The Positive Birth Book - an essential IMO

[MrsRose2018]

Hi ladies,

I just wanted to share this for any first time mammas.

This is my first baby and I have quite a clear idea of what I would like to happen - however I am completely aware that this often goes totally out of the window and you just have to roll with it!

Anyway this book is REALLY good! It’s not patronising and it gives you a really good breakdown of what to expect and what’s going to happen and all your options from pain relief to cutting the cord.

I’m quite straight forward and have no interest in affirmations, hypnobirthing or being told that giving birth is like transcending to a primal state and my contractions are to be enjoyed and give me power.

This book breaks everything down very clearly and pragmatically and also with a good dose of humour - just wait till you get to the part about the A-Z pain relief and she gets to “flicking the bean”.

Anyway If like me you just want a bit more knowledge of what to expect I would highly recommend this!!

Xx

I loved it too! I’m also a first timer. I feel really calm about birth now. My husband is now going to read it x

I’m just up to the chapter where she talks about pooping during labour!

I really like this book and I’m very easily turned off by... I don’t want to use any phraseology or colonialism that may offend other MN posters. I just like straight forward, telling me how it is I.e “it’s likely gonna like a MF bitch but ya know what? You’ll get through it and here’s how?”

5 stars honestly!

Glad you liked it too! More first timers need to know about it!!

x

Totally agree, quelled many of my fears.

I’m quite straight forward and have no interest in affirmations, hypnobirthing or being told that giving birth is like transcending to a primal state and my contractions are to be enjoyed and give me power

This is me to a tee! I will definitely read the book.

@Bezalelle it gives you a birth plan as well which I think is great!

My birth plan is pretty much “what ever gets him out alive and well” but I have preferences - midwife led, no section, only gas and air but an epi if absolutely necessary - this book just gives you the practical info and tell you what your less favoured options are!

There is slime more ‘Mother Earth’ stuff in there for those who are so inclined!

Some more*

I just glanced at the Google books preview of it - why does literally every 'positive' birth resource have to start with a whole lengthy personal anecdote about how the person writing/presenting it was induced and how dreadful it was? It's really annoying.

@Persipan I completely agree!

It didnt sound overly pleasant Tbf but then again have never given birth before so I don’t know whether an induction generally is or isn’t unpleasan... and the author went on to have two 2 home births which apparently were lovely... I skimmed/skipped that part Tbf

Yeah... I'm having an induction tomorrow. For good and appropriate medical reasons that I'm on board with, and I get that there are potential downsides to it (as with anything) but it's so annoying to have all these resources that basically come across like they think every birth can be a positive and wonderful experience Except That One.

I bought the Positive Birth Company digital pack (fortunately I only spent £12 on it) and started watching those and the first video was all 'we all carry around these mental images of birth that we absorb from TV and movies and everywhere, and they can lead us to be fearful of birth and we need to learn to counter those ideas' and I thought, fair enough. And then the second video was a lengthy personal anecdote about having an induction and it being awful and I was like 'hang on, wait, what?' and I didn't watch any more of them because I was so annoyed!

Ahaha is that by the same person because that’s almost exactly what this book said!

Honestly though, I persevered and I’m now onto where she talks about a woman’s rights in birth, advocating and saying no and now the “birth plan”.

It really gave me pause as I had been saying “I’m not gonna make a BP, what’s the point? It all goes out the window anyway” and she just discusses why that’s not entirely the right way to think. Now I’m making notes in my phone as I go along 😂

Absolute best of luck in your induction tomorrow! I’m only 25 weeks so still a way off (hopefully).

Maybe post about your experience at some point if you feel up to it! I would certainly be interested xx

Hey, also a first timer here! I wanted to chime in and say I always recommend this book whenever I can, whenever someone on here is worried or uncertain about something birth related! I agree it is a wonderful book with so much super important information. I haven't finished it yet but am loving it so far.

Best of luck for your induction @Persipan! I think re: induction, a lot of women are encouraged to be induced when there isn't a medical need, and this is something that should be talked about. If there is a medical need, then that's that and of course fear mongering or shaming this isn't good. The fact is that often induction is more painful, but I think it's better to know that rather than not know that, before going into it? If there is a medical need, and you induce, it's good to have all the facts about the likelihood it will be more painful / need more pain relief / what often happens during the process. Because then you can have an idea of what you need to do to manage that process, for yourself. For me, I know I don't want to have an epidural (and I made this decision by looking deeply into the scientific pros and cons of an epidural as set out by this book, and Expecting Better by Emily Oster, another great book) and would probably also avoid other pain relief drugs. However, if I had to be induced, this would not be such a hard no, because I am aware the pain may be increased. Just an example.

I fully agree with the author that it's so beneficial to make a birth plan and really think about the birth, rather than not at all. I love her work :)

BTW @Persipan I have definitely heard positive induction stories, here on mumsnet! Some women have great experiences with it and the possible downsides don't happen. I hope yours is good and do let us know how it goes if you feel up to it

@IslayBrigid I’m exactly the same!

