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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

20 week scan partner not allowed

74 replies

Firsttimemummywilson · 18/03/2020 16:42

I have my 20 week scan next week and rang to check it was going ahead today in light of the Coronavirus advice but I was told I have to go on my own without my husband. Has anyone else been told this? I know they usually do not allow you to film the scan but do you think it's reasonable to make an exception. Just really sad he will miss this as he wasn't able to attend my 12 week one :(

OP posts:
Treaclepie19 · 19/03/2020 07:18

I had the same @Emberfoot and I'm preparing myself for if I have to do that by myself this time.
Its unusual circumstances. We will all get through.

totallyaddictedtocarbs · 19/03/2020 07:18

Our hospital has said no partners in the theatre for a c section

Pinkpeoniesplease · 19/03/2020 07:19

I understand this is not ideal OP but think of all the women who may not have their partners at the birth if they display any symptoms.

Lots of Home Birth services have been suspended and hospitals are only allowing one named birth partner or visitor for the duration of the stay. My husband is a Police Officer so has to go to work, if he displays any symptoms he won't be at the birth of our baby or could be having to isolate when we have a newborn.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 19/03/2020 07:38

Its different rules at different hospitals. One partner is allowed at the moment for maternity services in my hospital.

I cant see them changing it for actual delivery, although I can see them changing their policy and saying partners arent allowed at outpatient appointments.

Its extraordinary times, so its understandable, although upsetting.

tallah · 19/03/2020 07:43

I had a missed miscarriage once. I'm due a scan in a couple of weeks and am not going if my husband can't go. I can't deal with that alone ffs

Treaclepie19 · 19/03/2020 07:51

@tallah I'd really encourage you to go. Its unlikely to happen again but if it did it can be dangerous to leave untreated.
I know it's tough but you will get through mo matter the outcome.

ScarlettBlaize · 19/03/2020 07:58

@tallah don't go then. It's only your own & your unborn child's wellbeing that you're risking by throwing a tantrum.

Lynda07 · 19/03/2020 08:48

You are fortunate to be having the scan, I'm sure you realise that. It's possible that it will be cancelled, do be prepared for that and think positively - years ago nobody had scans and they managed.

There's no need for your partner to be with you, you'll have a photograph.

Good luck and congratulations on your pregnancy.

Lynda07 · 19/03/2020 08:50

Emberfoot, I'm so sorry you had such a heartbreaking experience. I hope all is well now Flowers.

However we must realise that most pregnancies proceed quite normally with little drama and it's important to hang on to that right now.

BadCatDirtyCat · 19/03/2020 08:51

That's really sad - 20 week scans are scary. Can you put him on video or at least speaker phone so he knows what's going on and you have some support? I know they do t usually allow it but would have thought they'd relax that rule given the circumstances.

BadCatDirtyCat · 19/03/2020 08:54

@tallah I know how you feel - scans are terrifying after a MMC Sad. Surely they must let you have him on speaker phone at least, so he can "be there for you" to the extent possible. Good luck with your scan Flowers

BadCatDirtyCat · 19/03/2020 08:58

To those saying "why the big fuss - he'll get a photo" - FFS the 20 week scan is NOT just about getting a photo! It's an anomaly scan where you can get horrible news! Of course, in times like this needs must and sadly women may need to go alone but have a bit of empathy for how they feel about it at least Angry

MisssC3025 · 19/03/2020 09:05

@BadCatDirtyCat exactly. My 20week scan 10 weeks ago was full of bad news I would have past out without my DP.
We have another scan next week to see if baby has grown (they doubt this) and I don't know what I'd do if I can't take my DP I'm so scared. I'm going to call on Monday, but if they say no I'm going to go into a panic 😭

I understand they're being very careful and I'm grateful for that. However. It's hard times 😫

Bert2020 · 19/03/2020 09:13

I’m so sad about this, I know there’s lots going on and we need to protect everyone possible but DH missed our 12 week one, will likely miss the 20 week and every other (I am high risk so will have at least 4 more) The fear is real, yes praying that everything is ok with baby but my mental health is already rock bottom, there isn’t much more left.

Treaclepie19 · 19/03/2020 09:33

@BadCatDirtyCat I've had the experience of a chromosomal abnormality and a termination for medical reasons and yes its dreadful but we are all going to have to try and get on board with going alone because it's to protect us and other people.

