1st pregnancy in total quarantine - feeling super sorry for myself

[Mum2Bump]

So sorry for this sobbing thread, but I can't help myself but feel so extremely sad...
I know the entire world is on a lockdown, so we all are suffering, but it's so so hard to deal with it mentally...
This is a long waited baby, my parents been waiting for these news for the last 10 years. We live far away from all our friends and family, on a tiny island in the Med. lockdown had ruined all our plans to see our loved ones, all plans to tell them the news in person, all our expectations of how our 1st pregnancy will look like... All stores for babies are closed, all baby shower plans are cancelled, all travel from the very first confirmation that we passed 12 weeks mark till the baby's arrival is going to be spent in the quarantine ( according to official island's plans). Quarantine and tough situation overall is causing friction at home, me and my partner are falling out more often than ever before... and this is supposed to be the happiest time for us...
I just need to know I am not alone in feeling so desperate and so fed up....

You arent alone 💙 I'm 36 so my family have been waiting for this for ages. I found out I was pregnant the week full lockdown came in here. I cant get excited because I cant have all that usual joy of meeting people and seeing their faces when I tell them. I told my mum from the end of her driveway because i couldnt not tell her and it only upset her that she couldnt hug me and cant help with anything.

We will all get through this together 💙 and at the end of it all, we can make the joke that we got an early start on repopulating 😂

Definitely not alone. I'm almost 27 weeks and plan on this being my only baby and feel the joy has been sucked out of it. Can't go out to buy baby bits, can't do the nursery due to myself and husband being furloughed, finding it hard to get newborn baby clothes so just buying what I can get, completely unsure if any of this will be lifted by the time July is here so not sure about what's happening with delivery, don't know if family can visit, also high risk of needing a c-section so don't know if I'll be able to have my mum stay with me for a week or so when baby is born. Hate all the uncertainty!

Bless you, it really is a horrible time isn’t it... firstly, don’t feel bad for being angry and upset and cheated... there are so many women out there who feel exactly the same - I’m one of them.
I’m 41, this is my first and only (IVF) baby and was so excited to be able to do all the things that other new mums get to do. Instead we’re in lockdown so I didn’t get to my last day at work where they would normally make a big fuss and give you presents (I had a quick handover call from my boss and that was it), I didn’t get a baby shower, no family or friends will be able to see our boy for months potentially when he’s born, and right now I don’t know how I will even be able to give birth due to the never ending list of restrictions they’re putting on at my hospital.
I cry most days because it wasn’t supposed to be like this. Pregnancy is hard enough (especially your first when you have no idea what to expect) without having to cope with all this.
But you can get through it; stay in touch with friends and family as much as possible through calls and video chats.
And speak to your OH about your concerns, lockdown is tricky for a lot of couples but you have to keep talking. Take care of yourself xx

Same here. It's not what we envisaged at all! I feel like I'd just about let all my friends and family know and then have barely seen anyone since.

First baby here, and plan on it being our only child - and we're missing so many of the experiences! And our friends/family aren't getting to see bump growing.

I'm also feeling resentful that my last few months of "freedom", seeing friends, dinners and cinema, going out for drinks etc... Have been taken away from me and the time I wanted to spend cramming in lots of socialising before everything changes forever... Is gone! Sounds melodramatic and possibly a bit selfish, but it's one of the things currently bothering me!

FTM here as well. Dont live near family either. Envisioned seeing family loads, going on holiday with my mum, going on my first holiday abroad with friends, going away for a long weekend with my partner, having a baby shower, having loads of quality time with people before baby is here and my life changes forever, being able to go out and 'test' different prams, cots, shopping for baby. Cant do any of that! Was soo soooooo sad to start with, but have sort of come to terms with it now.

The biggest thing that helped me was to stop comparing what I would have been doing to what I am doing. I tippexed everything out my diary so I wouldnt look at it and feel sad!

