Anyone found out gender but not told their husband you know?

[SneakySally99]

Sneaky I know! But... has anyone found out at the 20wk scan and kept the fact that they knew from their husband? We are are having number 2 and cause of Covid will be having the scan alone and I’m so tempted to find out as I have a bit of a gender preference and I think it will help me to find out. My husband wants a surprise like we did with the first.

Also does anyone know if you do find out at your 20 week scan if gender is recorded anywhere in your notes? That would scupper my sneaky plans!

Gender wasn’t recorded in my notes at 20 weeks, if you want to know then find out. I would! Just practise your shocked face for delivery day 😂

I don't think they record it anywhere if it's based off the scan as it's not 100% guaranteed, but I could be mistaken.

I don't think it's recorded. I was always asked if I knew so you could just say no.

Hehe no way could I keep that secret for another 20 weeks! :) I'm terrible at keeping secrets if they're nice ones.

For heaven's sake, OP, there's no need for all this cloak and dagger stuff. You want to know, he doesn't. Both perfectly legitimate. So find out at the scan, if you're in a trust which allows telling you, and tell him you did, but will keep it a secret. Then just refrain from hanging around pink or blue babygros and winking suggestively at IT'S A BOY/GIRL cards etc for the rest of the pregnancy.

I wanted to find out DS' sex at my 20 week scan and my then DH didn't.

We agreed he would go out of the room and the sonographer told me.

I had to keep it a secret of course because it wouldn't have been fair on DH had anyone else known.

I'm a bit confused as to why you would not tell your DH you intend to find out, though?

How will you keep it a secret? Will you really avoid buying any sex specific clothes or anything?

Thank you everyone!
I guess I don’t want to tell him I want to know because I’m ashamed of the reason I want to find out which is gender disappointment based. Had none of this with our first and a surprise was wonderful - I’m quite shocked with my own strength of feeling on it and I just wouldn’t want to admit that to anyone I knew in real life.

We didn’t know with our first so have plenty of gender neutral clothes for the first few months so wouldn’t be buying anything obvious.

I do know it’s silly really but wondered if anyone else had done it? And it doesn’t look like it!

It was recorded on my scans but I was with one to one.

I’m ashamed of the reason I want to find out which is gender disappointment based.

No need to be ashamed it's not as if it's that unusual. Why not be upfront with your husband about this, too? I think you're being sensible in finding out the sex of your baby (or at least having the radiographer make an educated guess) that way you'll have worked through it before you give birth, and be ready to bond with your little boy or girl and wonder what you were making such an internal fuss about 20 weeks earlier.

Best wishes, either way.

I couldn’t do that to my husband. You’ll probably find it impossible to keep secret anyway.

Haha I love this idea, it's like yours and the baby's little secret xx

3DC, sex never recorded with NHS. Even when we went through fetal medicine as sex was t relevant to the condition that baby was being monitored for.

The sex of my baby was recorded on my outcome form at my 20 week scan.

@Neap thank you for such a kind reply

My Auntie found out with both of hers but my Uncle didn't want to know. He knew that she (and us) knew. It did seem a bit strange sometimes referring to the baby as 'it' or 'them' to him when we knew it was a she or he

Just practise your shocked face for delivery day 😂
You know you'll get one or the other, why would anyone look shocked?! Unless it turns out to be something else entirely which is most unlikely...

I found out gender and my husband didn’t but we discussed it beforehand

I slipped in some mentions of the wrong gender to make sure he got the surprise he wanted. He thought this was me slipping up so was completely convinced we were having a girl. When he was handed a big old boy he took a while to adjust....

If you want to know find out OP. It’s normal to have a sex preference and lots of people struggle with ‘disappointment’- or the fear of disappointment which is what you actually have at the moment.

My experience for what it’s worth... I had a strong preference before I knew but as soon as I found out (it was the opposite) I genuinely felt the most amazing sense of happiness and relief! It was bizarre. I’ve never wished mine was the opposite in real life- although I was convinced (but ashamed) that I would.

And what if it's not the sex you're hoping for? Are you going to be able to hide any disappointment and act happy when you show your DH the scan picture?

@CharmerLlama if it’s not the sex I’m hoping for but all else is healthy, I will absolutely count it as the blessing it is and be happy when sharing scan pics with my husband.

It’s a slightly strange one I guess - I had a parent die since having my first child and just love the idea of this child being the same gender so I could give them their name. So it’s more coming to terms with not being able to do that really than the sex overall - not sure if that makes sense.

It does say on the printed record of the anomaly scan whether it’s male or female! But you could just ask them not to confirm on the system :)

I tried this, and it lasted a day. My dp was "disappointed" that I told him and that it wasnt his preferred gender. However I'm glad I told him

@Alychloe I’m pretty sure it doesn’t. I’ve never had anything recorded on mine. You keep your own notes so if you didn’t want to know and it was recorded there would lots of people annoyed. Also they won’t say with 100% certainty what sex the baby is due the possibility of being wrong.