How do I tell my sister I'm pregnant

[V2Hod]

My sister and her husband have been trying for a baby for over a year and unfortunately recently suffered a miscarriage. For this reason, my husband and I have spoken about trying for a 2nd baby for a while but have always out it off as I didn't want to upset my sister.

A few weeks ago my sister told me she was 3 weeks pregnant and after telling my husband he wanted to start trying for another baby straight away. We were extremely lucky to get pregnant immediately however now I'm so worried that my sister will think I am stealing her thunder.
Im now 7 weeks pregnant and my sister is 11 weeks and has her scan booked for next week.

I don't know whether to tell her before she has her scan ot whether to wait and tell her a few weeks after. We haven't told anyone and I'm so worried about how she will respond it's actually ruining what should be a happy time for us.

Anyone have any advice?

Look at it another way, how exciting for you and your sister to be able to share this journey together and have babies so close in age!
Personally, I would wait until after her 12 week scan to let her have her 'moment'.
Hopefully, everything will be OK and she'll be far too elated to be anything but happy for you too.

Please contain yourselves and wait until you absolutely have to tell her - I mean before you begin to show, so that any anxiety she may experience does not affect her pregnancy.
I’m afraid life isn’t perfect and if I were you were I would suck up the fact that your early pregnancy enjoyment is slightly marred (rather than being “ruined”). Your post almost sounds as though you are blaming your sister. Her misfortune isn’t her fault.
People are so utterly entitled - this phrase that’s being bandied around st the moment “be kind”. What they mean is - take a pinch of it and use it in these circumstances.

Ohh I definately don't blame her at all. We are both very close and I know that she had been having a difficult time which is why we haven't started tying before now. I know her misfortune isn't her fault and I have done as much as I can to support her over the past year and will continue to do so. My post was more supposed to be aimed at doing the right thing for her and making sure I tell her at the right time so as not to cause her any upset.

What @HillieBoliday said. Give your sister a chance to enjoy it, it makes yours no less special, after all, and it’s still so early for each of you.

TBH, if I’d been in your shoes I’d have waited another couple of months to start trying - your husband’s reaction to start trying ‘straight away’ at your sister’s news smacks of over-competitive fecundity to me.

I would wait until after her 12 week scan. Let her have that moment and get through the first few anxious months xx

Perhaps wait until your own 12 week scan? Give her a few weeks of glory?

I would wait until after your 12 week scan and everything is confirmed before you tell her, that gives her time to have all the attention now and gives you time to know your pregnancy is healthy and then you can both get excited together!

Wait until after the scan. I imagine with what has happened before she's going to be really worried and not able to relax until they check everything is ok and give her good news at the scan x

I’d wait for ur 12 week scan cos then that gives ur sister a couple of month of having her excitement

Wait until after her 12 week scan. If all is looking well, tell her once she's had a chance to tell everyone else. Wait to tell everyone else until after she's enjoyed a bit of fuss.

It's lovely to have cousins close in age and she will probably be delighted for you, but give her her moment, especially in light of previous losses.

I definately want her to have her moment. She deserves it after the year she had had. Thanks so much! I think waiting until my 12 week scan would be the right way forward. It's so hard as we are close and normally tell each other everything!

I’ve been in your sister’s shoes. I’d advise waiting until after she’s had her scan and been reassured that all is well with her baby, including blood screening results if those are done at the scan too. It’s lovely that you are being so considerate of her feelings, and congratulations on your pregnancy too!

I was pregnant with my second child at the same time that my sister was pregnant with her first.
I was worried too that she would think I was trying to steal the show, but it actually brought us closer together ; we supported each other and understood each other.
We both had girls and they are so close.
Good luck to you both, don’t spoil your pregnancy joy worrying about something that might not even be the case.

You know her best but would she really think that? I'd love to be pregnant at the same time as my sister, to share the experience and have a cousin so close in age. If anything it means more attention from family - 2x the baby talk, etc.

@WhatWouldPennyDo

What *@HillieBoliday* said. Give your sister a chance to enjoy it, it makes yours no less special, after all, and it’s still so early for each of you.

TBH, if I’d been in your shoes I’d have waited another couple of months to start trying - your husband’s reaction to start trying ‘straight away’ at your sister’s news smacks of over-competitive fecundity to me.

