Petrified - drug/alcohol use unknowingly pregnant

[KellyLouise08]

I’m completely new to the community/first post and am desperate for some advice. I’ve found out that I am pregnant (around 6 weeks), but during time I have (unknowingly re my pregnancy) consumed alcohol, smoked as I normally would along with 5 or 6 separate occasions taken cocaine (around 1 gram each time). The pregnancy has taken me completely surprise and my initial reaction was one of dread, breaking down in tears and complete panic. I am in a long term relationship with my boyfriend (7 years) and we have known for around a week. Although like me he was shocked, he has said he’ll support my decision either way. After a few days of talking things through I decided that factors such as my recreational activities will have had too much of an impact to not affect my baby, and that the idea of this is too much for me to bare, with termination seeming the right thing to do. However, since booking my termination (due to take place tomorrow) I have been having second thoughts as to whether I can go through with it/be able to live with myself? But the risk to my unborn child keeps swaying me between head and heart. We hadn’t planned on having a baby any time soon, but had agreed that we both one day wanted children. In terms of our living situation, we brought our first home 5 years ago and have worked hard to renovate it, with a view to to buy somewhere bigger in a year or so. However the current covid situation is also a factor in our decision, with my partner currently furloughed, and my own job uncertain working within the construction industry. I really would appreciate some advice, any thoughts, as I’m just in such a state trying to rationalise everything. Ultimately it’s the risk I may have done to my child through the aforementioned that really is playing on mind as to whether it’s right to keep the baby and living with the potential impact this has had during the early weeks of pregnancy. Thanks in advance to anyone willing to share their thoughts, please don’t judge too much as I’m already in pieces beating myself up.

You have taken cocaine 5/6 times in as many weeks? So you have a drug problem? You can't even pass that off as recreational weekend stuff as every pub/club etc is closed

Honestly, I think you need to face the drug problem first before you make any decisions. I am not really one for suggesting people terminate a pregnancy but if you are addicted to cocaine now is not the time to be having a baby.

Hi, I was in the same boat as you, found out I was pregnant after recreational drug use (more than you have described). I saw a consultant about it as I was v worried, she told me it's only damaging if it is consistent throughout the pregnancy and actually said with cocaine the greater risk is to the mother (aside from continuous use).
This alone is not a reason to end a pregnancy. My daughter was born full term, completely healthy, because I started living healthily when I found out i was pregnant - and I didn't find out until I was 12 weeks. Good luck.

I'm not going to sit here and say have a termination, however if you are a addict do you think it's fair to the baby to carry on with the pregnancy? If you are not a addict then I would say carry on with the pregnancy, you are conflicted because you are not 100% on having a termination, and I think a decision like that is something you have to be 100% about. If you have a local bpas I would recommend referring yourself there as they dont just offer abortions, they will sit and talk to you about all of your options.

Your career is uncertain but you’re going through a gram of coke a week? Think you need to get your lifestyle sorted before a baby ffs

Sorry - I posted that having skim-read your post. If you want the baby but are just scared of the damage you've done, don't worry and go ahead if you're ready to live healthily. Obviously you have other things to consider.
Also, beware of judgemental people here who think drugs are evil full stop :)

How are you even getting drugs in lockdown?

The baby will be fine at this early stage. Try and give up smoking before your placenta kicks in at the end of the first trimester 12ish weeks and stay away from any other harmful substances from now on.

I was in a similar boat with other drugs and was completely upfront with my midwife l who wasn’t concerned at all as long as I had stopped 2 which of course I had. My DC was absolutely fine.

Lots of people do quite a lot of recreational Coke without being massive addicts. Obviously it isn’t good to do drugs or drink while your pregnant/ parenting but you sounds self aware enough to realise that. It might be worth talking to your GP to discuss the risks etc.

Be kind to yourself, you’re only human :)

teqcar thanks for your reply and I totally appreciate your opinion. I should add that we were due to go on a big cottage break with friends before the lockdown happened and so hence why in possession of a greater amount at one time than usual, and so have taken over the weekends since being locked down when drinking/participating in pub quiz face times with friends etc, so wouldn’t say I feel there is a problem.

