Am I mad to be considering trying for a baby at 44?

[lilibet]

A bit of background. Dh and I have been together 6 years, I have dd 18, and 2 ds 14 and almost 11. He is without doubt the most wonderful stepfather in the world and is a truly fantastic man. We decided a while ago not to have any children together because of various reasons - money, age, (mine not his), room in the house etc, and I have a coil fitted. Last month I had a very late period, in fact judging by the symptoms was probably pg (leg cramps in the night - only time I ever get them!). I didn't do a test (despite being shouted at very loudly on here) and last week it turned out I wasn't.

Now here's the thing, I started off panicking, then got used to the idea, then started measuring up the garage for a conversion, looking at prams, checking how much WFTC we would get (money would be very tight - it's pretty tight as it is!)and thinking about names !!

This week I'm torn, I've been reading all the medical drawbacks to having a baby at this age, and have also thought of a good few negatives of my own, such as, me looking like a grandma at the school gates, all our freinds children are similar ages to ours, I'm nearly half way thru' a OU degree and a couple of family ones which I won't bore you with at the moment but will turn out to be major things if we do decide to go for this.

Dh was very sad at the 'missed opportunity' but says that althouhg it would be something that he would love, he would never pressure me into doing anything and we have probably left it too late anyway.

What do you think?

And if we do decide to do it, how long do I try for beofre giving up? If I got pregnant immediately, which would be a miracle according to the statistics, I would be 45 when the baby is born.

I'm mad aren't I?

You can train them to watch TV on weekend mornings as they get older.

I like it best in the mornings. Always seem too tired at night.
Plus loading dishwasher not the best foreplay.

My eldest two are 18 and 14! Well past being trained.

How did yours react to the news ladymac?

Sounds like there are a lot of us geriatrics out there

I had DD2 in March at 43, turned 44 in May. My next youngest child will be 16 next week. She was an "instant" conception after 2 x missed m/c, while we tried to decide whether to TTC again!

So far she has been a really easy, happy baby, and both me and DH are much more relaxed with her than with our original brood.

KaylaBmummy mine was delivered 6 days early by CS because she was breech. I have no doubt she would have gone to term or over if left to her own devices.

Not mad to want a baby at 44 but I found my pregnancy at 41 much, much more difficult than in my thirties (tired, gestational diabetes, other health problems I never had before, emotionally different etc).

My older ones (dd1 is 22, ds 19, dd2 11 this week) were thrilled when they told them the news. They are very fond of their stepdad so I'm sure that makes life easier.

What's really nice is that dd3 looks just like dd2 (even with different dads) and dd2 loves it when people comment on it.

all this has got me thinking, should i have one more? (IM 42) but not sure about this sex in the morning thing, dh no longer in his prime so prefer it in the dark

ggglimpopo, how lovely. Congratulations to you all x

ps.older mothers. did u have to have amnios and all sorts of tests ?

Go for it lillibet. It will be lovely.

Lololola, I had planned to have CVS but after bleeding at 10 weeks my consultant advised against it due to miscarriage risk.

I assumed I would have to have an amnio, but my neuchal fold score was outside the 1 in 250 where it is recommended.

If I decide to try again I will definitely have the CVS, as you find out the results so much earlier than amnio.

yes i agree, i think at about 12 weeks. i dont think i could wait for amnio at 16 weeks, by then baby kicking etc.

My MIL had DH when she was 29, his brother when she was 33 and then their sister two days before her 44th birthday.

My SIL is 16 now, and I really don't think she finds her parents (61 and 60) that different from her friends' parents.

One of the best moments for me was when I found my 19 yr old ds singing to his baby sister!

Colleague had first at 42, friend at 44 and cousin at 43. All girls, all beautiful and healthy! Go for it - you sound like you've already made up your mind it's what you want.

I know what amnio is, but what's CVS?

It's a similar technique to amnio, it's more risky, but can be done sooner. All explained here
I'd love to be able to throw caution to the winds. My fertility specialist is nagging me to come back soon if I want another and I'm in my thirties. If you're taking folic acid, and you're both keen on the idea, I don't see why you shouldn't throw away the contraception.

A friend of mine had her first at 42 after 7 years infertility, her second at 44 after one month of trying. She is really really enjoying being a mum and does not feel in any way that being older has caused any probs. She is even keen to have a 3rd.

ladymac, it's lovely isn't it? My 16 yo sings to DD and she can't take her eyes off him. Her face lights up when she sees any of her big brothers or sister