Grandparent Gifts or Contributions?

[ml01omm]

Hi

FTM, going into 3rd Trimester. DH and I are trying to make sure we have all the baby bits ordered and sorted.

In speaking to my friends to get recommendations and brands and whatnot - they have all mentioned that their parents either ended up giving them money to put toward a more expensive item, or buying them a moses basket etc, or asking if they could be the people to buy the first sentimental item ( e.g first blanket, or first teddy etc).

It was only after those convos that DH and I realised that neither of our Parents ( for both sets this would be first and only Grandchild) have offered to contribute or buy anything for us.

Just to note - we certainly don't expect them to, or feel entitled enough to assume that they have to contribute anything at all!

It just got me wondering whether my friends parents were being overly generous and ours are being normal, or whether our parents are being a bit stand offish, and our friends parents are being normal.

Just interested to know what the scale is like out there!

What were your experiences in terms of your and your partners parents buying gifts for your first child?

Hi, currently 36 weeks and my MIL has bought us quite a few cute outfits and my parents have bought nothing but Im sure they will get us a small gift such as clothes when she is born.

Maybe its because we are a bit older (32 and 34) that it wouldn't be as expected to get anything big.

My parents bought us the travel system (approx £400) and the in inlaws got us the cotbed and mattress (approx £200). Both great and lasting us through to the second child

Also FTM - my parents have offered to buy our pram/travel system and in laws are giving money and have bought some clothes and little bits and bobs already. I think it's pretty normal for grandparents to want to buy something significant but obviously what that is will vary a lot.

My parents have done this, offered to buy the travel system. Not sure if we'll take them up on it though, they use money as a form of control.

I’m due next week. My parents have not offered to buy gifts at all :( they also didn’t give a wedding gift either. My dad also said he is NOT visiting the baby because he doesn’t like the US which is where we live. He has never been to the US. My mum is not financially comfortable however but my dad is.
On the other hand, my In laws have been fabulous. They wanted to visit as soon as baby is born. We advised them not to cos of the virus until later. They want to set up a bank account for baby and trust fund.
My husband and I have had to buy everything for baby due to no baby shower at the moment ! We have spent about $3000 so far.

For us, one set has bought the pram and the other has bought the cot. Both said from the start that they’d like to buy a big item each.

I think it’s hard to compare as people have different financial situations. If money was tight for either set then we would never have judged them for not buying us anything.

Betsy-what about the ones that can afford it?

My mum brought our baby - my first and her first granddaughter a Moses basket when she was a month old.

Never gets used as by then dc used to sleeping elsewhere. Will come in handy for dc 2.

No reason for the delay, I think she wanted me to say something and when I didn't she finally offered the gift. Wish she hadn't bothered tbh.

Parents and parents-in-law offered to buy pushchair and car seat.

They also bought us a load of new baby essentials incl nappies, nappy sacks, baby wipes, baby grows, sleep suits, pram suits, Muslims bibs blankets etc!

Sister bought flowers and biccies.

So for context, both sets of parents are retired, not rolling in it by any means, but generally baby boomer generation 'comfortable' ( own their own homes, pensions are enough for them to be able to buy food and pay house hold bills without worrying, go on holiday abroad once a year).

I think whats given me sudden pause for thought, is that on usual "milestones" they have given us something, and been very adamant and upfront about letting us know in advance about them wanting to doing so. So when we bought our first house, they were vocal about wanting to buy us a nice mirror for over the fire place. When we got married, they insisted from the get go, and repeatedly told me, that they wanted to buy my dress ( which they did do).

They aren't one for surprises, as they are of the generation that doesn't like to waste money - so when they give a gift of any sort, or plan to give a gift of any sort, they are very upfront and vocal about their plans, as they don't want to end up buying a duplicate of something we already have,, so they like to make sure its something we haven't already bought, or someone is already planning to buy and run it all past us.

Thank you - its a really interesting read to hear everyone's different experiences.

My parents sent a few gifts . My husbands parents gave us a generous amount of money to buy a stroller and nursery furniture. We weren’t expecting it and had budgeted to buy it ourselves .

My mum paid for our nursery furniture. Which was a big expense. My in laws gave us money when little one was born. My dad didn’t buy us anything big.
I hadn’t really thought about what they gave us. I’m expecting baby #2 and don’t expect anything. Although hopefully in laws will give us cash again! x

My mum is the only one who's ever bought anything big really, she loves babies and I was a young mum first time round (still am I suppose).

