Grandparent Gifts or Contributions?

[ml01omm]

Hi

FTM, going into 3rd Trimester. DH and I are trying to make sure we have all the baby bits ordered and sorted.

In speaking to my friends to get recommendations and brands and whatnot - they have all mentioned that their parents either ended up giving them money to put toward a more expensive item, or buying them a moses basket etc, or asking if they could be the people to buy the first sentimental item ( e.g first blanket, or first teddy etc).

It was only after those convos that DH and I realised that neither of our Parents ( for both sets this would be first and only Grandchild) have offered to contribute or buy anything for us.

Just to note - we certainly don't expect them to, or feel entitled enough to assume that they have to contribute anything at all!

It just got me wondering whether my friends parents were being overly generous and ours are being normal, or whether our parents are being a bit stand offish, and our friends parents are being normal.

Just interested to know what the scale is like out there!

What were your experiences in terms of your and your partners parents buying gifts for your first child?

We actually sent a head and started buying things pretty early when we saw good deals.

My mum ended up buying our Moses market which doubles as a travel cot (£100 in the sale), but she works a minimum wage job and £100 is a lot for her. I never expected it, never asked or implied, but she wanted to.

We don't know the sex of our child but I expect when baby is here she'll be going mad on clothes etc

my parents aren't in a financial position to help us out. i expect my mum will try tp pick up some little bits and pieces, bottles or sleepsuits or something but tbh i will understand if she doesn't. i know that 100% they would if they could though.

my in laws are retirees so also don't have cash for buying big ticket things, but my MIL is very excited and does a lot of knitting & sewing - she's making quilts for both babies from a pattern i chose, and is making lots (and lots) of clothes and blankets and things. she bought us a tommee tippee microwave steriliser which was thoughtful but unfortunately too small for our microwave and i wanted the fancy electric one (which my brother has bought for me).

tbh i think we'll end up with a lot of stuff we don't need / want from my in-laws, but i am grateful for the enthusiasm!

we've had secondhand clothes from friends, but aside from that and the steriliser from my brother, we've bought / are buying everything ourselves. my poor savings account is a bit shellshocked.

My parents bought the pram. My maternal grandmother bought the car seat and my paternal grandmother knitted the most beautiful and perfect blanket, it is large enough to be a shawl and was so lovely I almost didn't want to use it but I know how much effort and love went into it and so I did use it for its intended purpose and it was so good I used it almost non stop for the first few months and it will be brought out again in a few months for baby number 2. Heck my aunt and uncle gave my DS several lovely outfits and a play mat that my mum had made for my younger cousin 18 years previously!

My MIL didn't buy anything pre birth but did turn up with some lovely thoughtful gifts after DS was born and is always picking stuff up because she thinks he would like it. There is no lack of love, but I'm an only child and my husband isn't so MIL almost has more grandchildren than she can count on her hands and she can't be spending hundreds on them all. My parents only have me and so won't have so many grandchildren so could afford to splash out a bit.

I am aware that I have a generous family. I didn't expect any of it. I'm pregnant with number 2 and thus far have had no offers but then I still have all the stuff from last time!

This has made me so sad.
It has reminded me how disinterested my mil was, and how cold my sil.
My parents couldn't afford much, but their love and emotional support was priceless. Still hurts after 30 years.

I am now a grandma and great grandma
When our first grandchild was expected we asked son and DIL if they wanted any help as both on low incomes.Of course they said yes please so we gave them enough money for nearly everything for the baby.
We were not so generous when further children arrived as we felt we had done enough.We provided lots of baby minding when we could, that meant more to them than expensive presents
I held back when first great grandchild was expected, just waited to be asked as there of course were grandparents buying stuff
For my own two I got very little from my parents.My mother told me what sort of pram to buy, but did not put her hand in her pocket so I ignored her advice and bought the one I wanted.To be fair on her, I had two sisters having babies at the same time so things were a bit overwhelming for her.My MIL contributed nothing.
When second DC was born my mother bought a thermos flask to keep the night feed warm.Just before I left the hospital I asked MIL to get me a packet of formula and a small washing up bowl which is what I used as a baby bath for the first few weeks.She came in the next day with both items then mentioned the cost and put her hand out for the money.
All relatives are different, it would be boring if all the same.

My parents put money towards a pram- though my mother was rather shocked at how expensive they had become. My in laws didn't do anything (it was my parents first grandchild though, my in laws had five others already).

