Am I ok to tell people after the 10 week scan?

[MrsVParker]

Hi Everyone,

I have a scan on Saturday and I hope it all goes ok. I’ll be 10 weeks.

Do you think it will be ok to tell family then? I have seen a heart beat at 7+5, do the odds of anything going wrong drop a lot at 10 weeks?

Thanks for your kind advice.

I don't see why not. I know that week 11-12 are vital for development so that's why 12 weeks is seen as 'the best time'. But I told family after my 8 week scan and close friends after my 11 week harmony test.

I've had a missed miscarriage as well so I know things sometimes don't work out, but they are unbelievably rare.

After ten weeks I'd do what you want and if that's tell people go for it ☺️

Congratulations!

Firstly, you may tell people whenever you wish. As you've seen a heartbeat already, you know you have a live foetus.

While you're unlikely to have a miscarriage after 10 weeks, it's not impossible. I guess you might want to ask yourself how you'd feel telling those you'd told you were pregnant that you no longer are - some want all the support they can get, others prefer to be more private; neither is right or better - it's up to you.

Its up to you, but I didn't tell close family (other than our parents) until 14 weeks. After the 20 week scan was all clear, I then didn't keep it a secret - but I didn't tell people as such.

@bathorshower
I guess you might want to ask yourself how you'd feel telling those you'd told you were pregnant that you no longer are - some want all the support they can get, others prefer to be more private; neither is right or better - it's up to you.

Totally agree with this - I was definitely in the 'private' camp, hence why I didn't tell anyone earlier on, or offer the pregnancy up as news.

What scan are you having at 10 weeks? That's too early for the 12 week combined test to check NT measurement. Is it the NIPT scan? Can I ask how old you are and if you've had other pregnancies?

You can tell people whenever you want. Its a personal thing. Some people would want support if things didn't go well, others wouldn't want to have to explain over and over if things did go wrong. My 1st pregnancy showed trisomy 13 on the NIPT at 11 weeks- I also had an early scan showing a heartbeat. A few days ago at almost 10 weeks I MC, and also had a scan a 7.5 weeks showing a heartbeat. I realise its not common to have multiple MC's.

Its really up to how you and partner would feel? I was SO close to telling close family last week when I hit 9 weeks, but in hindsight, very glad I didn't. I'd planned to wait till either NIPT or 12 week combined scan.

Thank you for being so helpful. I don’t think we will tell friends but I would like to tell family. It’s so hard to keep it a secret! My husband doesn’t talk too much about it so it would be nice to tell my mum and sister. I just don’t want to curse anything as it would be difficult to tell people if it went wrong. When did you all tell your family?

Agree with those saying to think about whether you'd want those people to know if the worst happened. Maybe you'd want their support? Or maybe you'd prefer to keep it private?

You won't jinx anything by telling people though.

@Elouera I am having a private scan and the harmony test. I’ve not had any pregnancies before. I am 32 as well. I’m really sorry to hear about your loss, I had no idea how common they were until I joined here. I’ve been very nervous and do worry this will happen also as I’ve got very little symptoms. Sorry again

We told our parents as soon as we knew. We had the MaterniT21 test at 10 weeks, got the results at 12 weeks, then told our siblings etc at 14 weeks. They were all asked to keep it to themselves until the 20 week scan was done (and clear).

You won't curse it!

Sorry to be depressing, but I lost my first pregnancy at 11 weeks. No one knew and in some ways that made it harder. Second pregnancy I told more friends very early on as I knew I'd need their support if anything happened but all has gone well so far (currently 28 weeks so 🤞).

OP, it's a totally personal choice when you want to tell people! If you're feeling good about it and want to tell people, go right ahead, pregnancy is a wonderful and happy time.

Lots of people want to be cautious too, until say the 20 week anomaly scan, we held off until all those checks were done and we got the all clear.

Congratulations and all the best for your pregnancy xx

@MrsVParker- Congrats BTW. With my 1st loss, I waited till we'd had the NIPT results too. That time also, I was SO close to telling close family before we'd had the results. Best of luck, and I'm sure things will be fine xxx

Thank you, the news says one thing but my mouth wants to do another!

