Is this girl ruining her and her baby's life?

[TeenyQueen]

My DH has an apprentice working for him, a nice girl and good worker but not very driven. She was supposed to sit exams to achieve her qualification before Christmas but she's deferred them indefinitely because she hasn't got round to studying for them.

As lockdown happened the business had to close, the girl ignored the rules to travel to the guy she has been seeing for about 6 months a couple of hours away. Now she's told DH she doesn't want to come back to work because she's pregnant and living in a new town. DH has made a full risk assessment for the girl and has reassured her that the risk of exposure to covid would be minimal, she would basically be answering the phone or replying to emails etc. Basically if she refuses to come back she might be sacked or she'd have to go on unpaid leave indefinitely, which will impact on her maternity pay.

Baby's dad is apparently staying in the UK illegally (East African) and we think she's been supporting him financially. I can't personally get my head around it, she doesn't have a permanent home at the moment, pretty soon she may not have an income, she doesn't drive, hasn't achieved her qualifications and I seriously doubt she'll achieve them once she has a child to look after.

I mentored her at work, DH has been really supportive and generous with her and she actually had a chance to achieve something real for herself. I just feel gutted for her and the baby because she won't have much to offer for her child if she can't sort out her own life first. Of course she can be a great mum, and many mums living on benefits do an amazing job with their children, so is she now destined to live on benefits?

It seems really clear to you and to me and many others that this sounds like a great opportunity for her, but there are a million reasons why she might not be in the right place mentally to embrace it right now, suggesting she could be ruining her and her baby’s life seems a bit extreme. You’ve supported her and done what you can, now just respect her decision and let it go.

What has her GP signed her off with?

She seems really happy about the pregnancy and we do wish her the best

And to that end you thought you'd publish a very detailed and identifying account of her private life on the internet along with your personal judgements of her ability to parent her future child, so that others could join in with you?

Right. Sure. I always do that when I wish people in my life well.

She sounds like an idiot and is probably wasting the one good opportunity in her life but it really is none of your business and you sound way too over invested.

To be honest If she does quite then it sounds like your husband has been lucky as I can’t imagine she’d have been a good reliable employee in the long term.

It also means that it'll be harder for him to find work here if she does move back at some point. A PP poster said you can't work in the UK illegally or rent a flat, but come on, as if that's true. The Home Office estimates there over a million illegal immigrants here.
A bit contradictory, no? So he will find it hard to get work but 1 million immigrants live here so obviously somehow they survive? Do you know why he is an illegal immigrant and how his case is being handled? Because that varies too but you see to know everything about this woman

This is a person who normally spends over £100 per month on her phone,
How do you even know this about an employee? And she doesnt seem to have been with your company that long? And how much does she spend on her underwear?

he's got nothing to show for it, no qualifications, no education past GCSEs, no significant work experience
You said she has mental health issues. Perhaps this is the reason she was - in your words - nothing to show for it? Perhaps taking care of her MH, her pregnancy, and her nosey employer's wife was too much?
I am not sure whether this is coming from a place of compassion. It seems you are very controlling OP. You dont even know why she didnt tell you she was pregnant (But then perhaps you were tracking her ovulation and sex life too so this caught you by surprise. Since you know so much about her)
Back the f off. Please. For your sake and for her sake

OP I think you're on the wrong forum. The mumsnet pregnancy forum generally has threads for pregnant women (and their partners etc) to discuss pregnancy symptoms, preparing for birth, birth stories, baby care, breastfeeding, that sort of thing. Everyone is super lovely and gives each other helpful advice and reassurance. It's been a genuine joy and lifesaver to me throughout my pregnancy.

It doesn't sound like you need any pregnancy related advice. You're just judging a pregnant woman for not wanting to work for your husband any more. I think this thread should be deleted or moved to aibu with the other ranty pointless threads there.

You could even set up a YABU/AIBU vote on there and see what happens.