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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Finding out the gender

28 replies

EBM20 · 03/05/2020 21:16

Before I got pregnant we spoke about the idea of not finding out. Now I'm pregnant i want to find out and my partner doesn't. Everyone is constantly asking is it a boy or girl, when are you going to find out, oh its defently a boy as partners side of the family is strong with boys. Every time we talk about names and I suggest a girl name I feel like I'm shut down by my partner as his reply is the baby will be a boy so give up on thinking of girls names. It really upsets me. Were not in a good financial situation due to us both losing our jobs due to the coronavirus. I feel like it would be better financially to find out as it will make it easier to buy second hand and for family to pass things down. I honestly didn't think I would be so upset about this!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

walkingchuckydoll · 03/05/2020 22:04

I'd find out for the simple reason that he needs to know if it is a girl because he might need time to get his head around the idea.

zscaler · 03/05/2020 22:08

I agree - if he has strong feelings about the baby’s sex then it’s better for you both to know so he can work through any feelings of gender disappointment in advance of the birth.

BeMorePacific · 03/05/2020 22:17

I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. Are you able to talk to your partner about how you feel? Pregnancy is hard enough, choosing names should be a nice part of the process xx

Goldenmother · 03/05/2020 22:20

I would find out also the virus will make it easier to find out as you have to go alone to your scans at the moment depending when your 20 weeks scan is so you can find out with out him even knowing

Original poster

EBM20 · 03/05/2020 22:24

Every time it comes up I say it could be a girl as my dad had all brothers, all his brothers had boys then my dad had 3 girls! But hes so adamant! He said I can find out and not tell him but then (probably selfish) I feel like i would end up spending allot more on the baby whilst he carys on living life spending his money on himself. I also feel like its harder to settle on a name when we don't know, especially as he won't talk about or suggest girl names!

OP posts:

Original poster

EBM20 · 03/05/2020 22:28

I feel like its added pressure on me as I'm carrying the baby and although were not quite at the stage of beeing able to find out yet, when talking to friends and family it seems to be the topic of conversation if it's going to be a boy or a girl. My sister has said I'm stupid if I don't find out in the financial situation I'm in as people would find it harder to help. I also can't find one bit of unisex clothing I think is cute. His mum went and brought clothes whilst food shopping in morrisons, I was annoyed as we haven't brought anything yet and tbh I don't like it but I couldn't say that and just had to say oh how cute.

OP posts:

Sb131216 · 03/05/2020 22:36

Everyone was adamant I was having a boy but I kept refusing, got a lovely dd

If you are planning more it can be helpful to get unisex in some things like toys or vests but that's just forward planning.

Personally I felt closer knowing she was a girl and talking to her and referring to her etc. Mainly because i was so ill and it just comforted me a bit but I'm sure you would bond not knowing too..

We will find out this time but don't think we will tell others, same with our name choices (may say a longer short list to get pronunciation.. Didn't consider that with dd.. She has a usual name but many accents mispronounced it and that grates on me stupidly!)

Completely your choice but if there is heavy desire for a particular gender maybe only you know if partner isn't allowed and say you couldn't get a good picture or just wait til baby is born.

It's a tough one! I'm sorry you are feeling this way

Tavannach · 03/05/2020 22:42

It doesn't make any difference how many boys or girls are already in the family. It's 50/50 each time whether it'll be a boy or a girl. Agree with pp that your partner should consider finding out now so he has time to come to terms with it.

stairgates · 03/05/2020 22:48

How far along are you :) we might be able to have a good guess from your 12 week scan if the nubs showing.

Astar123 · 03/05/2020 22:49

I agree with finding out just to make it easier with buying stuff and I found it more exciting once I knew... plus we were convinced we were having a girl as there is way more girls on my partner's side and we are having a little boy😊

Catsincharge · 03/05/2020 22:51

Would your partner be happy for you to find out but not tell him? Unusual, but due to my anxiety DP and I did this, successfully! I bought mainly unisex anyway but hid anything else! Told a few close friends and family.

Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy!

Soen · 03/05/2020 22:57

Sorry OP, he sounds like an idiot. He can't know with certainty your baby is a boy. Shutting you down is childish. As for time to get his head around the idea if the baby is a girl..... he needs to get a grip. Not surprised you're upset, he sounds like a knob. Just find out, it's your body and you want to know.

