'risk' at the end of this week. My parents live 2 hours away from me and I miss my family a lot so in going to stay with my parents for 2 weeks. My mum and dad are both at home and only go out to the supermarket but are very careful/wear masks etc. The risk is my sister, who is going to work in a retail setting and travels to work via public transport and has been to the odd resteraunt. She does wear a mask etc on the train. My parents house is very big so I am rationalizing that I can socially distance from her whilst I am there quite easily, plus many days, she will be out at work all day. I haven't seen my parents since I found out I was pregnant.

I'm 22 weeks by the way.

Thank you for replies - it does seem like it's a case of what individuals are comfortable with rather than a 'youre pregnant so this is what you should do'.
I'll continue as I am, and go on a socially distanced holiday! Honestly - I don't miss restaurants and pubs, but I do miss my hair dresser. I'd love to be able to book in for a treat before D-Day! Oh well, maybe next year!

@ Shirleyphallus I will definitely ask about an outpatient induction but I think because of my history (DS also had IUGR which DD may have too - having 2 weekly growth scans as her growth is tailing atm) I think they want me in. But worth double checking!
@Pinktruffle congratulations! I think a couple of weeks with your parents sounds lovely.

I completely understand why you feel the way you do, you've been through a lot.

Personally I am carrying on as normally as restrictions allow. I've been on furlogh for 4 months so I've been stuck in my house for all of my pregnancy so far. I'm happy to get out and enjoy my life and pregnancy with those I love.

Hi @booandbumpp.

I just wanted to send a bit of solidarity as I am also 29 weeks and my son died last year- he was a toddler and he died in his sleep without a cause. It hasn’t made me particularly extra cautious but the pregnancy anxiety is heightened due to the experience of losing him. I feel anxious if I don’t feel the baby kick for 15 minutes and expect another loss, even though with my son my pregnancy and his life was completely healthy and illness and complication free.

I think your cautiousness sounds entirely appropriate, if it gives you a sense of some control then it can be helpful.

I hope your pregnancy continues as smoothly as possible. If you would like to chat at any time please feel free to PM me.

If your mum is staying in the caravan with you, would she be open to avoiding restaurants etc for the two weeks before you go, just so you would feel more comfortable? This is something my parents have offered to me so I can go and visit (they live 4hours away) and I'm very grateful for it!

I'm 26 weeks and being extra cautious - I'm a bit older (35), this is my first and I don't feel comfortable taking any risks. It makes me a bit sad not to be doing "normal" things during my pregnancy, but also I hate the fact that I'm having to defend my choices to some friends who think I'm being "silly". If this is what I need to do in order to contain my anxiety (which I already suffered from before pregnancy) then this is what I'm doing.

@acquiescence have PM'd you.

@SJChief I have considered asking her - but we do go in less than 2 weeks. And then I wonder how silly it would be to ask her too. I think this is where I'm wondering if I'm being over cautious.
Our local area is saying that even those who do not have symptoms can order a home test, so I might ask her to do one before? And I'll do one too.

@Chl00 this is what happened to me today! Walked into our town and people were everywhere, crowding the pavements and walking 3 or 4 abreast down the high street. I felt trapped and nearly had a panic attack 😔
@booandbumpp I feel for you, I've been at home since March and my husband is working from home so we've been extra careful (I'm 24 weeks pregnant) even though I've not been through such a horrible loss. He does a weekly shop and we go out walking in the countryside but apart from that, we've barely left the house. We managed a few days away in Cornwall and just kept completely to ourselves. I'm definitely anxious about the whole thing, I'm the only one who can keep our little girl safe for now so I'm going to do my bloody best!

@Jellycat2020 Thank you for replying - I feel lucky I live out of cities so haven't had to deal with massive amounts of people out in any space. We walk local - and luckily live walking distance to a couple of lakes so have walked there.
We're going to Cornwall too. We go every year with the family and the dogs, and we tend to spend most time outside anyway. We're already saying we probably won't spend a full day at the beach and more just walk down and go in the sea, and then spend the day by the caravan. It'll definitely be 'different' to normal.

@booandbumpp I think my view is that if it would genuinely make you feel calmer and more comfortable, it's not silly to ask. Pregnancy and hormones aren't rational at the best of times, let alone with what you've previously been through coupled with a pandemic!

I don't know what your relationship with your mum is like, but if she's like mine, she'd probably rather know what you're anxious about even if you both end up deciding there's nothing practical can you do. Hopefully it'll make you feel better too.

I can’t imagine how anxious you must feel OP and no amount of reasoning is likely to change that. Your circumstances are so different from mine that I don’t think it’s fair to suggest that you are being unreasonable or over the top.

Personally I’m fairly chilled. I’m 26 weeks, work as a midwife (patient facing until 28 weeks when I have to stop but I would continue if I had the choice), have a toddler at nursery, and am largely just getting on as normal but with a mask where essential and slightly more frequent hand washing. I’ve taken DS to a few family attractions, have had a couple of meals out, am going into shops occasionally etc. I have no underlying conditions (mild asthma), I’m young and fit, I’m a healthy weight. Chances are, we (as in me and the baby) would be totally fine even if I did get it so I’d rather not completely put my life on hold.

So sorry for your loss

I've still being going out and about to some degree of normality. I've got a toddler who needs exercising every day and in the early days of the pandemic needed to do shopping for a relative who couldn't go out and needed some extra help. I'm just being careful with things like social distancing, hand washing and we've avoided public transport. It's all about weighing up your own personal risk and I appreciate I have privilege to be able to do that as a healthy woman having a low risk healthy pregnancy.