Genuine question about pregnant women enquiring about partners at scans/wards

[Lalla525]

Hi all,

I have a genuine question for people hoping their partners will be allowed at scans/ in the post natal ward soon.

Aren't you worried about other peoples partners being there as well (and thus increasing your risk of getting covid)?

I am going to a lot of appointment myself (high risk pregnancy) and will stay in the antinatal ward for weeks alone before birth and then in the postnatal ward a few days if baby has problems. It will be boring and awful. However, I am so glad I won't be exposed to other people's partners that I am happy to do it on my own.

My partner is currently WFH and isolating with me, but he could be a key worker. An asymptomatic one. Would you be happy for him to visit me? If not, why are you hoping partners will be allowed there?

Hi,I presume you're enquiring about the thread I started earlier so I'll give you my perspective.

I'm having a c section,never had one before,am worried about being able to move/pick up the baby etc. My hospital have assured me that they have enough staff to help but I know there is a shortage of midwives. I also know quality of care can vary greatly. I also think,if my partner is allowed on the post natal ward for a few hours afterward to help me in the first few hours when I can't feel my legs,it will free up staff.

Now,the question of am I worried about other people's partners being there? Well,yes. But I'm not advocating for them letting everyone back onto the ward if it's not safe. There are ways to do this that minimize infection. I know my hospital used to have 6 beds on a bay,they now have 4 to ensure social distancing measures. I know hospitals are telling the birth partners,they can come onto the ward,but they can't leave to go to the toilet/get food. Once they leave,they're out. And that's understandable.

I know PHE sent out a letter last week to hospitals saying they want them to start testing all patients who are being admitted for Covid. Many Trusts are doing this now with pregnant women. Southampton have announced today that they will be testing partners and if its negative,they can visit their partner on the postnatal ward.

A lot of these restrictions won't be applicable to some women. Some women will have their babies in the labour suite with their partners present,and then be discharged from there. Some (I'm hoping me!) Will be on the postnatal ward for 24 hours. Some a few days. It's about considering all the possibilities and all the options as opposed to just a blanket ban.

This is a new illness and over the past few weeks,kneejerk reactions have been made (a lot about maternity) in panic. Many trusts cancelled water births because they didn't know where there were risks or not. Now,they're saying water births might be safer for the Midwifes as they don't have to get as close to the woman!

So,to answer your question,if the correct procedure could be put into place,if it can be determined that partners DON'T have the illness,if social distancing can happen,then yes,I'd be happy for everyone I'm sharing a ward with to have birth partners there.

Very nice and informed reply, thanks very much.

I am due a cesarean as well and I am quite scared about it. I know my DP will be allowed, as things stand, at birth, but not sure afterwards.

I guess I am just extremely worried about covid (possibly for the length of time I have to stay in hospital, thus increasing exposure) and feel, on a personal level, that the struggle of a few days is well worth my lifetime health.

Btw, my question was not personal. Every day there are people asking these types of questions and I really wanted their perspective as maybe I am over-reacting.

For me, the prospect of finding out that something is wrong with the baby and having to hear that by myself and then go and tell my husband myself is much, much worse than the prospect of catching CV19.

It's fine,I understand it wasn't personal. I think it's interesting how everyone has different anxieties about things. My biggest worry was being made to have a vaginal birth. Everything else,I could cope with. But if it came down to having a c section alone or a vaginal birth with my partner...he knew what the answer would be!

Similarly,other people feel really anxious about having birth partners on the ward,but it wouldn't bother me IF the safeguarding was followed as closely as possible. However,if it caused women's be HCP the same amount of anxiety as a vaginal birth would cause me,I would completely sacrifice having my BP on the postnatal ward.

I hope that makes sense!

I think it’s fine if you have a smooth birth and good after care - but this is not guarantee. For my first DC I had a terrible birth and awful aftercare on a ward for more than 7 days for both me and DC. Partners were allowed to stay. If DH had not have been there I would not have coped (barely did as it was). Some women are/will be vulnerable and need their partner’s support.

That said, if I we are not allowed (notwithstanding the anxiety in the run up) we are not allowed and this will just have to be dealt with. I am more concerned about the birth than coronavirus.

@zscaler

While I appreciate what you are saying, I'm struggling to empathise. Covid might have unknown risks for baby. Long term health issue for the infected person. A lot we do not know about the virus. Yes, hearing that baby has problems while being alone must be horrible. I guess I feel that bad news, if any, are not going to be changed by my partners presence, while my health (and the one of baby) could be changed by other peoples presence if I contract the virus.

