37 weeks and dreading giving birth

[Crazycactuslady]

Utterly frustrated and need to vent... Sorry. I'm pregnant with my first child (37 weeks). I cannot have any of my birth choices thanks to bloody covid No home births, midwife led births or water births allowed... My nearest hospital is over an hour away and my husband is front line staff - I have no family close by.

And now no continuity of midwife - mine has covid thanks to the shitty masks the NHS Trust in my area are providing (surgical masks protect the patient, not the wearer...) Saw a different midwife for my appointment this week and will make my birth plan with yet another one over the phone tomorrow!

I'm dreading giving birth now.

I'm 36+6 baby not first baby and I'm going into hospital for induction in 11 days I'm feeling the same as you but I have come to terms with it that I have to have baby no matter what my aim to get out of hospital as soon as possible after birth within hours I'm taking hand gel and going to be washing my hands regularly while in

I feel the same no advice but wanted to offer solidarity at least

@Crazycactuslady hi I'm 38+2 and can understand your frustration. I'm assuming you wanted a home birth originally? Not sure about where you are but in liverpool now only allowed one birth partner who can only be there when ur in active labour and must go as soon as baby is born then no more visits so dreading being kept in alone and also more likely to pick up covid in hospital environment well more high risk. Only saving grace is that soon we will have our beautiful babies. I'm preparing myself mentally for the worst case scenario when I speak to my mum or grandmother etc they all say 'well we all give birth alone it was the known thing' but for first time I'd love it if partner was there.
Have any of use also been struggling to find some baby bits. Things like nappies and wipes are always sold out no matter where I go it's so frustrating and I'm now even worried if this lockdown goes on longer I won't be able to get him any 3-6 month clothes. Ik it's a while away but at the rate things our going and known luck hel be dressed in bathrobes 😂

I feel exactly the same OP. Because I'm a high risk pregnancy it's likely that I'll have to be induced (which I wasn't planning). I'm completely dreading not having my partner there with me until I'm in established labour - the thought of being in a hospital on my own right now is terrifying.

The last few weeks of my pregnancy have been completely ruined with all this worry - I'm barely sleeping because the anxiety is so bad. It's really, really shit.

39 weeks with number 1 here. Absolutely not what we expected but trying to stay positive.

For our trust, DH will be allowed in (after having temp taken) once I'm 4cm and will be able to stay until I'm moved to postnatal. Once on postnatal, he can visit for a 3 hour block between 10am and 5pm. I was so worried about him not being allowed at the birth that now I'm just thankful for what I've got. Also doing a lot of bouncing/RL tea drinking etc to speed things along in case the rules change again!

4 of our NCT babies have been born during this time and the parents have nothing but positive things to say about their experiences and how well the midwives look after the new mums on the ward, echoed by mums posting on our local Facebook pages.
I know it's easier said than done but I've really tried to focus on the positives and have gone from tears and worry back to being excited about the impending arrival of our little one.

As a PP said, this is all to ensure us mums and babies are safe and healthy, and I'm sure once we hold our babies for the first time we will forget all about the C word, if only for a little while 😊 wishing you all the best for a safe and positive experience.

Thanks ladies.

@wildflower219 I'm in rural Cumbria. My options literally went home birth, MLU, pool birth :'( I have an irrational fear of hospitals, so absolutely dreading it. I'm even debating a non-assisted birth to be honest. I'm low risk, for which I count my blessings.

We've decided to use reusable nappies and wipes as they're more readily available - I also have a pack of first size disposables for hospital from the Emma's diary packs asda give away in their free bags.

My DH works in a job closely related to covid research, which isn't helping with the anxiety on little bit.

Good luck to everyone x

Oh, OP

Why no water births? I thought water births were not allowed for women with CV (confirmed diagnosis or just symptoms) because of the higher risk of infecting medical staff. But I thought they were still allowed for healthy women?

Presumably the midwife led unit is not allowed because it's a stand-alone one (ie not attached to hospital) and they can't guarantee an ambulance will be available if needed?

