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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Visitors after baby is born

49 replies

struggleisreal · 21/03/2020 08:43

Hi all - almost 34 weeks so a few weeks to go until baby arrives but I was wondering what others were planning in terms of having visitors after the baby is born?

We are obviously going to restrict it as far as possible, but feeling quite upset about immediate family not being able to meet the baby.

What are other people thinking about this? I don’t want to be irresponsible and risk the health of the baby or family members but also the thought of my parents not meeting the baby makes me really sad!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Marmite27 · 21/03/2020 08:44

If it were me it would be absolutely zero until the risk had passed.

Original poster

struggleisreal · 21/03/2020 08:49

But that might be in 18 months time when a vaccine has been approved. I of course want to be careful but that doesn’t seem realistic.

OP posts:

Prettylittlelady · 21/03/2020 08:50

I would keep it to an absolute minimum. I’d have my mum but it would mean that she cannot really interact with anyone else.

AmputatedSoul · 21/03/2020 08:53

I'm due in 4 weeks, I'll allow my parents and DPs parents to visit as long as they've had no symptoms but that'll be it.

BlessedBeTheFruitCake · 21/03/2020 08:58

My sister is expecting a baby anytime now, I'd love to go visit but I won't because I know I'll never forgive myself if I pass anything on. It won't be forever.

user1493413286 · 21/03/2020 09:04

I would try not to worry about making decisions yet; I had my baby 3 weeks ago and at that point life was still normal so we just don’t know what life will be like in another few weeks.
The hopeful part of me wants to think that we may know more/will have better testing by then etc.
I’m currently staying in as much as possible with my baby but the advice from the government until this week was to still send my older children to school and my DH has to go to work in London. I’ve been told that there’s more of a risk to the grandparents than my newborn of us or the baby passing it to them

MsChatterbox · 21/03/2020 09:30

I wrote my own post about this a couple of days ago. Everyone commented saying no visit and that midwives were advising for at least a month.

Caspianberg · 21/03/2020 09:30

Zero for me also.
Also 34 weeks here, at the moment it will only be Dh and I. Its just not a risk I am willing to take, newborns are already vulnerable to picking up anything.

We will review as time goes on, and start letting those we know have been in isolation also for weeks to see him if the rates start dropping.

goldpartyhat · 21/03/2020 10:28

Your baby isn't some trophy to be paraded to the cheering crowds. It is something you need to protect from a virulent virus until it's safe to return to normal. Skype and FaceTime for heavens sake!

JiltedJohnsJulie · 21/03/2020 10:33

If I was having mine now, there is no way we’d be getting visitors. Lots of people are having to reassess their plans for lots of life events, plus you have a little one to protect.

TheVanguardSix · 21/03/2020 10:36

God how hard a decision is this? It's so hard. I don't know. Parents only and only for a short space of time?

Sunshine1235 · 21/03/2020 10:37

I wouldn’t have anyone except maybe parents, maybe get your parents to self isolate for two weeks first before they visit to be sure

Mintjulia · 21/03/2020 10:39

Sorry but I think zero too. You want your baby to know their grandparents don’t you, so while FaceTime isn’t as good, it would be my choice. Sorry, it’s depressing I know

Original poster

struggleisreal · 21/03/2020 10:39

Thanks @goldpartyhat for that incredibly helpful comment. If you’d read my post you would know that it is very close immediate family, and that I am obviously incredibly anxious about passing it on to either the baby or family member. I really hope in the coming months you don’t have any difficult decisions to make about who to see - it all seems very clear cut for you.

To everyone else thanks for your responses - I’ve not seen the midwife since this all escalated so am genuinely looking for advice on how best to go about this as it is quite upsetting - after many IVF treatments this baby is much wanted by us but also by close family so I am sad they won’t be able to meet them in the early days.

OP posts:

Spied · 21/03/2020 10:45

Lots of photos and daily phone calls.
If you have visitors it will make you super anxious and on edge worrying about what they are bringing in with them ( I'd be a wreck)
Cocoon you and your baby.
They will understand.
Lots of time to meet baby in the future and they won't miss out with lots if photos and updates.