But thanks for your perspective!

I think it might also be my naivity about birth and care. I'm a FTM and first time to go to a hospital (to have significant stay and procedures) so maybe I underestimate how difficult it will be to be there without a partner during the recovery.

@zscaler worse than dying?

Again,I think this is where individual experience comes in. I've never once had bad news at scans so the past two I've had to go to alone,not a problem. Horrific birth experience that traumatised me 10 years ago that I've had to have counselling for? Tick! So for me,my birth options were my absolute line that couldn't be crossed. And for others who've had bad news at scans,I can imagine them going alone would be as traumatising as me being told I would have to give birth vaginally. Everyone's experiences and thus outlook is different. As the other poster said,if you had a straight forward birth and recovery,I'd imagine you're looking at me thinking,why on EARTH would I want to have a C section.

Being without your partner after giving birth or having a csection isn’t just an inconvenience. It is downright terrifying. I was completely incapable of picking up my child or changing her diaper. I certainly could not have accompanied her tests.

A balance between infection risk and having a non-impaired parent present for the newborn needs to be struck. It’s not just about supporting the mother.

@purpleartichoke.

I thought the midwives would help if you can't pick up the baby? I mean I will be in that position as I will have a cesarean so I bloody hope somebody will change my baby if I can't. Am I being too naive and baby won't get changed? (Might need to re-prioritise risks of covid vs risks of baby death by negligence)

@Layladylay234 yeah - and I guess me being basically hypochondriac is exactly the problem here. Everyone with their own fears.

@Lalla525 Not always, I'm afraid. I had two midwives make excuses not to help me position my baby to breastfeed in the night (my husband had gone home) the day after my c-section. One of them also had the nerve to tell me off the next morning because she hadn't fed in the night. I really lost my temper at that point and she ended up apologising and telling me that the ward had been really busy and they couldn't spare the time. My baby was fine, fortunately, but you do need to be ready to be very firm and assertive if you need help to feed your baby.

That said, that was three years ago so pre-lockdown, and my husband couldn't be there with me all the time. I would have been unhappy if he couldn't be there at the birth but I didn't have an expectation that he would be there with me from when the baby was born to when I was discharged.

I don't say this to be scaremongering it's my experience only.

I would have found it horrendous after my c section if my partner wasn't there.

The midwives and nurses were just nowhere to be seen. I was kept in for 6 days as I had a lot of blood loss, low iron and my son wasn't feeding.

I was completely ignored 90% of the time. If I rang the buzzer it took them an hour to come. There was one moment in the night when my son was crying and I couldn't angle myself to pick him to. My partner had fallen asleep as he literally had slept about 4 hours in two days and I didn't want to disturb him. I kept ringing the buzzer and noone came. Eventually I threw something at DP to wake him. I was almost in tears from frustration. My DP got such a shock!

In 6 days they asked me once if I wanted any food!

I love the idea of women orientated spaces. And I totally understand about the extra risk but I would have had a horrific time if DP wasn't there for me.

Try not to worry OP. I think a lot of people have had bad experiences in birth and postnatal ward but others have had good experiences. I'm worried about picking up the baby and being able to change her too,but from what I've heard, they're prioritizing women who've had a C section and at the end of the day, that's what the buzzer is there for.

Re your health anxieties,try and look at the risk of contracting Covid and compare it to other risks you take in life. That's the advice I got given last week when I had a bit of a worry about Covid.

@doadeer

In 6 days they asked me once if I wanted any food!

Don't they bring you food at every meal?

I know what you mean -I am 34 weeks and I’m now getting a bit worried about busy scan rooms if they do relax the rules -I have to have frequent monitoring so will have a lot over next few weeks. I dislike not having my partner at the scans but I think I would rather not have him there if it means there are less people around so less germs around. I’m very nervous about my partner or I catching it right before the birth. It’s a busy London hospital and ordinarily is pretty packed.

No I wasn't offered food. The hospital was next to a pret and other options, we spent a fortune.

I don't have experience of other hospitals. This was in central London.

I ate the food once and it was horrible so I didn't mind that they didn't offer.

@Layladylay234 Have you got a link for the memo of testing partners at Southampton! Would be interested to see their rationale behind this considering the false negative rate of the CoVid tests is very well published.

I was on the antenatal ward for 5 days with no visitors, husband could drop off clothes.

I had a c section yesterday, husband was in theatre and recovery but then had to go, on postnatal and no visitors.

We will have to stay in for a week, husband won't get to see me or baby.