@KnobwithaK sorry to hear of your loss at 11 weeks. My logic was if we saw a heartbeat at 10 weeks the odds were very rare it wouldn’t then work out. Is this not the case or were you just very unlucky?

Yes the risk is very low. Also it doesn't completely disappear at 12 weeks (or 16, or 20..) and obviously you've got to tell people at some point!

Not sure how accurate this is, but it gives some idea
datayze.com/miscarriage-chart

Congratulations on your pregnancy btw - I really don't mean to bring you down!

@KnobwithaK you havent brought me down at all. To be honest I’m surprised with the lack of excitement I have, I think it’s self preservation I’ve wanted a child for a long time and can’t believe it’s happened. I’m worried something will go wrong so trying to distance myself. My husband is so chilled and can’t understand my worry, to be honest I can’t either. Aren’t you meant to be super happy when you find out I’ve just been a bag of nerves yet we are both fit and healthy. I hope you get some good news soon

I told work at about 5 weeks and family not until 16-17 weeks. It's personal preference. I quite liked having it as our little secret.

We told close family and best friends at 4w2d... however we had just gone through IVF and knew we would want their support if it didn’t work! everyone else was 13w after official scan. It really is a personal choice though, congratulations x

do the odds of anything going wrong drop a lot at 10 weeks?

Not really. They drop at seeing a heartbeat and then I think it's just a gradual decline. I've not told my extended family yet and I'm sat waiting for my 20 week scan. However, I told my mum at about 5 weeks. There are no hard and fast rules.

My mum lost a baby at 13 weeks. Theres a chance of loss at any point of a pregnancy and I guess you'll need to tell them at some point.

I thought the placenta was not fully developed until 12 weeks, so losses in weeks 10-12, when the placenta starts to take over providing nutrients, were actually more likely?

@SiaPR that is just not true.

The odds drops as each week goes by and seeing a heartbeat at 10 weeks with a single pregnancy gives you a nearly 99 percent chance of taking your baby home.

At 10 weeks the probability of not miscarrying is 97.5%.

datayze.com/miscarriage-reassurer

You can add your information into there, OP. And it personalises the odds for you. Of course, I don't know if it includes stillbirth risk and it probably doesn't include fetal anomaly and TFMR. Some pretty nasty anomalies can be uncovered at either of the two scans.

@MrsVParker its also incredibly rare to have a missed miscarriage. And I had one at my 12 week scan so I actually have been through it. So I researched it so much with this pregnancy and they don't happen in 98 percent of cases. Mumsnet completely skews ideas about how common they are. But just remember how many babies are born every week in the UK. Thousands.

Miscarriages are more common but again the vast majority are between week 4 and week 8.

By week ten with a strong heartbeat and then week 12, your percentage it up to 99 percent which actually pretty much stays the same then throughout the pregnancy. So week 12 and week 35 are pretty similar statistically because they take into consideration still births.

When you are pregnant whatever month you are in it is never 100 Percent that your baby will be ok.

But telling people will not change a thing.

Its like others have said about whether you'd want support or people to know. I didn't tell anyone other then people here and one friend. And I wish I had. Pretending everything was ok after spending nearly three months pregnant, like I was ashamed of what happened or something. I would never want to go through that again.

But everyone is different of course

We told people from the very beginning, partially because it was IVF and I couldn't hide it but also because I knew we would have needed the support. Especially once I had seen an actual baby moving about at 10 weeks, it would have been impossible to hide our grief if we had lost it.

Also, without being doom and gloom, pregnancy never guarantees you a live baby. You can lose your baby at any time for any number of reasons. The odds after a heartbeat are VERY low and they get lower every day but (and I definitely don't recommend doing this!) if you google any number of weeks and miscarriage, it brings up women's stories of loss. I've found myself swinging between "we can't celebrate this baby in case I lose her at 18 weeks" to "she's here now, let's celebrate where we are today and deal with tomorrow if it happens".

So this is a long rambling way of saying - your odds are very very good at 10 weeks. They'd be even better at 12 and even better again at 20, 34, 40.... but it is never guaranteed, so if your instinct is to celebrate now, then do so congratulations on your pregnancy xx