BrooHaHa · 03/05/2020 23:03

Are you planning on more than one? If so, and things are tight financially, it's better to get unisex stuff anyway. White babygrows and vests etc. They don't spend much time in proper outfits in the early days anyway and you can always pick one or two up after the birth.

Original poster

EBM20 · 04/05/2020 08:01

Thank you for all your responses.

We did originally want more than one child but I've had such a bad first trimester with sickness, no sleep, dizziness, no energy, anxiety and depression that I just don't think I could put myself through all of it again. If we were to have any more it would be a long time before I even consider it.

I'm 12 weeks, my 12 week scan is in two weeks time so I have a little time to persuade him still but he's so stubborn. Theres two other people in the family that are also pregnant, they are both ahead of us but not by much, 3 weeks and 6 weeks ahead, I'm hoping that when they find out and reveal it, it will make my partner want to know what we are having.

OP posts:

Original poster

EBM20 · 04/05/2020 08:04

I know you can't find out until 16 weeks, we were planning on booking a private scan if all is okay with the 12 week scan as they are not allowing partners to scans at the moment. So I thought It would be a nice opportunity to find out together at a private scan.

OP posts:

BrooHaHa · 04/05/2020 08:12

You may find that the memory of the sickness doesn't put you off for as long as you think it will. Pregnancy and birth do strange things to the brain. I also said, 'never again'. 18 months later, here I am...

Nestofvipers · 04/05/2020 08:24

If you want to know the sex, find out, if your partner doesn’t want to know then he doesn’t have to find out. If you do this don’t tell him or anyone else what you’re having. I have done this twice and it’s very easy not to tell anyone.

If one of you knows the baby’s sex and the other doesn’t, wait until the baby is born before discussing names.

If money is tight then don’t waste money on a private scan to tell you the sex. Many hospitals will tell you the sex at the 20 week anomaly scan so just wait until then to find out. There’s no need to find out sooner than 20 weeks or start buying things yet anyway.

Soontobe60 · 04/05/2020 08:27

OP, do not let this man control you! If you want to find out the SEX of your baby, then do so. It's your choice, not his.
If you can't agree on this now, then you're going to find having a child together very tough.

LittleBoyJuly2020 · 04/05/2020 08:59

OP your partner sounds really horrible! Sorry to say.
My partner really wanted a boy but always made it clear he would be just as happy with a girl. So long as all was healthy with both of us.

You shouldn't be made to feel bad and he certainly shouldn't be telling you that you can't find out the gender.

Iwantacookie · 04/05/2020 09:02

@epm I had the same when I was pregnant with ds2.
We didnt want to know the sex but exh was convinced ds2 was a boy he wouldn't discuss girls names so I picked the girls name.
I dont understand why you need to know the gender to buy stuff though.
They'll throw up on it either way.

Cherryrainbow · 04/05/2020 09:59

As others have said it is down to personal choice.

For me finding out means that the baby feels more like a person (ie. She is wriggly today/ he is kicking) we can discuss names, I'm not buying a lot of stuff or thinking about nursery until we know more.

stairgates · 04/05/2020 10:15

Practice the nub theory EBM! Then hopefully you will be able to see during your scan and not reveal to DH but have a confident guess for yourself!

Runnerduck34 · 04/05/2020 15:25

Personally i think it will be too difficult for you to know and not tell your partner, its bound to slip out at some point. I didnt find out the sex of any of mine as we liked the surprise, I think when everyone knows sex and name in advance the birth announcement isnt quite as exciting, its like knowing what your xmas presents are before you open them!
I had no trouble bonding with them in the womb without knowing their sex and dont think knowing their sex during pregnancy would have changed my feelings towards them. I bought unisex essentials before the birth and enjoyed choosing both girl and boy names.
Do you think your DH secretly would prefer a girl but doesnt think its likely because of all the males in his family? Family history of boy/ girl births make no difference in your chances of conceiving a boy or a girl, its 50/50 odds each time.
Ultimately if you want to find out then do so, but i think you will have to share info with DH. If you don't want to find out then dont succumb to family pressure, just do whats right for you

roarfeckingroar · 04/05/2020 15:28

I've just been in this situation! I found out the sex on Saturday and DP doesn't want to know.

It upset me at first because I couldn't get excited about it with him, but I'm fine about it now. He's going to be happy whatever it is, he just wants to find out when it's born, that's his call.

I would be a bit concerned that your husband has such feelings in favour of one sex over the other. Could you talk to him about it!

roarfeckingroar · 04/05/2020 15:30

The financial inequality is concerning too OP

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