I think some posters are being harsh. You've already delayed your own attempt at conception for the sake of your sisters feelings, if you were competitive surely you'd have got pregnant before her. Even in your excitement your primary concern is her.

If you wait til you're 12 weeks will she wonder why you didn't tell her sooner? I'd prob tell her a few days after her scan but tell her directly not s generic FB post, a reasonable sister will be excited for you, not upset your pregnancies overlap.

Not with my sister but a really good friend at work. I fell pregnant after a year of trying and an early loss. I had my moment to tell everyone but was thrust into lockdown before I could and everyone could be excited for me.

My friend is about 6 weeks behind me and had also been trying for over a year and was more open about it. She didn’t have any losses but the likelihood of her and her DH conceiving was low based on tests they had. She announced her pregnancy several weeks after me and, whilst I am over the moon for her about it, I’m a little sore that she is sharing in my moment. Our pregnancies were announced at work together along with another member of staff. I know that’s unreasonable but it’s how I feel.

OP, it’s great you’re thinking of your sister’s feelings so much. I would definitely wait until after your 12 week scan before saying anything but be aware that she could feel both delighted for you and a little down about sharing the joy.

Definitely wait until her 12 weeks scan, up to you if you wait till yours. Don’t let this spoil your private enjoyment though! In all likelihood, she’s going to be so excited to have someone to go through this with and that you’ll have cousins the same age, and by then she’ll have had a good few weeks of being the focus of attention, it’ll probably be wearing a bit thin.

@WhatWouldPennyDo

What *@HillieBoliday* said. Give your sister a chance to enjoy it, it makes yours no less special, after all, and it’s still so early for each of you.

TBH, if I’d been in your shoes I’d have waited another couple of months to start trying - your husband’s reaction to start trying ‘straight away’ at your sister’s news smacks of over-competitive fecundity to me.

I think this is nuts tbh - OP already put off her own plans to TTC because her sister had a miscarriage. That's already going above and beyond.

OP I'm sure it'll all be fine. Wait until after your scan (unless you think she'll be hurt you didn't say anything).

Don't ever tell her you delayed trying for your second to protect her feelings - she might find that patronising.

It really depends on your relationship and how she has coped with her miscarriage.

I have 3 sisters and in your position I would share the same news with them in very different ways.

One sister I am very, very close to and we share everything. Even if one of us blustered in and mucked it all up, we'd both know the intention was never to hurt. It would have been amazing to be pregnant at the same time as her.

Another sister would outwardly be OK with me telling her, but it would tear her apart and she wouldn't tell me so. So I wouldn't tell her until later.

The other one, would somehow make it all about her and I would not be able to do right whatever I did!

We actually all get on fine mostly, but the dynamics are all very different.

You sound like a lovely person and sister op. Definatly let her have her moment and wait till after her 12 week scan and ant announcement she is planning to do. It’s going to be lovely that your babies are going to be so close in age too x

Why would she think that you are "stealing her thunder"?

Did she know that you were hoping for a 2nd at some point?

She surely doesn't have to know that you put off ttc & then it happened straight away?

With my first we didn't tell anyone until 16wks.

I would wAit until she’s had her scans and knows baby is ok. Hope it goes well for you both 💐

I'm gonna go a bit against the grain here, I would tell her, but only her, sooner rather than later.

If something goes wrong with her pregnancy in the first 12 weeks (god forbid!), it would be all the harder to tell her afterwards. Also, she told you early, it's kind of only fair that you tell her too, then you can be excited together and support one another. Honesty is the best policy in my book...

I wouldn't tell the wider family though so that she can enjoy her own moment of baby chat.

Don't listen to the critics it sounds like you have been super considerate by waiting in the first place and no one expects to conceive immediately like that x

I’m a little sore that she is sharing in my moment just how much attention do you need from the people at work?? And she isn't sharing in your moment, she's having her own.

Totally totally disagree with most responses
You need to tell your sister ASAP.
If she has another miscarriage,you will feel you can never tell her ,and she will be very upset when you do tell her.
Even if you don’t tell anyone else ,sisters should be close ,don’t let this come between you both ,you really really need to tell her .