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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Family staying in house after baby is born....Anyone else?

45 replies

Duesept20 · 17/05/2020 20:57

Hey everyone!

This is really random but thought I'd ask here. My family are 200 miles away from me, and have now started talking about "coming to stay for a few days at a time" when the baby is born.

The thing is, our house is tiny. I run a business at home and have moved my workspace out of the spare room for it to be the babys room. This means my desk and shelves are now downstairs, in our tiny living room.

My family have said that it's ok, they can "sleep on an air bed in the living room or the babys room" but in order to accommodate this I'd have to remove the coffee table from the living room, dismantle it and put it in the garage.

My partner is taking 2 weeks paternity leave and then my family are talking about coming to stay after that.

I dont do well with people staying in the house, because its too small and if I want my own space I have to literally shut myself in our bedroom. So the anxiety of this is worrying me more than the thought of labour 😂

Anyone got any tips for how to manage guests in the house after a baby born, when you find it stressful? I dont want to upset everyone by telling them to stay in a B&B 😐But I also dont want to go totally insane at a time that's already going to he difficult. 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:

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Selfsettling3 · 17/05/2020 20:59

Tell them no it won’t be possible.

HelloDulling · 17/05/2020 21:00

You just have to tell them they can’t stay. Tell them now, so you can stop worrying about it.

Sittinonthefloor · 17/05/2020 21:03

Manage it by not not doing it. The baby will presumably be in with you for 6 months tho, so they could in that room but it sounds very stressful all round.

crazychemist · 17/05/2020 21:04

Tell them no. Explain that you don’t know how your newborn will sleep and the crying will be disruptive to everyone and you want to be able to pace around the sitting room/wherever if necessary. Be extremely thankful of their kind offer and organise a B&B for them so they can get more sleep at night - you could phrase it as a favour to you, explain that if they are well rested they might be able to take baby out for a bit so that you can have an afternoon nap etc.

Basically, say whatever you think will convince them not to stay! I can’t imagine how I’d have felt having relatives to stay after my DD was born, although my DMum did pop in every other day (she lives round the corner), but always having texted me first and offered to e.g. bring round some frozen lasagne, come out for a walk with me (I struggled to push pram to start with as it felt like someone had dislocated both my hips for the first 3 weeks!)

bluestarsatnightfall · 17/05/2020 21:06

If you really want them to visit put an air bed up in the nursery. Little one will be in with you. Could you pack up your office whilst your on maternity leave?

Sexnotgender · 17/05/2020 21:07

God no, I’d hate this. They need to stay in a hotel.

Rainbowchampagne · 17/05/2020 21:08

No way! Even if they are helpful and will cook/clean during their stay, you won’t be able to “entertain” them. They will be in the way when you want to crash out when the baby is sleeping etc. Are you planning on breastfeeding? If so I would use that as a reason, you will need to bond with your baby and establish flow without people staying in your home

Mc3209 · 17/05/2020 21:08

I've got exactly the same problem. My family live in another country and want to come to stay with us for my labour (ie they want to pick me up from the hospital). Spare room is being converted into nursery and the other room is an office with no furniture one can sleep on. They also want to stay on the airbed.
To be honest, I really don't want guests immediately after I give birth. I don't know what state I will be in, and I would love some time with just me, my husband, and a baby to bond together.
It's all done under the flag of 'helping and seeing the baby', but they never visited before, so there will be a lot of 'where do you keep that' and 'how do I make this work' type of things. Also I will not be able to relax, it's still guests in the house. My husband cooks, so that aspect is covered without outside help. I've asked them to stay at a nearby hotel, which my mother got offended at.

Windyatthebeach · 17/05/2020 21:09

Send them link to air B&B. You will be nurturing a new born not playing bloody hostess!!
End of chat imo.

SecondStarFromTheRight · 17/05/2020 21:09

Just say no. Don't find ways to accommodate them by disrupting your life with a newborn. They will be just as helpful to you visiting from a local B&B or hotel for a few hours at a time.

LH1987 · 17/05/2020 21:10

Agree with the PP, just tell them no (I will be doing the same). Maybe point out that you will be using the sitting room for night feeds etc and it just wouldn't work. Plus with the desk and shelves there isn't even room for an air mattress.

