It's now so awkward with my friends...

[erised]

I'm almost 21 weeks pregnant. Told all my friends when I was about 14 weeks. My best friend did not take it well and my other friends all seemed happy for me but none of them have mentioned it since. Last night we had a small get together and had dinner for the first time since I told people I am pregnant and it felt so awkward. No asking about me or baby. My "best friend" made sure not to sit next to me and hardly spoke to me all night and my pregnancy felt like an elephant in the room (I also moved this week which was also not mentioned). Everyone made sure they dodged the subject like it was taboo? I eventually mentioned it as my friend invited me to an event in June so I said "Oh that sounds great but I think I'll be too pregnant by then" to which the response was silence from everyone and him just saying "Oh yeah....". I then just mentioned that on Monday we found out that baby is a girl and again the response was "Ok, cool..." with a lot of blank stares... No congrats or anything like I've seen other friends do. It's a very strange situation and I'm now not wanting to go out with them again.

I'm not expecting everyone to be jumping for joy for me or to be interested but I would at least expect some sort of care? I understand that I am almost definitely going to lose these friends when baby is here as our interests will be completely different. Has anyone gone through a similar thing? How did you deal with it?

Are you very young?

Do your friends actively dislike children?

Bit of a weird reaction from them. Is there anything else going on in the friendship group?

I must admit, my group of close friends (all 30-40) are almost all childless and do not like or intend to have children, and when one of our friends became pregnant there wasn't much interest. But people were still polite and asked how she was.

Either you're going on about it too much
Or
Your friend is jealous

Why not, sensitively, ask her what's the matter?

Is your best friend trying to concieve herself or struggling ? Sometimes infertility can be the underlying issue and why some friends will not want to talk about or avoid you, if so it’s really only to protect themselves from the pain and jealousy.

If not then I don’t really understand why she would react how she has done. Maybe talk to her and ask why?

I can understand if they didn’t talk much about it at a get together especially if you are the only pregnant friend or none of them have children. X

I am 30 and married.

My best friend is the same age and just got married and hates kids, always been very vocal about the fact. Others in my friend group are a little younger with no kids and not married, never shown any active dislike towards kids though.

When you say your best friend didn't take it well, what do you mean? What was her reaction?

This sounds very odd and I'd be bemused too. You can't expect people to be as excited as you but genuine congratulations should be pretty standard from decent friends I would think!

Is there any chance someone in the group is having fertility problems and the others know?

Alternatively, is there any chance you're reading into a bit too much? Did she actively avoid you or just happen to sit somewhere else? Was it a taboo subject or were people just talking about other topics that they feel are more interesting?

Either way don't worry about it too much, you've not done anything wrong. They might not drift away after the birth but even if they do, it's sad but unfortunately very, very common.

@bushhbb I've literally not mentioned the baby/pregnancy to them apart from letting them know that I am pregnant.

When I told my best friend she did say that she was afraid that she was going to lose me but she's pushing me away now. She has always disliked kids and never wants them herself.

Could be because she’s struggled, I made out for years that I’m not a baby person and I didn’t want children but deep down it was because I could t concieve and needed ivf!

Could also not be anything to do with that and she generally might just not feel excited about it!

I've been on the receiving end of this, although it's slightly different as I know the person in question is ttc. But she has never once mentioned my pregnancy. I'm nearly over the line so it will be interesting to see what happens when baby is here.

I'm sorry I don't have any real advice for you. Just keep you and baby safe and happy. I hope all goes well for you. 😊

This is going to sound really harsh but I don’t mean it that way, but just because your oregnancy and baby are the centre of your world and the most important thing to you and an exciting time other people don’t feel
The same regardless of if their your best friend or not. X

Very odd. I’ve never seen people react like that unless there are other significant issues ie infertility or the pregnant woman is in an abusive relationship or with someone cheating, can’t afford child or something.

That's really mean. I have 2 kids and a beat friend who doesn't plan on having any, and she acts like auntie * and talks about taking them drinking when they're old enough. You need to confront this (certainly the best friend) now or it will ruin your friendships. Congrats ❤️

Do they like your dh? How is your relationship? That’s the only thing I can think off. It seems like every one is biting their tongue over something

I had similar with one friend, who has only emailed me twice in 4 years since I had ds. But not a whole circle of friends. That’s odd.

