My feed

to access all these features

Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.


Should I find out the gender?

37 replies

Bettie2192 · 18/06/2020 15:16

Me & my husband have always said we don’t want to find out the sex of the baby and have a surprise when he/she is born (we don’t mind either way, just think it would be a lovely moment to find out at the birth).
But I’m getting more and more keen to know! I don’t know if maybe I’d bond more with the baby whilst in the womb knowing what sex it is? Also I am torn between two wallpapers for the nursery, one I would pick if it was definitely a boy, and one I’d pick for a girl. I know it sounds silly lol but I just want it to be perfect.
Is it worth waiting for that ‘moment’ or is it better to find out? Has anyone else found out and wished they’d waited? Did it spoil the ‘mystery’ and excitement? Or vice versa?

OP posts:
Windyatthebeach · 18/06/2020 15:19

Back when I had my older dc finding out wasn't possible..
Younger ones I found out - def felt more of a connection and it helped the bringing a new baby into the family scenario..
That said I thing a first is nice to be a surprise!!

Franticbutterfly · 18/06/2020 15:19

There are few true surprises in life. Find out when she/he arrives, you'll fall totally in love whichever sex it is.

Also my husband is the one who told me the sex of our first and I'll never forget that moment.

HarrietM87 · 18/06/2020 15:22

The baby will sleep in your room for the first 6 months so you don’t need to do the nursery before they’re born if that’s one of the main reasons you’d be finding out.

I didn’t find out with my first child and have found out this time and can honestly say it hasn’t affected whether I felt bonded at all. I still don’t know anything about my child’s looks or personality - it’s not like knowing they’re a girl or a boy will really give you any insight about them!

Saying that, I thought it would be a really special moment finding out at the birth of my son but actually it was pretty special just having a baby! We didn’t even bother to check at first! I know I’ll be just as excited to meet my daughter this time as I was when I didn’t know my first baby’s sex.

On the other hand, this time I’ve been inundated with loads of pink stuff already (not due til Nov) and I really don’t go in for gender sterotyping so at least managed to avoid that for a bit longer first time round.

It’s a really personal thing - pros and cons to both and no right answer! We found out this time because I thought would make it easier to explain to my first child. First time round I just liked the idea of a surprise.

FizzingWhizzbee123 · 18/06/2020 15:22

I found out. My pregnancies are generally difficult and miserable and knowing the sex helped me visualise the little baby I was going to meet at the end, which was really helpful for me. Also my husband refused to even think about names until we knew the sex as he didn’t want to waste time choosing names that wouldn’t get used!

sunrainwind · 18/06/2020 15:26

Finding out at birth was amazing - my husband told me with our first and we looked together for our second - two of the most memorable and special moments of my life.

Also, I am always so excited to find out what my friends have had when it's a surprise.

Emelene · 18/06/2020 15:27

You can't lose I think. I didn't find out with my first and finding out at her birth was such a special moment.

I'm 20weeks now with number 2 and I really really want to know so have booked a private scan on Tuesday so my husband and I can find out together. Smile

bronzedgodesswannabe · 18/06/2020 15:30

I've done both and much preferred not knowing!!! So much better!
And we decorated the most beautiful nursery... ended up co sleeping for years so it never got used so don't worry about that

Have the surprise, it's amazing!

GoodUserName · 18/06/2020 15:33

I asked the sex and she said she couldn't really tell but it looked like it COULD be a little girl, again reiterating that she really wasn't sure.
I know they have to say they can't be 100% but she looked so unsure.
This wasn't enough for me to go out buying pink but I almost wish she hadn't said anything but we did have a girl.

HarrietM87 · 18/06/2020 15:34

Just to add, if you think you’ll have a second child there will probably be more reasons to find out with the second - telling your eldest child, knowing which clothes you can and can’t reuse, potentially dealing with some gender disappointment if you had your heart set on one or a particular combo.

