Feeling like first trimester pregnancy are of lesser importance

[Emerald89]

Bit of a self indulgent whine here so be nice.
6+6/40 today.
Does anyone else feel like first trimester you aren't really taken seriously as being pregnant? This is my first pregnancy and obviously healthcare provision is not normal right now, but I'm still pretty sad that EPAU wouldn't see me when I've been spotting/bleeding for 4 days now and I feel like they just tell you to see how it goes i.e. see if you miscarry. They don't want me to call back unless I'm practically exsanguinating or in agony. I know there is nothing at all they can do to influence that outcome but it feels like a 1st trimester pregnancy is not as important or precious because the chance of you losing it is highest. I know it has to be this way due to coronavirus etc, but isn't it just awful that there's no way to get reassurance from the NHS right now?? I'm an NHS worker myself so I know the scale of what is being done and how much elective care has been postponed, I really feel for my patients. I've booked a private scan this weekend but many mothers won't have the resources to do this.

It's shit you can't tell people, when you tell people there is always the spectre of you possibly miscarrying so everything has to be hush hush so if there are problems you feel really alone.

Many pregnancy books don't even really cover the first 8-10 weeks or pregnancy, a lot of the podcasts cover late pregnancy and birth only (obviously massively important topics but one pregnancy podcast had 100+ episodes and I couldn't find a single one that covered bleeding in pregnancy yet there were episodes about mosquito bites and yoga inversion poses FFS)

It's just a bit crap really. I know I should be happy but since I started spotting/bleeding I feel all doom and gloom and so pessimistic.

I understand you’re probably feeling down at the moment but look at it logically from an EPAU perspective - you’ve said it yourself there’s little they can do and at 6+6 there’s a chance any “reassurance” scan wouldn’t actually tell you anything to reassure you. So If you go in they wouldn’t actually be able to do anything anyway; and you run the risk of catching a disease that could end up causing harm to you and your baby.

This is a really hard feeling. I've been very lucky that the EPU here have been amazing with me but I have had severe haemorrhages.

I think there are two things at play here. The first is that ultimately, there is absolutely nothing they can do - if you're miscarriage they cannot stop that, and if you aren't then there is nothing they can do to protect that pregnancy either. You know this. Right now, the reassurance you would get from a scan is not as important as staying healthy from covid.

The second is that if things were REALLY serious, they'd see you. I've found this lots of times both with my pregnancy and with other non pregnancy things. When a family member had cancer they were slow and felt dismissive - until they nearly died and then the medical care was swift and intense. It made me realise that they knew when things were serious and when they weren't.

Private scans are a good idea. Look after yourself and I wish you all the best with this pregnancy.

Don’t feel like you can’t tell people if you want to. I think its from an old fashioned notion of their being a element of shame attached to miscarrying. It would probably be better for lots of Women’s mental health is there was more discussion around miscarrying

The sad fact of the matter is, there's nothing they can do about it, so why put yourself at risk going in? Why do you need to feel special? These are difficult time (as you claim to know), so please don't run the EPAU unit down for this. They are, quite rightly, occupied elsewhere.

I agree op, it is dismissed and not seen as important enough to warrant any medical attention unless as you say, you are bleeding to death or have unmanageable pain.

I always found it a big drop off a cliff with disappointment after getting a positive pregnancy test at home.
Midwives , GP’s EPAU are not interested at all.
Resources are precious and scarce, workloads huge, all directed at areas that can be fixed or made better.

It’s a personal tragedy to lose a much wanted pregnancy, people definitely do acknowledge that, so although medical intervention is not offered, kindness and understanding is from whoever you speak to about loss.

Tbh I feel it was like this even before the pandemic. I had spotting for a few days when I was around 10 weeks along with awful cramps that almost made me pass out and vomit (this was January). I called my local EPU and was told they wouldn't do anything unless I was bleeding enough to fill a sanitary pad.

Luckily all was fine and I'm nearly 27 weeks now.

Totally agree with @Hedgehog26 - tell everyone if you want to. I did (IVF fresh transfer so tricky to hide it anyway) and other people being invested in this baby helped a lot.

I completely see where you are coming from OP but I think you need to give your head a bit of a wobble, and I say that as someone who has suffered multiple early losses.

You've said in your OP that there is nothing they can do, so what exactly are you after? Those resources spent on taking your bloods or composing an early scan (whilst often isn't conclusive at that gestation) is taking away resource from someone in the later stages where a the outcome can be changed. As hard as it is, the NHS cannot see everyone with problems in early pregnancy. I hope the spotting comes to nothing and the rest of your pregnancy is without issue.

Yes being pregnant is really a non-event (in medical/healthcare terms) until the 12 week scan. I found it all very hands-off when it wasn't lockdown so it must be even worse now! Hope everything goes ok for you op.

@SuperSange I've already made clear I know the EPAU has no other options. I'm not criticising them, just bemoaning the situation we are all in.

I understand where you're coming from, I remember I had to see my doctor when I first found out I was expecting (for a water infection) and mentioned I was in the very early stages of pregnancy, her comment was 'well if the pregnancy sticks come back in, in around 3 weeks'.
I was fairly shocked and even as a realist that stunned me! But, now I'm a further on I do appreciate where the doctor is coming from, so much can happen in those early days, which emotionally is tough but it is unfortunately impossible in most cases to do anything, we all know the NHS is crippled as it is, I think it's just seen as a black and white topic - emotionally you have to find support elsewhere. And also agree with a PP don't wait till 12 weeks to tell people if you do need some more emotional support from friends and family.