This time she has bought the buggy, bouncy chair and Moses basket as I gave mine to my sister. She's just lost her job due to covid though so I'll be giving her a bit of money towards it all even though she insists she doesn't want me to.

She's also bought all of her grandkids their first Clarks shoes too. My mum had twins first though and I think because of that my grandparents helped her out a lot so she just enjoys being able to do the same for us.

My partners parents haven't really bought anything big mainly little outfits or amazon bits, honestly in would've preferred the money spent on these bits to go towards a big item though. They hadn't long stopped having kids though so we got a few of their old bits last time. My dad and stepmum just got my son an outfit when he was born like everyone else.

I think it just depends really

My parents gave us a generous cash gift and (extremely loaded) in-laws gave naff all.

I don't know why anyone wouldn't, if they can afford it

My mother in law bought our pram our first and second. I'm now pregnant with our third and she's asked if we need anything but I've got most things second hand this time around.

FTM here too. My dad and his partner gave us a generous amount of cash towards getting our bathroom re-done when I announced the pregnancy (the only house stuff we need sorted), which was unexpected and unfortunately we haven't been able to get it done because of lockdown but can hopefully sort it while I'm on mat leave. They've also sent us a Ewan the Sheep.

In-laws insisted on buying our travel system, and I managed to get a great deal on a M&P travel system that included a car seat.

My mum hasn't said anything about contributing to anything big, but she has sent a couple of baby outfits. She lives in FL, which complicates helping out with purchases, and has always been a bit of a scrooge anyway, so I haven't mentioned my dad or in-laws contributions or asked her for anything. We don't need the help so I'd rather she do what she wants to do, rather than feels any pressure from me.

I'm 27 weeks, my parents have bought us the travel system and nursery furniture. DPs dad is on his own and not as well off so not expecting anything as he gave us £500 when we moved into our house a few months ago

We asked what they needed and bought one of the bigger price items. I also spent almost the whole nine months putting together a mum and baby hamper - baby clothes, nice toiletries for baby AND DIL, toys, lots of homemade knitwear -cot blankets etc nappies, muslins. Lots of little treats for DIL - things she couldn't have whilst pregnant such as a small bottle of prosecco, nice choccies and biscuits. Bio oil. Just lots of stuff in a nice box that she still uses as dgc wash bin now.
When I had my dcs my mum bought us a few bits of clothing and lots of things like cot sheets and was very helpful when DC was a newborn - she would come and do housework and help me out a few days a week . MIL managed to buy an outfit. To this day she's never quite managed to congratulate dh on the birth of his firstborn who is now 31 years old!

My Grandparents gave us a cash gift and a beautiful keepsake for each of my DC.
Mum and SDad bought lots of clothes and Moses basket for Dc1 and when Dc2 came along a year later they asked to buy the double pushchair.
Pils bought clothes for both DC.
Sil bought a steriliser.
Wider family and friends bought play gym, bouncy chair etc.

My DM bought us our Travel System which was quite pricey, and DHs Parents bought us DCs entire Bedroom Furniture - all of which wasn't expected but they insisted!

My in laws very kindly got us the bedside crib. They also got themselves a cot, bouncer, high chair and pram to keep at their house - much more expensive versions than the ones we had! (2 years on my son is yet to do an overnight) My mum doesn’t have much money but she came to stay shortly after the birth and looked after me and that was worth more than any present.

I think it’s a lovely thing to do if that’s what both you and the parents/in-laws etc want to do and are able to do.

Personally, I’ve always had a bit of weird issue with people spending money on me (I love to give gifts, I just don’t like to receive them 🙈) so I’m hoping that nobody offers any help but if they do then I’ll be politely declining their offer. I’m ok if they want to buy some kind of sentimental gift for the baby but I’d rather pay for all the expensive things myself.

My in laws and my parents have already had a conversation about which one will buy the pram and which one will buy the nursery furniture. They’re very excited

My mum bought my pram, in laws bought the cot, bedding ect. Both bought lots of clothes and other bits and pieces too but they wanted to give us something 'significant'.

My parents brought ds his cot bed an went halves with me for dd prams as she was second baby so had all essential items from ds