Whereas with your first those issues aren’t really there, so might be nice to have the surprise first time and then find out the next time.

daylightfading · 18/06/2020 15:35

I'm pregnant with my first and I've always said I want it to be a surprise. My husband agrees and we are going to wait and find out together when baby is born. I think a surprise is lovely

fieldofwheat · 18/06/2020 15:40

I didn't find out for either of my two. First one it was lovely to have the surprise and I wouldn't change it - although it wasn't as planned.... I had in my head this magical moment in which my husband looked first and then told me the sex..... in actual fact I had an emcs, the midwife told me and I then had to mouth it to my husband who was half collapsed on the floor outside the theatre HmmGrin

Second time around was a crash emcs and I was put to sleep. My son was in nicu and I was in intensive care. I remember someone saying it was a boy but I was in and out of consciousness couldn't be sure I dreamt it or not!

Both maybe extreme examples but in hindsight I do wish I'd found out as my 'surprise' moments were hugely overshadowed by their dramatic arrivals and I think it would have been nice to celebrate the 'finding out'

Victoria6386 · 18/06/2020 15:41

I will never understand people who want it to be a surprised.

Enterthedragons · 18/06/2020 15:44

I loved finding out the sex during pregnancy. It was the most fun and exciting and wonderful day in the whole (long slog!) of 9 months. I don’t really understand when people say ‘there are so few surprises left in life,’ as if knowing the sex negates the fact that you are seeing your babies face for the first time, discovering their hair and eye colour and temperament and all the other surprises that come when you give birth.

Chirpychirpy3 · 18/06/2020 15:46

Find out at the birth. Best surprise ever!

squirrelnutkins1 · 18/06/2020 15:51

It's a surprise either way x

MiaNG · 18/06/2020 15:52

I found out at 16 weeks. Was a really special moment that I could share with my partner. In the end I'm glad I found out then as I had a traumatic birth and dont remember my daughter being born that well if at all. I am glad I found out the gender separate to the birth.

Its completely up to you though. I am also someone that likes to be prepared and wanted to know in advance for that reason.

AskingforaBaskin · 18/06/2020 15:54

I've done both and preferred not knowing.
I did have a breakdown in Asda once shouting that I was sick of white. But other than that it was brilliant.
And seeing DH and hearing him tell me was really wonderful.

peachypetite · 18/06/2020 16:02

Have the surprise at birth!

JellyfishandShells · 18/06/2020 16:05

I will never understand people who want it to be a surprised

I didn’t want to know on either occasion - I wanted to meet my babies without any preconceived ideas about who they were. Doesn’t mean I can’t understand that others think differently.

HarrietM87 · 18/06/2020 16:16


I will never understand people who want it to be a surprised.

Bit of a lack of imagination there 🤣
LH1987 · 18/06/2020 16:35

I found out, it really helped me to think of the little girl I was going to meet and made all the horrible bits of pregnancy more worth it somehow because it was for a baby I felt that I already knew.

Also, I am so impatient, I genuinely don't think I could take the wait!

That being said, Im sure it would be a special moment to find out in the delivery room.

IndieRo · 18/06/2020 16:45

Keep it a surprise. I have three children and didn't find out. It's so exciting for everyone to guess and speculate. My sister found out and it wasn't the same when my nephew was born.

Isthisfinallyit · 18/06/2020 16:53

Just found out at 16 weeks. I want gendered stuff, plus that it's surprise enough if the baby is healthy and what it looks like. And there is no way that I'm going to spend all of that time trying to find two names that we both like while I just need one.

cptartapp · 18/06/2020 17:08

My friend felt like you. But finding out for her wasn't the 'lovely moment' she anticipated. She awake groggy and disorientated from anaesthetic after a traumatic birth to try and take in the gender that everyone else seemed to know before her.
I found out both times. It was no less special.

xmummy2princesx · 18/06/2020 17:09

I found out both times and it was still really spexial

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.