When I announced that I was pregnant to my mum he reply was "can I buy the pram?". I think it's normal for parents to contribute. In laws contribute a lot less than my mum however but in general they are not big gift buyers.

My parents have died. Inlaws drive my slightly crazy at times but they are lovely really, and MIL in particular very excited as she’d given up on grandchildren (we’re old for first time parents!).

We never spoke about gifts or anything, apart from MIL telling me how her MIL had totally taken over so she felt she didn’t get to choose anything herself. We’ve just bought the pram/car seat/travel system and DH mentioned it to mil - not expecting anything just to tell her some ‘news’ (not much else going on in lockdown!) and MIL asked how much it was and said she’d pay for it and would give us what it had cost, unless there was something specific we wanted her to buy instead. I think she hadn’t wanted to bring it up before as she hadn’t wanted to be seen as interfering. We’re very grateful it really helps at the moment as I’ve lost most of my income and DH and the savings have taken a battering lately.

A friend has sent a sling she used for her little ones, and some clothes, and another family member has passed on a mountain of clothes, bouncy chair and a playmat/baby gym thing. We’ve been offered some nursery furniture from DH’s friend too, though it’s not really my style but I should probably get over that!

Not sure where the random ‘and DH’ came from there - he hasn’t taken a battering lately, the savings have

This is interesting!

We have received a generous amount of cash from my parents, which more than covers the travel-system they offered to buy, and in-laws are paying for the car seat - they are not in such a good financial position.

It definitely wasn't expected and I didn't know how normal this was - in fact, I've been a bit embarrassed to tell some of my friends, especially those who had babies younger than us!

I think people of our parents' generation perhaps feel a bit sorry for us, as they had the 'comfort' of being baby-boomers, small mortgages etc - my parents certainly always seem to want to help on these occasions, even though we are middle-earners (or were before Covid!).

P.S. What's this nursery furniture everyone is talking about?! We have a Chicco crib for the bedroom, but didn't really think much else was necessary furniture-wise, especially not yet...

I think we were very lucky, my parents bought pram & car seat, in laws got us the furniture for the nursery x

Had first DD at 14 so everything was bought by my parents. DD2 and DS were in my early 20s and I bought everything myself.

My mum gave me money for a buggy for DD. She is quite careful with money and seldom generous so I was surprised. We didn't really need her to as we were both on decent incomes at the time but I think some parents do feel invested in the grandchild and this is their way of showing it.

First grandchild on both sides due any day now. Neither set of GPs have bought / contributed anything (I didn’t/don’t expect it) and I don’t expect they will really unless we specifically request a certain gift or whatever, which I’m not really inclined to do.

We’re not big gifty / sentimental families

Mine parents didn’t give a gift or item. But while my dc were babies and I was off in maternity leave they would deposit a couple of hundred pounds in my account every few months.

My mil would gift us clothing/blankets/nappies/gift card etc whenever she saw us when they were babies also.

My parents and MIL all got us big ticket items which I think is completely normal. Certainly in my circle.

DF got us a monitor, a really good one, but that was it prior to birth. Once DS was here he and my step mum bought us a load of clothes and lots of helpful things for their house. MIL got us our pram and car seat. DM got our moses basket, travel cot, countless clothes, toys etc. She went a bit mad but it was her first GC bless her.

I am pregnant again and am not expecting anything this time round! We can resuse a lot of stuff thankfully.

My mam n dad bought the pram and in laws bought the next to me crib!

My dad gave money for us to choose a pram and gave DD a rattle and such. PILs gave us a bin bag of used and dirty junk including cot bumpers and broken clothes in size 18-24

This is really interesting to read with so many views!

When we told my parents at 13 weeks, my mum said to my dad he should buy the pram! This is our first and only child and their 2nd grandchild. My mum has gone crazy buying things on her weekly lockdown trip to the supermarket - little clothes, blankets, nappies etc etc. My dad just packs at the till 😂 they are very excited though and I'd never take that away from them. We've also had a few chats about non clothing things that we'd like to pick/have a say in and they're totally ok with that. They are very generous and not as well off.

My husbands parents seem excited as they were keen to share our news etc, they'll ask how I feel, but other than that all that's been suggested to me is to take a look in the local Jack & Jill market when things open up again after covid. Money isn't really any object so it just shows how people are different. We're not fussy if anything gets offered to us.

We've also had friends offer us cots and various things which is incredibly kind and we'll be taking up some of their offers once we're closer to sorting out nursery etc

Xx