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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

for all expendant mums, do you know the sex of your baby?

68 replies

misdee · 11/10/2004 19:24

i dont. part of me wants to find out so i can prepare, but part of me doesnt want to know.

For all of you that do know, why did you choose to find out, and was your partner ok with finding out?

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Snowbell · 13/10/2004 10:01

We asked to be told the sex at 20-week scan. I have to say it did spoil the surprise a bit and with hindsight it would have been better not to know. Also as we were told it was a girl, I had to keep in mind that they could have made a mistake (hiding bits!) so didn't feel it helped me bond. I think knowing the sex is more appropriate with 2nd and 3rd babies, to prepare you. My sister had one DS, then with her second pregnancy convinced herself it was a girl. When he was born she was in disbelief that it was another boy. She must have realised then that she had really wanted a girl and if she had known all along that it was another boy she could have prepared herself and avoided the feeling of disappointment and guilt at feeling that way.

collision · 13/10/2004 10:16

We have found out recently. Am due in 6 weeks. I found out because there are 4 grandsons in our family and no girls and I wanted to prepare myself if it is a boy for comments like 'Oh well never mind.' If anyone says that to me THEN I WILL PUNCH THEM ON THE NOSE!! I will be delighted either way whatever it is and as Twinkie said it doesnt take away the surprise as it is a whole new person to get to know. We have named it and ds is so excited that it is coming soon. He told me this morning (he is 2.5yrs) 'Mummy, when Baby ...... comes I will give it milk and cuddles and buy it a present'

I have no regrets at all about finding out and we havent told a soul either.

beckswith3 · 13/10/2004 10:26

as this one is no3 everybody keeps saying 'you must want a girl this time' aahhh. I think it is a girl but if it is a boy then great, 3 boys would be cool but am I secretly hankering for a girl? I think I'll be over the moon whatever I have.

webmum · 13/10/2004 10:43

I've found out with both of them, as I just liked to know, since it's possible, I ahven't even considered not founding out.

It's a surprise anyway, it's not like you can change, and it helps with names and imagining the baby, and choosing outfits that are not white.

In hindsight I don't think it spoilt the experience a bit and when she was born, I was so relieved everything was ok, the sex was the last thing on my mind, and meeting her for the first time was just as beautiful, and it felt like I'd known her already!

Aero · 13/10/2004 11:50

We also kept all the names we were thinking of - esp our favourites to ourselves as we didn't want any negative reactions to them and a possibility of putting us off! As it was with Ds1, he was named the day he was born and it just sort of came to us!! It wasn't anything we'd thought of! Dd's name was chosen when I was a child and that never changed! Ds2's name gets a little more reaction as it's rather old and Biblical, but so far all positive and these names are becoming more popular now again!

woodpops · 13/10/2004 15:40

We kept our name choices to ourselves as well Aero. Like you we didn't want any negative responses. Especially for our boy name which we really loved and is a little unusual. Luckily 1st born was ds and we announced to friends and family the safe arrival of our little boy by his name. People never comment on whether or not they like a name once the baby has arrived. Not even my mother. Shock horror!!!

wishingchair · 13/10/2004 20:00

IMO this is one of those subjects that people have strong opinions about. We did found out and it didn't spoil anything ... you've just given birth to a beautiful amazingly precious baby, how can the simple issue of you knowing it's a boy/girl spoil that?????!!!!

I have actually got quite upset of people's attitudes when I have answered their questions and said that we did find out ... "I can't believe you found out! We never wanted to do that. We wanted the moment to be special". It was the most incredibly special moment of my life - how dare they dismiss it because I knew I was having a girl!!!!!

Rant over. As you can see, this hit a nerve!

Personally, I would find out again, however I respect everyone's choice and would never question them.

Angeliz · 13/10/2004 20:08

wishingchair that's what i think
I didn't with dd but i have with this one (found out-anotherdd). I can't even contemplate how it would spoil seeing my babys face for the first time!

Tommy, i bet that was more torture for her than for him though!!!

Bubu · 13/10/2004 20:19

Which scan can they tell the sex at? I'm only 9 weeks pregnant and am thinking about asking but I know 2 people who were told boys and they got girls?! Does anyone know how often they get it wrong?