Beseen19 · 21/03/2020 10:47

I have an 8 week old and very few people have met him. I do feel a little sad about it but it's really not worth it. You may feel different once you have the baby, I've got this need to keep him in and keep him safe

JiltedJohnsJulie · 21/03/2020 10:54

I’d also take a daily photo of baby to send to everyone. Even if they can’t see LO, you’ll all have a lovely record of how baby is developing.

aprilshowers2015 · 21/03/2020 10:57

4 weeks to go for us and we are planning on lockdown. Baby's nans are both self-isolating so as long as they're not showing any symptoms they can visit but that's it. FaceTime and photos will have to do.
TBH I'm quite looking forward to not having to entertain anyone and just spending the time together to bond. Gutted my bro and SIL can't visit but they live abroad so will be every more difficult.

Duchessofblandings · 21/03/2020 11:03

Struggleisreal

A few comments are just nasty, ignore them.

This is so hard. We are expecting our first grandchild in 3 months and because of vulnerabilities I know we probably won’t be able to hold him for a long time. Out of all of this mess, that is the hardest thing we have had to accept. But we must, for everyone’s sake.
Your family love you and will understand. This will all be over one day and your little one will remember none of it. I wish you much joy.

Persipan · 21/03/2020 11:29

You know, I think this is one of those occasions when it might help to make a distinction between a hard decision and an uncomfortable decision.

Sometimes we can feel really stuck trying to decide something, and we assume that means the choice before us is a hard one. But actually, on examination, it can be the case that the decision itself is really very straightforward and there's an obvious right answer, but at the same time it's emotionally uncomfortable or complex or just not what we want to be happening. So we get stuck in it, because we're trying to logic our way through something that's actually entirely about feelings.

You know what the thing to do here is. The logical right choice is very clear - don't have visitors. The bit you need to get to grips with are your feelings around that, which of course are totally valid but don't really change the core situation. If you can separate out the two things, and focus on how you can manage and helpfully address how you're feeling about the situation, you'll probably feel a lot less stuck.

Best of luck!

Cazzy198 · 21/03/2020 14:30

I feel really sad about this too and I really want my mum to visit when my child is born (31+1 wks) as this is her first grandchild and if she doesnt visit when its born, she may never get to visit as shes terminally ill.

Having said that, however much it hurts I have a responsibility to keep my mum safe and my baby safe. I cant possibly decide this until nearer the time as things are changing rapidly.

Girlinajumpsuit · 21/03/2020 16:43

I'm in the same position as you and having the same dilemma. It just makes me so sad as I still have 11 weeks to go and not going to be able to enjoy my last weeks of pregnancy with my mum, dad and sister and they are devastated enough about that without the prospect of not seeing the baby too. I am currently thinking that I would let them all round to visit provided we had all been in complete isolation for 14 days prior and therefore would be virus free. Will have to see when the time comes though - am worried not only about the baby but also protecting my fairly elderly Dad. To be honest my main concern at the moment is me or the baby picking up the virus in hospital when I go into labour - actually think that's more of a risk than picking up from family who have been strictly social distancing for months. Dont see any way around it though ..

BuzzingtheBee · 21/03/2020 16:46

I’d have zero

YakkityYakYakYak · 21/03/2020 16:48

What an awful dilemma. I personally wouldn’t take the risk, but would find it very upsetting.

But it’s all changing on a daily basis so don’t make any decisions just yet. Wait and see where we are in a few weeks.

All the best for the rest of your pregnancy.

Foxd0g · 21/03/2020 16:53

God, it's awful isn't it!

My baby's due in early June. God knows what the situation will be then. I had a dream the other night that the NHS had collapsed and I haemorrhaged to death in childbirth at home.

If I were in your situation I think I'd hold tight and keep visitors away for now. It's really hard though, I know. I'll be doing the same, depending on the lie of the land. It will be hard though - suffering with some prenatal depression and it really sucks to have a massively reduced support network, just DP and I.

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