I haven’t touched booze, drugs or cigarettes in the week that I’ve known, with the thought of leaving my partying days behind me not scaring me in the least and no question that I’d think about continuing in these type of activities. But as mentioned the very thought that damage may already be done is making me question whether it’s fair to continue the pregnancy.

Have you thought of the dangers of working in construction and taking recreational drugs? Does your company not carry out D&A testing? I’ve sacked a few people for cocaine +ve tests.

There’s very little evidence to show that cocaine harms a baby in utero. Most studies have included other drugs as the mothers have been habitual users of varying drugs and alcohol. You haven’t had any since you knew so I would try to stop worrying and concentrate on going forward without drugs and alcohol xx

So many pregnancies are unplanned and many women will have been living it up before they realised. (Probably had something to do with the 'accident'!) Just stop with the coke now, you easily will.

I considered a termination 32 years ago and didn't. Now have a fantastic clever son whom I am so proud of and 2 lovely grandchildren. I was a boozer and smoker but it all stopped there and then. My life was infinitely better once I decided to settle with the Dad and bring up my family. I don't say termination is wrong in every situation but it is a HUGE decision. Do not take it lightly. Many women never ever stop wondering who that child would have been, for the rest of their lives. Some are never lucky enough to fall pregnant again. Sounds like you have a good relationship and would be in a position to care for the child. Put the drugs behind you and look forward to wonderful times ahead!

the risk to your baby is quite low OP - even from 5/6 uses. I totally appreciate why it’s a factor in your decision, but it doesn’t have to be the determining one.

There isn’t a right or wrong option here. There is absolutely nothing wrong with choosing to terminate if you don’t want to continue the pregnancy, regardless of your reasons. The only justification you need for having a termination is that you think it’s the right thing for you.

But you’re also as entitled to motherhood as anyone, and if you want this baby you aren’t selfish for continuing the pregnancy. The risk that you have damaged the baby is low, and you haven’t touched drugs or alcohol since you found out which suggests to me that you are in control of your actions. Lots of pregnancies have inauspicious starts and lead to healthy, happy babies with loving families. If you believe that is something you can provide, then please don’t feel your only option is to terminate because of what has already occurred.

Whatever you decide, don’t feel wracked with guilt. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone has things they would have done differently if they could have predicted the future. You can only control what happens now, and make the right choice for you. Whatever that is, I hope you manage to make peace with it and move forward positively

I should add that we were due to go on a big cottage break with friends before the lockdown happened and so hence why in possession of a greater amount at one time than usual, and so have taken over the weekends since being locked down when drinking/participating in pub quiz face times with friends etc, so wouldn’t say I feel there is a problem.

Taking cocaine every weekend while FaceTiming friends? Of course that's a problem.

zscaler said everything i wanted to say, OP. You can have this if you want it.

The risks are extremely low. The baby has its own supply and can support itself until the placenta takes over (around 8 weeks I’m sure?).

I have a close family member who found out at 10 weeks and was partying with drugs until then, mainly ecstasy. My nephew is healthy and very clever.

She thought about a termination and was very very close until backing out on her third visit. She was around 13 weeks when she decided to continue.

I drank smoke and took party drugs for the first 3 months of pregnancy, didnt realise I was pregnant till then. I told the midwife at booking in and said will it have harmed the baby. She said "if the baby can survive that, it can survive anything". My dd was born slightly low birth weight but otherwise fine and currently at university. That was the last time I ever took drugs as well. If you do continue the pregnancy, sort your life out and stop hanging with druggies, it's the only way.

The NHS site says "If you took a drug without realising you were pregnant on a one-off occasion, try not to worry – it's unlikely to have affected your baby."

I realise yours is not a one off. The question is more that if you are at a stage in life where you are wanting to give up this lifestyle. If you don't want to give this up and change your life it is unlikely that you will succeed in staying clean not only while you are pregnant but more importantly once your baby is here - you have to want this change.

Don't beat yourself up with whichever decision you take. Life throws curveballs. If you decide to terminate then know that you did the best thing not only for you but your partner and all involved. Get on some good birth control and move on. If you keep the baby then you best step up, change your life immediately (that includes you and your partner) and turn this around - that means cold turkey on everything - I have seen other people do this and they never touched drugs again (now having kinds of about 8 years old). No judgement either way but it sounds like you and your partner need another good long chat as he will also be involved in this lifestyle change decision too and you will need to be each other's rock. He needs to be in this with you and he needs to realise that this will also mean a complete and utter upheaval of his lifestyle too - not just yours and not just while you are pregnant.