And good luck with your pregnancy X

I know I'm just being irrational, I'm cooped up in the house with nothing else to think about and it's driving me mad. Feel time is passing so slowly, if I was at work time would fly by but can't do my normal day job as I am pregnant.

@crosser62 it is a bit of a drop isn't it! After a positive pregnancy test you think its all going to happen but actually nothing happens lol

@Hedgehog26 I've told my parents and in laws, and 2 of my closest friends which I'm glad I did

I know what you mean; I had bleeding in the first few weeks of my pregnancy and the advice I got from the midwife was just wait and see which was really hard although I completely understood that there wasn’t much they could do. I was lucky enough that the GP referred me to EPU but that was before the virus; the doctor I saw at EPU said rest as much as possible while I was bleeding and I was lucky enough to have a successful pregnancy despite that early bleeding.
Also don’t feel you can’t tell people; that’s something society has put on us when we should feel able to what we want.

You don’t even have a booking in appointment til later on, mine was at 8 weeks, and a lot of people miscarry not realising they were pregnant in the first place. So why faff around with EPAU and scans at this time, especially way things are at the moment and if something was to happen there isn’t anything they can do anyway?

You do know that, even without this pandemic, EPU would still say the same thing to you?

And you can tell whoever you want, whenever you want. I told my SIL the day I got my positive result. We told immediate family around 7 weeks, mainly because they are also the people who would support me and DH had anything happened.

For books, we had a good one called the "day by day pregnancy" book. It was factual and easy to read, we used it like a reference book. I also liked "how to grow a baby and push it out"

I totally appreciate your position as a first time mum, but I do think you need to relax a little

@MsSquiz I've got How to Grow A Baby on my list to buy, but haven't bought it yet as it doesn't start until 10 weeks!!

And again, I know I do. Trying to keep busy, cleaned the flat and now trying to do some life admin!

I understand OP.

The first trimester is of course very important in developmental terms. However, if things go wrong at this stage it is usually due to something catastrophic, like a chromosomal problem incompatible with life. So from the point if view of medical intervention; there’s little to be done unless there are complications (heavy bleeding for e.g.). It can’t be prevented or saved. Unfortunately, early miscarriage is pretty common and since a scan won’t change the outcome, they aren’t offered all the time (and especially not now).

Although it can be hard to think rationally when you’re worried, never mind with current circumstances adding to anxiety.

I will say that I had quite heavy bleeding on and off from 6 weeks until 5 months. It was caused by a subchorionic haematoma, which resolved itself in the end; but there was nothing they could do about it anyway.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!

I know how you feel.

I can see it from the NHS point of view because there isn't really much they can do, but at the same time the 1st trimester is difficult and scary, and it would be nice to get a bit more advice/reassurance, or just feel like someone gives a shit.

Re telling people - think about who you might want support from if the worst happened.. in my first pregnancy I told hardly anyone then when I sadly miscarried the feeling that no one knew or cared actually made things worse.. Second time round I told more people.

@Emerald89 I know I'd feel the same way if I was currently pregnant!
I would definitely recommend the day by day book, it's expensive but we both found it really helpful

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0241312817/ref=cmswwrcppapiii_NoeMEbYS39BPD

When it's new to you it's the most surprising thing about pregnancy. Because it's such a huge thing to you you expect the wheels to kick into motion as soon as you get that positive, and TVs and movies don't help! My doctor said it right to me though when I went in with cramps at 4+something. If there's something wrong, there's nothing they can do In those early stages, and the chances are there isn't anything wrong! My advice now is focus on you. Get your diet and exercise right, get plenty of rest, make the most of being able to sleep in any position you like, and get into good yoga or meditation habits. That's the best thing you can do for both you and baby at this stage

This isn't specific to this pandemic, I'm pretty sure that's the usual response from EPU in the UK in very early pregnancy as there really isn't anything they can do and it's too early for a reassurance scan. Like you said, even books and podcasts tend to focus on 8-10 weeks plus.

I'm 23 weeks now, FTM, so fell pregnant before any of this and was really surprised that no one really cares (from a medical point of view) about your pregnancy in those first few weeks. I was shocked that I didn't need to see a GP, that no one actually confirmed the pregnancy and that I didn't see a midwife (or anyone else) until I was almost 10 weeks. I think that's why the first trimester seems to go on forever....plus you can't really tell many people so there's a lack of support.

My baby's dad is in another country and they are completely different over there so I was lucky to see a GP and have 2 scans before 8 weeks which really put my mind at ease, without that, I would have been climbing the walls. Hope your private scan goes well this weekend and puts your mind at ease a bit.

Unfortunately it's the truth that there is absolutely nothing they can do if there is a first trimester miscarriage - I would know I've had 5 plus two ruptured ectopics where I nearly died twice. Even then it was impossible to get EPU to scan me until I was blue lit in an ambulance......the EPU apologised but they said had to be strict due to the amount of people who want reassurance scans and often lie/exaggerate their symptoms to get a scan - they can't tell over the phone who is in genuine need and who isn't

It's hard as it absolutely feels like a waiting game - getting through each day feels like an achievement and until a bump starts showing it's difficult to believe that a pregnancy is actually real

First time pregnancy is an anxious time but know there are lots of people also going through the same thing so you're not on your own

Sending you love. The 1st trimester is so hard, you feel crappy, nervous and just desperate for time to pass.
The odds are in your favour, so try and remain positive. I really hope the time passes quickly for you xx