Is it normal to find second pregnancy this tough?

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I am 27 weeks pregnant and have a 2.5 year old DD. I am beyond knackered and feel awful about myself most days. I have put on 2 stone already and cannot believe I still have 3 months left of this. I think being locked down and trying to work and look after her (my DH is also helping) has contributed to my massive weight gain and generally feeling of misery. I am already feeling at the stage where I have to sit down all the time after bursts of activity with DD and have aged about 5 years in the last 3 months.

I know I am really lucky to be in this position but I am finding it hellish and want to cry most days. We haven't lived in the area we are in long and my worst nightmare is that I won't be able to get out to any groups and meet people when this baby is born and I'll just get fatter and lonelier. I don't know how to make myself feel better at the moment.

Hi you're not alone, I'm 22 weeks and finding it tough going. I feel like I've been pregnant forever! Lock down isn't helping. I've been working from home with my 7 year old with me, everyday is the same constant telling her to tidy up after herself, not leave dirty clothes all over the floor, remember to flush the toilet, no you can't have another biscuit it's only 9am lol. I don't have the energy or patience to try and homeschool as well most days. She's put on lots of weight, I would have done too I'm sure if I hadn't had hyperemesis for the first 19 weeks of pregnancy. With all that going on I'm finding it hard to get excited about this pregnancy. I keep worrying I won't have enough time, energy or money for 2 kids. I'm bloody knackered all the time.
After baby's born I'm sure groups will be starting to meet up again. I was pretty new to my area when I had my daughter and didn't know anyone. To be honest I didn't find parent and baby/toddler groups much help but that's probably just me I'm not a very sociable person. I personally found them boring it was just a load of mums talking constantly about their kids and most of them already knew other mums there and were a bit clicky. I found I made friends much easier when I went back to work. New people had started since I left, one of whom was a lady with a young daughter and we got on really well and have remained good friends even though neither of us work there anymore. I think the groups can be a bit forced and you end up trying to make conversations with people you have nothing in common with. What are your interests? Are there local groups you could go to in a field of interest? Or even set one up yourself. Don't let me put you off if you want to attend mum and baby groups, they're not for everyone but many mums enjoy them and make good friends. Have you looked to see if there are any online groups? Or see if there is a group for meeting mums in your area on here or Facebook. I'm sure you'll find other mums keen to make friends

I got pregnant with DD2 when DD1 was 17 months old. In total I felt like DD2s pregnancy lasted about four years. It was shit. And that was without any kind of lockdown!! All of my friends report similar miserable second pregnancies: looking after a toddler whilst being sick/feeing sick and then getting big, lumbering and retaining water is utter, utter balls. It’s definitely preferable having a newborn and a toddler to being pregnant with a toddler. It does get better, you’re nearly there!

In your first pregnancy you get to be queen.
In your second pregnancy you get to get on with it.

So much tougher; there's no weekend to recharge, people around you think you've done it before so you don't need your hand holding as much, being a mum is so physically demanding.

I really feel for mums who have being pregnant during lock down it must be so tough.

On the pro side, when you actually have the baby, it does seem so much easier getting on with life without lugging around the extra weight.

I gained loads of weight during second pregnancy. A year on, it's shifted. Yours will too x

During my first pregnancy, I wasn't working after 14 weeks, and DH only had me to look after. Second pregnancy, I had a toddler, low iron levels, one chest infection after another and was working full time in a very high stress situation. I felt like death quite a lot of the time, to the point that I seriously wonder if it would be worth it to do it all over again, even though I want another one. Second pregnancies are tough.

I hear ya! I'm 36 weeks pregnant and have been off work since lockdown began so all I need to do is look after my 2 year old, do some housework and make some food, sounds easy right? Nope, I am permanently exhausted, my poor daughter gets put in front of youtube far too much (feel really guilty about this) butbits the only way I can get things done! I don't remember feeling this tired first time around! I'm praying my energy returns once dc2 arrives! I salute those still WFH with a toddler!
I'm also pretty sad that I don't expect any baby groups to be on when dc2 arrives, they were a godsend with dd, got us out, into a routine and we made some good friends!

I’ve asked myself the same question! You’re not alone! Xx

I’m 18 weeks tomorrow and seem to be feeling this pregnancy more than I did with my first born four years ago. The weight I can already feel when I move about. I have been feeling useless especially as in this pregnancy I have an almost four year old to look after, which I cannot pick up and play crazy I normally do. When you have your first you can rest and be like a princess but when it’s your second and you already have a child it’s impossible to rest as you did before. And I constantly have this guilt that I’m not giving full attention to my Son as I’m worrying about bump. Second pregnancies are mentally and physically draining, that’s without lockdown!