@Emptywallet they do, they all came to our wedding and we've all hung out together many times. Our relationship is great, very happily married.

This is why I'm so confused, we've all been really close up until now. Only thing I can think of is that my best friend has told other friends about her not liking the situation so they're afraid to mention it when she's around? My best friend has made comments in past like "If you ever have a kid, I'll disown you!" in what seemed like a joking way...

I can’t see rational adults behaving in that way though if just one person has told them she doesn’t like the situation.

I’d reach out one of the other members of the group and ask if something was the matter as you felt there was an odd vibe

She's probably struggling to conceive, or wants kids but knows her husband doesn't. Your other friends sound weird

It sounds like if they don't plan to have children and aren't keen on children they just don't have any particular interest.

Do you have any other friends that have children, or could you sign up to NCT classes?

I can see both sides. I don't have children and don't intend to have any, but still showed polite interest with our friend. But some of our friends were a bit "Oh god, does this mean we're going to have a child tagging along on days out/the pub etc".

Honestly it sounds to me like one of them has either had a miscarriage or is struggling with infertility and they presume you know.
I'd ask your bestie about it.
People don't just behave like that without a reason, I'd put money on one of them going through something and you not knowing, but they presume you know.

Only thing I can think of is that my best friend has told other friends about her not liking the situation so they're afraid to mention it when she's around?

I think this is exactly what’s happened. She’s filled their heads with ‘oh new mums are AWFUL they only talk about babies’ and told them that if they start on the topic of pregnancy and babies it’ll never stop.

Could you meet up with some without ‘best friend’ around?

I think I’d just wait it out, they’ll realise you’re still essentially the same person and get over it. Or you’ll realise their self centred idiots who think you should be interested in their jobs, houses, families but they don’t have to be interested in your baby because “not everyone likes babies you know!!!”

Really odd behaviour. I'm the same stage of pregnancy as you and went for dinner with friends last night. Everyone was very excited for me, wanting to have a feel etc etc and also concerned to find out how my scans went. I'm a lot older than you. We all already have children. Your friends are being mean to show no interest in your life - regardless of fertility issues etc.

If she's your best friend and you're so close, why on Earth can't you just ask her instead of "wondering" if it's this or that?

Oh, it's so horrible. I was on the receiving end of a situation like this. It was really hard. Four years later, I'm only still truly friends with a few of them. The others ended up completely fading away. Practically, they just spent more time with the person who was unhappy so their friendships grew stronger whilst I was unavailable with a newborn/small baby/PND.

I don't know if realistically I could have done anything different but in hindsight I wish I'd taken it as a sign at the beginning and basically mentally moved on from them. It would have saved me a lot of heartache and frustrated effort and ultimately I would still have ended up in the same place.

I was reluctant though because I didn't want it to be like I got pregnant and then found "mum friends" and didn't want my old friends anymore. The old cliche. I would have loved to have kept my old friends.

I feel for you OP
(In the bright side, all my current friends are true friends, old good friends, some new ones via baby stuff, some new ones via work, hobbies etc. You'll be fine in the end)

That's really sad. Being pregnant can do so much to your emotions anyway let alone having your friends change around you when all you need is that little support or even just general chit chat about the whole thing. I'm not your friend but congratulations on your pregnancy! Don't let anyone make you feel left out or not part of the gang because your pregnant. Hopefully if they are true friends they will realise what they are doing... xxx

Thats really mean :( Sorry OP. Sounds like they are all just in very different places.

Either way, next time I'm met with silence when it's mentioned I'd be saying "oh ok, I thought you would be pleased for me!"

That's really odd and really quite sad too.

Just because you don't like kids doesn't mean you can't be happy for a friend who
Is obviously happy to be having one. I don't particularly like cats, but if a friend got one and was happy, I'd be happy for her and show some interest.

Your friend doesn't sound much like a friend to me.

I presume none of your other friends have had fertility issues?

I think I'd try and socialise with some of the other friends and give your bf a wide berth.