ScarlettBlaize · 19/03/2020 09:44

@BadCatDirtyCatTo those saying "why the big fuss - he'll get a photo" - FFS the 20 week scan is NOT just about getting a photo! It's an anomaly scan where you can get horrible news! Of course, in times like this needs must and sadly women may need to go alone but have a bit of empathy for how they feel about it at least angry

Have you read the thread? Pretty much every single post is acknowledging all of that. I think only one person even mentioned the photo. The entire thread is discussing the possible bad news you can get at the 20 week scan. Weird response.

@MisssC3025 My 20week scan 10 weeks ago was full of bad news I would have past out without my DP. We have another scan next week to see if baby has grown (they doubt this) and I don't know what I'd do if I can't take my DP I'm so scared. I'm going to call on Monday, but if they say no I'm going to go into a panic. I understand they're being very careful and I'm grateful for that. However. It's hard times

I'm sorry that you are going through such a difficult time. However, please try to understand why they have put these measures in place. THere is no point in saying you will 'go into a panic' if you can't take him nor should you try to change measures which are in place to try to prevent literally hundreds of thousands of people dying.

We all need to adjust our mindset at the moment with regard to all sorts of things. I have a friend who has had surgery postponed that she's been waiting for for years, surgery which will deal with extreme pain that has left her unable to walk and in a wheelchair. I have friends who can't access their cancer treatment, mental health care, etc. Everyone is having to deal with incredibly difficult situations. You may well need to go to your scan on your own and you will need to manage.

MisssC3025 · 19/03/2020 09:51

@ScarlettBlaize I appreciate what you're saying but saying "I'm going to go into a panic" doesn't mean I'm going to shout and scream to get my way... I'm not like that. Of course if I'm told to go on my own I will do, but I suffer from anxiety so I'm sure I'll struggle with that.

Treaclepie19 · 19/03/2020 09:51

@ScarlettBlaize 👏 this exactly. I'm so sorry to hear about your friends.
My dad is supposed to be having 3 lots of surgery this year for his leg which has been causing him pain since he was run over by a lorry 20 years ago.
Everyone is having tough times and not being able to take your husband to a scan is really a small price to pay in the circumstances.

I say that as someone who is 11+4 weeks pregnant and worried about bad news at my scan in 2 weeks. After having previous bad news and a TFMR. I'm not just insensitive. (Though possibly hardened by my experiences)

caffeinefix · 19/03/2020 09:56

I have my 12 week scan next week and will go on my own as nobody to look after DS and don't want to bring him to the hospital. I think it's perfectly reasonable to be just the mother.

BadCatDirtyCat · 19/03/2020 09:58

@ScarlettBlaize it was mainly Lynda07's post that annoyed me. I appreciate that most pps have been sympathetic.

ScarlettBlaize · 19/03/2020 10:09

@MisssC3025 ScarlettBlaize I appreciate what you're saying but saying "I'm going to go into a panic" doesn't mean I'm going to shout and scream to get my way... I'm not like that. Of course if I'm told to go on my own I will do, but I suffer from anxiety so I'm sure I'll struggle with that.

Everyone is suffering from anxiety at the moment. I don't say that lightly. My own psychological issues (eating disorders mainly) have come back with a VENGEANCE, and even the most calm, sorted people I know are suffering with their mental health. We all have to make the effort to be strong.

I wasn't saying you were going to throw a tantrum and shout, I was saying that it's not helpful for your own sake to think about it in that way.

Don't say "I will panic if he can't come", setting yourself up for that to happen. Tell yourself that you will manage, because you will.

In the worst case scenario someone could end up bringing their child into the world without a father because of people unnecessarily transmitting this virus.

ScarlettBlaize · 19/03/2020 10:10

@Treaclepie19

Thanks. I'm really sorry to hear about your dad too. It's very hard on older people who have less time left anyway (mine are in their 70s too) to have that time restricted even more. It's hard on everyone in multiple ways.

I'm also really sorry to hear about your previous pregnancy experiences and i wish you all the best for your upcoming scan Flowers

ScarlettBlaize · 19/03/2020 10:11

@BadCatDirtyCat Fair enough Grin

Saoirse7 · 19/03/2020 10:22

I wonder will the same regulations apply for birthing parters?

Iwalkinmyclothing · 19/03/2020 10:24

Oh, OP, I'm sorry, that would really have upset me too.

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