The extra worry of lockdown has definitely topped my worries. I suffer with anxiety due to precious miscarriage and ectopic (within three last year) so the worry of being pregnant and lockdown has not been the best mix. I just haven’t felt myself at all.

I have felt miserable and cried too, Pregnancy hormones don’t help. I seem to be feeling a bit better only just. But please be easy on yourself. It’s completely normal. Make sure you speak o your midwife about how your feeling, she will be able to advise and recommend any local support groups. I have just reached out to mine and it helps to off load even if it is to a stranger.

My mum thinks I’m mad when I express how I feel and thinks I’m a robot..... having these chat groups and support from other mums can really help. I can understand your concern for living in a new area and during lockdown. Things are easing every week and hopefully by time baby is born things will be normal. Coffee shops are always a good place to meet other mums! And the park! It doesn’t always need to be a mother and baby group... I met my best friend While waiting in a queue to have my first Son measured.

I’ve put on weight too, now my nausea has subsided all I want to eat are carbs..... not great. As I did with my Son. But you’re growing a little being in there which needs to be fed. Don’t be hard on yourself. You can battle any extra weight once baby is here.

I really hope you feel better in yourself soon and that the rest of your pregnancy goes well. Xx

Yes yes yes soooo normal. I now have a 3 week old and it's 1000x easier than being pregnant with a toddler. I do not miss bump at all! So much happier now she's on the outside.

My second pregnancy is currently about 264 weeks long actually I’m 36 weeks but feels much longer between running around after the toddler, lockdown and a few complications that’s I didn’t have the first time. Would happily evict DC2 now!!!

Oh god I hear you! 23 weeks with a 2 year old. I’m still wfh full time with DH looking after DS, but I have to spend every second I’m not working with DS so DH can catch up on his work. Currently take DS 6.30-9.30am, work 9.30-12.30, do lunch with DS then take him for a walk to nap 12.30-2, work 2-6.30, do DS bath and bed 6.30-8, sometimes have to log back on to work. Then I’m basically dead. Bump is massive already and I feel gross. DH had a go at me last night because we’re “only” having sex once or twice a week. My sex drive has totally gone so I’ve only been doing it for DH’s benefit anyway. Argh.

As awful as it is that so many other people are feeling the same I'm glad its not just me! Currently trying to write a report in my allocated 'slot' of work today before I take over from DH to look after DD and I just want to sleep. DD wakes up at 6am most days and I'm not sleeping well at all already. ARGHHH. I truly think it will be easier with a newborn and a toddler rather than a bump!

@HarrietM87 I have totally given up on sex so no idea how you are managing 1-2 times a week!

Yep pregnancy two is bloody hard work! DC2 is five weeks and even despite lockdown and full sleep deprivation it's probably marginally easier now with a wee one and a 3.5 year old than waddling about heavily preggo. I feel you on the exercise front - I'm hopeful that having two to run about after and carry will do me for cardio and strength training. Good luck with the rest of the pregnancy!

31 weeks into second pregnancy. So much harder than I remember. I’m tired but struggle to sleep at night. I’m constantly uncomfortable and the thought that I have another 11 weeks left make me want to cry. Add to that mum guilt that I’m not giving enough to my 2 year old...
Can’t wait till this is over and I’ve got my newborn. I’ve already told my partner I’m never doing this again and he’s going for the snip ASAP.

Yeah, 21 weeks with a 19 month old. WFH (supposedly, for all I'm managing to get done). Hyperemesis til about 16 weeks and horrendous pelvic pain now. It's awful. Remember swanning around going to pregnancy yoga and enjoying the heatwave in my first pregnancy and could cry now in comparison.

You’re not alone. I’m 19 weeks with a 3.5 year old. I’m so glad to be finally getting past sickness and the worst of the exhaustion. It’s hugely harder this time round - I remember with my first, I used to come hoMe on Friday and go straight to sleep and then have plenty of energy for the weekend! No chance to do that now, so I’m just a zombie most of the time.

I’m certain lockdown has made it harder. No chance to take DD to toddler groups and have a bit of a sit down while she plays, nope, I have to try and keep her entertained at home . She’s up later because she’s not as tired (I don’t have the energy to wear her out running around) and she has nightmares about GP getting Covid and dying..... so really tough and really tiring. I’m desperate for things to be up and running again if possible in September!

