Dsis drinking while pregnant

[BabyNamey]

My heart is breaking. I have recently found out that my Dsis has been drinking throughout her pregnancy. She has been silently struggling with her mental health for many years but over the past year or so, it seems to have gotten worse (before and throughout her current pregnancy). She seems to be high functioning most of the time, which is why this has come as a huge and very sad shock.

I think lockdown has got to her and has triggered her latest bout of drinking sessions. She admitted to me that she's spoken to her GP and has sought counselling because she had been drinking more than is advised while pregnant.

She claims to not drink every day but has admitted to binging once a week in the past month (she's 37 weeks) which would involve a bottle of wine over a weekend and a couple of spirits - if she's even being honest. Before this, she said she would drink, on averave, a bottle of wine a month and a couple of spirits a month.

I am so glad that she's found the strength to be open and honest and seek help. But I am devastated to think that in a few weeks time, she will potentially be birthing a baby with severe medical problems due to her actions.

I 100% agree that what she has done is not OK. But she does have serious issues to have gone this far. Addiction to alcohol being one of them, and severely deep rooted mental health trauma that has caused her to act in this way. But I really don't want any negative comments, this is a difficult enough situation. I guess what I'm looking for are words of wisdom or stories about women who have excessively drank and gone on to have healthy babies.

I will continue to support her in getting help along with our close family.

Thank you in advance

I should add that her husbands job requires him to work away for long periods of time so she's had ample opportunities to binge without anyone stopping her.

Makes me feel really sad that she's got to that point and been alone.

You're right that it's good that she's being open about it and spoken to her GP. Please try to take a little bit of solace from the fact any severe issues would have been flagged up in her scans. Yes there is a chance something might not be right with the baby but all anyone can do now is encourage her to stop and keep being open and honest and to take that counselling that is being offered.

Long term, she will need to address these mental health issues. Will you be able to support her with that?

Thank you @YappatyYapYap.

As far as she's informed me, all has been well with the scans. However, from what I believe, they won't pick up any brain development issues etc.

I will always support her - she's been through a great deal but has managed to turn her life around. She sailed through her first pregnancy but I think the change in lifestyle that brought as well as the added pressures of income loss and lockdown life have taken its toll (and of course a whole host of other things).

She is now having weekly counselling call sessions I believe. I think once lockdown is relaxed, she has been asked to go and speak to the gp face to face and potentially the community mental health team.

She's my sister and I love her. But I'm so sad she's got to a point where she's put her much wanted and loved (believe it or not) baby at risk.

Looking at it positively, most babies born of mothers who drink are fine. So this baby will probably be fine too. But from your sister's point of view, she really is in a crisis. If she cannot control her drinking when 37 weeks pregnant, then she is in a spiral. She sounds like she is trying her best but that isn't going to work without significant help. And I would double - at least - what she is saying she is drinking. I say that without any judgement of her.

her dh needs to realise that him working away may well be off for the foreseable future. How can he when he has a child, a newborn, and a wife who is struggling with addiction?

Thanks @pallisers for your not judging and advice. It's such a sensative situation, and having only just found out, we're still processing how to move forward.

She spoke to her husband, with me and our DMs support this evening, and he is making plans to return and be at home to help her as soon as he can. We are also going to encourage her to speak to her midwife about mental health support on the ward after she gives birth as she'll likely be alone (no visitors due to covid).

I believe that now she's opened up, she's sees a light. The main concern is the damage that may have been done to the baby. And so I wanted to see if there were any reassuring stories on here or anyone who has gone through similarly either personally or with a close friend or relative.

You're a better and less judgmental person than me, OP. I'd be judging massively, and I would be calling social services for that baby's sake.

@Mucklowe there's likely going to be a lot of steps we'll need to take as a family behind the scenes. I'm trying to remove judgement and anger, as at the moment, I'm looking for positive stories about drinking in pregnancy to try and reassure our DM. There's a lot of 'feeling' that I've left out.

I've looked up lots of research and scientific studies online regarding alcohol abuse in pregnancy, but it's hit and miss. So if anyone has been through similar or has any beacon of hope stories, it would be much appreciated.

I'm sorry about your sister, here's hoping her baby will be ok.
You sound like a lovely compassionate sister.
For reliable info about drinking in pregnancy I recommend "Expecting Better" by Emily Oster.

@BabyNamey there really is no way of telling if there’s been any effects to baby; often the symptoms of Foetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) aren’t immediately obvious, this usually shows its face around pre-school/school age. Although if it’s severe then it can be diagnosed in babies. There are some facial features to look out for, as well as learning and behavioural when older. I’m a social worker and have seen babies born to chronic alcohol users who appear to have no issues at all, and then some that have obvious FAS and a long list of health issues, and others born to mums who binged a few times only and have FAS, so there really is no way of telling at this stage.