I really feel for you OP. I’m 6+3 with my second baby and think I would feel much more ‘robbed’ of the pregnancy experience if it was my first.

Remember though that things can change quickly in regards to lockdown and chances are you will spend the majority of your pregnancy outside of lockdown. It’s still early days and maybe it’s a good thing that you can bunker down for a few months, get past the horrible fatigue and morning sickness away from other people and emerge again in your second trimester (hopefully with lovely scan pictures to show people when you announce the pregnancy etc.)

This is crappy I know though

Sorry just realised that your lockdown has been going on longer than ours so you’re probably further ahead with your pregnancy already. Ignore me!

I’ll be doing all of my antenatal classes / yoga online. Bought a lovely maternity swimsuit, for my last trimester... Am 29 weeks now.
All I can do is go for walks & try to eat well, and fix up the baby’s room. Worried about money, and the rest, but main thing is that Baby is okay.
But yes, this would have been a lovely time to shop for baby things, meet up with friends to talk baby, and have some final me-time... Just hoping that things settle down before the birth, even if everything is not back to normal as such.

I have mixed emotions about this. I’m 23 weeks, first baby long awaited after fertility treatment, and I do understand having worries/ concerns about preparation for and the actual birth. I’m a bit down I won’t get to do my proper NCT class for example, and also that I can’t see family.

However, I think being so sad or upset that essentially you’re not getting enough pregnancy related fuss and attention - which is what a lot of the PP are about, is a bit off. Crying over not having a baby shower or a congratulations card from work for example, for me you should have a little bit more perspective.

vinoelle, yeah have to look at the plus side too. I’ve been able to rest more, which is great at this stage.
Do things around the house, spend time with DH, and do a bit of pregnancy reading / prep for birth.

However, I think being so sad or upset that essentially you’re not getting enough pregnancy related fuss and attention - which is what a lot of the PP are about, is a bit off. Crying over not having a baby shower or a congratulations card from work for example, for me you should have a little bit more perspective.

I dunno, pregnancy is shit. The fuss and attention and things they always do in the film's or on TV kind of makes it more bearable. Or did for me anyway. I'm on my second pregnancy, so don't really give a monkeys about all of that this time around, but I might've felt a bit disappointed if I were stuck in lockdown for my first. Pregnancy is a very irrational time, let's not forget.

Argh! *Films plural, not filmst possessive. Bloody autocorrect...

I am on my third pregnancy and I also feel robbed of the last few months of freedom before life with a baby kicks in. I know that once the baby comes, I won't be able to do all the things I've been enjoying until now. It must be even harder for FTM because the first pregnancy is a really special time, and even if you plan on having more, the second and third aren't quite the same.
You are entitled to feel how you feel and wish things were different.
But if you do feel yourself sinking into depression, maybe try a youtube pregnancy class. This has lifted my mood enormously and is a good way to connect with baby. and for you

There are worse places to be quarantined than an island in the med.....

Also thousands of people have had their Fertility treatment cancelled indefinitely so their are definitely people worse off who would give anything to be in your position so try and look on the bright side

Bit harsh to say you need more perspective, it's not just the big things in life like financial worries that matter, it's often the small things that we enjoy in our daily life, like going shopping for baby clothes, that can be sorely missed when they are taken away for us. For some of us, pregnancy is the only time in our lives that we get to feel special - nothing wrong with enjoying that and missing it when it's taken away

Honestly, can we stop bringing other people's worries into it. If the OP wants to have a moan on here about her particular situation, people shouldn't bring up worse situations to try and shame her

Also thousands of people have had their Fertility treatment cancelled indefinitely so their are definitely people worse off

There's always someone worse off. It's not a contest.

I'm 14 + 4 with first baby and yeah it's a bit sad but it could be worse and being able to rest a great deal is lovely. I agree with @vinoelle that a lot of these things aren't important, they're just about fuss. I'm focussing on the good things like being able to rest, seeing more of my partner and not missing out on going to the pub with friends because no one else can either !