Birth rights have published some very helpful advice here: www.birthrights.org.uk/covid-19/

You could also look up local doulas, they probably won't be able to attend the birth (assuming that only one birth partner is allowed and you would want your DH!) but they might be able to give advice and support at this stage. The local doulas near me are doing online Q&A sessions and things like that.

Your poor midwife. I hope she is on the mend, she must be having a very tough time at the moment.

I take it you're now giving birth at Central Delivery Suite?

I gave birth at CDS. I am fit young and healthy but happen to have type 1 diabetes which meant I was never going to be allowed to give birth at home or at the midwife unit. From what I read online it should've been hell on earth, a chaotic ward with stressed out doctors ready to intervene at any second. It was the opposite - nice calm quiet room with with an en suite and birthing ball, comfy chair for DP, a lovely midwife. Couldn't really see how it differs from MLU if I'm honest. Things ramped up really quickly, had a 17 hour labour (from very first contraction to baby born). I had a forceps delivery by an amazing team, baby out on first tug and I was very grateful to have them there when I needed a bit of help to finish the job.

What I'm saying is it will be fine, you dont know how your body labours yet so take reassurance that pain relief/interventions/c sections will be right there if needed central delivery suites really arent that bad, and once baby is born you will hardly remember! Good luck

@aprilshowers2015 that's good that your still allowed postnatal visits what area are you in?
@Crazycactuslady your very brave to be considering a non assisted birth I definitely couldn't do that for my first. It must be hard having you partner work closely to it can understand how that would elevate anxiety levels. If you went to MLU you might end up becoming friendly with some of the girls in there which might help ease your fear of hospitals. I completely understand though I think I'm trying to think of the positives only then all these worries will come rushing in when the time comes. What a lonely time to give birth.

@Crazycactuslady please please please think carefully about an unassisted birth. My first pregnancy was absolutely text book, yet my labour hit difficulties and had I not been in the hospital I would have lost my daughter. I was perfect candidate for a home birth but it wasn’t something I wanted.

I know it’s not the birth you want, and it’s such a frustrating time to be having a baby, but make sure you are making the safest choices for you and your baby xx

The mw I saw this week wasn't sure how unwell my mw was - I'm shocked at the level of protection they had been told was safe for them They may as well have strapped a dish sponge over their faces. It's awful! We have better ppe in our garage (now shared with mw team).

You are correct @namechange30 no home births or MLU due to ambulances (MLU 15 minutes away), so it'll be over an hours drive to a CDU - we are directly located between two; I've chosen the one that has a separate entrance to the hospital for obvious reasons.

Both centres have high levels of covid patients as it is an area people simply won't stop visiting 🙈 so waterbirths would require more staff that are needed elsewhere. I get how important that is.

@wolfgirrl I'm hoping our trip is as calm as yours sounds. There are just so many variables...

@crazycatlady

I will keep my fingers crossed for you

I guess mine doesnt look calm on paper (cds, forceps etc) but that's really not how it felt if that helps- it was all very much under control, there was no panic and it felt overall like a few hours, not 17! You very much 'get in the zone' and forget about the ward going on around you. You will just go into a little bubble in your private room with a lovely midwife if it helps maybe ask if you can take some calming music and room spray so it smells and feels a bit less hospital-like.

@Wildflower219 I'm in Wiltshire and due to give birth at Salisbury District Hospital. Really pleased that DH can visit, it is limited to birth partner though, but that's fine by me!

I had my first baby a few months ago induced in a medical suite because of complications and it was completely brilliant. Really, labour isn't much fun at the best of times but it doesnt last that long and then you forget about it. They were Brill in the medical suite so hopefully they will be for you too. I totally get why you're disappointed but I do truly think that it won't be as bad as you think it will be! In fact, if I have another then I'd be worried I wouldn't be allowed to have it in the same place 😂

I know its not what you want but concentrate on the end result of a beautiful baby

Thanks @wolfgirrl you do make it sound calm - certainly much calmer than I'd expect at the moment.