It might also be good to actually speak to an anonymous helpline about this - I am no regular to mumsnet but from what I have seen, people on here can be cruel and judgemental. The NHS site recommends talk to frank www.talktofrank.com/contact-frank but I am sure there are lots of other services that may suit you better.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/illegal-drugs-in-pregnancy/

I really wish you the best of luck with whichever decision you take.

OP try not to worry. I had a new years eve blow out then found out I was pregnant. Shes 15 now and amazing. Yes I was worried I may of harmed her but I stopped straight away because I wanted her.
If you want the baby keep it. As others have said as long as your not going to continue drugs and alcohol then you can have a healthy pregnancy. Good luck

I was the same as you OP, a bit of a party goer. I found out I was pregnant and the week before had been at a weekend event where I drank heavily and took drugs. I also used to take drugs often but as soon as I found out, I stopped that and smoking and havent done either since. The important thing is what you do now, if you want to have this baby then forgive yourself and focus on being healthy, it's highly unlikely it will have affected the baby this early on. You're not a bad person so dont feel guilty. I also booked a termination but didnt go through with it, best decision I ever made, I say this with my gorgeous, happy and healthy 10mo boy asleep next to me.

I understand why you are worried and any decision to have a termination is yours to make and would understand the reason for doing this. I was a crazy partying student in the '90s when I became pregnant and had taken recreational drugs before I found out I was pregnant. As soon as I found out I was pregnant I stopped using drugs however like you I worried about what damage I had done and whether I should continue with the pregnancy. All I can say to reassure you is my DC has now graduated from university with a great degree and has grown into an amazing adult who I am proud to call my child. I don't regret for a second continuing with the pregnancy. If I had planned to become pregnant I would never have taken drugs whilst trying to conceive but if all pregnancies where planned the population would be much less! Life happens and it is how you deal with it now that matters whatever your decision. Good luck and don't beat yourself up whatever choice you make.

When I was 18 my cousins girlfriend fell pregnant unknowingly, me and her had become friends through my cousin. Any way she didn’t find out she was pregnant til around 12 weeks when a bump started forming and within this time frame my cousin admitted she had been taking cocaine among other Copious amounts of drugs every weekend and drinking alcohol. She herself booked a termination but ended up not going through with it and stopped doing everything for the reminder of the pregnancy. Her son is now 11 and my god son. He is fine and healthy. I don’t speak to mother much but I know she has more kids to her new partner and I believed she stopped taking drugs completely. My point is if you can commit to raising this child and turning in ur old partying days Of drugs then I would go ahead with pregnancy if it’s what you want. Planning for the exact right time to have a baby never happens as no time is perfect. Life will always throw a hurdle or two. My life was perfect before Xmas when we decided to start trying, in process of buying a home, two amazing jobs and wedding booked. Now our house is on hold and we are in temp accommodation until after covid is over and my partner lost his job and of course just as this was all happening I got my BFP. But life will work itself out. Best of luck and congrats x

Hun my sister took every drug under the sun in all 3 of her pregnancy's not to mention how much alcohol she must have consumed and although 2 were born addicted they are all thriving now (not living with her obvs) so don't worry about it to much just obviously stop now xx

My daughter did not realise she was pregnant until she was 32 weeks. During that time she had had several medical procedures and was given morphine and madazolin each time.
She was in shock when she discovered she was pregnant and terrified that she had harmed the baby. Her child is now two and a half, bright, lively, very healthy and much loved.

Christ the judgement here, you're asking because you want to do the right thing therefore you're obviously upset at how things have played out. Not at all helpful 🙄
So you're about 6 weeks, haven't done anything for a week, for the first two weeks of pregnancy you haven't even ovulated yet and then for appx 9-10 days after that the egg isn't even implanted, therefore it's actually a very small window of about 2 weeks or less of being pregnant and drinking alcohol etc. The chances of doing any harm are very slim so I would use that and have a really hard think and talk with your partner before making any decisions. I am pro choice so not saying that to talk you out of termination but I wouldn't let it be a deciding factor. Good luck x