Had the CV19 test when I was admitted but there no longer doing it unless you're symptomatic.

Antenatal and postnatal wards have been combined.

It's very strange and I had a really horrible week with many ups and down where I would of loved my husband here, but I'm getting through it, you can check out my other post goes into it in more details.

What I will say is that 90% of the ward are going for a "walk" and meeting their partners outside anyway!

I think the scans/appointments and birth are two different issues.

The scans/appointments are medical appointments. Yes, it's nice to have your partner there but it's not essential and their presence wouldn't change the outcome if you were to get bad mood (Sorry if that sounds insensitive, I don't doubt it would be horrendous to hear that alone but having someone there wouldn't actually change that).
I've had several scans and appointments on my own now and I find the quiet waiting rooms and extra restrictions reassuring. It's a sacrifice worth making to keep everyone safe.

The birth is a different matter and I'm sure very few women would want to go through that alone. My understanding though, is that birth partners are allowed to be there during active labour or c section? That's the most important bit.
To have them there to help you on the ward afterwards would be great but it's not essential and I do think I'd be very anxious if there were other peoples partners milling around the ward afterwards.
I don't know if anyone has any very recent experience but I imagine the midwives and staff have had to take this change into account and will be more amiable to helping new mums while they're on the ward. It wasn't that long ago when partners could only adhere to strict visiting hours and women were alone on the ward through the night anyway and all those women managed.

Believe me when I say, if you get bad news at a scan, your partner not being there will be the least of your worries . The midwives will be all over you as well. They don't just leave you to cry on your own. It's handled sensitively.

In regards to postnatal care, midwives don't always offer that much help with the basics because they have got used to partners being there. They have now banned partners, so I'm sure midwives will be alot more helpful with mums that have had epidurals and c-sections.

But honestly, I think a lot of women over estimate how much help they will need. I had surgery post labour with both mine, I had epidurals and with ds they numbed me up to my neck. Dh didn't stay with me either time and I was fine.

Your baby will be dressed and settled in the birthing room. You'll likely have a go at breastfeeding in there too. So baby should be chilled and worn out by the time you get to the recovery ward. Neither of mine woke up or wanted anything until at least a bit of feeling had come back. Enough to reposition in the bed and hold baby and move baby to my breast. Once they woke, I asked the midwife to pass me baby and then just I chilled with them until I had enough feeling and movement to get them back in the cot. New borns don't need changing very often so if your only in for the night they probably won't need anything other than a cuddle and snuggle. They don't even really eat at first.

Trust me you will all be fine without partners, the midwives won't abandon you and your baby will need very little from you while you're still numb.

I see where your worries are from, but as far as I am concerned if your partner is likely to have it so are you due to shared living arrangements. I agree it will be twice as many people possibly infected in one place but that doesn't necessarily mean twice the risk.
I would expect very little interaction between people, strict handwashing, symptom spotting, social distancing and staff still using PPE. I wouldn't expect it to be flooded with people, just the same visitor as birth partner. I think if you require an overnight stay for any reason than you may require or appreciate the help.
I have had two friends who have recently had babies in the NICU. Both babies were picked up late to have problems as I'm not sure the midwives were that attentive (both on 2nd baby so were left to it). Only one parent was allowed to visit NICU which was obviously very very difficult emotionally and physically post birth. Both babies thriving now but the emotional effects will last on my friends.

My baby is 6 days old and we spent the first 4 in hospital as he was poorly. It was horrible being on my own. I understand why they don’t want visitors, but in my eyes if they are going to bring in these restrictions then they need to have the staff to be able to support the women. Our first 24 hours was awful, we were basically put in a bed and forgotten about all night with no checks. I had the same awful care 4 years ago and it’s so sad to see nothing has changed. Of course this is just my experience and I’m sure plenty of others have had a wonderful time and been looked after really well. But in answer to your question, I would not be worried about partners being there. It was so hard having a poorly baby and having no support.

@MrsG010814 realistically, the likelihood that my chances of catching CV19 are significantly increased if partners are also allowed at scans is very very low. And then, if I do catch CV19, the risk that I will die is very low (since I am young, fit, healthy and have no underlying conditions). So when I weigh up the risks, the risk of dying is incredibly small, and the risk of having to hear my baby has died without my husband there to support me is much higher. I personally would prefer if partners were allowed at scans for that reason.

I understand why the rules are in place and I will continue to follow them in their entirety as I have been doing. I understand that others are higher risk than me and that the rules exist to protect the weakest, not the strongest. I’m just explaining why, from my perspective, I wish this particular rule was not in place.