Good comebacks to people asking for another baby?

[carlablack]

Married for 5 years, 14 weeks pregnant here. This pregnancy is a very well planned one and we're not having anymore kids due to our financial situation.

These past 5 years we received so much pressure to have kids. Some of these people were complete strangers to me. Some relatives went so far as to give me a long speech on how contraceptive methods caused fertility issues and should be avoided...

These people are silent and content now that I'm finally pregnant. But I know that as soon as this baby pops out, I will have to answer an overwhelming number of "When's the second one coming???" questions from all kinds of people.

I need good comebacks. I want answers that shut them up for good. I don't want to have to defend the choice we made for our lives. Have you been subjected to this kind of nosy behaviour? How do you respond?

A steely frown and "None of your business".

I've never been asked any of that in my life. Are complete strangers really that invested in whether you have kids or not?! Hard to credit, tbh.

I haven’t really had people ask, there will be 4 years between my little one and the next one. So I’m sure lots of people have wondered.
I’d probably just say, my family is complete. xx

Used to wind me up so much...l desperately wanted a 2and but went I to early menopause so couldn't but had loads of people asking me when l would have another. Just used to say been told l can't have more that soon shut them up. None of their damn business but you are right OP, people will ask!

Always tempted to say "DH stopped wanting sex after the first" to shut people up...

'I got my tubes tied when I had him' shuts people up quite quickly.

I get asked occasionally still now if I'm having anymore. My youngest is five. It's mainly by very well meaning people who have never met my kids or didn't know me when I was pregnant.

My MIL asked me the other day if my partner and i were having anymore....im 37weeks pregnant with our first!!
I said I've no idea why? " ah just so i can get my head around if this is my last grandchild"

I tend to adopt a smug face, sigh, and say something like "When you get it right the first time you dont have to keep trying". Most people are left baffled as to if I'm taking the piss.

It's just so bloody rude and intrusive to ask anyone this, but it happens all the time. There are all sort of reasons why people have no kids, one, several, loads... none of which are any body else's business. Makes me stabby! It's also just so bloody insensitive. There's sometimes a tragic backstory and why should anyone have the right to be picking at the scars of someone they don't know? It's hateful. I hope you're cool enough to tell people to mind their own business. I never was. If it's any consolation, once your kid is about 10 people seems to get the hint and stop asking.

I go for "we could discuss this, but only if I am also allowed to quiz you on your health, sex life and finances in return". It kind of helps people to understand that actually the "when are you having a baby?" question is actually really personal.

My daughter is nearly 3 and I get this all the time from friends/family/acquaintances/if I'm chatting to people in shops...

My response is always "when hell freezes over" lol

Why do you feel the need to reply to any of these ignorant sods?
Just tell them it's your body, your choice.

i do find it quite strange if youve been asked by total strangers, and also i can imagine it being annoying if youre asked repeatedly by the same person. However I feel like people ask almost just to make conversation, not to be deliberately rude or nosey. I don't think people are that invested in your personal life, its just chit chat.

Bit different if you aren't pregnant/have any children, and if there are personal reasons why it can be an uncomfortable subject, but even then people are not being malicious, and it will not have been asked in a 'hateful' way.

We have one daughter and want a second, have been trying since she was 8 weeks old (she's 15 months now), in that time we've experienced 3 miscarriages, which some family know about, so when others used to ask if we will have anymore or "so when you giving your daughter a sibling?"

I'd turn around and say- "when my body stops being shit and destroying the ones I give it" then I explain we really try and have experienced nothing but loss 🤦‍♀️ thry stopped asking pretty quickly after that! 😂

We are currently pregnant again, only 7 and half weeks and only my parents know.

Depends on my mood.

Sometimes I tell them I went for quality not quantity.

Sometimes I tell them I had an awkward birth and my vagina was sewn up.

Sometimes I tell the truth (which is that I lost my second).

Sometimes I just blank them.

I say, "we would have loved to, but I had two miscarriages and then DH got a brain injury. And now I'm probably too old." Which is true, so maybe not right for you.

You could just try, "I don't really want to discuss it." Or look outraged and say, "Do you always ask such personal questions?"

Honestly I now reply with the things people have said to me. I have a 17 month old daughter, and she's the only child we're having. (I'm currently on the coil, dh having the snip asap)
So now when someone asks 'oh it must be time to be thinking about baby number 2 surely'
My blanket response 'no thank you, I'm a very selfish mean person who doesn't want to inflict another child on myself'
And yes that's things that my family have said to me 🤦🏻‍♀️
I just think it's rude, nobody knows why you're only choosing one baby, or two etc. It's annoys me when they feel they have a right to tell me that I need to have another. I've also been told it's unfair on my child, she's going to need a sibling etc.