Maybe you could think of it as you generously giving away bits of your joy over pregnancy to those that love you. You salt miss out on the joy of telling them in person, but your news will give so much joy to them, for coming at a dark and difficult time.

And months down the line, you'll find that the joy of having your baby in your arms is so heart-filling, that you won't need to grieve the things you missed out on. Pregnancy joy is wonderful, but just a shadow of baby joy!

You're definitely not alone OP. I'm 23 weeks and baby's dad is from another country.
This is our first baby. We had just got an apartment prior to this kicking off and had lots of plans over the next few months to see each other every few weeks and get the apartment all ready for baby coming (the plan is/was for me to move there after baby arrives).
Now, we're on lockdown in different countries with no idea of when we'll next see each other or whether he'll even be able to get here for the birth in August. All I read every day is armchair 'experts' saying they can't see travel restrictions being lifted at all this year and to 'write off 2020'. It breaks my heart.
He's living alone in our apartment and I'm staying with family. I alternate between crying and feeling sorry for myself to staying strong and feeling positive that at least we're all healthy. Overall though, there's just an overwhelming sadness that this is not how we imagined pregnancy and he is missing out on so much.
I can't wait for the day this is all a distant memory x

You sadly miss out...
Not, you SALT miss out!

Omg you're so not alone. I am almost 29w now and have been strong the past few weeks but saw midwife yesterday and the horrible subdued atmosphere in the doctors surgery completely set me off, I have had a really miserable/ sorry for myself couple of days.

I can't get excited about baby I feel like I am in limbo just waiting, hoping and praying this is all over before my due date. I am dreading not seeing anyone or noone being able to see baby when they are born I know it's irrational but I am also worried about bidding with baby in this atmosphere and am worried my family won't have the same bond with baby if they aren't able to get to see them straight away

I can't bring myself to start buying stuff as am holding off in case it comes to an end in time

My NCT classes have all gone online which is completely not the same, I'm not the same person at all on video calls and am worried people won't like me as much on bloody Zoom

My wedding (meant to be 2nd May) has been cancelled and who knows if we will even be able to get legally married before baby arrives

My pregnancy was unplanned and a huge shock, and not really the best of timing (wedding, renovating a dump of a house) and the excitement of family and friends and being buoyed along by them has really helped me come to terms with it all in a way.

Sorry for such a down in the dumps post, I have been so cheerful and optimistic the past three weeks but have been having a bad couple of days and to be honest feels good to be able to wallow in it a bit!

Best wishes ladies I hope things start to change sooner rather than later!!! Xxx

*bonding with baby that should be not bidding!

I know how you feel! Not how I expected to be spending my first pregnancy either, sometimes I feel really sad my Mum can't have a good feel of baby kicking etc or that I'd love to just go and look at beautiful baby clothes in John Lewis and pick out a cot and a pram etc (this is the image I had in my head incase you couldn't tell!)

But then I think to myself my baby is healthy, I am healthy and after all is said and done all that matters to me right now. Dig deep, this will all be over one day and you will have a beautiful baby to share with your family, and aren't we so lucky to be able to have that at the end of all this crap.

@BlueBlazerBlack I’m not trying to shame her. I’ve agreed that on a lot of aspects, this situation is crap of course it is. But I do think being so down about small things like a cancelled baby shower or a lack of opportunity to go shopping isn’t healthy. Of course it’s ok to have a bit of a moan, but there’s a difference between “ah well that’s a shame” and moving on, compared to dwelling on it, crying over it and letting you feel depressed. That shouldn’t be encouraged. And honestly I can’t ever imagine feeling so sorry for myself over such minor issues.

Now to the PP who is apart from her partner, completely different and I can understand that would be really lonely. Same with missing other family, anxiety about maternity services, finances etc, all understandable. Shopping? Not so much.