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Original poster

Bridesmaid with a newborn / heavily pregnant - HELP PLEASE!

40 replies

Sunshinesoul · 07/06/2020 20:12

Hi All 🤗

Sorry I’m not sure if this is the right audience or place to post my question but really wanted some unbiased opinions.

My friend was due to get married this month but due to covid has moved the wedding to March 2021. My boyfriend and I had always planned to TTC after the wedding this year (I am a bridesmaid and we also had a few holidays booked we wanted to enjoy) but I’m now worrying about what the “right” thing to do is. If we’re lucky enough for it to happen quickly either this month or next then it’s likely I’ll be due a few weeks before her wedding or very heavily pregnant, she has already bought the dresses and there is NO chance of it fitting me if I’ve just had a baby or very pregnant.

I’m pretty open and her and the fellow bridesmaids all know I want to TTC and all reassure me to continue with life and not to put my life on pause for someone else’s special day but I can’t help but worry that people may think “why couldn’t she have just waited a few months”.

We want a family, we’re both early 30’s and of course no guarantees it’ll happen quickly so I could be worrying for no reason whatsoever.

I guess what I’m asking is

  • Has anyone been bridesmaid with a newborn or heavily pregnant? Am I crazy to think I’ll be ok!?
  • Am I being a selfish tw*t!?

Thank you in advance!

OP posts:
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BlueBlazerBlack · 07/06/2020 20:19

I would go for it, March 2021 is a long time from now and I wouldn't be putting on hold plans to TTC that long. It's also worth remembering that it can take up to a year to get pregnant so there are no guarantees you'd have a newborn or be heavily pregnant by then. You could just be a few weeks or even a few months pregnant and still fit into the dress (I didn't start showing until I was over 20 weeks with my first).

Holothane · 07/06/2020 20:20

You enjoy trying and your baby if and when you have them.

Hodge85 · 07/06/2020 20:24

Oh I would just go for it! You can't really plan these things and who knows what's going to happen in the future with this lockdown. You can't delay your life plans based on someone's wedding, I'm sure the bride will be very understanding and happy for you. Like the others have said you might not conceive straight away and you might kick yourself for not trying sooner. I wish you luck Smile x

SqidgeBum · 07/06/2020 20:27

Go for it! Honestly, the likelihood is it wont happen immediately. Even if it does, if your friend is truly your friend she will be happy for you and understand that your massive life plans cant work around her wedding.

2020Aug · 07/06/2020 20:33

If I was you, I'd go for it. You don't know how long it might take to conceive.

I was meant to be a bridesmaid at nearly 36 weeks pregnant. I was about 6 weeks when she booked the wedding, but fortunately she already knew I was pregnant. I was quite worried how exhausted I'd be, but I was still very excited for the day. This has now been postponed until next year, I have the opposite problem as she ordered me a large dress to fit over the bump! Good luck!

Aquamarine1029 · 07/06/2020 20:38

It is ridiculous to put off your life plans for someone's wedding. If you are unable to be a bridemaid, so what? Her wedding will still happily go on.

Original poster
Sunshinesoul · 07/06/2020 20:39

Thank you soo much for the reality check, I know how silly I sound reading it back! X

OP posts:
MRSSGS · 07/06/2020 20:41

Don't put your life on hold for anyone, we waited because my brother was supposed to get married in May and unfortunately he's had to rearrange for next May.
Now due on the 29th (I don't regret waiting) but don't put your life on hold you never know what's round the corner 😉 good luck xx

poozel · 07/06/2020 20:42

You go for it OP. Don't put your life on hold for this.

Agree with all the comments people have made, plus the old life gets in the way scenario. Imagine if you held off and weddings were postponed again, or the bride ran away and got married abroad. What about if they didn't get married? One gets hit by a bus.

It's just got so many variables, you just continue with your plans and what will be will be.

chickbaa · 07/06/2020 20:42

Go for it. This happened to me twice. The first wedding I asked her to choose someone else, second wedding was moved.

No one minded.

BeMorePacific · 07/06/2020 20:45

I was a bridesmaid with a tiny baby. I popped him in a sling during the night do and he slept through it, whilst I danced the night away. x

Bettie2192 · 07/06/2020 20:50

It’s nice that you are thinking about your friend, but in the grand scheme of things being a bridesmaid is not that big a deal. Having the baby you long for is. I was due to be a bridesmaid this August (it’s cancelled now) and I never put my TTC plans on hold.

Elouera · 07/06/2020 20:58

Don't put your life on hold because she 'might' have a wedding next year!!! I started TTC age 32, and am still TTC age 42!!! It may not happen straight away and even if it did, she wouldn't be a good friend if she didn't understand.