Angeliz · 13/10/2004 20:21

Bubu, they tell you here at the 20 week scan. You have to sign a form to say you understand they 'could' be wrong and they'll only tell you if they're pretty sure.
There's always a chance, i think that's why they stopped telling you at my hospital. They've just started again now.

blueteddy · 13/10/2004 20:24

I thought that it was the 20wk scan that they could tell u 4 sure.
I do not know what the success rate is, but I recently watched a birth programme(Babes in the woods) where the woman was preparing 4 the girl that she was told she was having & then gave birth 2 a boy!

Angeliz · 13/10/2004 20:26

the sonographer told me that it' possible to get confused with the position of the cord, and also for a boys bits to be very well hidden!

Original poster

misdee · 13/10/2004 20:31

i didnt ask today. the sonographer was too busy trying to get measurements of babies head and didnt really look at that area. dont think she would've told me anyway.

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006 · 13/10/2004 20:42

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fufmum · 14/10/2004 14:44

I dont think anyone is really allowed to say 100% either way but when i had my private scan i had someone in my home for over half an hour doing my scan and i was 23weeks pg. She said that policy didn't allow her to say 100% but if i had a girl she would be the funniest looking girl ever!
So i guess at the hospital as you only get a few mins to see it is harder really. I am pretty confident that i am having a boy as we saw quite a few times and i have it all on video. I don't think anyone does REALLY mind but i know i was swaying more towards a girl as my parents already have 2 grandsons, i think if i had waited till i gave birth there would have been a little bit of me that was disappointed. I have had pleanty of time to get used to the idea i am chuffed to bits i am having a son
As said before by someone it's all personal preference i don't think there is a wrong or a right way, it depends on each individual!

littlemel · 14/10/2004 22:37

I wanted to find out, as I was kind of hoping for a girl, and although it sounds awful, I know I probably would have been slightly dissapointed at the actual birth to hear the words "it's a boy" so I wanted to know before hand, so that my first moments with my baby werent ruined by my own selfishness. I found out at the 20 week scan that it was a girl, although the hospital said that it was only a 70% chance that they get it right. However at a later trip to the hospital, one midwife told me that they hadn't actually got it wrong there for 5 years, and they werent supposed to tell you either way if they themselves werent 100% sure - it is just to cover their own backs they say 70% chance.
I am really glad I found out, as we could stop referring to the baby as "it" and it definitely helped me bond with my baby before she was born. My inlaws didn't want to know the sex though, which made things quite difficult as we had to be really careful what we said, and even forgot to mention the fact it was a girl when we called to tell them she had been born, as to us that was irrelevant seeing as we already knew!!

steppemum · 17/10/2004 15:49

wishing chair, I hope you didn't think I was suggesting that the birth wouldn't be so special if you knew the sex, not at all, and I am not remotely against anyone finding out the sex, (we might do it with this pregnancy) What I was saying is that until I gave birth I hadn't realised how irrelevant the sex would be, because this person is so much more than just "girl or boy." To me (and not necessarily for others) I think I would have been disappointed to know the sex in advance, whereas when he arrived it just seemed the most natural thing in the world that we had a boy, and he was the perfect fit for our family. So I guess I'm saying that it can work both ways, you can either need time to get used to the idea, or it can be (like for us) better to get a surprise when the baby arrives, because you're never disppointed with the real thing!

I am interested that so many people decide definitely on the name before the baby is born. We had chosen a girl's name and a boy's name, but they were definitely provisional, I thought when we met the baby we might decide that the name was totally wrong, and choose something else. As it happens we decided the name was perfect and he was named within minutes of being born. My brother took 6 weeks to name their daughter, and then had to make a decision in order to register the birth!

blueteddy · 17/10/2004 16:04

I found out the sex of ds1, but was told shortly after that he had a multicystic kidney which kind of spoilt the moment 2 say the least.
He is fine now, but is left with only one kidney.
When pregnant with ds2, I was so relieved that all was well at the scan that I didn't even think to ask about the sex!

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