Dsis drinking while pregnant

[BabyNamey]

My heart is breaking. I have recently found out that my Dsis has been drinking throughout her pregnancy. She has been silently struggling with her mental health for many years but over the past year or so, it seems to have gotten worse (before and throughout her current pregnancy). She seems to be high functioning most of the time, which is why this has come as a huge and very sad shock.

I think lockdown has got to her and has triggered her latest bout of drinking sessions. She admitted to me that she's spoken to her GP and has sought counselling because she had been drinking more than is advised while pregnant.

She claims to not drink every day but has admitted to binging once a week in the past month (she's 37 weeks) which would involve a bottle of wine over a weekend and a couple of spirits - if she's even being honest. Before this, she said she would drink, on averave, a bottle of wine a month and a couple of spirits a month.

I am so glad that she's found the strength to be open and honest and seek help. But I am devastated to think that in a few weeks time, she will potentially be birthing a baby with severe medical problems due to her actions.

I 100% agree that what she has done is not OK. But she does have serious issues to have gone this far. Addiction to alcohol being one of them, and severely deep rooted mental health trauma that has caused her to act in this way. But I really don't want any negative comments, this is a difficult enough situation. I guess what I'm looking for are words of wisdom or stories about women who have excessively drank and gone on to have healthy babies.

I will continue to support her in getting help along with our close family.

Thank you in advance

Most noticeable is usually the flat upper lip

@viviennemary I completely understand. Thanks for taking it easy.

@BillieEilish thank you for your kindness. It's such a difficult situation and isn't as black and white as many may see it. But she's my sister and she needs all the help and support she can get. No one would want to be in the situation she's in - nor would she if she was of a healthy mind. It's sad.

As far as I'm aware, she has been taking her vitamins daily (prescribed ones, plus folic acid and vitamin D), she eats relatively healthy and keeps well hydrated. She does some exercise but not as much as she probably should be doing but that is down to pelvic girdle pain and anemia which has caused her to be exhausted and headachey (which hasn't helped her depression). I think she's on iron tablets for that.

Well, this sounds positive to me, in a less then ideal situation. But the right vitamins and minerals would surely do a lot of good. Eating well and fluids, severe alcoholics don't do this IMO. She is trying.

Keep staying strong OP. As others have said, it is unlikely the baby will have FAS and good she has told you and professionals. That to me shows she is being responsible to some degree so must have been being responsible in other ways.

I wish her lots of strength.

@BillieEilish thank you - your positivity means a lot. I really appreciate that.

The risks are very high but it’s not 100% guaranteed that there will be major problems. Here are some studies that may offer a small ray of hope for your mum.

Last sentence in abstract, risk of problems around 50/50
scholar.google.com/scholar?hl=en&as_sdt=0%2C5&q=pregnancy++%22alcohol+abuse%22&oq=#d=gs_qabs&u=%23p%3DldR0KToBV24J

13/24 teenage children of alcoholic mothers didn’t need special education help
onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1530-0277.1998.tb03655.x

This one had about 1/3 of the babies born with problems scholar.google.com/scholar?hl=en&as_sdt=0%2C5&q=pregnancy++%22alcohol+abuse%22&oq=#d=gs_qabs&u=%23p%3Db48gklZXN4kJ

Thanks @peajotter - really helpful and informative.

@Luidmyla2018 just wanted to check in with you and see how you were feeling/getting on?

I have no advice to give but just wanted to say how compassionate you are. Your sister is so lucky to have such support from you. I'm sure this is really hard on all of you - well done for being as understanding and non judgemental as you are. You are such a great role model for your sister and her children ❤️

@BabyNamey I'm please your SIL has managed to open up and confined in you and is seeking some help, I've known people who have been pregnant and not known they was until 6 weeks before giving birth that person was out drinking every weekend smoking, taking drugs etc and went on to have a healthy baby, I'm not saying it's right what your SIL is doing but she is on the right path seeking help and she will now have a good support system around her, her husband yourself and mother in law I hope she has the strength to continue without alcohol once baby arrives

@BabyNamey thank you for checking on me, I have been to a few scans where they said everything looks fine. Consultant said there are women who drink throughout and have healthy babies so there’s always a hope. I have also spoken to someone who had bad craving for beer and had about half a can few times a week during the whole pregnancy and their child turned out healthy and smart but of course that’s a minimal amount of alcohol.

@BabyNamey I was wondering how your sister is, has she given birth by now? I hope everything is ok with her and baby if she has.

It’s an absolute lottery. There are some women who drink pretty heavily throughout pregnancy and their babies are fine, bright as buttons with no behavioural issues and no physical effects as kids. Other women drink minimally or a few binges and their kids are affected. So, a real coin toss.

