Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

for all expendant mums, do you know the sex of your baby?

68 replies

misdee · 11/10/2004 19:24

i dont. part of me wants to find out so i can prepare, but part of me doesnt want to know.

For all of you that do know, why did you choose to find out, and was your partner ok with finding out?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
aloha · 12/10/2004 10:23

Congratulations on your girl Angeliz! And Misdee of course on your baby. I really thought I was having a girl this time - even bought some pink clothes before the scan (madness!). Dh also thought so and said so. Of course it could just be coincidence as it is 50/50 after all, but we were equally convinced that ds was a boy before the scan. I am rather thrilled to have one of each, and am relishing the shopping opportunities presented by a girl though of course, I would have been delighted with another boy if he turned out half as wonderful as ds. It's just names I'm having trouble with. the choice for girls is so much wider. It's almost all dh and I talk about these days. I think, if, like me, you are the kind of person who vastly prefers anticipation to surprises, would rather plan your honeymoon in detail than be whisked off to a secret location (my idea of hell, actually), would rather pick your own caterers than have a suprise party, want to make your unborn baby more real as a person to you, and think that is more important than the 'it's a girl/boy' moment, then I'd say find out. If you are the opposite of me in those aspects, then maybe don't. It's not a moral decision, after all, just do what makes you happiest.

aloha · 12/10/2004 10:25

I'm also very impatient and very nosy! I couldn't bear not to know.

strawberry · 12/10/2004 10:28

We didn't find out about first child, DS, but am pg now and plan to find out this time. 12 week scan has suggested boy but obviously difficult to say for sure. We thought it would be easier to explain to ds if we knew whether brother or sister. And DH wanted to know 1st time but I said no so only fair his choice this time. DH says you're either the sort of person who looks behind the wardrobe at Christmas or someone who likes surprises!!

Girly · 12/10/2004 10:36

We found out with dd and ds, now with this one I thought it would be nice to have a surprise, dh thought otherwise and asked at the 12 wk nuchal scan, the consultant said it was a boy which surprised me as I was absolutley positive it was a girl.

Anyway we had our 20 wk scan yesterday and yep its a girl! dd is over the moon and ds could'nt care less I do not mind either way although I am looking forward to buying pink stuff again!

Now begin the rows over names....

bunjies · 12/10/2004 10:47

Didn't find out with ds or dd but this time round I really want to know. So will ask at my scan this afternoon.

Mog · 12/10/2004 11:31

I've never wanted to know the sex before hand, but I posted on here recently about 'accidently' seeing the sex of our recently born third baby during the 20 week scan. It was a really clear picture and we could clearly see 'boys bits'. Sure enough I had a boy but I have to say it took some of the excitement out of the wait for the birth and the labour. Would definitely not want to know before hand.

Twinkie · 12/10/2004 11:48

Found out with DD and now have with DS - I don't think for a minute that it takes anything away - as DP said last night whilst leaning on my belly - it is going to be such a surprise although he is only an inch away - meaning that our baby will be a surprise no matter as he is a new little person who we have not met before!!

DD was naemd and talked to before she was born always using her name and so had DS been - I think the moment that they come out and hand them to you and you look in their eyes you feel like you have known them forever anyway!!

Momof2 · 12/10/2004 11:52

We found out at our 20 week scan - and are glad we did as DD was dreadfully disappointed and cried! If we had left it to the actual day don;t think we would have soped with a stroppy 8 year old and a new born so at least we have time to deal with it for her. She seems much better now btw and even has started refering to the bump as he.

woodpops · 12/10/2004 12:37

Dh wanted to find out with our 1st but I said no. I was then admitted to hospital at 36 weeks with pre-eclampsia and had an emergency scan. Dh still wanted to know and I was past caring so said OK. THey told us they thought it was a little boy but it was alot harder to tell this far on into a pregancey. We didn't tell anyone and sure enough it was a boy. With my 2nd pregnancey we chose to find out as our 1st was only 7months old when I fell pregnant. We felt we needed to be more organised with the 2nd especially as she was due at Christmas. Yet again we didn't tell anyone. I came out of hospital Xmas morning and all the family were amazed at how we could have gotten a pink babygrow with dd name on it. THey were gobsmacked when we told them we'd known what we were having!!!!! But they were all glad we hadn't told them.

MarsLady · 12/10/2004 12:42

I decided to find out the sex of my twins. I had already had four surprises: one boy, two girls and then twins. Really glad I did. Got a brother for DS and another sister for DDs. It was lovely to plan with big three and stopped DS moving out in disgust at thought of four sisters. LOL

Flossam · 12/10/2004 13:46

I found out and I'm glad I did. I've got things sorted a bit more than I would of otherwise and it has made everything a lot more real for DP, he can't wait for the arrival of his little baby boy!