I am completely with you on this. I could have written so many of these messages. I am 34 weeks and have been trying to wfh full time and look after my 3 year old. Luckily he is back at nursery 3 days a week which is amazing and work has calmed down a bit.
I am so much more exhausted this time round and it isn’t helped by my dp pointing that out as if I am just being melodramatic this time! And I feel massive!
Hugs everyone. The messages about finding it a bit easier when the baby is here is making me feel much better! xxx

God I am so fed up and only 20, nearly 21 weeks. I am MASSIVE and easily look well into the 3rd trimester. Only just coming out of the other side of severe HG, so so so unfit, just walking about massively tires me out.

DS just turned 3 but still wants to be carried everywhere and I am struggling with him and bump. I feel so down that I am only half way. Nov feels so far away!

Christ, I have had sex once since I found out in March, it is literally the last thing on my mind!

I also think it will be easier with a new born than being heavily pregnant. Last time pregnant for me and I cant wait for it to be over!

The thing is, you feel like you shouldn't moan because you are lucky to be pregnant and already have a child etc so its nice to come on here and have a whinge! Really don't think you can understand unless you have been through/are going through it. I am counting the weeks till I finish work just so I have less to juggle. Also I have bought nothing for this baby, haven't had time!

I'm so glad I found this thread even though it's quite old. First time posting on here.
I'm 36 weeks pregnant after a miscarriage christmas 2019. I have hyperemesis and insomnia (I literally cannot fall asleep without pills). I feel so much more hormonal this time. I have been put on escitalopram by the perinatal team which is making me feel way worse at first. Praying it works soon. I wanted this baby so much after my miscarriage but I didn't expect to still be in lockdown, I didn't expect this insomnia and don't really understand it. This pregnancy has been so much harder and I am so anxious about his arrival as everything just feels wrong

Thank you for reviving this thread. I am 26 weeks into my second pregnancy and have a 2.5 y/o at home and boy am I struggling.

Luckily I don't have insomnia just the usual pregnancy sleep problems (can't get comfy, hate sleeping on my side and need to pee every 5 minutes).

I do not remember anything being this bad first time round but my DH assured me I was as tired, big, grumpy etc.

WFH 3 days a week (DD is supposed to be in nursery but is obvs home at the moment) and it's just all such a slog. Trying to entertain a toddler in lockdown while pregnant when there is ice on the ground so you can't even go for a walk (not that she will walk far without whingeing) is absolute hell.

I have literally cried in to my Nosecco some nights saying "this is torture". Maybe a bit dramatic but.......

So sorry for your loss 💐 @302stacey

Rockyiv it's so much harder! We are lucky my three year old still goes playground for three hours, four days a week. I hate not being able to play with him but I'm so exhausted and achey.
Lockdown and covid hadn't really bothered me much before but now we are on single number countdown to his arrival it's overwhelming me. The isolation is something else!

I’m only about 7 weeks in and already feeling this- Please those of you further ahead, how the hell did you manage to look after your toddlers whilst feeling horrendously sick!!! I can barely prepare his food 🤢 ☹️

@EllyNC

I’m only about 7 weeks in and already feeling this- Please those of you further ahead, how the hell did you manage to look after your toddlers whilst feeling horrendously sick!!! I can barely prepare his food 🤢 ☹️

Ask for help! I needed my mum and husband so much with the hyperemesis. I couldn't do the online food shop let alone actually cooking. I've relied heavily on them last year. Even now husband has to do most the work. It's not easy. I hope your sickness passes soon. If not there are lots of anti emetics! I've tried most of them 😁

Yes I'm a mess! Dd is 12 and I am 18 weeks.

It's mostly exhaustion for me, I need a 2 hour nap in the middle of the day or else I'm no good!

I manage basic household tasks (somedays), as for sex I have the most vivid sex dreams 😳.

I take my hat off to those with younger children, i just managed to cook tea yesterday!

My husband is amazing but works 5 days a week. He’s wfh part of the time and able to help me a bit then but only to an extent as he has so much to do! He’s gonna do some batch cooking for DS’s meals at the weekend tho, so that I can not have other nausea of cooking lol!! My parents would usually help me but they are shielding ☹️ We’re both quite high risk jobs so having to be very careful who we see. It’s hard enough without all the covid crap hey!!! Just focusing on that it won’t last forever 🤞🏻🤞🏻 If it’s anything like my first pregnancy it will start to ease off in about 3-4 weeks 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