No Baby Shower thanks!

[kidsareok]

Hi! Just wondering if there's anyone out there the same as me!! I'll start by saying - I have nothing against baby showers, I've been to a few and they were very pleasant. However, I do not want one at all! People keep asking me about it and I've categorically said no - my partner doesn't understand (he's very much one of these people who likes to do what other people do 🙄) but I'm just not up for it. I've never liked being the centre of attention, I don't like the idea of mixing families and friends in one room (I have some judgemental family members and also, dare I say it, some bratty children in my in laws family who will be judged 🙄), I don't like forced fun so the games and stuff will just be a bit cringe and I don't want everyone to feel like they have to get me stuff. I also have strong views on 'pink for girls/blue for boys' and I just don't want any kind of stereotypical gender reveal or baby shower banter. I also think sitting in a room talking about baby related things is a bit boring 🙈. I'm looking forward to having my little one but I am also really adamant that I retain my own interests and personality - and for me baby showers just seems a bit too 'Mumsy'. Do I sound selfish? I don't mean to - for me it would be a situation where I spent the whole time wishing it was over! I would much rather see people when the baby is born and then go out for some cocktails with my mates after the baby arrives!

I'm the same re attention and I really didn't want to open presents in front of people. My friend arranged a surprise afternoon tea for just 6 of us and it was lovely. I took the gifts home at the end and there was no pressure.

American women started holding baby showers for their daughters and/or friends as a way to help them afford the bits and pieces that parents need for their babies. Americans as a whole tend to enjoy celebrations more than the British. And It only became “grabby” when it transitioned to the U.K.

Covid is a very real excuse not to have one! Especially as pregnant people are high risk.

Just be honest and say it's not you.

Definitely not selfish. I'm not a fan of them either. The weirdest one I went to had a game where they put various different substances into nappies (think mustard, pickle, curry sauce, chocolate etc) and people had to guess what was in them by smelling them. Just too gross.

One of my best mates just had a small gathering about a month before her due date, with nibbles and drinks - almost as a "send-off" to mark the occasion, and that was really nice - really chilled, no games etc. I think my friends may insist on organising something like that for me, which I'll be okay with, but just very close friends and family.

Gender reveal parties though...they've got to be the worst!

Loving all these messages - you've defo made me feel better! I've seen the nappy smell game too 🤢🤢🤢 no thanks!! Too disgusting. I think COVID is a perfect excuse - especially for mixing households and having lots of people. It's lovely that people want to celebrate but I'm defo going to stand my ground, thanks girls!

I feel the same OP don’t like them at all if I’m being completely honest. I explained it in football to terms to DP it’s the cup final but you haven’t won yet. I went to a baby shower when they were first becoming popular here and a week later poor woman had a still birth. At another they sat mum to be on a chair so we could all present our gifts i found it very uncomfortable. However to each their own!

it's a shame that 'American' is seen as 'trashy' nowadays.
I didnt have baby showers for my 4 children but I've enjoyed going to friends and families ones. And my guilty pleasure is watching pregnancy announcement/sex reveal videoes on youtube - I love how excited they all get about a new life. In the UK it's almost as if its 'common' to be pleased

Not everything American is trashy, of course it isn't. Far from it.
But baby showers are considered to be, and rightly so, imo.

I didn’t have one, I find them quite grabby and wanted the baby to arrival safely before I celebrated! COVID is your perfect excuse though

Totally agree! I hate forced fun and games!

Your best friends are probably relieved to hear it! I didn't have one, I did make it clear that I wasn't into them.

The problem with so many of these celebrations from the US is they cost people time and money.
Let’s say your friend gets married, quite probably you could have to attend:

An engagement party
A hen do- obviously abroad for the insta
A bridal shower- no idea how these are diff from a hen (I think more “respectable”)?
A 3 day wedding, that requires a hotel room, if not abroad
A baby shower
A Gender reveal party
A sip n see
A christening

......it doesn’t sodding end. God help us if divorce parties become a thing!

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

I have recently been invited to a divorce hot tub party 🤦🏼‍♀️ Didn’t know they were a thing until the invite pinged into my inbox!!