With my mums generation women here were actually advised to drink during pregnancy as good for the baby. The standard was a glass of Guinness a night. My mums friend couldn’t stand it so the doctor told her she had to have wine instead. The theory was a happy and relaxed mum meant a happy and relaxed baby. Of course, we know now that is complete and utter rot but to be fair, my generation is not full of affected people. I’m the eldest and my mum was on the party train while pregnant with me. One photo in a family album was of her very happy and literally being held up on one side, glass of wine in one hand, smoke in the other at some party while very obviously pregnant with me. She didn’t drink as much with my siblings as she was then a busy mum with curtailed party opportunities. She smoked throughout with all us as was common in those days and there was even smoking in beds on the wards in hospitals.

Would I drink in pregnancy, knowing what we know now - no. But, it doesn’t necessarily mean a baby will be affected or if not evidently immediately it will manifest during childhood. It’s such an unfair thing though that some kids are affected. Our bodies naturally produce forms of alcohol (from things like juice and bread) but obviously in small quantity. My hypothesis is that some peoples metabolic processes may work differently in this regard with it being advantageous in some cases and not in others. There must be something to explain the lottery aspect of it, but not sure really.

So glad she’s seeking help. Just for reassurance - I didn’t find out I was pregnant with my third until I was 36 weeks. I was drinking a lot most weekends/ going on rollercoasters, climbing walls and occasionally socially drinking through the week and he’s absolutely fine. It really was a scary wait until he arrived and I knew I hadn’t harmed him. Hope all is well with this little one :)

Hi @Luidmyla2018, how are you getting on?

And thanks for all the replies, everyone.

I had an issue while working from home with passwords and email security and was having trouble getting access to my mumsnet account - so I've had to open a new one - sorry for the confusion!

My sister had her baby on Wednesday - a healthy 7lb 3oz baby girl. She's gorgeous and has been checked over by various health professionals and seems to be very well indeed. Of course, there are certain things that may reveal themselves down the line, but she seems to be great.

My sister is still seeking help and is on the right tracks. Our mum is going to move in with them for a little bit (they have the luxury of a garage converted to a small flat), offer moral support and help as and when required. It's been a really scary time, I appreciate each of you who reached out

Such good news! Congratulations to you and your sister💐

Thanks for updating. Hopefully onwards and upwards for all concerned.

Was the wine she was drinking 12.5%? I’m in a similar situation. I’ve stopped now.

Hi @KMO1985, I think it ranged between 12.5% and 14% and she has also admitted to having the odd spirit too

Are you OK? Have you spoken to anyone IRL? There is hell available and there is also hope that if you seek it sooner then little to no damage may have been done.

Help* available

I realise I’m posting this after the date but I think my advice may be helpful a year on in any case. What happened in the end and how is the baby?

I’m sorry to hear about your sister, but please don’t panic. Of alcohol mothers only 5% went on to have children diagnosed with FAS. (Gray and Henderson ‘06) Whilst this may be obvious cases, and lesser obvious cases including mental development could have gone undiagnosed in these statistics there is also evidence that the most harmful time to drink is the second half of the 1st trimester - when your sister was drinking less. Other factors affect things like FAS such as poor nutrition and other socioeconomic factors.

The most important thing for your sisters sake is to encourage her for speaking about this, show no judgement and help her get help. Whilst it may seem that her problem with alcohol must be very severe is she couldn’t limit drinking at 37 weeks - it could well be the stress and hormonal changes of pregnancy that made it harder to stop drinking and with lockdown lifting hopefully things are looking brighter x

@Liudmyla2018 hi there how did you little one fair ? Born healthy ? No issues then or now ?

Hi @thetruthisoutthere89. I’ve seen your question and would like to say that my little one was born healthy without any issues and in fact, is meeting all the milestones early. Looking back, I regret worrying so much and spending time reading all the negativity on google as this prevented me from enjoying my pregnancy which should have been a precious time. My advice to anyone in the same situation would be to try and stop worrying and concentrate on enjoying your pregnancy as big chance is that your baby would be absolutely fine and all this worrying would not change anything just affect you mentally. I’ve spoken to quite a few ladies since who drank alcohol during pregnancy (socially I must add) who have healthy and intelligent grown up kids.

@Liudmyla2018 thank you so much ❤️ Exactly what I needed.

@BabyNamey how did your neice turn out? I'm just asking as I had 2 binges on alcohol at 23 weeks pregnant before I found out. I haven't touched any since but hoping I haven't caused any lasting damage