When to tell people

[USER18888]

Hi Ladies,

I'm nearly 6 weeks pregnant now, first mid wife appt. at the end of the week.
I'm wondering when to tell people closest to you?
My mum in particular, I'm desperate to tell her like i would everything else normally. I would hate to announce to her at 12 weeks and her think I've kept it a secret from her for any reason.
Me and my partner agreed we would not tell anyone until we were out of the first 12 period when we discussed having a baby, he will completely support my decision if i tell my mum so its not that, i just don't know if i should. This would mean he will want to tell him mum, then where do we stop in terms of who we tell?
What have your experiences been?

We told our parents right away, about 5 weeks, having lost two pregnancies previously we wanted to share our happy news this time no matter what. But it's really personal choice. We told other close family about 9/weeks after having seen baby a couple of times on scans

We told immediate family after our viability scan at 7 weeks (ivf pregnancy), and then everybody else after the 20 week scan. My boss was worried about me taking time off suddenly (thought I had a serious illness and was panicking) and so I told him at 8 weeks - most people don’t tell work until the 12 week mark.

It is normal to want to immediately tell someone?
i'm worried and trying to be realistic that anything can happen at this point, and really trying to stay grounded but i can't help but want to tell the world.
i am going to try not to tell work as long as i can, maybe after the scan if it works out.
its easy to hide at the moment with working from home, but maybe it would be different if i was actually in work.

Congrats to you both.
@GrumpyHoonMain i'm so happy for you, i have friends who have been through IVF, after many failed attempts they are unsure whether to try again and you can you see the strain it has on the relationship.

We’ve told our parents. Won’t be sharing more widely until 12 week scan has happened.

what about siblings?
i have quite a big family, and my partner has a few siblings. Have you stopped at only parents?

I told my mum straight away but will wait to tell my dad and husband family after 12 week scan

Yes it is really hard I think my DH and I came close to splitting up several times at the beginning but as we continued it also brought us closer together (we did it for years though). IVF is tough because up to a point it’s a numbers game. Provided you have had all the tests and get treated for problems (and can afford it) you just keep going until it either works or you need to stop.

I told our parents straight away after a Week of positive tests as It was an ivf pregnancy and they knew and wanted to know the outcome.
Had a scan at 6 weeks then 7 then 8 and Sunday coming is my 10 week scan, I’m still worried about telling people, but we’ve told siblings and a close friend of Mine but that’s it for now. I’ll wait till
The 12 week scan to announce to Family and friends on social Media.

Oh and it’s normal To want to tell everyone! After trying for 7 years I’ve wanted to scream
It out 😂

Didn’t tell anyone until 12 weeks- tbh aside from the safety aspect I actually think it’s easier for them them then wait 6 months not the full 9. I can’t really imagine a family member being angry you waited until 3 months.

I'm only 9 weeks and we told all family and close friends when we found out. We saw no point in waiting. If something bad happens then our family and friends will be able to support us rather than us having to grieve alone.

We did this with our last 2 pregnancies too. The pregnancy before this ended in miscarriage and I was so grateful I had all my close friends and family to support us.

Told my mum (and she told my dad) at seven weeks. I wanted to have support available should anything happen. And needed to ask her some medical history questions.

We are not telling hubby’s parents, as sadly they would not support termination for medical reasons. So leaving that until after the relevant tests.

Good to know a lot of you have told family early on.
I'm off sick as a result go being pregnant, my mum keeps asking me how work is going (I work in a hospital) and I can't easily evade her questions for long, certainly not 8 more weeks!!

It’s a completely personal decision. We told our parents at 7 weeks (and my siblings as they live at home and were there, DH’s is older and doesn’t so we didn’t tell them). We weren’t planning on telling them so early at first but we were visiting and I had awful morning sickness so decided to tell and I’m glad we did. We told work and a few close friends at about 15-16 weeks. And I had my 20 week scan last week and have just put up on fb and started telling other relatives and friends. Tbh I’ve noticed nobody really cares currently as they’re so focused on corona, I was stressed I was gonna get lots of intrusive questions and comments from my massive family (which has always a problem in the past) but for once I haven’t!

I’d tell parents right away because if anything bad happens, you’ll likely want their support
Everyone else I’d wait until at least 12 weeks

I told my parents at 6 weeks and the rest of the family at 12 weeks after the scan. You don't need to tell work until you are 25 weeks (15 weeks before your due date).

We kept shtum until I was 16 weeks! Couldn't be doing with the fussing, and would happily have waited longer but I was starting to show.

I've told my mum and sister at 8 weeks (sis is a nurse in the maternity unit) and DH parents at 12 weeks after the scan.

I’ve always told my parents quite early. (4th pregnancy, but hopefully 2nd baby this time round).
I’m self employed with a client base. When pregnant with first dc, most of them didn’t know until I was about 34 weeks. I hid it very well. I hate the constant fussing so like to keep quiet.

Tell whoever you like. There is no rule that you can't announce until you're 12 weeks.
If the worst happened would you not want the support of your wider family?

We both told our mothers at 6 or 7 weeks but nobody else until 12 weeks. I figure I would tell them if anything bad happened before 12 weeks and trusted them to stay quiet. It’s also really hard to keep it to yourself for 3 whole months!

I'm currently 8+3 and we haven't told anyone yet. One on hand id be delighted for our parents to know, but I also know they are unlikely to keep quiet about it! We're not ready to tell anyone else yet so we're saying nothing until at least the 12 week scan x

I'm 5+6 - have told a couple of close friends who knew we were TTC but they are sworn to secrecy. Won't tell family yet: they're already worried about us in the current climate - don't want to add to that (and the lockdown is making it easy for me to fib little about whether I'm being rotated to go into school). I did tell my line manager and headteacher at just over 4 weeks because it was around the time the government added pregnant women to the vulnerable list and it is possible that I panicked a bit... but now I'm working entirely from home which is reassuring :-)

It is normal to want to immediately tell someone

Of course it is, it is entirely up to you. I hate that this 12 week thing has become so pervasive that people think it's a rule you have to follow or that you are being irrational or odd in wanting to tell people earlier.

It's a custom people have started and it's making people cut themselves off from support if anything should go wrong or if they are worried in the first few weeks because they think it isn't "allowed".

Tell anyone you like if you would be ok with telling them if something goes wrong. Who you are comfortable about that with is totally personal. We told parents, siblings, some friends all 3 times pretty early. I lost my first pregnancy to miscarriage and felt much better being able to talk about it and to explain to people why I was more nervous the second time.