IF you were going to be heavily pregnant/new baby at the time, I'd suggest:

  • pulling out long beforehand and buying the dress from her so she isn't out of pocket.
  • Another option might be just doing a reading in your own maternity dress, BUT, this still puts pressure on you to be there and feel up to addressing a crowd with a potentially large bump, newborn and/or leaky breasts.
BabyG123 · 07/06/2020 21:16

I had similar but went for it and said to the bride that I'd understand if she didn't want me anymore just Incase etc. She said don't be silly and was happy so don't panic. Be honest

annlee3817 · 07/06/2020 21:20

My DD was six weeks old when I was maid of honour for my friend and honestly it was fine, I also attended an evening reception when I was three days overdue. Everyone is different and no one can look into the future, but you have to just carry on and if it works great, if it doesn't then a good friend would understand :)

whichteaareyou · 07/06/2020 21:22

I know a few people who have been bridesmaids with a newborn but tbh if you were my bridesmaid I would say it's completely up to you whether you wanted to do it or not and let you decide even on the day if you wanted. A pregnancy is more important than a wedding imo

alwaysinpjs · 07/06/2020 21:22

I was bridesmaid at 39 weeks - had no idea if I'd have a newborn or just be heavily pregnant. I offered to 'step down' but the bride was ace and was happy to go with the flow.
I made it through the whole day and was one of the last standing. I paid for it the following week though and was exhausted!
Baby arrived at 40 + 3!

mable88 · 07/06/2020 21:30

You just never know what will happen - I had a similar problem last year as I was asked to be a bridesmaid in June, fell pregnant in February and was panicking when we had the dress buying session as I didn’t want to say anything but also didn’t want her to waste her money on a a dress that wouldn’t fit, sadly I ended up losing the pregnancy a week or two later. I fell pregnant again pretty quickly and so was actually a few weeks pregnant again by the time the wedding came around but it wasn’t a problem as it was so early so had no impact on the dress. As it turned out, that pregnancy was not viable either and ended about a week after the wedding. I am now 29 weeks pregnant, it took us the best part of a year of trying to end up with a successful pregnancy. I’m not saying this to try and scare you, more to illustrate that things can take time or happen really quickly and you should so what is best for you and your partner - hopefully your friend will be supportive and if not then she’s not a very good friend! One of my bridesmaids told me a few months before my wedding she was pregnant and she was about 7 months on the day - dress wise we just worked something out!

PulpHorn · 07/06/2020 21:43

I've been a bridesmaid with a newborn. The bride was fab and made sure I had somewhere to go feed/rest (the dress wasn't breastfeeding friendly). It was a great day and DD just slept through it

oliveroses · 07/06/2020 22:26

One of my bridesmaids was about 35 weeks at my wedding. It was totally fine! She was more worried about it than I was. She offered to withdraw (because of the photos I think!?) but I told her not to be daft Smile

Applesandlemons · 07/06/2020 22:31

I’m 30 and currently 20 weeks but prior to this I ended up going through some fertility investigations with my partner. Luckily we have now naturally got pregnant but we weren’t using contraception for nearly 2 years prior to this.

I used to always think you could “plan” a baby but I’ve realised life isn’t like that and a quick pregnancy can happen but it’s not something you can count on.

You should go with what feels right for you, if it takes you longer TTC than you thought at least you won’t feel like you’ve delayed things. Weddings are one day of the year, kids are for life!

Carabu1 · 07/06/2020 23:01

From a purely rational pov, you only have a 20% ish chance of conceiving per cycle even if everything is perfect - could easily take up to a year, or more. So I would just start TTC and cross the bridesmaid issue if and when you get to it. As lots of people on here say it depends on so many variables, and you just can’t plan for every eventuality! If she’s any kind of friend she won’t begrudge you for having a baby!!

Ariela · 07/06/2020 23:12

A friend of mine was unexpectedly pregnant and didn't know it when the dresses were bought and had the baby before the wedding. She couldn't fit the dress, but bought a new one in a bigger size and had a sling hand made from the fabric of the first to carry baby, and a shawl made with some of the fabric and another fabric (wasn't enough to do both sling and shawl) as it was an autumn wedding and weather could be chilly Oh and baby had a hat made with a band of the fabric. Looked fabulous in the photos, esp the ones of her DH carrying baby in his suit with the tie and buttonhole matchy matchy with the sling & baby's dinky hat. Baby got in a lot of the photos looking cute (just started smiling)..

SephrinaX · 07/06/2020 23:36

I was bridesmaid for my sister at 38 weeks pregnant and it was totally fine.
I didn't actually wear a maternity dress either. I had a empire waisted one in the same colour as the other bridesmaids. Which meant that I didn't have to worry about my size changing too much! Just make sure you've got flat shoes!

Bridesmaid with a newborn / heavily pregnant - HELP PLEASE!
CoolNoMore · 08/06/2020 03:46

I was eight and a half months pregnant at my sister's wedding. She was just happy I could come, because, you know, she's not a terrible person. As it turned out, the other bridesmaid was pregnant too and my sister looked like she had a bodyguard either side of her 🤣

It did help that my Mum was making the dresses, so chose a style that would work for us and did the final fitting days before the wedding. Empire line dresses all the way!