I think I'm just so frustrated by all the decisions that have been taken away so far - and today's added stress of partners of any kind only being allowed in for active labor and delivery. We looked into private midwives and they're A. Fully booked and B. Way out of our financial capabilities at over £5000 in this area

I think my biggest thing with a home birth or MLU was not having to stay over night tbh.

It won't make you feel better @Crazycactuslady, but my trust changed policy at some point last year and we no longer get the same midwife anywway. I had one throughout my frist pregnancy, but this time round every appointment I have seen a different person, that's like 6 different midwives so far, non corona related.
I also had a non eventful pregnancy and ende dup in labour ward- and quite frankly it was a really good experience, so don't be too concerned about it. Birthing plans don't always go to plan, I felt like I built up expectations for something, but when it didn't happen, the most important thing was the baby was in safe hands :)

@NameChange30 My hospital is also no longer doing water births. They do have birthing centre open for the time being, but no water births.

PLEASE don't try to give birth unassisted. Like you, i was as low risk as they come, and yet DD got stuck and needed forceps. If i hadn't been in hospital, she would have died.

I gave birth on a delivery suite and it was brilliant. Calm and clean, friendly midwives, lovely cheery staff. Best day of my life, hands down.

You have my sympathy OP. I had my baby 2 weeks ago before any major changes in process and I would hate to be in your position.

I was nervous about this birth (my 4th) because of previous negative experience. In prep I did an online hypnobirthing course and it helped immensely. Check out the Birth-ed account on Instagram if you have it and see what you think. She's recently added a new module about birthing during the pandemic and how to have a positive experience.

I hope all works out for you and you have a good birth for you and your baby.

"waterbirths would require more staff that are needed elsewhere."

A water birth wouldn't necessarily require more staff, would it? Not if straightforward.

"I think my biggest thing with a home birth or MLU was not having to stay over night tbh."

You can't control whether or not you'll need to stay overnight. You might plan to birth at home or in the MLU but need transferring into hospital either during the birth or afterwards due to any kind of complication. You might have a PPH or another issue which means they want to keep an eye on you. When I gave birth to my DS, I started in MLU but was transferred to delivery unit, had to stay in because of PPH and catheter, and ended up getting an infection and being put on IV antibiotics... was in for 3.5 days. But you could equally have a straightforward birth in the delivery unit and go home the same day.

Obviously the coronavirus situation is an added complication, but even without it, birth is unpredictable and unfortunately outside your full control.

IMO the most important thing is a respectful and supportive midwife. If you have one of those you'll be ok.

OP I would never go for a free birth (unassisted birth) but you might find this article interesting
www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/apr/05/expectant-mothers-turn-to-freebirthing-after-home-births-cancelled

@NameChange30

Having read that article, I feel that anyone choosing a free birth when our NHS is under such enormous strain is incredibly irresponsible.

Not only does it put the baby at risk, I expect the women know if it all goes wrong, they will have to phone an ambulance which will then be obliged to come, depriving COVID patients (and others) of resources that they didn't need to be deprived of.

I understand some people are afraid of childbirth/hospitals, and sympathise, but I also fear some are so hellbent on a non-medicalised birth that they are willing to risk needing a lot of NHS support and very quickly if things go wrong.

😔😔😔😔

I don't think it's irresponsible, I think it's a misguided choice that comes from desperation - the desperation of a woman traumatised by a previous birth (she most likely didn't get adequate care or support during and/or afterwards) and deprived of choices and options for a subsequent birth. We need to pause for a moment and question the system that is pushing women to make these decisions, rather than just take the easy road of blaming the women. Of course we are all responsible for our own choices but those choices are never made in a vacuum.

The water birth thing is due to covid being potentially spread through faeces which will be potentially in the water. You get asymptomatic carriers/infected people so you can’t separate people, hence why all staff are now advised to wear PPE at all times

I do feel for any woman giving birth in this time, must be so stressful but you know what? The baby must come out and sometimes birth plans do not go according to plan anyway, I couldn’t have water birth as no pools available, ended up with induction and epidural which was not on the agenda but it brought my girl to this world and that will be the most amazing feeling and the midwife with you will feel like your friend by the end of it. You will be fine, you have got this