If you are happy with your decision why do you need a comeback?

After my first my in-laws kept rudely asking when I was having another. I would always just ask them why? What's wrong with this one? Are you saying she's not enough?

Oh cringe, this reminds me of my husband asking his cousin and his wife why they 'only' had one kid. The cousin went into a passionate response about how one was PERFECT and that only ABSOLUTE IDIOTS have two kids and they would have so much more money to spend on him. He then tried to convince us not to have any more kids and it all got a bit strange. His lovely wife, who I know had a 'difficult birth' ignored them both.

My husband is great, really, but totally oblivious. Anyway, that response shut him up.

That question was very rude of your husband. But most people think it is due to secondary fertility so your cousin's response only makes people think that even more. That's why I think if you are content with one arguing too much just sounds like you are desperate for more.

OP I found it got worse once I had my dc. It’s like having a baby just opened up flood gates. Not from close friends or colleagues, but from acquaintances, like other nursery parents, neighbours or shop staff etc. Some were weirdly inquisitive. I remember a neighbour with 3 young children asking why I was leaving it so long to have my second. She really wanted an answer and was obviously baffled when I eventually told her about secondary infertility/failed IVF. Then inevitably told me to ‘relax’ and it would just happen

@MittensTheSerpent oh I wish I could say that...so tempting.

@Thisismytimetoshine The most awkward one was my father's friend shouting at us "Got any kids??" You're really lucky to be surrounded by people with common sense.

@BeMorePacific I wish that would end the conversation but I know it won't

@Fishfingersandwichplease This is why it bothers me so much. Some people go through tragic losses trying for a baby. Some people are told they're never going to be biological parents. One can never know, maybe the woman they asked lost their baby the day before! Maybe they're preparing for a divorce instead? You never know what's going on in a person's personal life, so why dig your nails into someone's wound?

@MinesAPintOfTea Ha, wish I could say that

@Fatted A local celebrity woman here expressed how she was unable to have kids and asked her followers to stop asking. She started getting really mean comments about how her husband will leave her for another. "I got my tubes tied" response might result in similar reaction and I could totally lose my s&%t and break their heart. People CAN be cruel unfortunately.

@Zoey92 That's interesting so we're never immune to such questions. I wonder what she'd do if it's her last grandkid; throw a party or what?

@NotDoinNuffin I like that one, took the note. You are absolutely right. People don't go around asking others about their father or mother in case they lost them, so why they feel ok to ask about kids?

@thetoddleratemyhomework Honestly I don't think they would get the hint, because awww, it'll be soo cute and tinyyyyy!! Some people just don't understand that it's not a puppy dog we're giving birth, it's a real human being!

@ItsMischerWavy I'm gonna try that one :)

@SpillTheTeaa Although that's the right answer, people would think I'm forcing my husband to have one kid only and get defensive on his behalf. Trust me I had such convos before

@Valentinx Having children is not a conversation starter IMO. People need to understand that. Every time I was asked about when I would concieve I felt defensive and uncomfortable, as if I was asked how often we're having sex. Literally the same thing. No matter how you look at the question ,even if it's not ill intended, the damage it does is there unfortunately.

@EllieJai44 I'm so sorry you went through this. You have all the patience I don't have

@TheLightSideOfTheMoon I like the "quality over quantity" one!

@JustaScratch I love your answers! Noted!

@Pebblexox I like that one actually! Hearing that from your family must be awkward though

@SiaPR Because people keep pestering me with the same question if I don't shut them up somehow.

A fun one for the older group who may ask say 60+ would be to answer with a question and say 'When are you having yours?' They will probably answer with 'Oh no i am too old' you could then say 'Dont be ridiculous, there are many clinics you can try, how about surrogacy? or adoption?' Hopefully this will put them off asking the question to anyone else

@JoanieCash THIS is the real issue here. when they don't get the answer they like, they keep dragging you. It's not just a conversation starter most of the time. Also, I think it's even more offensive when people give their medical advice just like in your case. Do they think they know you better than your doctor?

I like that one actually! Hearing that from your family must be awkward though

^^
The first few times I was just shocked, but after that it got annoying 😂
I know most of the time they mean well, but its so tiresome when you realise they don't respect your decision. Honestly they're just expecting us to announce it soon I'm sure, and I can't wait until dh has the snip so we can just be like. Yep never 😂