Username6345789 they would be a good idea if they were a chance to give everyone their wedding gifts back. “No boxed returns” ...aka £££

Never had one, never been to one.

If people would like to give the baby a gift, they will

@Toilenstripes

American women started holding baby showers for their daughters and/or friends as a way to help them afford the bits and pieces that parents need for their babies. Americans as a whole tend to enjoy celebrations more than the British. And It only became “grabby” when it transitioned to the U.K.

You make it sound like poor British mothers are hard done by. British friends and family still do this; it's simply customary to wait until the baby is here to present the gifts.

OP, I didn't want one either. I primed my sister and my closest friends and asked them to put a (gentle) kibosh on any well-meaning secret plans.

@Toilenstripes

American women started holding baby showers for their daughters and/or friends as a way to help them afford the bits and pieces that parents need for their babies. Americans as a whole tend to enjoy celebrations more than the British. And It only became “grabby” when it transitioned to the U.K.

Thank you!

I held one for my son's partner three weeks before her due date because by that time, we knew the baby's arrival was imminent and we knew what sort of essential items she still needed for the baby.

We had a simple affair with food, a congratulatory cake and drinks. We played two party games that guessed the gender/the birthdate/the weight of the baby and a book was passed to give advice to the new parents. The guests were under no obligation to bring gifts. Those that did either gave the mother-to-be items that they still needed (nappies, baby-grows, blankets, etc...) or gave the couple a gift of some money. That's pretty much how it's done where I come from in the US.

When my English SIL was due to have her baby (I lived in England at the time), she made a long list of items she wanted and she told me what to buy and to bring it to her. I didn't have a freaking choice! I have a feeling she misunderstood the baby shower concept. She had everyone in the family buy her gifts! She had me running all over town for a specific item for the nursery (not even something practical) and that piece of crap cost me £40! THAT is grabby to the extreme!!

Everyone related to/connected to the new arrival gives presents after the baby is actually here. They come to see the baby and bring a gift.
That tradition is as old as time.
Excusing baby showers on that basis is nonsense.

Nope, I will not be having one either. I find them a bit forced and cringey and of course Americanised. I’ve been to them as don’t want to be rude but wouldn’t have my own. My sister was the same but before my niece was born our Mum, her and I went out for a wee girls lunch and me and my mum bought her a few wee bits and pieces that she could open and that was a nice day.

It only became “grabby” when it transitioned to the U.K.

DH is American and we lived in the US when we were first married so I have been to a lot of showers in their natural habitat. What I have really noticed is the fact that there is a really clear etiquette around showers in the US. The expectant parent never hosts and they are only ever for first babies. The concept has been imported, but not the social code which surrounds it which enables everyone to know where they stand.

We were living in the UK by the time we had DC1 and I was adamant that I didn't want a shower before the birth. The compromise was that when SIL came over to visit and meet DS she threw me a postnatal get-together, with the added benefit that everyone got to meet the baby.

I don't know a single person who's had one. And that includes any of my American friends.

I did not want one but my Mum hosted one for my older sister and kept on and on about hosting one for me. My blood pressure was a bit high and so I told my sister I was worried the excitement would most likely make my blood pressure worse. She spoke to Mum and she dropped it then. I was quite happy for family and friends to come to see baby after it was safely born and home from hospital. Don't feel pressured into anything you do not want. It is not selfish.

I didn’t have one. I don’t like them at all

Don't be pressured into having one if you don't want one OP.
Fortunately they weren't around when I was having my babies or I am sure my in laws would have been pushing me to have one and I would have absolutely hated it.
There is no requirement to have an event like this. Whether you have a baby shower or not will have no impact on how your baby relates to their wider family. Its nobody's business but yours whether yiu have such a party. They are supposed to be something enjoyable for the Mum to be, so let those who enjoy them have them then, and those who don't, not.
I have spent far too much of my life attending events that were allegedly "for me", just to keep other people happy or for the sake of social convention and I have finally learned to say no. If I had my time over again I would stop being bulldozed into things that make me miserable, much sooner.

My sil keeps saying she's going to organise one for me 😦 it's kind of her but I hope she doesn't, I'd hate it. Hopefully the rest of my family will dissuade her.