Thank you.

I think the reason she broke and admitted what had been going was because she had a couple of scares with reduced movements. She has been up to maternity care twice for monitoring, they also gave her a scan at 35 weeks and they said all looks well. But obviously we won't know for sure. Really wish this wasn't happening. Supposed to be an exciting time

I’ve have similar questions, in fact, just asked here yesterday. I have been drinking as well although did not know I was pregnant. I’ve got positive stories but as TwinkleStars said there is no way of telling about effect on a baby at pregnancy stage. I really hope your sister is one of lucky ones and deliver a healthy baby. Please do update this post..

I doubt it's very similar unless you're an alcoholic who's been binge drinking throughout the entire pregnancy.

@Luidmyla2018 I actually read your post and I hope all goes well for you. I sincerely think you will be fine - you've nipped it in the bud as soon as you found out. The few glasses you've been drinking is likely less than my Dsis (but then I doubt I'll ever know how much she really was consuming). One of my friends was binge drinking every weekend until she found out she was pregnant at 20 weeks. She didn't notice any symptoms and worked in a fast paced round the clock job so don't think she was too in tune with her body. Her baby is now a beautiful, very healthy and advanced 2 year old girl. I'll keep you updated.

Hi OP sorry you are going through this. From the positive stories POV my grandmother was an alcoholic - drank every day during her pregnancies. My dad and aunt are both physically normal with no neurological impairment.

The impact on their psyche from being raised by an addict is not such a positive story I’m afraid. It’s great your sister has you and her mum. Her husband doesn’t sound like a great source of support. I think the really important thing is to make sure that the older child and baby are safe and cared for - at present it doesn’t sound like your sister can do that - either dad needs to step up or you and / or your mum need to step in. Lots and lots of luck - you sound like a wonderful aunt.

Thanks @Moo678. I appreciate that - in terms of the baby's health, your story is helpful and reassuring.

Her husband will be returning this week. He didn't quite realise to the extent she was suffering - none of us did. When she wants to shut herself off and pretend to the outside world that things are OK, she's very good at it.

Despite that, myself, DH, DB and her closest friend are there whether she likes it or not and will continue to be when the little one arrives.

Also, I completely understand that many women wouldn't want to admit drinking during pregnancy so may not want to share their personal experiences. But, if anyone does, please message me privately. I promise I have no judgement as I understand the complexities of depression and what it can lead to.

Alternatively, I've searched the Internet for studies and research and there's nothing solid, so any links would be helpful (being mindful that I'm looking for positive scenarios).

I drank throughout my pregnancy, not as much as usual and weaker drinks than usual, but no way was I not drinking for 9 months. I don't need a drink at all or have any kind of problem with alcohol but I do enjoy a drink.
My mum drank and smoked as normal through all 3 of her pregnancies. My Nan through both hers. And I know others who did as well.
I'd do it again as well, I have no regrets over doing so

Ha ha. Loving the 'my mum drank and smoked and we're all fine' argument. Do you honestly not realise how stupid you sound saying this? The evidence proving that all smoking and excessive drinking is bad for babies in the womb is what? Bullshit? Ha ha. You tell yourself that.

I was following @Liudmyla2018 on her post the other day and ended up having a Google out of curiosity. What I found which I think would be of some reassurance is that it said even with chronic alcoholics only about 5% will have babies with FAS. That's a low statistic and if your dsis has only recently started upping the intake then I'd assume her chances of baby having FAS would be slimmer than this.

@happymummy12345 thank you so much for your honesty and telling me some of your story. It is reassuring - I just hope my future niece is as lucky to come out undamaged.

Also apologies, I really didn't want any animosity between posters @opticaldelusion. Of course everyone is entitled to their views, I do get where you're coming from.

And @firsttimebumps, I also saw that reassuring figure in the sea of online articles, research and scientific data. Thanks for sharing and your thoughts

I'd be judging massively too. So selfish. But statistically speaking even quite heavy drinkers can have healthy babies.

How is her nutrition? If that is good, and it sounds like it might be? I think that will make a huge difference. Also, IMO if it is only recently she has upped her intake, well, chance are she will have a healthy baby lovely sister you are.

I have taught pupils With FAS and sadly the repercussions of this conditions are lifelong and debilitating. It is good that she has sought help and hopefully she will take any support given. Sadly the lockdown has really limited medical intervention and support.

FAS children have a very specific facial type so they may be able to tell at birth If there are any issues.

The reason why you can't find what you are looking for is because the vast majority of studies are about adverse alcohol effects in pregnancy.

Hopefully the baby will be fine, plenty are.