You would love them to come though and maybe they could rent an Air BnB close by.

Gemma0711 · 17/05/2020 21:10

@crazychemist it's mostly my Mum that's wanting to stay, which is why it's so hard. I'd like to see her, but even an overnight stay is a push for me because I have chronic migraine, a business and now a baby on the way and my mum is very different to me....my mum has MS so she cant really sleep on the floor even though she says shes going to, she wont be able to come for a walk and she wont be able to do any lifting for me either. I'd like to see her, but I dont know how I feel about having her and other family stay for days on end on such a small space. I'm not sure I can cope with a newborn, chronic migraine and having to make lunch and dinner for someone else and be a host 🤔 it's all a bit overwhelming.

HavelockVetinari · 17/05/2020 21:11

Tell them you're not up to hosting, and it would be much easier for you if they could stay elsewhere. If they insist they're selfish.

Mc3209 · 17/05/2020 21:12

I think labour and post partum is the time to be selfish. Do what will suit you best.

Windyatthebeach · 17/05/2020 21:15

Tell them ASAP or you will stress about it until labour day...

Mc3209 · 17/05/2020 21:17

@crazychemist that's nice way to argue it, thank you. I will definitely be rolling that out next time I have to have that conversation again.

Frlrlrubert · 17/05/2020 21:18

My parents stayed in the nearest travel lodge. I didn't want them there 24/7 for days on end when I was in pain, bleeding, and trying to adjust to having a newborn.

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 17/05/2020 21:26

Definetly not!! We ended up taking it in turns to sit on the couch with DS asleep in our arms for 4 months and did so much pacing up and down the hallway with a wailing child. That would have been hell if people had been staying, but maybe that's just that I get really stressed about DS waking others up and worry people will judge my parenting based on how 'well' I can parent my child and get him to sleep.

I know that's not a thing, but it stresses me out!

frogsbreath · 17/05/2020 21:27

Don't let them do it. My parents did this to me, they are divorced so came downstairs ten days at a time each and it was hell. They ruined that time for me. I always advise women with this problem to not allow it.

At the absolute most they go to a travelogue, absolutely insist nobody is to stay in your home. You need to relax. You can't have houseguests at this time. They can visit for periods of the day but need to give you time to yourself, and never stay overnight.

Gemma0711 · 17/05/2020 21:30

@Frlrlrubert This gives me some hope haha! The issue I have is that my Mum has MS and is at home all day alone, so shes got herself really excited to come and stay with me, even though I usually only see her twice a year! I have chronic migraine, and like to try and stay busy through my 5 migraines a week, but my mum just sits and watches TV all day. I dont know what shes actually going to do. But I know she'll be mega upset and I'll feel mega guilty by asking her to stay in a hotel. She also cant drive all the way down here so she would have to get on a train, which means if she stayed in a hotel id have to go and get her every morning 😭😭 Its not ideal on anyone to be honest. I dont really want anyone here when my husband gets back from work, because that should he our time together as a family. But it's hard when parents live so far away and cant just pop in 🤷‍♀️

Nowisthemonthofmaying · 17/05/2020 21:30

When are you due? It seems unlikely that family visits of any kind will be allowed for some time,given the situation. People are currently being advised to self-isolate with newborns.

No way you should have family to stay if you don't want them anyway, it will be stressful for you and may well cause difficulties bonding, establishing feeding etc. If you're worried about telling them could you say it's advice from your midwife? You do need to put your foot down now though.

Gemma0711 · 17/05/2020 21:32

I've just realised my replies are with a different username 😂 I am the OP btw 😂😂😂

Gemma0711 · 17/05/2020 21:34

@nowisthemonthofmaying I'm not due until sept, so my mum/sisters are thinking theyll be safe to come. I have said that I'm making no plans until the baby is born and cant guarantee anything, but they seem to already be really excited even though I've said they may not be able to stay.

DamnYankee · 17/05/2020 21:35

Nonononono.
Hotel! Air BnB!
Tell them now so they get "used" to the idea...

StillWeRise · 17/05/2020 21:38

yes, what are they thinking of?
no one can travel and stay at other people's houses

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