I’m “planning” on hammering the gas and air - which I’ve had before and is cracking!! And having an epidural as an absolute last resort. I’m going to decline opioids!

I read it when I was expecting my baby last year and absolutely HATED it. Like really, really hated it and wanted to throw it across the room. The bit about contractions and how long they last caused me to have a hysterical sobbing meltdown in my consultants office.

So...it's not for everyone.

I read it when I was pregnant last time. I won't be rereading it and will definitely be having an epidural.

@allfurcoatnoknickers ahaha why did you hate it so much out of curiosity?

I find it so interesting what one person likes and one person doesn’t in terms of the same thing!

I thought the contraction time/percentage/ratio was really interesting! I like to put things into perspective

I just didn't identify with it at all. It might as well have been about the mating habits of sea lions. She was always banging on about eating cake and feeling like a goddess, and generally being a jolly excited pregnant woman.

I was miserable. I was sick my whole pregnancy and suffered from crippling nausea, so I couldn't eat anything, let alone cake. I also didn't feel like an empowered goddess. I felt like a feeble, weak, miserably swamp creature who was much too fragile to push out a baby. Or, you know, so anything.

Also, I didn't care for her attitude that if labour hurts you're just not being positive enough. And thought that renaming contractions as tightening was extremely patronizing.

It was the 111minutes of contractions in the first 8 hours that really sent me off the deep end. I was so hysterical that my consultant had to promise me an induction with an immediate epidural to get me to calm down.

In the end, DS was breech, so I had a planned section anyway and all the hysteria was for nothing. But then I was fucked off with Milli Hill for the assumption you'd be devastated to have a c-section. No, Milli. I just want this baby out safely.

@allfurcoatnoknickers that’s thoroughly made me laugh!

I think it just liked the amalgamation of opinions/options. I agree naming a contraction a surge is a bit to frilly for me but the way I read it was she was saying some women prefer to use words that don’t have negative connotations.

This is a weird analogy so stick with me - I approach this book and all the advice (unsolicited or otherwise) that I have gotten so far the same way I approach cooking (which is my main love in life). I review 2/3/4 approaches, I pick my favourite elements and then I amalgamate them into my final... recipe? 😂

Ill let you know if this all goes out the window and my “cake” takes 32 hours to be born and gives me a third degree tear :)

I’ve had 3 children and read a lot of books before and after. I would kindly suggest that it’s very hard to know what actually makes a good pregnancy/birth book until you have come through the other side.

The book you thought wonderful at 30weeks, you might want to hurl across the room the day after you gave birth...then you’ll discover the things you really should have read antenatally when your baby is 6 months old.

Here are my recommendations:

Read everything you can about optimal foetal positioning. A key way to avoid a difficult labour with a back to back or otherwise awkwardly positioned baby. If your baby is otherwise head down and ready to be born vaginally, there’s nothing else that will make as much difference to your labour as understanding this. Spinning babies.com has a good video you can pay to download for exercises and positions you can use toward the end of pregnancy.

If you want to breast feed read The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding by La Leche League and get familiar with their website.

For parenting from birth and across the whole lifetime, read Phillipa Perry’s book “The book you wish your parents had read...”

Thanks @Aspergallus they are really useful tips! I’ve already been recommended the LLL breastfeeding book and it’s in my amazon wish list as we speak!

I’ll deffo check your other suggestions too!

I'll have a look at this book, I'm also a straight forward matter of fact kinda girl and not interested in connecting to my inner primal goddess! Just want to push the baby out efficiently and effectively with as little trauma as possible!! Can anyone suggest other books? I'm making an Amazon list for my kindle :)

@Emerald89 I’ve also got “how to grow a baby and push it out” by Clemmie Hooper.

Its written by a midwife.

I didn’t like it as much as this book but it’s still quite good.

Also @Aspergallus makes a very good point!

It’s very easy for a first time to say what makes a good baby/birthing book but if I’ve never actually had a baby I may be talking shite

I read Expecting Better by Emily Oster which arguably is even more straight fwd and no frills than the Positive Birth Book! Both are excellent.
You would probably like it @Emerald89 :)
@Aspergallus thanks for those book tips I will add to my Amazon wishlist as well!
Despite some people saying they just want no fuss and to get it done etc and don't bother with a plan, I think the main thing (aside from ensuring baby is in optimal position as far as poss) is that educating yourself and knowing your options is always going to be good for both baby, birth and you. This has been shown time and again to have better outcomes for birth. I think it's important also to have one or two back u plans. Knowing your rights and at least a bit about the birthing process as well as questioning assumptions I think is always a good idea.
I agree with you OP that it's a bit like assembling dinner :)

@IslayBrigid I’ve ordered the Expecting Better book :)

Thanks for the recommendation
x