37 weeks and dreading giving birth

[Crazycactuslady]

Utterly frustrated and need to vent... Sorry. I'm pregnant with my first child (37 weeks). I cannot have any of my birth choices thanks to bloody covid No home births, midwife led births or water births allowed... My nearest hospital is over an hour away and my husband is front line staff - I have no family close by.

And now no continuity of midwife - mine has covid thanks to the shitty masks the NHS Trust in my area are providing (surgical masks protect the patient, not the wearer...) Saw a different midwife for my appointment this week and will make my birth plan with yet another one over the phone tomorrow!

I'm dreading giving birth now.

@NameChange30

I am certain the majority of those women are very afraid and dont want to go to hospital for the reasons you just mentioned.

But I do think there is a minority of first and second time mums (and beyond!) whom this doesnt apply to.

I think a lot of first time mums these days place too much importance on having a home birth because it is seen as a fashionable thing to do, the top of the birth location hierarchy. They havent had a past birth to traumatise them, they are in the mindset that if they prepare enough everything will go swimmingly, and nobody can contemplate complications happening to them until they happen. I dont blame them, I blame the culture that basically makes them feel anything less than a perfect birth is a failure.

You also get second, third time mums etc that have had successful home births before, and feel confident they know how their labour will go, which I think is more understandable if they are very low risk.

However what unites all women choosing a free birth is the knowledge that if the shit really hits the fan, they can call an ambulance, which as I said before will be obliged to come despite others that need it through no fault of their own. Nobody chooses to have COVID however people can choose to put themselves in the risky situation of a free birth, and arguably an emergency dash to hospital is more frightening and traumatising than already being there.

I wonder how many women would choose a free birth if they were told an ambulance wouldn't come no matter how bad it got.

Many MLUs are closing that are even in the hospitals. Mine is (or would have been!) in the same building, same floor just at the opposite end of the corridor to the delivery suite so it’s not just about ambulance availability!

Wolfgirrl I complete agree with all those points!

@NameChange30 great minds

Even a mother that has given birth 10 times can't spot every problem - dropping heart rate, meconium in the waters, potentially a breech birth. And who carries out the newborn checks, stitches the mum up if needed, delivers the placenta? I think there is a lot some of these women don't think through.

Well, meconium in the waters is pretty obvious!

I am very pro home birth but that's with a midwife and with an ambulance available just in case.

Of course some women do end up giving birth so quickly that it's an unplanned unassisted birth. Interestingly an obstetrician told me that if it's really fast it's more likely to be uncomplicated. It reassured me because I was worrying about what would happen if there was no time to get to the hospital.

I don't like the idea that you can have the perfect birth if you just have a positive mindset - I did hypnobirthing which was wonderful in many ways but I did feel a bit cheated when my birth didn't turn out how I'd hoped! But equally I think it is very important for birthing mothers to have a choice and a sense of agency when it comes to their birthing experience - obviously following medical advice, but IMO the worst experiences not necessarily those with the worst complications, but when a woman feels that she is not respected or listened to.

Anyway I'll get off my soapbox now

Best of luck to you OP, I hope you can come up with a plan you feel ok about