Phoebe25 · 12/10/2004 14:54

I chose to find out the sex at my 20 week scan. Im a single mum to be (although he was at the scan) & wanted to prepare myself seeing as i'd be doing most of it alone.
I was over the moon to hear i was expecting a little girl & i feel it's made my pregnancy a much happier & more positive experience considering it wasnt planned at all.
Plus the NEXT sale was on & i couldn't wait to start buying pink!!
Unisex beige is sooooo boring!

PicadillyCircus · 12/10/2004 15:10

We didn't find out and I'm glad we didn't; although I wanted a girl and DS obviously wasn't!

Flossam - I'm glad to see you're around - hadn't seen you around for a while and was a bit worried something was wrong.

bakedpotato · 12/10/2004 15:12

btw, just saw my midwife and she said she would put a big notice on my notes saying we definitely don't want to know the sex...

bundle · 12/10/2004 15:18

bakedpotato, that reminded me of when i was having dd1, a registrar we saw said "and do you know the sex?" and when we said no thanks, she shut my file on her lap without even looking down, very speediy

bakedpotato · 12/10/2004 15:29

it does feel a bit luddite, saying 'no thanks' when everyone else at the hosp, incl guy in newspaper kiosk, knows what you're having
poor old DH, yet another of my executive decisions...

aloha · 12/10/2004 16:07

BP, being a bit of a nosy old control freak, that's what I couldn't bear, the thought of other people knowing but I didn't!

codswallop · 12/10/2004 16:09

a you are neded ont he charities thread

steppemum · 12/10/2004 16:34

I really didn't want to know first time, and had no feelings about it being a boy or a girl. I secretly wanted a girl, because I know lots of girl babies, had lots of clothes from them, and I knew how to handle baby girls. My dh wanted a bot because he is the eldest son of the eldest son etc, and he thought it would be cool to continue the tradition. When ds arrived though, it was SO irrelevent whether or not he was a boy or a girl. I can't explain it, but it was just that this person, this personality complete with likes dislikes, character etc had just arrived in our midst. It was so emeeting this little person, and it seemed so natural that he was a boy. I am not sure I would have felt that way had I just found out from the scan, I might even have been disappointed, which when it came to it I wasn't at all, because I was so overwhelmed with this beautiful, beautiful boy.

This time I'm tempted to find out, but only because I want know if it is worth knitting pink cardies in advance!! I know when he/she arrives it will be the same as ds. The person overrides any feelings about the gender. if you see what I mean.

bakedpotato · 12/10/2004 16:43

aloha, the odd thing is that i AM a total control freak usually. surprise birthday party = my idea of hell etc etc

i've been lying on my couch, analysing this. i think by deciding not to find out, i am in some ways wresting back control from the docs, who obv expected me to want to know

it's like saying yah-boo-sucks to them

and steppemum, i know exactly what you mean, too (lovely post btw) about it not mattering on the day. and i think part of not wanting to know is not wanting to say goodbye to one of the possibilities right now when i'm pg. when the baby's there, really, who cares? it's not like you've lost anything, you've got a BABY, fgs.

beckswith3 · 12/10/2004 16:57

baked pot - same as, I am a real control freak but didn't find out with both DS' and am now due again in 2wks, its exciting everyday wondering 'what will it be'. I guess its the excitment for everybody else as well, at least I can tell them the sex, name and weight once he/she arrives rather than just the weight. Also worry that if I did find out would I be gutted that I knew and hadn't had the patience to wait. Only 14 more days and I'll know....

Aero · 12/10/2004 22:33

We found out with all of ours and it didn't detract anything from their arrivals - I felt so bonded with them by the time they arrived - kind of felt I knew them a little. We kept it to ourselves though and didn't tell anyone else what we were having, therefore not spoiling their surprises IYKWIM. That was hard - not letting it slip, but we did it and it meant we still had 'news' to tell people when they were born.

Aero · 12/10/2004 22:34

ps - I'm not pg - just liked this thread!

beckswith3 · 13/10/2004 09:43

Aero, I'm impressed that you managed to keep it to yourselves, if I found out I'm not sure I could keep quiet, it's a long time to not say anything!

Pidge · 13/10/2004 09:51

Yes, Aero, very impressed at your control. That's one of my reasons for not finding out, I would never be able to keep it to myself and then everyone would want to know the name we'd picked and it would be like the baby had arrived before it had even been born!!

It's funny how people seem to have a gut reaction on this one. Either you really want to know or you really know you don't. Even though I can explain my reasons for not wanting to know I can see that they're not particularly logical and certainly no more valid than someone else's reasons for finding out in advance.

Swipe left for the next trending thread